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A few months ago, I had a chance to see the wonderful musical Anastasia on Broadway.  I was on a business trip to New York City and brought our ten-year-old daughter Rosie with me.  We got tickets at the last minute, and they happened to be in the front row, which was a new and unique experience for both of us.  Because of where we were sitting and the design of the set, not only were we able to see the actors up-close, we could also see down into the orchestra pit, which was cool.

As enthralled as I was with the story and watching the performance on the stage, I was also incredibly impressed by the talent, coordination, and synchronicity of the conductor and the musicians.  Of course, I’d been aware of the music at previous shows I’ve seen, but sitting where we were that night had me realize how vitally important these musicians are to the overall production, even though I’d never taken the time to fully appreciate it until that moment.

If you’ve ever attended a play, sporting event, or concert, chances are you paid primary attention to the people on the stage or field, but not as much to all the people behind the scenes working to pull off what made the event so fantastic.

The Difference Between Your “Job” and Your “Role”

Whether it’s an organization of three people or a group of 3,000, teams thrive when everyone does their part and every role (and person) is valued and appreciated.

When most of people think about their “job,” they think of what they do—engineering, sales, project management, marketing, human resources, operations, design, finance, and so forth. While these descriptions may encapsulate what you do and the title you hold, they’re not actually your job. If you’re part of a team, you have a specific role, which is what you do.  However, your job is to help fulfill the goals, mission, and purpose of the team and, ultimately, the company.

In other words, you’re there to do whatever you can to help the team win. The challenge with this is that most people take pride in their role and they want to do it really well, which is great. However, when you put your role (what you do specifically) over your job (helping the team win), things can get murky—your personal goals become more important than the goals of the organization.

It takes commitment and courage, but teams and organizations made up of people who understand this simple but important distinction—who realize that everyone on the team has essentially the same job but different roles—have the ability to perform at the highest level and with the most collaborative environment.

At that Broadway musical a few months ago, the actors on the stage, especially the lead actors, got much of the attention from me, Rosie, and those of us in the audience that night.  However, without the musicians, the set and costume designers, the lighting and technical experts, the stage manager, the ushers, the marketing team who promoted the show, the ticket takers at the door, and so many other people, that show could not have happened and we would not have been in the audience.

Remembering that every role and every person on the team is vital to the overall success of the team is a simple, yet important thing to remember.  And, operating this way can help your team and organization succeed at the highest level.

Negativity can be the downfall of even the most talented teams.  Over the past 18 years as a consultant, I’ve worked with many organizations that had great people, quality products or services, and innovative ideas, but the environment in which they worked was filled with so much negativity, they weren’t able to reach their full potential.

Creating a positive work environment is not simply something that feels good, it’s a key driver in the success and performance of the individuals and teams that make up the organization.

If you think of the most enjoyable work experiences you’ve had, and the most successful teams you’ve been a part of in your life, you’ll probably notice that the environment in which you worked was positive.

In the video below, I share these five specific tips for how to create a positive work environment:

1. Stop Complaining
2. Listen to Each Other
3. Stop Gossiping
4. Have Fun Together
5. Appreciate One Another

I give examples and tips about each of these ideas in the video.  Feel free to check it out, share it with others, and integrate these principles with your team to create the most positive work environment possible.

Trust is vital to the success of a team and to the health of the culture.  When teams trust one another, they can create a sense of psychological safety, which means the group is safe enough for people to take risks, speak up, make mistakes, resolve conflicts, and be themselves – knowing that they won’t be ridiculed, shamed, or kicked out for any of these things.

In order to build deeper trust, connection, and psychological safety, it’s important for teams to take time, even in the midst of their tasks, challenges, and goals, to focus on their relationships with one another and the dynamics of their group.  Over the past eighteen years since I started my consulting company, I’ve delivered and facilitated hundreds of team building programs for our diverse clients – companies of various sizes and in all types of industries (technology, finance, retail, healthcare, education, government, non-profit, and more).

I’ve learned the hard way that there are lots of ineffective team building activities that can be boring, cheesy, and a waste of time.  However, there are some specific team building activities that can be really useful and valuable, which not only bring the team closer together, but create the conditions for them to perform at the highest level.

In this video, I share three team building activities that I’ve used successfully with our clients to enhance their trust, connection, and performance.  Feel free to check out this video and see how you can use these activities at your next meeting, offsite, or team gathering.

Self-righteousness is dangerous and damaging to our relationships, our teams, and our ability to communicate and collaborate.  Removing our self-righteousness is a challenging but important thing for us to do as leaders, people, and those who want to positively influence and impact others.

This does not mean watering down our opinions or decreasing our passion. Believing strongly in our opinions, as well as in our values and beliefs about life, work, and everything else, is important. However, understanding the difference between conviction and self-righteousness is essential.

When we’re coming from a place of conviction about something, we believe it to be true, we think it’s “right,” and we’re often willing to speak up about it, to defend our position, and to engage in healthy dialogue or debate about it. But we must also have enough humility, awareness, and maturity to consider we might be wrong—or that, at the very least, there may be other ways to look at it, even if we can’t see or understand them. We’ve all had experiences when we were convinced we were 100 percent right about something, only to realize we were wrong. As humbling as this can be, keeping it in mind can help keep us from crossing the line over to self-righteousness and give us the perspective to stay in a place of healthy conviction.

When we do cross over into self-righteousness, we’re no longer interested in hearing what anyone else has to say if they disagree with us or have a different perspective. We’re right and anyone and everyone who doesn’t see it our way is wrong.

Look at the tenor of the political discourse in our country and our world right now. Many of us, myself included, have very strong political opinions, and there are serious issues that divide us. Instead of engaging in healthy and productive debates about these things, there is so much intense self-righteousness we seem unable even to listen to one another, which is almost as scary and dangerous as any of the specific issues or challenges we’re facing. We end up demonizing people who don’t agree with us, refusing to talk or listen to them—or, when we do, we make our case in such a self-righteous way that we create more separation and disconnection. Turn on cable news, or read the comments section of many news websites or blogs, and you’ll see the intensity of self-righteousness playing out right in front of you.

And this doesn’t happen just with politics; it happens right in our own lives, families, and work environments. We separate ourselves from those who don’t think like we do or hold the same ideas, opinions, or beliefs. At work our self-righteousness leads to disconnection, unresolved conflicts, and factions within teams and organizations. Lines get drawn between departments, offices, regions, and levels within the company, making it more difficult to make decisions, collaborate, and get things done.

At an event a few years ago, I delivered a keynote address on authentic leadership in which I spoke about, among other things, the damage self-righteousness can cause. Afterward, a man approached me and said, “Hey Mike, thanks for your speech. I got a lot out of it.” He reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Dan.”

“Thanks, Dan,” I said, shaking his hand.

“I know your talk this morning was about leadership,” he said, “and while I was thinking about my team and how I lead, I couldn’t help but think about my mom, especially when you were talking about self-righteousness.”

“What specifically made you think about your mom?” I asked.

“Well,” Dan said, “my dad died a few years ago, and my mom’s getting older. I’m the oldest of four. We all agree that she should sell her house and move into a condo. Doing this would definitely make her life easier, and ours as well—since we’re constantly having to help her with so many things around the house that she’s getting too old to take care of, or that my dad managed when he was around. But she can be so stubborn. It’s hard to get through to her. My siblings have all stopped trying, but not me. I try to talk to her about it, but we end up fighting, which drives me crazy. It never occurred to me until today that maybe one of the reasons that she doesn’t listen to me is because I’m so incredibly self-righteous with her.”

I could see that Dan was starting to get emotional as he talked about his mother and their situation. I said, “I’m sorry to hear about your father’s death. I know every situation is unique. But both my mom and dad have passed away, so I do have some understanding of the emotional and practical challenges involved with losing a parent. I can tell how much you love your mom. You wouldn’t have come up to talk to me about her and this situation if you didn’t love her so much.” I paused before asking, “How do you really feel?”

“How do I really feel about what?” asked Dan.

“About everything going on with you, your mom, and your family?” I asked.

“Well,” he said, “I guess I feel scared.”

“What do you feel scared about?”

“My dad took care of her and of so many things. Even though I have a family of my own and have a lot of responsibility at work, I’m not used to taking care of my mom like this. I worry about her—worry that it will continue to get harder as she gets older. And I just want to do what’s best.”

“That all makes sense to me,” I said. “Have you had this conversation with your mom?”

“No, not specifically.”

“It’s up to you, of course, but you might want to let her know how you really feel. I bet she would hear you and understand,” I said. “The natural human response to self-righteousness is defensiveness. Your mom is just defending and protecting herself, which is what we almost always do when we feel self-righteousness coming at us. Being self-righteous doesn’t make you a bad son or a bad person; it just means you’re human. You could apologize to her for it. And I bet you have some good ideas and suggestions that might help her and her situation. If you can let go of your self-righteousness, she might actually be able to hear some of them.”

Like Dan, most of us can be self-righteous at times, and we often aren’t aware of it because we’re so focused on being right. It takes quite a bit of self-awareness to notice our self-righteousness, and it takes willingness and maturity to let it go, or to at least look at things from a different perspective. It can also be helpful to have people around us whom we trust to point out when we’re being self-righteous but may not be aware of it.

If we want to connect with those around us in an authentic way, and create an environment of openness, trust, and collaboration, we must be willing to recognize, own, and remove our self-righteousness.

 

How does self-righteousness show up in your work and your life?  What can you do to remove it in service of your relationships, communication, and collaboration?

Portions of this article are excerpted from Bring Your Whole Self to Work, by Mike Robbins, with permission.  Published by Hay House (May 2018) and available online or in bookstores.

When we stop hiding our true selves and become vulnerable, our work environment is more enjoyable—and productive—for all.

Have you ever wanted to speak up about an issue or situation at work, but were afraid to? Or wanted to share something about yourself, but worried people might judge you? Or pretended to understand something professionally that you really didn’t? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know, you could easily answer yes to some of these questions.

However, to truly succeed in today’s business world, we must be willing to bring our whole selves to the work that we do. This means showing up authentically, leading with humility, and remembering that we’re all vulnerable, imperfect human beings doing the best we can. It’s also about having the courage to take risks, speak up, ask for help, and connect with others in a genuine way, allowing ourselves to be seen.

Of course, it’s not always easy to show up this way, especially at work, for a variety of reasons—our roles and personal background, the cultural norms of where we work, previous experiences, and more. And we may fear that there will be repercussions from employees or coworkers if we don’t fall into line or appear infallible.

In my new book, Bring Your Whole Self to Work, I argue that—regardless of where you work, what kind of work you do, or with whom you work—it’s possible to show more of your true self and become more satisfied, effective, and free. And whether you’re a business owner, leader, or just someone who wants to have more influence, leading with authenticity allows you to impact your team’s culture so that they can be more authentic, too—which will unlock greater creativity, connection, and performance for your company.

Here are five specific things you can do to be more effective, successful, and engaged at work, while encouraging others to follow your lead.

1. Be authentic

The foundation of bringing your whole self to work is authenticity, which is about showing up honestly, without self-righteousness, and with vulnerability. I call this the Authenticity Equation: Honesty – Self-Righteousness + Vulnerability = Authenticity. It takes courage to be authentic, and it’s essential for trust, growth, and connection.

Some simple things we can do to be more authentic at work are admit when we don’t know something, acknowledge when we’ve made a mistake, or ask for help in a genuine way. All of these take courage and require us to embrace vulnerability and let go of our need to be right.

A recent study conducted by Mark Fotohabadi and Louise Kelly published in the Journal of General Management showed that more authentic leaders tend to engage in active, constructive conflict behaviors—things like widening the lens to consider alternate viewpoints, or admitting your part in creating conflict. In other words, being authentic is essential to resolving conflict at work in a productive and positive way.  It’s also been tied to less burnout, because it helps people deal more easily with jobs that involve a lot of emotional labor.

2. Utilize the power of appreciation

Showing appreciation is fundamental to building strong relationships, keeping negative things in perspective, and empowering teams. However, it is different from offering recognition. We often think of these things as the same, especially in professional settings; but recognition is based on results or performance—what people do or produce—while appreciation is about people’s inherent value or who they are.

Of course, we want to do what we can to effectively recognize successful outcomes like sales results, projects completed, or ideas implemented. But behind every success or failure is a living, breathing human being. Appreciation is about focusing on our gratitude for people’s effort, as well as the human qualities and characteristics they possess that we value—such as humility, kindness, or humor—regardless of the outcomes. It is something we can express at any time.

According to a survey conducted by Glassdoor, a job recruitment and employer review website, 53 percent of employees said they would stay longer at their company if they felt more appreciation from their boss, and 81 percent of employees said they were motivated to work harder when they felt appreciated. And research suggests that gratitude—a close cousin of appreciation—can really transform workplaces, bringing employees greater health benefits, happiness, and job satisfaction, and better relationships with coworkers.

3. Focus on emotional intelligence

Your emotional intelligence (EQ) is both about you (having self-awareness and being able to manage your emotions) and about how you relate to others (being socially aware and managing relationships). EQ is often more important for success than your professional skills, IQ, and experience, according to many experts. Some surveys find that employers value EQ as much or more than other job skills.

David Caruso of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence says, “It’s important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head—it is the unique intersection of both.” Research suggests that having greater EQ can help prevent job burnout and may improve performance on certain tasks.  One of the best ways to build our EQ is to cultivate a regular mindfulness practice. Whether it’s a specific form of meditation or simply using one of the new popular apps, taking some time to stop, breathe, and center ourselves on a regular basis allows us to be more self-aware and to manage our own emotions more effectively.  And mindfulness often leads to more compassion and understanding of others, which helps us successfully manage our relationships.

4. Embrace a growth mindset

Having a growth mindset means approaching your work and your life with an understanding that you can improve at anything if you’re willing to work hard, dedicate yourself, and practice. It’s about looking at everything you experience (even, indeed especially, your challenges) as opportunities for growth and learning.

Stanford professor Carol Dweck makes a distinction between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset (the belief that our talents are innate gifts that we’re either born with or not, and that can’t be changed). Through her research, Dweck found that employees with growth mindsets are 47 percent more likely to say their colleagues are trustworthy, 34 percent more likely to have a strong sense of commitment to their organization, and 65 percent more likely to say their organization supports risk-taking compared to their fixed-mindset peers.

Trying new things, especially those that scare us and push us out of our comfort zone, is a great way to practice having a growth mindset.

5. Create a championship team

The people you work with and the environment around you have a significant impact on your ability (or inability) to fully show up, engage, and thrive. At the same time, the more willing you are to bring your whole self to work, the more impact you can have on others. Creating a championship team is about building a culture that is conducive to people being themselves, caring about one another, and being willing and able to do great work together.

When these actions—speaking up, taking risks, and owning mistakes—are modeled and celebrated, especially by those in leadership positions, it allows the team and the environment to be as psychologically safe as possible.Google conducted an in-depth research project between 2012 and 2014 called Project Aristotle, aimed at determining the key factors that contribute to high-performing teams. It involved gathering and assessing data from 180 teams across the company, as well as looking at some of the most recent studies in the fields of organizational psychology and team effectiveness. According to the findings, the most significant element of team success is what’s known as psychological safety: a culture of trust where people feel safe to speak up, take risks, and know that they won’t be ridiculed for making mistakes or dissenting.

These concepts are fairly easy to understand on the surface. But like many important aspects of life, growth, and business, it’s not the understanding of them that makes the biggest difference; it’s their application.

And the application of these ideas takes real courage. The activities, relationships, and goals that matter most to us (both personally and professionally) are always going to involve vulnerability, which Dr. Brené Brown from the University of Houston defines as “emotional exposure, risk, and uncertainty.” But the good news is that, if you are willing to bring your whole self to work, you can expand the impact, influence, and success of your work and your life…and help others do the same.

This piece was originally published in the Greater Good Science Center.