Blog
Do you take time in your life to appreciate the simple things?
While this can be easier said than done, especially these days, sometimes it’s the simple things in life that bring the most happiness to us. It’s all about taking the time in life to appreciate this stuff.
How I Learned How to Appreciate the Simple Things
A few years ago, my left ear got plugged up, and it was difficult for me to hear out of it for about 48 hours. It was scary and challenging. Thankfully everything was okay, it’s all clear now, and I’m able to hear just fine out of both ears.
Having this happen was yet another example of how easy it is for me to take something simple but essential (like hearing) for granted.
Sadly, we often don’t appreciate the simple things in life until they’re threatened, impacted, or taken away from us somehow, which is an all too often occurrence. Sometimes people don’t realize how important the little things are until it’s too late.
Think of all of the simple (and not so simple) things that we weren’t or still aren’t able to do because of the pandemic…and how much impact this has had on our perspective.
But what if we took the time not only to appreciate but also acknowledge the simple things in our lives all the time in an authentic way? What kind of an impact would that have on our lives, our work, and our relationships? Dramatic, to say the least!
The book A Thousand Things Went Right Today by Ilan Shamir is all about this phenomenon. The book invites readers to take a look at the little things in life humorously. It highlights the importance of appreciating and focusing on positivity in life instead of the negativity we so often see in society every day.
Think about all the simple things that have fallen into place just today to allow you to be sitting here, reading these words right now.
With this in mind, there are two crucial things that you can do right now (and in an ongoing way) to alter the experience of your life, your work, and your relationships extraordinarily.
Two Things That Can Help You Appreciate the Simple Things in Life
1) Be Easily Impressed
It doesn’t have to take much to be easily impressed. In fact, by actively paying attention to the positive things around us in life, we can be easily impressed by the beauty of life.
To be easily impressed (i.e., to truly appreciate the simple things in life), we have to:
- Look for the good stuff.
- Appreciate the small miracles that occur around us all the time
- Focus on the fantastic aspects of people and situations
- Let go of arrogant, erroneous notions like, “I already know that,” or, “I’ve seen it all,” or, “No big deal.”
When we’re hard to impress, we also make it hard to be happy, grateful, and fulfilled, which are fundamental parts of a happy life.
When we are grateful for the things around us, it makes us feel more positive, gives us more energy, and helps us acknowledge the goodness that occurs in our lives. It helps people feel positive emotions, build stronger relationships, and appreciate their lives more. It also leads to more optimism and less negativity and can even make people less depressed.
When we allow ourselves to be easily impressed, life gets much more fun and interesting.
Appreciation is fundamentally subjective. People and things are only valuable (or not) based upon our perception of them.
If you’re interested in living a life filled with passion, success, and gratitude, it’s in your best interest to allow yourself to be authentically amazed all the time.
Remember that life is a miracle and that people are incredible. You are fantastic.
These things are only valid if we pay attention to them and allow the greatness of life, others, and ourselves to impact our lives.
2) Be Hard to Offend
Being hard to offend is not about us abandoning our values or convictions. It’s more about choosing to allow other people and things to be precisely as they are, without resistance to judgment.
We take so many things personally that have nothing to do with us at all. The more we react to something, the less freedom, and peace we have.
Take a moment to think about what offends you or triggers you. Are there specific situations or people that trigger you?
When I get really “triggered” by someone or something, if I make it all about the other person or the thing I’m focusing on, I usually miss the real gift, the lesson, and the point (i.e., the shadow or mirror that this “negative” thing is showing me about myself and life).
When you take the time to look deep inside and find out what triggers you, it allows you to become more self-aware, enabling you to understand deep down what sets off those feelings and emotions.
We are not victims of the people or circumstances in our lives.
It is crucial not to let people have power over your emotions and feelings. You must let people be responsible for their own emotions.
Remember: others don’t have the power to offend us. As Eleanor Roosevelt so brilliantly stated, “No one can make me feel inferior without my permission.”
This same phenomenon is true about being offended. It’s a choice we make, and we have the power to choose not to be offended in almost every situation.
Unfortunately, most of us (myself included) have these two things flipped upside. In other words, we’re often tricky to impress and easy to offend. And, as you may have noticed, this doesn’t work so well for us and those around us. We can start flipping this around (becoming more easily impressed and more brutal to offend) by appreciating the simple things.
Action Idea – Appreciate the Simple Things Right Now
Take a moment right now to pause and put your attention on all of the simple things you can appreciate at this moment.
Look around where you are, go within yourself, and scan your life right now – focusing on what you appreciate. You can think about these things, talk about them with someone else, or write them down (on a piece of paper, in your journal, in a word document, on my blog or your blog, on social media, and more).
It doesn’t matter what form it takes. It’s about putting our conscious attention on some of the many simple things we can appreciate at this moment.
While “simple,” some of these things may be significant (your health, your job, your most important relationships, etc.) And, even if you focus on basic stuff (the fact that you have a computer or device that allows you to access this article, that your eyes work well enough to read it, that the electricity or battery power running your computer or device is allowing it to function, and more), your ability to recognize and appreciate the “good stuff” in life is directly related to your level of fulfillment and enjoyment.
The Importance of Practicing Gratitude
Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Practicing gratitude is a great way to appreciate the little things in life. It can help you feel more positive emotions, and doing so can help improve your psychological health.
We always choose what we pay attention to, what we focus on, and what we appreciate (or don’t). Commit to yourself to enjoy the simple things in your life in a genuine and ongoing way, and see what happens!
Click here to learn more about the importance of being grateful.
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.
What “simple” things in your life can you appreciate right now? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
The Importance of Flexibility
Remember How Strong You Are
The Important Difference Between Positive and Negative Competition
This article was published on May 18, 2010 and has been updated for 2021.
Flexibility can help improve every aspect of your life – your work, relationships, health, family, creativity, success, and more.
How flexible are you? For me, it often depends on my mood, how much fear or resistance I have about something, how attached I am to a particular outcome, and various other factors.
The Importance of Flexibility to Reach Fulfillment
Flexibility directly impacts fulfillment in all areas of your life.
As I look throughout my own life (now and in the past), I realize that the situations, relationships, and experiences that cause me the most significant stress and frustration are almost always the ones where I’m not flexible. On the flip side, the more flexible I am, the more peace, ease, and fulfillment become available.
The massive changes brought to our lives due to COVID-19 have also put us to the test. These changes have challenged us to be flexible in every aspect of our lives. As a leadership consultant and executive coach, I see that now, more than ever, we are facing challenges that force us to be flexible – in our work, our relationships, and in every other important aspect of our lives.
However, due to our fear, resistance, stress, and obsession with being right, we often end up being inflexible to our own detriment and frustration of those around us (or so I’ve been told).
On my podcast, we discuss this a lot. I talk about how being flexible is not about being weak or passive. Flexibility is a conscious choice, a powerful skill, and a practical approach to the ever-changing, always-evolving world we live in.
We must be a positive force for change. We can be firm in our convictions, passionate about our beliefs, and clear about our intentions, and at the same time be flexible enough to make significant changes and be open to new ideas along the way.
Key Elements to Understanding the Importance of Flexibility
Here are some critical elements to understanding the importance of flexibility and expanding your capacity for flexibility in your life, which will lead you to greater peace, joy, and fulfillment.
Let Go of Your Attachment
Whenever we develop an attachment to something – a specific outcome, a particular way of doing things, a rigid opinion, etc. – we are, by definition, inflexible.
Letting go of our attachment to something doesn’t mean we negate our desire or intention. It simply means we let go of controlling every aspect of it, forcing the action, and our fixation on it is precisely the way we think it should be, which is a process of conscious “non-attachment” (letting go), as opposed to detachment (not caring).
Be Willing to Be Wrong
To reach fulfillment, we must be willing to be wrong.
Most of us love to be correct and will do and say just about anything to avoid being wrong. Our obsession with “rightness” and fear of “wrongness” often gets in the way of going for what we want, saying what’s on our mind, and letting go of our fixed ideas about how things should be.
When we’re willing to be wrong (not necessarily interested in or intending to be wrong), we free ourselves up and permit ourselves to take risks, try new things, and approach things (even essential things) with a creative, innovative, and flexible perspective.
Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Taking ourselves too seriously (something I know a thing or two about) creates unnecessary stress, pressure, and worry.
When we’re able to laugh at ourselves (in a kind way), keep things in perspective, and remember that most of what we deal with daily in life is not life or death – we can take ourselves less seriously and thus have a more balanced, peaceful, and creative way of relating to things.
When we stress out all the time, it puts us in a negative headspace. Being able to keep things in a positive light can bring a lot of peace into your life. You can learn more about how to do that here.
Go With the Flow
If we pay attention to life, there is a natural flow that exists (although it may not always look like it or feel like it). The more we’re able to tap into the natural flow of life, trust ourselves and others, and believe that things will work out – the more likely we are to allow things to roll off our backs and manifest with ease. As Esther Hicks says, “Most people are rowing against the current of life. Instead of turning the boat around, all they need to do is let go of the oars.”
Get Support and Feedback From Others
The support and feedback of others are invaluable in so many aspects of our life and growth, especially related to us being more flexible. We can learn from and model others who are more flexible than we are. We can also give people in our life permission to remind us (with kindness) when we get rigid, uptight, over-attached, and start taking ourselves too seriously.
Being flexible is something that’s often easier said than done for many of us. However, just as with our physical bodies, the more attention we place on expanding our flexibility, we are more likely to do it. As we enhance our ability to be flexible, our life can and will expand exponentially.
How can you practice being more flexible in your life right now? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more on my blog below.
I have written five books about the importance of flexibility, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today.
Feel free to leave any comments here. You can also listen to my podcast here.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
The Important Difference Between Positive and Negative Competition
The Power of Gratitude
Love is the Secret Sauce of High Performing Teams
This article was originally published on January 20, 2011, and has been updated for 2021.
As a former professional athlete and someone who has worked in and with sales organizations for the past 25 years, I know a few things about positive competition and negative competition.
As a leadership consultant and executive coach, I’ve seen competition play out in both healthy and unhealthy ways within teams and companies for many years.
Some studies state that competition can motivate employees, resulting in better results. It can also increase effort, which leads to higher performance.
On the other hand, negative competition can elicit a sense of fear in employees, who can feel threatened or pressured in unhealthy ways. Fear can cause severe anxiety in the workplace.
Competition is part of life, and especially of business. You can constructively harness competition in a productive way for teams, but it can also be incredibly damaging and detrimental to a team or company’s culture.
So, it’s essential to understand that there are two types of competition: negative and positive competition.
What Are the Differences Between Positive Competition and Negative Competition?
Negative Competition
Negative competition occurs when we compete with others so that we want to win at the expense of the other person or people involved.
In other words, our success is predicated on their failure. Negative competition is a zero-sum game and is based on the adolescent notion that if we win, we’re “good,” and if we lose, we’re “bad.”
The main difference between negative and positive competition is the types of emotions people feel surrounding the competition. These emotions can make certain kinds of people behave very differently.
Negative competition is all about being better than or feeling inferior to others — based on outcomes or accomplishments. In a team setting, negative internal competition shuts down trust and psychological safety and is detrimental to the culture. It usually takes one of three forms:
- One person competing against another person on the team
- One person competing against the entire team
- One team competing against another team within the organization
What is Positive Competition?
Positive competition occurs when we compete healthily — in a way that brings out the best in us and everyone involved. It’s a way to challenge yourself and others while pushing those around you. It allows you to tap into your potential and succeed.
When we compete in this positive way, we aren’t rooting for others to fail or become obsessed with winning at all costs. We realize that we aren’t “good” or “bad” and that the result doesn’t determine our value as human beings.
Of course, we may “win,” or we may “lose” the competition we’re engaged in, and there are times when the outcome has a significant impact and is important. Positive competition is about growth, grit, and taking ourselves and our team to the next level.
When we compete positively, it benefits us and anyone else involved. Here are some of the many benefits of positive competition:
- Sparks creativity
- Motivates others
- Increases effort
- Increases productivity
- It helps people assess their strengths and weaknesses
- Increases the quality of work
- Keeps you alert
An Example of Positive Competition
A straightforward example of positive competition comes from exercise.
Think about how you feel when you work out with others. Not only does it motivate you, but it also keeps you accountable.
Working out with another person is a positive, practical strategy for getting in shape because having a workout partner creates accountability, support, and motivation.
Let’s say you and I decided to work out together regularly, and we picked a few different activities such as running, biking, and tennis that we’d do a few times a week. And let’s imagine we decided to add a little competition to make it more interesting. If we negatively competed against each other, I would obsess with figuring out how to run faster, bike farther, and beat you at tennis.
And if I got really into it, I might find myself feeling stressed before we worked out, and after we got done, I’d be either happy or upset depending on how I did in comparison to you on a particular day. I might even find myself taunting you if I “won” or feeling defensive, jealous, or angry if I “lost.”
However, if we went about these same activities in a positively competitive way, we could still compete to win in tennis or race each other in running or biking.
We wouldn’t waste our time and energy attaching too much meaning to the outcome but instead realized that we would both get a better workout by pushing one another past our perceived limitations. We would both get a better workout, helping each of us be as healthy and fit as possible.
It is really important for us to let go of negative comparisons to reach our full potential.
Pay Attention to Competition
In a team setting, it’s essential to pay attention to competition. One great way to create a positive work environment is through positive, healthy competition (learn more about creating a positive work environment here).
We all have the capacity for both positive and negative competition. When we are aware of our own and others’ competitive tendencies, it is easier to talk about and pay attention to them when they manifest themselves.
Think about championship teams and how they embrace competition. They harness its positive power to fuel individual and collective growth and success.
Creating a culture of positive competition can bring out the best in us and everyone on the team.
And at the end of the day, remember that life is not a competition.
Step into a more authentic version of positive competition that can empower you and those around you to reach new heights in all areas of life and business.
Are you competing positively or negatively? What can you do to create an environment of positive competition around you?
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today.
Feel free to leave any comments here or directly on my blog. You can also listen to my podcast here.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
The Important Benefits of Being Grateful at Work
Distract Yourself in Healthy Ways
Why Empathy is Important: How to Become More Empathetic
This article was originally published on August 14, 2018 as an excerpt from my book, Bring Your Whole Self to Work (published by Hay House). This article has been updated for 2021.
With all that is going on in our lives and in the world around us, especially these days, it is understandable that many of us are looking for ways to distract ourselves.
As an executive coach and consultant, I work with clients who deal with this all the time, particularly right now.
Every day we face countless opportunities to distract ourselves – consciously or unconsciously.
Why? Distractions help us escape from the intensity of life in a variety of ways.
Because of this, we have to understand why and how certain things and situations distract us.
Once we understand why we make certain decisions, we can start distracting ourselves in healthy ways and for the right reasons.
So, what are unhealthy and healthy distractions, anyway?
The Difference Between Unhealthy and Healthy Distractions
Unhealthy distractions cause us to avoid certain feelings, situations, and activities that we find challenging or scary.
Because life can get quite intense and stressful, especially these days, we use creative ways to avoid things and feelings that make us uncomfortable.
Some examples of unhealthy distractions include:
- Food
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Drama
- Obsessively doing any of the following (work, being on our phones, social media scrolling, watching TV/movies/videos, playing video games, etc.)
While some of these things can, in fact, be healthy if done consciously and in moderation, most often and definitely right now we engage in them in unhealthy ways. Although our reasons for doing this stuff may vary, most often it boils down to us not wanting to stop, feel, and deal with the intensity of our lives and what’s going on around us.
Productive Procrastination
The first step to understanding unhealthy patterns is becoming aware of them.
Once we become aware of our unhealthy patterns of distracting ourselves, we can replace some of these negative behaviors with more positive ones. I like to call this “productive procrastination.” Some examples include:
- Re-organizing our desk instead of making those scary phone calls
- Cleaning up the house instead of working on the creative project that we’ve been thinking about
- Exercising to relieve some stress, instead of rushing to the refrigerator to eat and numb out
- Curling up with an inspiring book or watching something that brings us joy
These and other things can “distract” us in more positive ways and have less of a negative impact on us in the long run.
What is important to remember about these healthy distractions is that we must engage in them in a deliberate way.
Do not engage in these “healthy” activities simply as a way to avoid dealing with your life, feeling certain uncomfortable emotions, or acknowledging the challenge of what’s going on around you.
Conscious, Healthy Distractions
The ultimate goal of this process is for us to be able to choose to “distract” ourselves (i.e., get out of our heads, let go of our negative worries, and take a conscious break from the day-to-day stress of life) in a truly healthy way.
When we have positive motivation, and we’re not avoiding anything but choosing consciously to take a break, the outcome and experience of our “distraction” is more likely to be healthy and beneficial.
Taking healthy breaks can help us lead better, more meaningful lives of growth and fulfillment.
It’s essential to take healthy breaks along the way, especially when things get hard, like they are for so many of us right now.
If we don’t take these breaks, it’s easy to let worry, fear, negativity, doubt, and the pressures of life take over, almost without us even noticing.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it is crucial always to remember how strong you are. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to take breaks. We all need them.
How to Distract Yourself in a Healthy Way
Here’s a long list of some simple things you can do to “distract” yourself in a healthy way.
- Watch inspiring movies, shows, or videos
- Meditate
- Exercise
- Walk-in nature
- Listen to podcasts
- Sing
- Laugh
- Play with children
- Read inspiring books
- Help others
- Paint
- Connect with people you love
- Dance
- Take classes or workshops
- Write
- Listen to inspiring music
- Swim
- Sit and do nothing
This list could go on and on. Take a moment to reflect on these and other things that you can do that will positively impact your life right now. Be grateful that you can understand and recognize when you have to take breaks and do so when necessary.
It’s Not What You Do; It’s Why You Do It
On my podcast, I often talk about how we consciously “distract” ourselves in healthy ways when we do so with intention. Doing this allows us to interrupt the negative, unconscious, and habitual patterns of our minds and our culture that often get in the way of us experiencing the peace, joy, and abundance that is naturally and authentically around us and within us all the time.
This is so important for us to be mindful of, especially with all that is going on in our lives and in the world around us right now.
How can you distract yourself in healthy ways and for healthy reasons? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more below.
My book, Nothing Changes Until You Do, explores the delicate and complicated relationship we have with ourselves. Click here to learn more about it.
I have written five books about, among other things, the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today.
Feel free to leave any comments below.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
Trust is Granted, Not Earned
We’re All Doing the Best We Can
Who Do You Think You Are?
This article was originally published on May 12, 2010, and has been updated for 2021.
To understand how trust works, it’s important to remember that trust is granted, not earned.
Trust allows leaders, employees, relationships, and organizations to flourish and grow. It is fundamental to most everything in life.
Lack of trust can lead to damaging relationships and a hostile environment. It creates stress and lowers energy.
When there is a strong foundation of trust in an organization, it can enhance and improve the workplace environment through collaboration, teamwork, and honest and open communication.
The Secret Behind How Trust Works is That it Must be Granted, Not Earned
How easily do you grant your trust to other people? What factors play into your ability or inability to trust specific individuals around you? What do people need to do to earn your trust?
As I reflect on these questions, I’m reminded of the importance and complexity of trust in our lives, work, and relationships.
Trust is one of the most critical elements of healthy relationships, families, teams, organizations, and communities. However, many of us have an odd or disempowered relationship to trust – we’ve been taught that people must earn our trust when, in fact, it’s something we grant to others.
Do You Have Trust Issues?
As an executive coach and consultant, I deal with clients who have issues dealing with trust every day.
It’s common for people to have trust issues, especially if they have past experiences which caused them to mistrust others. Past experiences can make it challenging to build trust with others.
This lack of trust may result from a betrayal at an early age, complicated past relationships, or a multitude of other life experiences. Many people struggle to grant people trust because of these past experiences.
I learned early in my life that it wasn’t always safe to trust people – my folks split up when I was three and we struggled financially as a family. Based on where and how I grew up, I found myself in some difficult situations. Part of my “street-smart, survival kit” was to be very suspicious of just about everyone I came into contact with. While this did serve me to a certain degree as a child and adolescent (at least in terms of survival), as I got older, I noticed that my resistance to trusting others created some real issues in my life, my relationships, and my work.
No matter how many “tests” I put people through to have them “earn” my trust, at the end of that whole process, it was ultimately up to me to grant them my trust (or not) – and then to continue to trust them (or not).
How We Build Trust is Often Determined By Our Past, Negative Experiences
How trust works is that we each have our internal process about it, which is often based on past experiences. In other words, if we’re burned, disappointed, or hurt in life and then decide, “I’m not doing that again,” we put up barriers around ourselves to keep us “safe.”
While this makes rational sense, it usually leaves us guarded, cautious, and insecure – unable to build trust and easily create meaningful and fulfilling relationships with people.
The irony is that no matter how guarded we are, how thick the walls we put up, or what we do to keep ourselves from getting hurt and disappointed, it usually happens anyway.
One of my mentors said to me years ago, “Mike, you’re living as though you’re trying to survive life. You have to remember, no one ever has.”
It’s important to remember that everyone goes through bad experiences. Overcoming challenges can help us grow and remind us that we’re strong enough to carry on.
What if We Granted Our Trust More Easily?
What if we were willing to make ourselves vulnerable, to count on other peoples in a healthy way, and to expect the best from them authentically?
Michael Bernard Beckwith calls this being “consciously naïve,” which may seem a little oxymoronic on the surface, but is a wise and profound concept at a much deeper level.
Will I get hurt? Yes! Will we be let down? Most certainly. Will people violate our trust? Of course. However, this will happen anyway – it’s just part of life.
Ironically, the more we are willing to grant our trust consciously, the more likely we are to create a real sense of connection, cooperation, and collaboration in our lives, relationships, families, teams, and more – even if we feel scared to do so or it seems counter-intuitive at times.
We almost always get what we expect in life. What if we start expecting people to be there for us, to do things that are trust-worthy, and to have our backs and our best interests in mind? As with just about everything else in life, it’s a choice.
As Albert Einstein so brilliantly stated, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
I choose “friendly,” how about you?
How easy is it for you to trust people? Are you willing to start granting your trust more easily? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
My book, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging, provides readers with a roadmap on how to build trust, collaborate, and operate at your peak level. Click here to learn more about it.
To learn more about how trust works, check out this blog post. You can also check out my podcast here.
I have written five books about, among other things, the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today.
Feel free to leave any comments below.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
The Magic of the Olympics
How We Move Forward…Together
Why Empathy is Important: How to Become More Empathetic
This article was originally published on June 17, 2010 and has been updated for 2021.
Newest Book
