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How often do you find yourself trying to impress others?
Maybe you feel it at work. Maybe it happens when you’re with your friends and family. Maybe it strikes when you log into social media or show up to a class reunion. It’s that nagging feeling, that annoying voice in the back of your head—and it’s telling you that the only way to succeed in life is to look good to others.
Unfortunately, many of us spend a lot of time trying to impress the people around us. While this makes sense and is a natural tendency, it can be quite harmful in many ways and often keeps us from doing, saying, and being who we truly want to be.
Be Yourself
I’ve also wasted a lot of time and energy throughout my life trying to impress people.
Whether it was at school, in an office, or participating on a sports team, I found myself in many situations where my performance was up for evaluation. It’s also carried into my work speaking, writing, coaching, podcasting, and more.
Trying to manage, control, and, ultimately, manipulate other people’s perceptions of us isn’t just exhausting—it’s also pretty much impossible. I’m reminded of the title of a book by Terry Cole-Whittaker called What You Think About Me is None of My Business. Isn’t that such a great reminder for all of us?
We can save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary stress and anguish when we stop trying to impress others and start focusing on honoring ourselves. In other words, being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power—not trying to be someone we aren’t or trying to be validated by the opinions of others.
As the wise sage Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” So true!
Acknowledge Yourself
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to perform well and receive positive feedback for our work. However, when we focus on impressing people, we give away our power and set ourselves up for unnecessary stress, worry, and fear.
It’s important to recognize that validation from other people isn’t what proves our worth—instead, we can turn within and focus on genuinely acknowledging ourselves. When we’re willing to appreciate who we are, we can truly be free and tap into our innate power.
Do you struggle with being a people-pleaser? Are there times when you’ve caused unnecessary stress trying to impress other people? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
For more reading, check out these posts:
Give Yourself More Time and Space
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Do you appreciate the holidays?
I’ll admit it—for me, appreciating this time of year is a whole lot easier said than done. In fact, if I’m being honest, I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the holidays. On one hand, I love the parties, decorations, rituals, and gifts. On the other hand, I can get overwhelmed by the stress, drama, and obligations of it all.
Can you relate? Do you also worry that you’re not doing enough? That you’re behind on your to-do list? That you won’t get everything done in time, or that you won’t be able to make things right for the people you love the most?
This year I’m focused on appreciating the holiday season for what it is—regardless of the circumstances that remain out of my control.
Here are some things we can do to keep things in perspective and appreciate this time of year
1. Take Responsibility
The holiday season can be chaotic. It’s no wonder that so many of us blame the season for the stress we feel, rather than examining its real source—ourselves.
We’re the creators of our own experiences, regardless of the time of year or what’s going on around us. The more we remember this, the more we empower ourselves to take control of our circumstances. This year, make a conscious effort to enjoy the whole experience of the holidays without lumping additional pressure on yourself.
2. Choose How You Engage
Not only do we have the power to create our own experiences, but we also have a choice in the way we show up.
As the holidays approach, you may be feeling a bit anxious about spending time with certain people or showing up to certain events. Remember that you have a choice in how you engage with these people and situations. You can choose to be cranky, annoyed, or upset—or you can decide to enjoy the fun and not take things personally instead.
3. Center Your Appreciation
Even with the stress, obligation, and more, this time of year can give us the opportunity to get together with people we love and care about.
Let’s make a conscious choice to focus on what—and who—we truly appreciate. Work on telling the truth about how you really feel. If possible, don’t show up to events you don’t want to attend, and don’t surround yourself with people out of a sense of duty. If that’s not in the cards, don’t stress. Instead, make a commitment to appreciate the good and take in all the blessings in your life.
Have A Happy Holiday Season
This holiday season, let’s try to take a step back. Regardless of what kind of year you’ve had, take some time to pat yourself on the back. Celebrate your accomplishments, and learn from your mistakes. Then, take a look at what’s around you. Really experience the gratitude you have for the people in your life. If not now, when?
Make the choice to enjoy these next few weeks and have a truly happy holiday.
What can you do to appreciate and enjoy this holiday season as best as possible? Share your thoughts, feelings, and ideas in the comments.
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The holiday season can be more than a little stressful. At this time of year, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of buying gifts, preparing travel plans, and getting ready for all sorts of parties and events. If money’s tight, there’s the added strain of choosing the right presents for all our friends, family members, and coworkers, while being extra mindful of costs.
As great as thoughtful and even expensive gifts can be – most people just want to know that they’re valued. So, this year, consider showing them how much you care by giving the most meaningful gift of all: your appreciation.
Tips for Showing Appreciation
Appreciation is all about showing the people in your life why they’re important to you. To start, consider asking yourself the following questions:
– What do you value most about your best friend?
– What is it about your kids that you really admire?
– What do you love best about your spouse?
– How does your co-worker or your boss make your job easier and more fun?
Your answers are key to understanding what it is you really appreciate.
Expressing our heartfelt gratitude for the important people in our lives can be a bit vulnerable and uncomfortable at times. And yet, it’s essential for creating the types of authentic and meaningful relationships we desire.
Appreciation helps us deal more effectively with the stress and strain of our day-to-day lives. It’s at the heart of healthy families, successful teams, productive communities, and more.
If you’re looking to show your appreciation this holiday season, consider these three simple tips:
1) Write a Heartfelt Thank You Card
This holiday season, consider taking the time to write gratitude cards and give them to the people who matter most to you – both at work and at home. Let the people around you know how they’ve impacted you in a positive way. Try to express your appreciation genuinely, specifically, and personally. You can give the card as a gift in and of itself, or attach it to a more traditional present if you want.
2) Give People What They Really Want
Giving people what they truly want is another simple way to demonstrate how much you value them. Show the people around you that you’re really listening to their wants and needs by giving something specific that they’ve asked for or you know they definitely want. It doesn’t have to be expensive—it just needs to be personal to them. If you don’t know where to start, don’t be afraid to simply ask them directly.
3) Give the Gift of Time and Service
Show up for the people who matter most in your life—literally. Instead of buying them a gift, consider giving them a call to ask if you can help them with anything. It might be a project they’ve been putting off, or an errand they’ve been procrastinating on. Either way, show them how much you care by scheduling time to get it done on their behalf or just to connect with them.
Give Meaningful Gifts Filled with Appreciation
This year, consider giving a gift that doubles as an expression of your true appreciation. Not only will it make the holiday season more memorable, but it’ll also have a real impact on the people who matter most to you.
Appreciation is the best gift we can give at any time of year, and especially this holiday season.
What do you appreciate most about the people around you? Aside from buying presents, how can you show your appreciation for the most important people in your life? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more in the comments below.
Here are a few more posts you might enjoy:
3 Ways to Stay Positive
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Many of us have a love/hate relationship with the holidays—myself included. While Thanksgiving is meant to be a meaningful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection, those sentiments often get lost in a sea of stress, grief, obligation, disappointment, and/or messy family drama.
If you’re like me and many people I know, it can be easy to get stressed out, upset, and frustrated at this time of year, especially these days. But what if we could make Thanksgiving more fun? What if we focused on being who we are, appreciating our loved ones, being real about how we feel, and expressing our gratitude in a genuine way?
Here are five things we can do to have a positive Thanksgiving experience this year:
1. Be Yourself
It’s often easier said than done to be ourselves, especially around those we gather with at the holidays. And yet, this Thanksgiving, let’s try to set aside all the thoughts about who we should be and how we should act around our family, friends, in-laws, and guests. Instead, let’s try to focus on just being who we truly are.
All too often, we lose ourselves in our desire to impress or not offend people. However, when we let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, we release all sorts of undue pressure. In its place, we find a real sense of freedom and peace.
2. Look for the Good
This Thanksgiving, let’s work to let go of our grudges, judgements, and resentments. Set aside the obsessive thoughts centering on the most annoying and upsetting qualities in our friends and family. Make a commitment to focus on what you like about the people around you, rather than what you don’t.
By making a conscious decision to enjoy ourselves as well as the people around us, we dramatically increase our chances of having a positive and pleasant experience.
3. Keep it Fun
The holidays are actually supposed to be enjoyable. So, this year, so whatever you can to make the Thanksgiving experience as fun and stress-free as possible.
Keep it light. Don’t take things personally. Share the responsibilities. Ask others for help. Prepare in advance to reduce the stress. And, most of all, open yourself up to going with the flow and enjoying the day.
4. Express Appreciation
This Thanksgiving, let the people in your life know how much they matter to you. Take the time to share your appreciation with them in a genuine way. Here are some tips to make it happen:
- Write thank-you cards and bring them to your gathering.
- Acknowledge someone special at the dinner table. Then, invite them to “pay it forward” by sharing their appreciation for someone else in the group. Keep it going until everyone’s had their turn in the spotlight.
- Call up a friend. Talk to a family member. Send a text or write an email. Whatever it takes to let people know what you appreciate about them.
Remember, appreciating someone doesn’t mean we agree with them about everything or we don’t have any issues with them, it means we choose to focus on their value and what we’re grateful for by having them in our lives.
5. Count Your Blessings
Amidst all of the holiday chaos, stress, and everything happening in the country and the world, it can be easy to lose sight of the intention of why we’re gathering in the first place. This holiday isn’t about the meal or the details—it’s about gratitude, connection, and reflection.
So, this Thanksgiving, take some time to think about all the blessings in your life. Focus on the things you appreciate about yourself as well as those around you. If you’re stretched for time, consider bringing this idea to the dinner table. During the meal, ask everyone to share what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific, and personal way.
Being grateful doesn’t mean everything’s great, that there aren’t any challenges, that our families don’t have issues, or that there aren’t real problems in our country and our world. Gratitude is a powerful energy and emotion, and when we step into it authentically, it allows us to remember that no matter what may be going on with us, those around us, and in the larger world, there is always so much to appreciate…if we choose to do so.
What are your Thanksgiving plans this year? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it a fun, meaningful, and positive experience? How do you plan to make it happen? Share your thoughts, ideas, and insights on my blog below.
Here are some more blog posts that might interest you:
Let’s Have Thanksgiving All The Time
3 Ways to Stay Positive
Want What You Have
Do you sometimes find yourself feeling rushed, hurried, stressed, or overwhelmed? Are you looking for just a little more time in your life?
If so, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel consumed by everything from their schedules to their devices, their coworkers to their clients, their families and their work. I’m sometimes guilty of packing my schedule full of so many activities, events, and deadlines that it feels hard to breathe at times.
In these stressful moments, it’s easy to feel like a victim of our “crazy” schedules. We can struggle to enjoy the events of our lives as they’re happening, much less show up to them as the best version of ourselves.
We can also start to use our busy lives as an excuse to not show up for the people in our lives who matter most. We sometimes think to ourselves…What do you want from me? Do you have any idea how much I have going on right now?
Ultimately, there’s no denying that many of these demands and responsibilities are important. That said, it can be helpful to remember that we are the ones with the power to set up our lives and schedules the way we do. If we want to stop feeling so stressed, overwhelmed, and caught up in our never-ending to-do lists, we have the power to make some changes ourselves.
Finding More Time: Truth and Lies
I’m too busy. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t have any time. Sound familiar?
Lots of us tell ourselves stories like these. In fact, we tell them so often that they start to feel like the truth. What if this isn’t actually true?
Just think about how we react when anything serious happens. When someone gets sick, or when there’s a genuine crisis, or someone really needs our help, all of those so-called “important” tasks get pushed to the back burner. In those moments, we’re able to see how unimportant most of it really is.
So, what if we stopped believing the lie about our busyness? And what if we stopped letting it run our lives? With this awareness in mind, we can take more ownership of our lives, our time, and our schedule.
How To Give Yourself More Time: 4 Tips For Success
What would life look like and feel like if we gave ourselves more space?
Below are a few things to think about and practice as you look to expand your ability to have more time in your life:
#1 Take stock of your relationship to time
Most of us have an odd or disempowered relationship to time. Just listen to some of the weird things we say: “Time flies.” “I never have enough time to do what I want to do.” “Where did the time go?” These and other statements, thoughts, and beliefs put us in the role of victim as it relates to time and our commitments.
So, how do you relate to time? How do you feel about your schedule? Do you feel victimized by your commitments at home, at work, and in general?
When we’re honest with ourselves, we have a greater ability to make necessary changes.
#2 Learn to say ‘no’
In many cases, our “disease to please” causes us to say ‘yes’ to things when we really need to say ‘no’. And yet, as my friend and bestselling author Cheryl Richardson puts it, “If it’s not an absolute ‘yes’, then it’s a ‘no.’”
An ability to say ‘no’ to requests and invitations is an important aspect of giving ourselves more time and space. It is essential to take certain tasks off our plate when we can. This isn’t about being flaky or irresponsible; it’s about being authentic with ourselves and what we’re willing and able to do.
#3 Give yourself more time than you think you need
When we overpack our days, schedules, and to-do lists, we set ourselves up to fail. I’ve come to learn that it’s not worth it to try and rush through tasks in such a short period of time. Not only does it have a negative impact on the work itself, but it also has a negative impact on our own well-being in the process.
What if we gave ourselves more time to complete projects, get places, and take care of things? Imagine what that would feel like for us and those around us, and imagine how much more creative, passionate, excited, and effective we could be in the process.
#4 Get support from others
You don’t have to go down this path alone. As you start to make changes in this regard, you may find it helpful to get some specific support, feedback, and coaching from the people around you. If there’s someone in your life who seems to be at peace with time and their schedule, it might be worth asking them how they think about it and operate.
The world around us is speeding up all the time, especially these days. Sometimes the expectations and demands that are placed on our shoulders can be unreasonable. It’s important to remember that we are the authors of the book of our life, and so we get to decide how we move through the world. If we don’t want to be victims of our schedules, we don’t have to be. When we’re willing to give ourselves more time and space, our lives can truly transform.
What can you do to give yourself more time and space in your life right now? What will this take on your part? What will the benefits be? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.
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