Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

Archives for February 2023

Be, Do, Have

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I learned about the powerful concept of Be, Do, Have several years ago.

Most of us think we need to have a certain things (more money, love, time, experience, etc.), so that we can finally do what we truly want to do (go for a promotion, pursue our passion, start a business, go on vacation, create a relationship, buy a home, etc.), in order to be what we truly want to be (peaceful, successful, fulfilled, inspired, generous, in love, etc.). In actuality, it works the other way around.

When we focus on being what we want (joyful, confident, abundant, accomplished, and more), we can start doing things from this powerful state of being – and soon we discover that what we’re doing winds up bringing us the things we’ve always wanted to have.

Whether or not this concept is new to you and even if on the surface it may seem either counter-intuitive or confusing (or both), it’s actually life-altering when we really get it and practice it in our lives.  

I have personally experienced the profound impact of living in alignment with this Be, Do, Have paradigm – although sometimes I forget, don’t trust it, or simply assume it can’t really work like this.

Over the past few years while dealing with lots of challenges and uncertainty, I’ve seen myself fall into a familiar, but unhealthy pattern.  Sometimes when I get stressed or anxious, I go unconscious, hunker down, and try to grind things out – assuming that if I just work harder, make things happen, and get on top of my long to-do list, everything will work out.  This usually doesn’t work so well, and it can be exhausting.

In addition, in the midst of my hustling and fear, the cynic in me comes out and says, “All of this psychobabble is meaningless – it’s really all about discipline, focus, and luck.”  

Maybe you relate to this?

Well, as I’ve learned throughout my life, being cynical and resigned (two states of being I’m not a huge fan of but seem to have quite a bit of experience with), doesn’t usually help us manifest our dreams or live in a state of fulfillment, gratitude, or peace.

Making our most important goals happen is supposed to be hard, painful, and dramatic, right?  Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be.

Living in alignment with the principle of Be, Do, Have

What if we were able to live in alignment with this powerful principle of Be, Do, Have more of the time?  What if we remembered that we have the capacity to experience any state of being at any time – not just when things work out perfectly or we achieve exactly what we’re after.  

There’s nothing wrong with us pursuing our dreams with passion.  However, when we erroneously think that the accomplishment of any particular goal will give us what we truly want to have in life, we delude ourselves and set ourselves up for failure, disappointment, and pain.

Remembering to focus on how we truly want to be creates the context for how we think, feel, and act (some of the key raw materials for how we ultimately create our reality) which gives us access to what we’re really after.  

We don’t have to suffer and struggle as much as we do, we actually have the capacity to live our life with a true sense of elegance (the deeper meaning of this word is not about the appearance of something but is about being able to put forth a small amount of focused effort, and manifest an abundant result).

How to remember and practice being who we want to be

Here are a few things we can do to practice being who and how we want to be in life.

1. Think of one of your biggest goals right now. 

What is it that you think the accomplishment of this goal will bring you (i.e. fulfillment, joy, abundance, peace, success, freedom, etc.)

2. Start embodying the state of being that you assume will come from the accomplishment of this goal now.  

For example, you may start being joyful.  It’s not about “faking it,” it’s about authentically embodying the desired state of being you truly want in your life.

3. From this state of being, think and talk about the kinds of specific actions you might want to take.  

Allow yourself to sit with this for a while, don’t be in too much of a hurry.  If you really give yourself permission to come from this empowered state of being, the actions will start to show up with ease and your ability to both take them and allow them to work will increase exponentially.

4. Have fun with this, get support, and know that you will probably trip and fall along the way.  

As we’ve all heard many times, but it is important to reiterate here, we are human beings, not human doings.  When we remember this, our life can really take off in a profound and fulfilling way.

 

Feel free to leave a comment, question, or response to this post in the comments section.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.   

 

Liked this article? Here are three more!

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This article was originally published in October 2009 and updated for 2023.

 

Love Yourself, and the Rest Will Follow

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How do you feel about self-love?  

More importantly, how well do you love yourself?  

For most of us, loving ourselves is something we may know is important, but often have difficulty actually feeling, expressing, and embodying.

I’ve spent much of my life – as a student, an athlete, in business, in relationships, and in general – struggling with worthiness and perfectionism. Most people I know and work with have some version of “I’m not good enough” that negatively impacts their life, their work, and their relationships.

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day and think about the important people in our lives whom we love (or the fact that we wish we had more love in our lives), much of our focus tends to be outward and not inward.

Love Yourself, and the Rest Will Follow

Self-love is what we’re often searching for – in our work, our relationships, and our lives. Sadly, we spend most of our time thinking that someone or something else can give us what only we can give ourselves. 

To be truly fulfilled, we have to find the love within us and give it to ourselves. 

No other person, material possession, or accomplishment can do it. It’s up to us.

One of the best gifts we can give to the people around us is to love ourselves in a genuine way. As my mom used to say to me when I was young, “You can’t love anyone else, until you love yourself.”  She was right, but this is often much easier said than done.

How to Deepen Your Capacity for Loving Yourself

Here are a few things to think about and practice as you deepen your capacity for loving yourself:

1) Notice your relationship to self love

How do you feel about self-love and self-care? How comfortable are you with these important things and what resistance do you have to loving and caring for yourself? 

Being honest about your own relationship to self-love is the first step in altering it. Many of us have not been encouraged or taught to love ourselves. We have also not seen many healthy models of self-love around us. 

We’re often much better at being hard on ourselves than we are at being kind and loving towards ourselves. Based on these and other factors, self-love can be a bit tricky. Once we tell the truth about how we relate to self-love, we can start to expand our ability to love ourselves in a more real way.

2) Let go of your conditions. 

When it comes to loving ourselves, if we even put much attention on it, we often do so in a very conditional way. We love ourselves only when we do “good” things, “succeed” in specific ways, or take care of ourselves in ways we deem important.  

While there’s nothing wrong with us feeling good about ourselves in relation to these and other positive things, truly loving ourselves is an unconditional process – which means accepting, appreciating, and celebrating all of who we are, both light and dark. 

By letting go of our conditions and loving ourselves unconditionally, – like the way we often love babies, animals, or others we have little or no specific expectations of – we can start to deepen our authentic love for ourselves.

3) Start practicing, right now.

Do anything and everything you can to express love for yourself – right now, not after you think you “deserve” it. 

Since most of us have some resistance to loving ourselves, taking any and every self-loving action we can think of is important. 

There are lots of things we can do – both big and small – to practice loving ourselves. Speaking kindly about ourselves, taking compliments graciously, taking care of ourselves, honoring and embracing our emotions, pampering ourselves, celebrating our successes (and failures), appreciating and loving our “flaws,” and much more are all simple (although not always easy) things we can do to practice self-love. 

Also, be willing to ask for help and look to others who seem to do a good job with self-love and self-care, so you can get the support and guidance that you need. Loving ourselves is a life-long, never ending practice.

Self love is the starting point, not the end game, of our conscious growth and development.  

For most of us, myself included, it’s much easier to talk about loving ourselves than it is to actually practice it. However, when we put our attention on loving ourselves in an authentic way, everything in our lives that is important to us – our work, our relationships, our goals, our health, our team, our family, our community, and more – flows from there with a greater sense of ease, joy, and, most importantly, love.

What do you love about yourself? How can you expand your capacity for self-love in a way that will positively impact you, those around you, and your entire life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.   

 

Liked this article? Here are three more!

 

Are You Avoiding a Difficult Conversation?

The Power of Patience

Facing Challenges: How to Appreciate and Learn From Them

 

This article was originally published in February 2010 and updated for 2023.