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To truly succeed professionally and navigate the myriad of challenges we face these days, we must be willing to bring our whole selves to the work that we do.
This means showing up authentically, leading with humility, and remembering that we’re vulnerable, imperfect human beings doing the best we can. It’s also about having the courage to take risks, speak up, ask for help, allow ourselves to be seen, and connect with others in a genuine way – even on Zoom and as we navigate our way through this continual uncertain time.
Of course, it’s not always easy to show up this way, especially at work right now, for a variety of reasons—our roles and personal background, the cultural norms of where we work, previous experiences, working from home, managing our mental health, our level of privilege (or lack thereof), all the unknown that currently exists, and more.
In my book, Bring Your Whole Self to Work: How Vulnerability Unlocks Creativity, Connection, and Performance (which just came out in paperback), I argue that—regardless of where you work, what kind of work you do, or with whom you work—it’s possible to show more of your true self and become more satisfied, effective, and free.
And whether you’re a business owner, leader, or just someone who wants to have more influence, leading with authenticity allows you to impact your team’s culture so that they can be more authentic, too—which will unlock greater creativity, connection, and performance for your company, even and especially during stressful times.
Here are five specific things you can do to be more effective, successful, and engaged at work these days, while encouraging others to follow your lead.
- Be authentic
The foundation of bringing your whole self to work is authenticity, which is about showing up honestly, without self-righteousness, and with vulnerability. I call this the Authenticity Equation: Honesty – Self-Righteousness + Vulnerability = Authenticity. It takes courage to be authentic, and it’s essential for trust, growth, and connection.
Some simple things we can do to be more authentic are admit when we don’t know something, acknowledge when we’ve made a mistake, or ask for help in a genuine way. All of these take courage and require us to embrace vulnerability, as well as to let go of our need to look good and be right.
A study conducted by Mark Fotohabadi and Louise Kelly published in the Journal of General Management showed that more authentic leaders tend to engage in active, constructive conflict behaviors—things like widening the lens to consider alternate viewpoints, or admitting your part in creating conflict. In other words, being authentic is essential to resolving conflict at work in a productive and positive way. This has also been tied to less burnout, because it helps people deal more easily with jobs that involve a lot of emotional labor.
- Utilize the power of appreciation
Showing appreciation is fundamental to building strong relationships, keeping negative things in perspective, and empowering teams. However, it is different from offering recognition. We often think of these things as the same, especially in professional settings; but recognition is based on results or performance—what people do or produce—while appreciation is about people’s inherent value or who they are.
Of course, we want to do what we can to effectively recognize successful outcomes like sales results, projects completed, or ideas implemented. But behind every success or failure is a living, breathing human being. Appreciation is about focusing on our gratitude for people’s effort, as well as the human qualities and characteristics they possess that we value—such as humility, kindness, or humor—regardless of the outcomes. It is something we can express at any time.
According to a survey conducted by Glassdoor, a job recruitment and employer review website, 53 percent of employees said they would stay longer at their company if they felt more appreciation from their boss, and 81 percent of employees said they were motivated to work harder when they felt appreciated. And research suggests that gratitude—a close cousin of appreciation—can really transform workplaces, bringing employees greater health benefits, happiness, and job satisfaction, and better relationships with coworkers.
- Focus on emotional intelligence
Your emotional intelligence (EQ) is both about you (having self-awareness and being able to manage your emotions) and about how you relate to others (being socially aware and managing relationships). EQ is often more important for success than your professional skills, IQ, and experience, according to many experts. Some surveys find that employers value EQ as much or more than other job skills.
David Caruso of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence says, “It’s important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head—it is the unique intersection of both.” Research suggests that having greater EQ can help prevent job burnout and may improve performance on certain tasks.
One of the best ways to enhance our EQ is to cultivate a regular mindfulness practice. Whether it’s a specific form of meditation or simply using one of the popular apps, taking some time to stop, breathe, and center ourselves on a regular basis allows us to be more self-aware and to manage our own emotions more effectively, which is so important these days. And mindfulness often leads to more compassion and understanding of others, which helps us successfully manage our relationships.
- Embrace a growth mindset
Having a growth mindset means approaching your work and your life with an understanding that you can improve at anything if you’re willing to work hard, dedicate yourself, and practice. It’s about looking at everything you experience (even, indeed especially, your challenges) as opportunities for growth and learning.
Stanford professor Carol Dweck makes a distinction between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset (the belief that our talents are innate gifts that we’re either born with or not, and that can’t be changed). Through her research, professor Dweck found that employees with growth mindsets are 47 percent more likely to say their colleagues are trustworthy, 34 percent more likely to have a strong sense of commitment to their organization, and 65 percent more likely to say their organization supports risk-taking compared to their fixed-mindset peers.
Trying new things, especially those that scare us and push us out of our comfort zone, is a great way to practice having a growth mindset. And given all the changes and pivots we’ve been forced into over the past year and a half, growth mindset is essential for us to embrace right now.
- Create a championship team
The people you work with have a significant impact on your ability (or inability) to fully show up, engage, and thrive. At the same time, the more willing you are to bring your whole self to work, the more impact you can have on others. Creating a championship team is about building a culture that is conducive to people being themselves, caring about one another, and being willing and able to do great work together.
When these actions—speaking up, taking risks, and owning mistakes—are modeled and celebrated, especially by those in leadership positions, it allows the team and the environment to be as psychologically safe as possible.
Google conducted an in-depth research project a few years ago called Project Aristotle, aimed at determining the key factors that contribute to high-performing teams. It involved gathering and assessing data from 180 teams across the company, as well as looking at some of the most recent studies in the fields of organizational psychology and team effectiveness.
According to the findings, the most significant element of team success is what’s known as psychological safety: a culture of trust where people feel safe to speak up, take risks, and know that they won’t be ridiculed for making mistakes or dissenting.
These concepts are all pretty easy to understand on the surface. But like many important aspects of life, growth, and business, it’s not the understanding of them that makes the biggest difference; it’s their application. And while most of these are things that we’ve known for a long time to be both challenging to apply yet essential to success, these days they seem even more difficult and more important than ever.
The application of these ideas takes real courage, especially in the midst of all that is going on. And if you’re willing to bring your whole self to work right now, you can expand the impact, influence, and success of your work and your life…and help others do the same.
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I sometimes find it challenging to honor (and actually feel) my own emotions – especially if what I feel seems at odds with other people or my emotions don’t seem “appropriate” for the situation.
I’m not someone who tends to hold back from sharing my honest thoughts, opinions, and some feelings.
However, I have noticed that certain feelings can be challenging for me to feel and express, and sometimes I find myself worrying, for a variety of reasons, that my emotions aren’t as important as those of others.
It has been humbling to come to this realization about myself in recent years. But, it has also been incredibly liberating to see this pattern and to remind myself that my feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.
When You Honor Your Emotions, You Are True to Yourself
When we honor our emotions, it isn’t about being self-absorbed, arrogant, or better than anyone—it’s really about being true to ourselves, honest with how we feel and what we want, and willing to engage in authentic conversations with other people.
Feeling our feelings, authentically, is essential to our mental, emotional, and even physical well being.
So why can it be so challenging to truly feel our emotions? Some of the primary reasons for this are:
- We worry that people won’t like or approve of us
- We don’t authentically value ourselves or give ourselves permission to feel
- We’ve learned to put other people’s needs, desires, and feelings ahead of our own
- We’re not comfortable feeling and expressing certain emotions
- We don’t want to take up too much space and fear we might be considered “intense” or “high maintenance.”
- We have not learned healthy ways to feel and express our true emotions
- We worry that people will see us as selfish or overly emotional
When we don’t honor our emotions, we sell ourselves short in a painful and damaging way. By not being real, we can create unhealthy separation from the most important people in our lives, including ourselves..
How to Honor Your Emotions
Here are a few things you can do to enhance your capacity to honor and fee your own emotions in a healthy and productive way.
1. Be Real About How You Truly Feel
The first step of any process is always about being real with ourselves. The more willing we are to be honest about what we truly feel and want, the more ability we’ll have to honor ourselves and be authentic with others.
One way I get in touch with my feelings is through journaling. It’s not about justifying how we feel to anyone else; it’s about being real with ourselves and our emotions.
2. Stop Judging Yourself
One of the biggest things that can get in your way in life is self-judgment. Critical thoughts actually suppress your true feelings. Be real with yourself, honor what’s true for you…don’t judge it.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Because of our self-judgment, we sometimes don’t give ourselves permission to feel—especially certain emotions.
Remember: all human emotions have value and can benefit us if we’re willing to feel them in an authentic and healthy way.
To honor your emotions, you must give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. Doing so allows you to move through your emotions in ways that can serve you, your relationships, and your life.
4. Let Go of Your “Story”
We all have a story.
Many of us, myself included, feel attached to our “story.” We love all of the drama and details that make up the relationships, situations, and circumstances in our lives (both past and present).
Your life story is important, but you want to be careful not to get too caught up in it.
Where we have real power is in feeling our emotions authentically, not just talking about them, rationalizing them, or explaining them – but in simply feeling them.
Human emotions are not sustainable – especially if they are felt honestly. It only takes about a minute or two to feel and move through an emotion genuinely. However, when we attach an emotion to a story, we don’t allow ourselves to truly feel it and thus keep it stuck in place.
5. Get Emotional Support
As important as our emotions are to our lives, well-being, and relationships, sadly, we don’t get a lot of emotional training in life.
We may not have built-in, healthy emotional support mechanisms in our daily lives.
There are, however, many ways we can find or enhance our emotional support. The key is for us to utilize these consistently and authentically and make sure they are empowering us to honor ourselves and our emotional experiences in life.
It is so important to honor your emotions. By honoring your emotions, you can create inner peace, be true to yourself, and build better relationships.
What do you do to honor your emotions in a healthy way? What makes this challenging for you?
Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
This article was published on September 16, 2015, and has been updated for 2021.
Do you find it easier to talk about speaking your truth than actually doing it?
Speaking up and speaking your truth is an essential aspect of living a life of passion, fulfillment, and authenticity. However, we struggle to find ways to speak our truth for many of us, myself included.
Not too long ago, I was talking to a friend who told me a poignant and powerful story about speaking his truth. He was in a grocery store and saw a woman cruelly yelling at her kids.
He explained that he walked over to the woman and asked her to treat her children with kindness and love.
Bold, right?
The woman responded by telling him to stick it up his “you-know-what,” grabbed her kids, and rushed out of the store.
My friend explained that he didn’t know if he did the wrong thing. He was scared, upset, and emotional. But, he also said, “Mike, when I walked away, I noticed something interesting. I wasn’t blaming anyone. However, since I spoke up,
I was at peace and not wasting any time or energy blaming anyone. I have no idea if what I said impacted that woman, but I don’t have to live with her. I have to live with myself.”
By Speaking Your Truth, You Open the Door to Freedom
What if we dared to speak up like that in all areas of life – our work, our relationships, our family, with people in public, and in general?
Imagine the freedom and power we would possess! It’s not at all about getting in people’s faces and challenging them, although sometimes it might take that form.
An important distinction to remember is the difference between our “opinions” and our “truth.”
We all have opinions – but remember: our opinions are not facts.
Our opinions are filled with righteous judgment and an arrogant sense that we’re “right,” and those who disagree with us are “wrong.”
But our “truth” runs much deeper than any of our opinions.
Truth is About How We Feel
Truth is not about being right. Truth is about how we feel and what is real for us. It’s about expressing what we think and feel in an authentic, vulnerable, and transparent way.
We are all entitled to our own opinions.
For example, I might have an opinion that you are rude. I might even have evidence of things you did in the past that were rude. My truth about this, though, might be that I worry you will hurt my feelings, or I don’t like some of the things you do, which make me feel unsafe and uncomfortable around you.
When we let go of being “right” about our opinions and take responsibility for our experience, we can speak our truth from a much deeper and more authentic place.
Speaking this deeper truth will not only liberate us, but it has the potential to make a difference for others and bring us closer together with them.
How Do We Enhance and Deepen Our Capacity to Speak Our Truth With Kindness, Love, and Authenticity?
There are lots of things we can do to accomplish this – here are three to think about.
Stop Managing Other People’s Feelings
When we try to manage other people’s emotions, we use it as a cop-out not to speak our truth.
When we let go of taking care of others in a condescending way, it frees us and them up to have adult conversations, which sometimes can get a little sticky or tense when we’re speaking our truth.
Be Real, Not Right
I wrote a whole article about this – click here to read it.
When we focus on winning or being right, we no longer can access the deepest places within our hearts, which is where our real truth comes from.
When we let go of our attachment to the outcome of a conversation, what the other person thinks, and our erroneous obsession with always having to be right, we allow ourselves to get real.
Being vulnerable and transparent are the key elements of speaking your truth and not dominating the conversation and the person we’re talking to.
Practice
Like anything and everything else in life, the best way to get better, deepen our capacity, and grow is to practice.
Will you mess it up? Of course! Will you say the wrong things sometimes? Yes! Will people get upset, offended, or defensive at times? Absolutely. It is not about being perfect. It is about being yourself and speaking authentically.
Have empathy and compassion with yourself as you practice – this is not easy for most of us.
Remember that each situation is always new and different.
Speaking your truth is not always going to be easy – but it will be worth it.
Speaking up can be incredibly scary and challenging for us. Even if your legs shake, your voice quivers, or your heart races (all of which usually happen when we get real and vulnerable) – take a deep breath, dig down for the courage you have within you, and be willing to speak your truth.
When we do this, we can watch our relationships and lives literally transform.
Where in your life are you not speaking your truth, and what are you willing to do about that? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
How to Appreciate Your Body and Love Yourself
How to Embrace Disappointment and Learn From it
This article was published on September 15, 2009, and has been updated for 2021.
I am not a huge fan of disappointment.
When I disappoint someone or disappoint myself, it can often lead me to feeling sadness, anger, and even shame.
How do you feel about disappointment?
Recently, I’ve been quite disappointed by some important people in my life and, in turn, they’ve been disappointed (and annoyed) with me.
As I’ve been noticing my strong reaction to these situations, I realize how I spend time focusing on doing everything I can not disappoint others while at the same time protecting myself against being disappointed.
Can you relate to this?
Don’t Let Disappointment Set You Up For Failure.
When we focus on trying not to disappoint others or worrying that people will disappoint us, we set ourselves up for failure.
And, as I’ve seen recently, this makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to speak our truth, be ourselves, and live with authenticity and peace.
Disappointment can have all sorts of adverse effects but it can also be a positive thing.
It’s essential for us to be able to overcome our fear of disappointment and learn how we can use disappointment to our advantage. This way, we can embrace it and learn from every disappointing experience.
Why Not Embrace Disappointment?
What if we embraced disappointment instead of avoiding it?
Disappointment usually isn’t fun, but we don’t have to avoid it. It can actually teach us a great deal. It can play a significant role in our emotional development and can help us on the road to achieving our goals.
We will inevitably disappoint people, especially when we authentically live our lives. Speaking up, going for the things that are important to us, and being true to ourselves are all things that at times won’t align with others and, in some cases, may even upset them.
However, we can be mindful and aware of others and still be true to ourselves – these things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
Asking for what we want, counting on others, and trusting people – all of which are essential for healthy, fulfilling, and authentic relationships – make us vulnerable to being disappointed and even hurt by the people around us.
So what?
Disappointment is an Essential Part of Our Growth
Disappointment helps us grow, learn, and improve.
We end up getting more hurt and disappointed in the long run by withholding our desires and expectations. So we might as well live out loud and be honest about how we feel, what we want, and what’s important to us.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Dr. Suess
Disappointment, as uncomfortable and even painful as it can be for many of us, is essential on our journey of growth, self-discovery, and authenticity.
Being okay with disappointing others allows us the freedom to be ourselves in an authentic way. It also takes away the pressure and stress we often feel about always having to do, say, or be a certain way.
Letting go of our fear of being disappointed by other people gives us the ability to take more risks and ask for what we truly want.
When we embrace disappointment, we create a sense of liberation and space that frees us up to be who we are and let go of our attachment and obsession with other people’s opinions. Of course, doing this isn’t always easy, but it can be transformational.
The Benefits of Disappointment
It makes you grateful.
When you experience disappointment, it can help make you feel more grateful for what you have. Whether you disappoint someone or someone disappoints you, it helps you better understand and appreciate the things you have in life, the people who have your back, and the fact that you can overcome anything.
It helps you learn.
When you experience disappointment, it can be a great way to learn a valuable lesson. In addition, you can use the experience as a guide to help you deal with similar situations in the future.
It motivates you.
Once you overcome feeling disappointment, it can help motivate you to grow and learn from your mistakes.
It makes you more resilient.
Resilience helps us recover and move on from difficulties, face challenges, and grow stronger each time we experience stress or pressure. When we go through a disappointment, it helps us grow, adapt, and make goals to become better in the future.
How to Embrace Disappointment
Here are a few things you can consider and do to expand your ability to embrace disappointment:
Take inventory of your life and relationships.
Take an honest look at some of the most important relationships and activities in your life. How many of your actions, thoughts, conversations, and more (or lack thereof) have to do with your avoidance of disappointing others or being disappointed?
Be honest and take responsibility.
As you notice areas, situations, and people in your life where fear of disappointment is present, see if you can tell the truth about it in a vulnerable way to the people involved. For example, you may say to a friend, “I want to ask you for this favor, but I’m a little scared to do so because I’m worried you will say ‘no’ which might disappoint me” (or something to that effect). Take responsibility for how you feel and remember that your issue with disappointment is all about you, not them.
Practice saying “no.”
Saying no is a great practice, especially for those of us “people pleasers” who find ourselves saying “yes” to stuff we don’t want to do. While there is an astonishing amount of value in being someone willing to say “yes” in life, there is also a great deal of power in owning our “no” as well. See if you can practice saying “no” to people, even if it’s scary or uncomfortable. Be authentic and vulnerable about it – with yourself and others. And see if you can expand your capacity to decline requests of things you don’t want to do and make peace with yourself about it.
Be Kind to Yourself
As you delve into this, be kind to yourself. Showing yourself kindness is a big one for me and so many people I know and work with.
We all want to be loved, valued, and appreciated in our lives. And, most of us have had painful experiences of disappointment in the past, which have profoundly impacted us. However, if we can alter our relationship to disappointment – we can grow stronger and transform our lives and relationships in a beautiful way!
Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more on my blog below.
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
Do You Have Healthy Boundaries?
Prioritizing Our Mental Health
Get Back Up When You Fall Down: How to Overcome Failure
This article was published on August 10, 2009, and has been updated for 2021.
Do you have healthy boundaries?
Boundaries weren’t something I spent much time thinking about for many years. I used to relate to the concept of boundaries negatively, but actually, boundaries are not only positive; they are essential for healthy relationships, families, teams, and communities.
Of course, I’ve known that boundaries are important, especially in the context of parenting, communication, work, and more. Still, the idea of having clear and specific boundaries had sometimes seemed limiting or restrictive to me and definitely challenging.
In the past few years, however, my lack of healthy boundaries has caused some real pain and challenge in my life and business in a way that has forced me to stop and pay more attention to them.
What Are Healthy Boundaries?
Boundaries are clear guidelines that we create to let people know what works and doesn’t work for us. They also communicate what we need, want, and expect from others and create accountability for us and those around us.
A few years ago, during a session I had with my counselor, Eleanor, she said to me, “Mike, you don’t have healthy boundaries! You may not even know what healthy boundaries are.”
“What do you mean?” I asked somewhat defensively.
“Well,” she said, “having healthy boundaries is about you setting up your life, your relationships, your work, and all the things that you do in a way that works for you authentically.” She continued, “When boundaries are healthy, they aren’t fixed, etched in stone, or filled with self-righteousness. They are, however, clear and clean.”
I’d been talking to Eleanor during that session about a few specific people who were upsetting me and a couple of situations that were difficult and painful.
“What happens to you,” she said, “is that you’re not clear, clean, and straightforward with people about what you want, what works or doesn’t work for you, or when you get upset. Then,” she continued, “at some point, you get angry enough to speak up, and when you do, you do so with a great deal of self-righteousness and judgment, which pushes them away and makes the boundary fixed and rigid, like the state line between California and Nevada.”
As I sat there and listened to Eleanor’s feedback, it hit me like a ton of bricks. “You’re right,” I said, “that’s what I do. It not only doesn’t feel good, but it also doesn’t work.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she said, “however, you’re not alone – many people do this. Creating healthy boundaries isn’t easy, but it’s so important.” She went on to say, “Mike, you, like lots of people, have a fairly immature perspective about boundaries. The cleaner you are with your boundaries, the easier it will be for you to negotiate them and also to operate with power, clarity, and integrity in all aspects of your life.”
Boundaries Impact Relationships and Other Important Areas in Your Life
As it often is, Eleanor’s feedback was a bit hard to hear but so valuable. What she said had a real impact on me and made me take a deeper look at how I operate in my life as a husband, father, friend, leader, colleague, client, author, speaker, coach, and more, in regards to boundaries. It’s both illuminating and humbling to see the impact of my lack of healthy boundaries in various important relationships and areas in my life.
What Happens If You Don’t Create Healthy Boundaries?
When you don’t set boundaries, it gives others the chance to do harmful and upsetting things towards you, even if these things aren’t done intentionally or with malice. In addition, it means that you will likely spend a lot of time and energy doing what others want you to do over what you want to do, which in the long term can lead to unfulfillment, frustration, and resentment.
What I’ve noticed is that when I don’t create clear and healthy boundaries with certain people or in particular situations, it’s often because of fear. I’m sometimes afraid to speak up and say what I want/don’t want or what works/doesn’t work for me. I find myself trying to navigate my life and relationships in such a way that I won’t offend or upset people while at the same time attempting to get what I want and have people like me. Maybe you can relate to this in some way?
When we don’t set boundaries, not only does it set us up for difficulty and failure, but it also sabotages our desire for healthy, strong, and authentic connections with other people.
How to Create Healthy Boundaries
Here are some things we can do or think about to create healthy boundaries in our lives:
1) Take inventory of your boundaries.
Take an honest look at your boundaries (or, at times, lack thereof) and how you relate to boundaries in general. How clean, clear, and healthy are your boundaries?
2) Avoid Resistance
Maybe you have some resistance to setting boundaries, as I did for a long time (and am still working through). You may think of boundaries in a negative or restrictive way like I did. Or, you might be on the opposite end of the spectrum with lots of specific, fixed, and rigid boundaries, without much flexibility or potential movement.
3) Be Honest With Yourself
Healthy boundaries aren’t fixed and unconscious – they are clear and intentional, but not nailed in place. The more honest you can be with yourself about the health of your boundaries and your overall relationship to boundaries, the more effective you’ll be in making positive changes in your life, your relationships, your teams, and your work.
4) Ask Yourself, “Is This Working For Me?”
It’s important to ask ourselves how things work for us in the most important relationships and situations in our lives. If something isn’t working for us (we feel upset, offended, disappointed, disconnected, confused, irritated, taken advantage of, or misunderstood), it’s likely that our boundaries aren’t clean or healthy in that specific situation or relationship.
We may or may not know what to do or say about it, but identifying what’s not working for us and taking responsibility for it is an essential step in the process of creating positive and sustainable change.
5) Get Clear About Your Boundaries
It’s also essential that we clarify what our boundaries are (i.e., what works for us and what doesn’t), which can sometimes be easy and sometimes difficult, depending on various factors. However, once we’re clear, the more challenging aspect of this often involves communicating this to others.
6) Have the Courage to Communicate Your Boundaries
It takes courage to communicate our boundaries honestly, but it can be so liberating and empowering when we do. It’s important to communicate with humility and vulnerability, which can be scary, especially in specific situations and relationships. One of the most critical things for us to remember is to remove our self-righteousness from our communication. Our boundaries are not Right with a capital “R.” They’re just true for us. And, they may change, which is what often happens with authentic and healthy boundaries as we grow and evolve.
Examples of Boundaries
- Communicating your physical needs
- Physical space
- Handling negative energy
- Having the right to your time
- Accepting help
- Expecting respect
- Expressing how you feel
- Asking for what you want
- Having an identity outside of a role or relationship
- Communicating discomfort
- Standing up for yourself
The cleaner and healthier we are with our boundaries, the more power and freedom we’ll have in our lives, our relationships, our work, and all the things that are most important to us. Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more on my blog below.
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.
Liked this post? Here are three more!
Life is Not a Competition
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
The Power of Gratitude
This article was published on September 18, 2013, and has been updated for 2021.
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