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Most of us, even those of us who are supposed to know better, spend a lot of time and energy thinking that things will be better as soon as we achieve it.
It might mean getting promoted, moving into a nicer place, making more money, getting married, having children, getting out of debt, finding more free time, losing some weight, starting our own business, getting the kids out of the house, retiring, or recovering from a specific injury, illness, or setback. Really, it’s about whatever we think we need to change in order to feel happy and fulfilled.
I’ve come to realize that I’ve put a lot more attention into thinking about what I want rather than wanting what I already have. Can you relate? If so, you might find it useful to refocus your attention on wanting what you already have. This doesn’t mean we let go of our desires and goals, it simply means we focus a bit more on all that we have to be grateful for.
How To Find Fulfillment In What You Have
There’s no denying that both positive and negative experiences have an impact on the way we feel about ourselves and our lives. However, it’s important to keep in mind that we always have a choice in how we relate to these circumstances—and that’s even true as we’re living through them.
So, sure, it might be nice to find a great new job, or a fantastic new relationship, or a wonderful new place to live. But those circumstances can’t and won’t make us happy all on their own—at least, not unless we choose that happiness for ourselves.
In other words, in order to find an authentic sense of fulfillment, we must learn to want what we already have and truly appreciate our lives as they are. One of my favorite and oft-used quotes is from author and teacher Byron Katie, who says, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.” In other words, there’s strength in accepting things in our life as they are.
Of course, wanting what we have doesn’t mean pretending that everything is “perfect” about our lives—let’s face it, that’s rarely the case for anyone. Also, it doesn’t stop us from aspiring to change or evolve our lives in a more positive way. Rather, it’s about accepting and surrendering to the current circumstances of our lives with a greater sense of gratitude. When we make peace with our life as it is, we give ourselves a greater ability to move forward.
How To Want What You Have
Here are some specific questions to ask yourself when you’re dealing with the more challenging aspects of your life (also known as the stuff you don’t want):
- Is there good in this situation that I’m not able to see at the moment?
- What can I learn from this situation?
- Why is this happening for (not to) me?
- What would it look like if I surrendered myself to my reality rather than fighting against it?
- What aspect(s) of myself can I appreciate more deeply?
By asking and answering these questions (and others like it), you’ll give yourself an opportunity to look more deeply at some of the challenges in your life. Hopefully, you’ll be able to realize that while these things may be challenging, they can also instigate growth and expansion, rather than just pain and suffering.
The vast majority of us are looking to find peace and joy within our lives, our work, and our relationships. However, it’s important to remember that we don’t find fulfillment from life itself. Rather, these feelings come from our ability to accept, appreciate, and celebrate the things that we already have.
Ultimately, when we focus more of our attention on wanting what we already have, and less of our attention on wanting what we don’t yet have, we come closer to living the life we truly want.
Do you want what you have? Where would focusing more on wanting what you have make a positive impact on your life? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.
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In recent years many of us have an increased awareness of the relationship between humans and our planet. Whether it comes to driving electric or hybrid vehicles, recycling more, buying environmentally-friendly products, or letting our business and political leaders know how we feel, there are lots of things we can do, both big and small, to have a positive impact.
Amidst this increased awareness about the environment over the years, I’ve also thought about the impact of our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.
What Are Personal And Emotional Emissions?
When we talk about our personal and emotional emissions, we’re talking about the “vibes” we send out into the world around us.
For example, when we’re feeling down, we’re more likely to “emit” those toxic fumes back into our environment. Our negative and unexpressed emotions have the potential to “pollute” our collective consciousness, which impacts our relationships, our families, our work environment, and society at large.
At the same time, the opposite is true. Authentically positive energy has the potential to lift our hopes, raise the spirits of those around us, and make the environment around us a little bit better.
How Can I Have A Positive Impact On My Environment?
Thirty years ago, a much smaller percentage of us thought that how much we drove, what kinds of products we used, or where we put our waste made all that much difference. Now, thankfully, we know better, and we’re able to change how we operate – both personally and collectively.
The same is true when it comes to our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. When we each do our part to be aware, heal, and let go of the toxic stuff within us, we become a catalyst for positive change. Even better, we can help clean up the overall emotional and energetic environment in which we operate.
To be clear, I’m not saying that we have to be happy all the time. We all have ups and downs, which is part of life. What I am suggesting, however, is that we increase our awareness of our internal state, so that we can take responsibility for the impact it has on our lives and the people around us. Doing this can be a catalyst for positive change for us, others, and the environment in our homes, workplaces, and communities.
How do you try to bring a positive impact to your personal environment? Do you have any examples of times when your thoughts and feelings had an impact on the people around you, for good and for bad? If so, let us know in the comments below.
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Your Feelings Matter
Be Real About How You Feel
Make Peace with Your Body and Appearance
Love Your Body, Love Your Life
Finding it difficult to stay positive these days?
You’re not alone. For many people, myself included, the stress of life today and all we’ve been through in recent years, makes it all too easy to fall back into a “doom and gloom” outlook on the world around us. Unfortunately, that negativity doesn’t only harm ourselves—but it has an impact on our our families, our relationships, our teams, our companies, and our communities, too.
Given all that is going and that we have to contend with on a daily basis these days, how can we stay positive in a genuine way? While there’s no quick fix or magic formula, there are three things I believe we can do to help us stay positive in our most difficult moments.
#1 – Be Honest
Whenever we’re facing challenges, obstacles, or difficult circumstances, it’s important for us to be honest about how we truly feel. The most common feelings that we experience at these times are anger, fear, and shame. We feel angry that something bad has happened, and we feel afraid that the circumstances may remain challenging or even get worse. We can also feel ashamed that we’ve ended up in the situation in the first place.
Needless to say, these emotions are ones we often don’t like to admit, feel, or express. However, like all emotions, when we acknowledge them, own them, and express them they have a way of dissipating. In the process, we can free ourselves from their negative impact, so we can retain a more positive outlook on the world around us.
#2 – Be Conscious
In order to stay positive, it’s important for us to be conscious of what we’re thinking, feeling, and saying in the given moment. Without judgment, see if you can be aware of everything that is going on within you and how you’re reacting to what’s happening.
In the midst of stress and adversity, we have a tendency to think, say, and do things that don’t actually make the situation better. In some cases, those actions make things a whole lot worse. Think about it: we complain, we worry, we speak negatively about life, others, and ourselves. Maybe we binge watch shows, scroll for hours on our phone, overeat, drink too much, or we do various other things that don’t serve us.
Ultimately, the more conscious we can be about our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions, the more likely we’ll be able to stay positive. More importantly, when we’re mindful, we’re better able to learn and grow from whatever adversity we may be facing.
#3 – Be Grateful
It may seem counter-intuitive to be grateful in the face of challenges However, these moments are usually the most important times to focus on what we appreciate about ourselves, others, and life in general.
When things don’t go the way we want them to, we can stay positive by taking inventory of the good stuff in our lives. Adversity can remind us that while things may be tough, we have so many blessings. Think about your health, your job, your home, and all the people who love you.
We may even find that there are things we can appreciate about adversity. For example, we may realize we’re stronger than we thought we were or we have more support around us than we fully appreciated. Difficulties can also teach us some important lessons about ourselves and life.
Take some time right now to think about some of the things that fill you with gratitude. It’s common to not pay much attention to these things as we rush through our lives, so don’t be afraid to use difficult moments as an opportunity to reflect, even if it may be hard to do so. There is always a lot for us to be grateful for, as long as we choose to pay attention to it.
Stay Positive: Remember, This Too Shall Pass
It’s important to take the time to recognize the impact that our difficulties have on us. We don’t want to minimize or trivialize challenges. At the same time, though, we don’t want to let these difficulties hold us back from living our lives.
It’s possible for us to remain open, optimistic, and positive in the face of any and all difficulty and uncertainty. This doesn’t mean we have to be superhuman, or that we aren’t allowed to feel anything less than happy. It does mean, however, that we choose to be honest, conscious, and grateful in the midst of what’s going on. And, if we choose to do so, we can have this be a time of reflection, rejuvenation, and transformation for us and those around us.
Be kind to yourself as you make your way through this process and see if you can be present in as many moments as possible. And, when in doubt, remember that this too shall pass.
How do you stay positive? Share your thoughts, tips, and examples in the comments below!
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Would you like to be more effective at appreciating people around you?
Think about someone who’s shown you an act of kindness. What did they do or say that made you feel appreciated?
It can be as simple as a smile or a thank you, or, more significantly, lending a hand on a project or offering a shoulder to cry on.
No matter how big or small the act of appreciation is, we usually don’t forget the gesture and the impact.
I’ve been researching, writing, and speaking about appreciation for almost twenty-five years. One of the most important things I have learned is the distinction between recognition and appreciation.
The Power of Appreciation: Recognition vs. Appreciation
Recognition refers to the way we reward the actions of those around us. It’s important, since most of us like to be recognized, especially at work. We often get upset when we don’t get recognized, especially when we think we deserve it.
As important as recognition is, it’s also limited for a few reasons. First, recognition is always based on past actions, so it’s pretty limited in terms of anticipating the future. Plus, people can react to recognition in different ways, meaning that it can motivate them in different ways, too.
Perhaps the biggest issue with recognition is the fact that it focuses more on outcomes than people.
On the other hand, appreciation is about recognizing the inherent value of people. It’s about who people are, and less about what they have done or are doing. For example, a performance award is a type of recognition that’s based on a result which has to be earned. While there is nothing wrong with this, it’s inherently conditional.
Appreciation is not based on an outcome—you can tell someone that you’re grateful for them, let them know why you care about them, or acknowledge the value they bring, regardless of their performance.
If we want to ensure that the people around us feel cared about, we must acknowledge who they are as human beings rather than focusing solely on their accomplishments. In fact, sometimes, the most important time to appreciate someone is after they’ve failed or made a mistake. While we can’t always recognize the outcome, we can almost always acknowledge the effort and courage that it often takes to act.
Becoming a master at the art of appreciating others is about simultaneously recognizing the great things that people do, as well as proactively acknowledging them for who they are, the valuable qualities they have, and how they positively impact us and others by being who they are.
Appreciation in Action
Think of three people in your life who you interact with on a regular basis. What do you appreciate about each of them? Remember that it’s not about what they’ve done or accomplished, but who they are as people. It could be their attitude, commitment, friendship, humor, honesty, passion, wisdom, humility, kindness, joy, curiosity or many other qualities. As you think about each of these people, reflect on the ways they have positively impacted you and those around you.
Once you’ve had a chance to think about what you appreciate about these important people – reach out to them by phone or text to let them know. While it might feel a bit vulnerable for you and/or for them, if you share your appreciation with them genuinely, not only will it most likely touch and inspire them, it may also have a positive impact on you, your relationship with them, and any group or team you might be a part of with them. Have fun with it and be as generous, authentic, and courageous as possible.
Do you have thoughts on appreciation? Share them in the comments below. And if you enjoyed this blog post, here are three more to check out:
Apologize Authentically
Resolving Conflict
Expand your Capacity for Trust