May 19, 2017

November 14, 2016

It’s time for us to step up straight white men! This campaign and this election have exposed many issues in our country and our world…issues that have been there for a very long time, and although we’ve made progress on them through the years, it’s time for real change and we’re a big part of that.

Being a straight white man, although it comes with an enormous amount of privilege – some of which we’re aware of and much we simply take for granted, can be challenging and painful in certain ways that we rarely talk about. I have spent much of my life feeling (or avoiding) the shame of what white men have done (and are still doing) to women, people of color, members of the LGBTQ community, and those less privileged.

We often don’t like to acknowledge this because it feels awful, there doesn’t seem to be much we can do about it, and it’s an incredibly painful and powerless experience. It’s also scary, uncomfortable, and vulnerable to talk about racism, sexism, homophobia, and oppression of any kind – especially as a straight white man. We usually aren’t as aware of it as those who are directly impacted and even when we are, we worry that we shouldn’t talk about these things because we may hurt, upset, or offend people…or be judged, misunderstood, shamed, or attacked…called a racist, sexist, or homophobe ourselves. So, we choose to stay oblivious, to avoid it, or just sit on our hands, which is safer and easier.

Many of us have dealt with our own challenges and obstacles in life – just because we’re white, straight, and male, doesn’t mean we were born with a silver spoon in our mouth, haven’t worked hard, don’t deal with our own issues, or don’t deserve any of the success or opportunity we may have experienced. And, yes, some of us have dealt with various forms of “reverse racism” or “reverse sexism” both personally and professionally. We also like to point to the fact that much progress has been made for women, people of color, and other minorities in our culture, which is true. Or we see, hear, and read about horrible acts of hate or abuse and say to ourselves (or others), “I would never do that…I’m one of the good guys.”

However, it’s important for us to both acknowledge the privilege and power we have as straight white men and also the responsibility. The vast majority of us are not abusing women, sexually assaulting them, treating them as objects, or consciously trying to hold them back. We’re also not overtly racist or homophobic – treating people of color or gay people in rude, cruel, and oppressive ways.

Yet, these things continue to exist in our culture all over the place – and there is so much pain, suffering, fear, and trauma associated with this for so many people in our world right now. Women are being abused, assaulted, and raped all the time – right in our communities and on college campuses. Plus, just about every woman we know has been impacted directly by sexism and even sexual assault – just ask them, as awkward as that may be to bring up. Every person of color and gay person we know has dealt with racism or homophobia in their lives – in many cases in a traumatic way. Unarmed black men are dying in the streets. Muslims are being targeted and taunted. Kids are being bullied in school for being “different.” Hatred, cruelty, and oppression are taking place in both big and small ways – even if we don’t see it in our own lives or families regularly.

We just experienced a Presidential campaign and election that was filled with overt and covert racism, sexism, and hatred. I choose to believe that the vast majority of the people who voted for Donald Trump are not racist, sexist, and homophobic. However, his campaign, his rhetoric, and his election have given a sense of permission and “normalcy” to hatred, fear, and discrimination of minorities, immigrants, women, and other groups…and that is NOT okay.

As good, strong, kind, loving, compassionate, and powerful men who love our country, our significant others, our friends, and our children, we have an important role to play in this…even if we may not always see it or feel comfortable with it.

Every straight white man I know has been in situations where other straight white men around us were being overtly or covertly racist, sexist, or homophobic. While we may not have participated in it directly (although in some cases we have, especially when we were young and less conscious), we have often not done or said anything to stop it…or to at least make it clear that it’s not okay. We can no longer do this!

For better or worse, people listen to us in a particular way given our race, gender, and orientation. It may not be fair or justified (both positively and negatively), but it’s true. And even though it can be scary and uncomfortable, and some people might judge us, think we’re arrogant, insensitive, self-righteous, soft, over-sensitive, too PC, or worse, it’s time for us to step up, lean in, speak up, and do more to support the women and girls around us, and our brothers and sisters of color, everyone in the LGBTQ community, Muslims, immigrants, and any oppressed or under-represented group in our culture…i.e. everyone who is not white, not straight, and not male.

We also need to pay more attention, look, listen, and feel with as much awareness, compassion, and empathy as we can. We have to call out racism, sexism, and oppression when we see it – both personally and also in our organizations, institutions, and our society at large. This is not easy or comfortable, and isn’t usually encouraged or appreciated by those we may be calling out…but it’s essential. Sometimes we’re in a better, safer, and stronger position to call this out than the individuals or groups who are being discriminated against themselves.

This isn’t about liberal or conservative, Clinton supporter or Trump supporter, or even about our nation…it’s actually bigger than that…it’s about loving, caring for, and supporting our fellow human beings. We are brothers, sons, fathers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, coaches, mentors, friends, and more. We are men…and at the core of our nature, we are here to provide and protect…that is our job and our responsibility, above and beyond whatever we do for a living.

And, as straight white men, we are in a unique and important position of privilege and power. We can influence change…we can stand up for kindness and compassion…and for those who need us to stand up with them or for them. We must! This moment in our history calls for our courage and strength…it’s not “someone else’s problem.” We’re all in this together…

With Love, Passion, and Courage,

Mike Robbins

July 28, 2016

July 21, 2016

I have a brand new podcast that I’m really excited about…it’s called Bring Your Whole Self to Work. I’m working on a new book (with the same title) and as part of the research for this book, I decided to interview some of the most interesting business leaders and thought leaders I know – to learn from them about their own personal journeys and also how they operate as leaders.

The focuses of the conversations and the podcast are:

1) How can we have the courage to show up and bring all of who we are to the work that we do?

2) How can we create and/or influence the environment in which we work so that it’s conducive to authenticity, kindness, humanity, creativity, compassion, and appreciation (in addition to success)?

In the interviews I get real with my guests, and find out the truth behind their own stories – their ups, their downs, their insights, their challenges, their milestones, and more.  I also talk to them about how they approach authenticity, teamwork, culture, success, leadership, and other important aspects of life and business.

These conversations are designed to give you specific insights for creating greater authenticity, courage, and fulfillment in your own life and career, as well as ideas for how you can create an environment around you at work where people get real, have each other’s backs, and have the courage to bring all of who they are.

The very first episode is called “The Whole Self is Everything with Chip Conley.”  I’m so excited that Chip decided to join me for this first show.  He’s a business leader, a thought leader, and a person I respect and admire a great deal. At 26, he started Joie de Vivre – which became the second largest boutique hotel company in the United States.  He’s the author of four books and after selling Joie de Vivre in 2010, he has worked as a mentor to the founders of Airbnb and a leader within the company as they’ve grown exponentially over the past few years. He is a true renaissance man of life, business, personal growth, culture, and more.

In this episode Chip talks about his fascinating journey.  He also shares some great tips for how to both show up as authentically as possible at work, as well as some of the things he did in building such a strong culture at Joie de Vivre.  They were voted the second best place to work in the San Francisco Bay Area (right behind Google).

I hope you enjoy this first episode and my conversation with Chip.  I’ve been having so much fun with this podcast – we’ve already recorded a handful of episodes and have some great interviews lined up.  I can’t wait to share them with you each week and I hope you will be as inspired, enlightened, and stimulated by these discussions as I am.  My intention is that this podcast is a benefit to you and those around you.

You can check out this first episode and the podcast on iTunes or visit our new podcast page on my website, where you can read more about each episode and guest, as well as link to any of the other podcast platforms you may like to use.

Let me know your thoughts about the show on my blog or on Facebook. Feel free to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes (or your favorite podcasting platform), leave a review, and share it with others you think might benefit from it.

November 19, 2015

My wife Michelle read the bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and has transformed our house over the past few months. I’ve enjoyed and appreciated all that she has shared with me about the book, and especially all that she has done to de-clutter and tidy up. However, until this past weekend, I hadn’t really engaged in the process much myself. But, starting with my clothes and then moving onto my books, I had a transformational experience over the past few days going through everything and letting go of a LOT.

My understanding of the basic premise of the book and the process is to touch everything in your house and ask yourself the question, “Does this bring me joy?” If the answer is yes, keep it and put is back (in an organized way), but if the answer is no, thank it and let it go. While this is a fairly simple concept, it’s not all that easy.

In this video, I talk a bit about some of my challenges with letting go, as well as what we can do to let go of not just things, but thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs that may be holding us back…thus creating space for new things (as well as thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, and more) to emerge.

What are you willing to let go of? What support do you need to let go? Feel free to share your thoughts, insights, or any questions you have below.

October 29, 2015

How are you doing taking care of your animal?  What makes this challenging for you?  What works best for you?  Feel free to share your thoughts, insights, or any questions you have below.

September 17, 2015

It has been humbling to come to this realization about myself in the past few years.  However, it has also been incredibly liberating to see this pattern and to ask myself the question, “What would it be like to honor my real emotions and to live my life knowing that what I want and feel is just as important as anyone else?”

Honoring our emotions isn’t about being self absorbed, arrogant, or better than anyone – it’s really about being true to ourselves, honest with how we feel and what we want, and willing to engage in authentic conversations with other people – even, and especially, when we don’t feel or want the same things that they do.

So why can it be so challenging for us to honor our own emotions?  Some of the primary reasons for this are:

• We worry that people won’t like or approve of us
• We don’t value ourselves in an authentic way (i.e. we think we’re not good enough)
• We’ve been taught to put other people’s needs, desires, and feelings ahead of our own
• We’re not comfortable feeling and expressing certain emotions
• We don’t think we “deserve” to have what we want (i.e. we think we’re not important enough)
• We haven’t been taught healthy ways to feel and express our true emotions
• We worry that we’ll be seen as selfish or overly emotional

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your capacity to honor your own emotions:

• Be Real About How You Truly Feel – The first step of any process is always about being real, first and foremost with ourselves.  Even if we feel unclear or uncomfortable with a specific situation or certain set of emotions or desires, the more willing we are to be real about what we truly feel and want, the more ability we’ll have to honor ourselves and be authentic with others.  Making it a practice of getting in touch with our true feelings is essential.  A great way to do this is through journaling. It’s not about justifying how we feel to anyone else; it’s about being honest with ourselves and out emotions.

• Stop Judging Yourself – One of the biggest things that can get in our way in life, in general and specifically when it comes to feeling our emotions and expressing our desires, is self judgment.  We think to ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “If I share this, they will think I’m a terrible person.”  We use these self critical thoughts to suppress our true feelings, which can have significantly negative consequences on us and others.What if we just allowed ourselves to be real and to honor what’s true for us in the moment, without judging it?

• Give Yourself Permission to Feel – Because of our self judgment, we sometimes don’t give ourselves permission to feel… especially certain emotions.  As human beings we tend to have a hierarchy of emotions – liking the “good” ones (love, joy, gratitude, peace, etc) and not liking the “bad” ones (anger, fear, hurt, powerlessness, etc).  However, at the deepest level, all human emotions have value and can benefit us if we’re willing to feel them in an authentic and healthy way.  Giving ourselves permission to feel what we’re feeling is critical to our ability to honor and move through our emotions in a way that serves us, our relationships, and our life.

• Let Go of Your “Story” – Many of us, myself included, are attached to our “story.”  We love all of the drama and all of the details that make up the relationships, situations, and circumstances in our lives (both past and present).  While our life story, as well as the details of specific relationships and circumstances in our lives, are important at some level, too often we get caught in the story and all the drama, which actually takes us out of our emotional experience.  Where we have real power is in feeling our emotions authentically, not talking about them, rationalizing them, or explaining them – but in simply feeling them.  Human emotions are not sustainable – especially if they are honestly felt.  It only takes about a minute or two to genuinely feel and move through an emotion.  However, when we attach an emotion to a story, we don’t allow ourselves to truly feel it and thus can keep it stuck in place.

• Get Emotional Support – As important as our emotions are to our lives, our well being, and our relationships, sadly we don’t get a lot of emotional training in life (through school, at work, and in general) and we don’t often have built in, healthy emotional support mechanisms in our daily lives.  We live in a world that is primarily focused on action, results, and appearances – none of which has anything to do with our emotional experience (even though our emotional experience is not only one of the most important aspects of our lives, but is what drives much of what we do and produce in life).  There are, however, many ways we can find or enhance our emotional support.  Most of us have certain emotional support structures in our lives that we’ve set up for ourselves, consciously or unconsciously.  The key is for us to utilize these in a consistent and authentic way, as well as to make sure they are empowering us to honor ourselves and our emotional experience in life.

What do you do honor your emotions in a healthy way? What makes this challenging for you? Feel free to share your thoughts, insights, or any questions you have below.