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In the past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the courage it takes to step out, take risks, and put ourselves out there. Even though I know how important this is for growth, in business, and for life – I still find it tricky, scary, and challenging at times.
I also realize it’s one thing to talk about putting myself out there and another thing to actually do it. With the launch of my new website and the announcement I made last week about my forthcoming book, Bring Your Whole Self to Work, being available for pre-order, I’ve been feeling both excited and scared.
How are you currently feeling about taking risks and putting yourself out there? What things do you do to move through your fear or resistance? What support do you need? Feel free to share your thoughts, ideas, comments, and questions below in the comments section below.
Like millions of people around the world, I was deeply moved and inspired by the recent speech Oprah Winfrey gave at the Golden Globe awards. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend checking out the video.
Oprah touched on, among other things, the cultural moment we’re in right now with respect to sexual harassment and gender equality. Over the past few months, I’ve been reflecting on my own thoughts, beliefs, words, and actions, and challenging myself to be even more aware, understanding, and inclusive. I’ve also been trying to figure out what I can do as a man to advocate for and support women – those whom I know personally and in our society at large.
Issues of gender inequality run deep in our country and our world. And while we’ve made a lot of progress, we clearly have more work to do. There are also layers of complexity and emotion to this issue that make it tricky, especially for us men, to fully understand and to address openly and effectively.
On this week’s episode of my podcast, I interviewed Will Marre, co-founder of the Covey Leadership Institute, who recently founded an organization called A Million SMART Women. He’s worked for the past thirty years creating breakthroughs at some the world’s top organizations including, Johnson & Johnson, Nike and Gap. He’s a thought-leader and trusted advisor on corporate transformation and the competitive advantage of female leaders.
Will and I talked about some of the dynamics of gender issues in today’s business world, how men can advocate for and support women in leadership, and how we can all remember that we’re in this together.
Some of the key things men can do to support women and empower female leadership are:
1) Listen. Listening is always important – it’s the key to communication and fundamental to connection. Now more than ever, it’s important for us men to really listen to women, hear their stories, and try to understand their experience at a deeper level. When we open our minds and our hearts to the experiences of others with curiosity and compassion, not only do we learn, but we make it safer for them to speak up and more likely that we can find common ground.
2) Advocate. Research shows that when women advocate for others in business it’s seen as a positive quality, but when they advocate for themselves it’s seen as a negative one. However, when men advocate for themselves, it’s seen much more positively. We all need advocates if we’re going to succeed and move forward in our careers. Given many of the gender-based double standards that still exist, male advocacy for female leadership is essential and valuable.
3) Engage. Thinking about and talking about gender can be challenging for us men for two main reasons. First of all, we aren’t always paying attention to it. Second of all, we worry that if we do engage about gender, we’ll say something wrong, offend some of the women around us, or be seen as sexist. Because of these things (and others), we sometimes shy away from doing or saying anything about gender at all. Even though we may be uncomfortable, it’s important for us to engage and to remember that gender equality and the empowerment of female leadership is not just a women’s issue, it’s a human issue that impacts all of us.
What can you do to create an environment that is as safe, open, and inclusive as possible? What can you do to support and empower female leadership? Share your thoughts below in the comments section here on my blog and/or join the conversation we’re having about this on my Bring Your Whole Self to Work podcast.
Hearing the news about Matt Lauer being fired by NBC for inappropriate sexual behavior made me feel sad, angry, and confused in many ways. Over the past few months with everything that came out about Harvey Weinstein, the #MeToo campaign that exploded on social media, and the men who have been singled out for their harassment, abuse, and even assault of women like Charlie Rose, Roy Moore, Al Franken, Louis CK, Matt Lauer, and many others…in addition to the prominent stories over the past year or two about Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly, Donald Trump, and even going back to Clarence Thomas, Bill Clinton, and others from many years ago…it has been overwhelming, disgusting, and hard to understand for me.
I thought I was aware of some of the issues and challenges women face both in the workplace and in our culture, but these past few months have taught me that I really have no idea. I’ve been with my wife Michelle for 17 years, we have two daughters who are 11 and 9, I was raised by a strong single mom and in a house with a strong older sister. I interact with women personally and professionally every day…doing the best I can to respect and honor them as women and as fellow, equal human beings.
And, as all of this has been unfolding in the media and our culture over the past few months (and over the past year or two), I’ve been trying to pay more attention to my own male entitlement and some of the unconscious gender bias I have…especially as a straight, white, man who has so much privilege on so many levels. It’s hard for me to see this and is also painful to fully acknowledge.
Additionally, I have spent time thinking about some situations, relationships, and interactions I’ve had with girls and women in my life since I was an adolescent. Although I don’t think I’ve done or said things that would fall into the category of harassment, abuse, and especially not assault, there are definitely a few situations from college and my early twenties that I regret. I’m also sure I’ve made a whole host of comments over the course of my life that I may have thought were “funny” or “benign,” which probably hurt, offended, or scared some of the girls or women around me.
The word “reckoning” has been used quite a bit in recent weeks and months to describe what is happening in our culture with respect to how women are treated by men. I think that is definitely something that is going on. I’m finding it incredibly painful and difficult to see…but I think it’s important on so many levels that it is coming out.
I notice that it’s often harder for me to process and make sense of some of what I read and hear about when the men involved are ones whose work and talents I like, respect, and admire – like Bill Cosby, Louis CK, Kevin Spacey, John Conyers, Charlie Rose, Al Franken, and now Matt Lauer. When it’s people like Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes, Roy Moore, and Donald Trump…whom I don’t like, respect, or admire…my feelings are, unfortunately, a bit different.
I wish this weren’t the case, although I recognize this is part of being human and also part of the divided and polarized world in which we currently live. Clearly, however, we’re seeing that harassment and abuse of women is something that cuts across all political, social, business, racial, status, and economic lines. And, for all of these high-profile stories we’re reading about on a regular basis, there must be literally millions of other stories like these happening all over the country and the world – in workplaces and everywhere.
Men – we have to do better! We have to look at ourselves in the mirror and at each other as brothers and ask what it truly means to be a good, strong man in our culture. How do we honor the positions of privilege, power, and influence some of us find ourselves in specifically and most of us men hold within our families, places of business, and communities? How can we take our support and respect of the women and girls around us to a deeper and more real level? It’s truly a time reckoning – not simply for the victims of abuse and those who perpetrate it, but for all of us as a society and especially for us men.
Even with all of this, I believe that the vast majority of us men are not preying on women and abusing our power…there are a lot of good, kind, caring, aware men in the world. And at the same time, we all have work to do and blind spots to pay attention to. I know this post itself is filled with my own bias and many blind spots (most of which I can’t even see).
We also have to do more listening and to have more awareness, empathy, and curiosity…to pay more attention to what life and work are like for the girls and women around us.
I want our girls – the ones growing up in my house and the ones growing up throughout our world, as well as all women – to know they are safe, loved, supported, respected, celebrated, and honored for who they are, what they do, and the talents they have – not just as sex objects and for the pleasure of us men.
How does a culture of healthy, high expectations, balanced by nurturance, enable individuals and organizations to achieve greater fulfillment, competitive advantage, and success? How can companies create an environment where their employees feel safe and encouraged to take risks, give more of themselves while maintaining balance, and deliver results? And, what does it mean to individuals to bring their ‘whole selves’ to their work?
My new book, Bring Your Whole Self to Work, is scheduled for release in May, 2018. In it, I examine what I’ve learned over seventeen years as a researcher, writer, and speaker regarding workplace dynamics and how an environment of authenticity, healthy risk-taking, and support helps both individuals and companies thrive.
When we enthusiastically challenge our employees to bring their best—their whole—selves to work, we and they reach new, higher levels of creativity and performance. Individuals’ passions and talents are engaged. They connect—with their own aspirations, and with others. As they do, teams and organizations push farther. Reach higher. Grow and succeed.
But, individuals need to feel safe to bring all of who they are—and that takes courage. My experience and research has shown that when we nurture and support employees, their fulfillment influences those around them to aim higher for the organization’s collective success.
Consider implementing these steps to help attract and retain employees committed to personal and organizational growth and success.
First:
Encourage your employees to embrace their vulnerability. We erroneously think being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. It’s not. Vulnerability can be scary, but it’s essential to encourage healthy risk, change, creativity, collaboration, growth, and results. Dr. Brene Brown from the University of Houston says, “You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.”
Next:
Encourage your employees to have ‘sweaty-palmed’ conversations. A mentor once said to me, “Mike, what stands between you and the kind of relationships you really want is probably a ten-minute, sweaty-palmed conversation you’re too afraid to have.”
Too often we avoid conflicts with others because we’re afraid of the consequences that come with speaking up. Yet, when we muster the courage to start those sweaty-palmed conversations we strengthen our ability to resolve differences while deepening our connections, building confidence, and contributing to collective success.
Remind your employees to:
Stop trying to just survive. When we do things that truly matter to us, it’s tempting to hold back and play it safe. Don’t!
I learned this playing baseball for much of my early life, on into college and at the professional level. Some of the most disappointing moments I had weren’t when I failed, but when I held back—due to my fear of failing. Encourage your employees to let go of their obsession with survival and instead take risks. Go for what they—and the company—want and need to succeed. As one of my early mentors pointed out: “Mike, you’re living your life as though you’re trying to survive it. You have to remember. No one ever has!”
As I mention about in my most recent TEDx talk, whether you run a business, manage a team, or simply want people around you to feel safe and empowered to bring all of who they are to their work, there are two components to creating an atmosphere of authenticity that leads to greater levels of engagement, performance, and success:
- Healthy, High Expectations. High expectations are essential for people to thrive. We almost always get what we expect from others, but if we demand perfection many may fall short. Employees will feel they’re not set up to succeed. Healthy, high expectations challenge people to do their best, without pushing for insatiable, unhealthy perfection.
- High Level of Nurturance. People want to feel they’re seen, heard, and valued—not just for what they do, but for who they are. A high level of nurturance creates a safe space for employees to make mistakes, ask for help, speak up, and disagree. Nurturing environments are filled with compassion and empathy. People feel supported.
We often think in order to have a high bar we can’t be nurturing. Or, we think if we nurture people, we can’t expect a lot from them. The goal is to do both, and to do so passionately.
Asking our employees to bring their whole selves to work, and creating an environment that allows them to do so, is no small feat. It takes courage on everyone’s part and can, at times, go against conventional wisdom. However, technology companies must do all they can to attract, develop, and engage the best people in today’s competitive global economy.
Creating an environment where employees feel safe and encouraged to flourish will help your company attract individuals committed to your organization’s success.
What can you do to create an environment where you work that is conducive to this type of culture? Share your thoughts below in the comments section here on my blog and/or join the conversation we’re having about this on my Bring Your Whole Self to Work podcast.
In the wake of some of the recent events in our country and our world, I’ve been finding it challenging to focus on the good stuff, which is something I’ve been both teaching and practicing in my life over the past almost two decades. As I’ve been looking at this more deeply, I realize that my own commitment is not necessarily to “be positive,” it’s actually to be a force for good in the world, regardless of the circumstances.
When we’re facing challenges which are global, national, or right in our own company or family, it’s important for us to ask ourselves “who do I want to be in the face of these circumstances?” Being a force for good doesn’t mean we have to be happy all the time, think what’s happening is wonderful, or even to find the silver lining in the difficulty, it’s more about making a commitment to ourselves and to those around us that we’re going to be part of the solution, not simply comment on or add to the problems themselves.
When the issues we’re facing are geo-political, societal, and/or have to do with natural disasters (as has been the case in recent weeks), it can often seem overwhelming to me and many of us. However, how we show up, communicate, and respond to what’s happening around us in the world and in our direct environment, can have a significant and positive impact when we make a commitment to being a force for good.
Here are a few things we can do or think about in this regard right now:
1) Look for ways you can help. The amazing Fred Rogers, one of my childhood heroes, famously said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’.” He’s right and I always try to remember this myself. In addition to looking for the helpers (and appreciating and honoring them), we can all be helpers in both big and small ways. Whether we donate money, make phone calls, or simply reach out and share our good thoughts and prayers, there are always ways to help. And, being of service not only helps those we assist directly, it’s a way to act as a force for good, not matter what the situation may be.
2) Be pro-active with your complaints. There are two types of complaints – idle complaints (when we whine and moan about how bad things are) and pro-active complaints (when we take issue with something and pro-actively bring it to the attention of those who can potentially do something about it). A great example of this here in our country is contacting our elected representatives – at the national, state, and local level. Whether we voted for them or not, they work for us. And, picking up the phone, writing a letter, sending an email, or posting on social media directly to one of our elected representatives and letting them know how we feel about something specific is a way we can influence change and be pro-active with our complaints. Sitting around and talking about how awful something is, which we all do and is easy to do, doesn’t usually make things better. But, pro-active complaints can be the catalyst for positive and productive change in many situations
3) Don’t get caught up in the drama. Over the past few months, I’ve found myself, at times, getting caught up in the constant drama of the daily headlines and news. It’s easy to do, especially these days. However, it doesn’t usually feel very good and doesn’t often cause us to be a force for good. While I do think there are a lot of good journalists, doing important and courageous work, sadly the media is set up to get our attention and get us to watch, click, or buy what they are selling. Because of this, they often lead with drama, since it’s what gets the most attention. We have to be mindful with how we engage the news and the media. I do believe it’s important to be informed and to know what’s happening. And, at the same time, I’ve found myself falling into the drama trap many times – both in recent months and over the past number of decades – and this doesn’t usually empower me in a positive way. Most often, it gets me upset, discouraged, or depressed. Sometimes the best thing we can do is unplug and look for ways to actually help.
4) Speak up with authenticity. There are lots of important things going on around us these days that are calling us to speak up – even and especially if we’re scared to do so. Speaking up is an important thing to do, takes a lot of courage, and can definitely be a way for us to be a force for good. However, it’s essential for us to be truly authentic when we speak up. I define authenticity as honesty – self-righteousness + vulnerability. Yes, it’s important for us to be honest. But, we must remove our self-righteousness (the idea that I’m “Right” with a capital “R” and those who see things differently than I do are “wrong”). And, we must add vulnerability (emotional exposure, risk, and uncertainty). If we’re willing to speak up in this authentic way, we can have real impact. As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. so beautifully said, “We have very little morally persuasive impact with those who can feel our underlying contempt for them.”
5) Focus on gratitude. In the midst of challenge and difficulty, it’s sometimes hard to focus on gratitude, but it’s also so important for us to do. I recently listened to an interview with Dr. Brene Brown and Sheryl Sandberg in which Brene talked about some research she did with parents who lost children. She said, “the research showed that people who have suffered this intense of a loss want those around them to appreciate what they have…and doing so honors their loss.” Hearing this made me realize that when we see people suffering, one way we can honor and support them best by being grateful for what we have. Being grateful for our lives and our blessings isn’t mutually exclusive for wanting to support and be of service to those who are in need. Even in the midst of challenging times in our own lives and in the world, there is always so much to we can celebrate and appreciate.
Even though there has been a lot of challenge, pain, loss, and intensity in our country and our world recently, we always have a choice as to how we’re going to show up, what we’re going to do, and who we’re going to be in the face of the circumstances. As much as any time in recent years that I can remember, what our friends, co-workers, teams, and people around us need is for us to show up as authentically as we possibly can, and to be a true force for good in our lives and the world around us. You up for that?
What can you do to be a force for good right now? Share your thoughts, feelings, and insights about this here below.
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