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In the wake of some of the recent events in the world and in light of so much of what we’ve all been through the past few years, I’ve been finding it challenging to focus on the good stuff, even though this is at the core of my approach to life and what I teach.
As I’ve been looking at this more deeply, I realize that my commitment is not necessarily to be “positive,” but to be a force for good in the world, regardless of the circumstances.
When facing challenges, I think it’s important to ask ourselves, “who do I want to be in the face of these difficulties?”
Being a force for good doesn’t mean we have to be happy or always find the silver lining. It’s more about making a commitment to ourselves and to those around us that we’ll be part of the solution instead of simply commenting on or adding to the problems themselves.
Doing this allows us to overcome challenges and obstacles and turn problems into life lessons with positive outcomes.
When the issues we’re facing are geo-political, societal, or have to do with natural disasters (as has been the case in recent years), it can often seem overwhelming.
However, how we show up, communicate, and respond to what’s happening around us in the world can have a significant and positive impact when we commit to being a force for good.
How to be a Force for Good
Here are a few things we can do or think about in this regard right now:
1) Look for ways you can help.
Fred Rogers, one of my childhood heroes, famously said, “When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’.”
He’s right – and I always try to remember this myself.
In addition to looking for the helpers (and appreciating and honoring them), we can all be helpers in both big and small ways.
Whether we donate money, make phone calls, post, or reach out and share our good thoughts and prayers, there are always ways to help.
And being of service not only helps those we assist directly, but it’s also a way to act as a force for good, no matter the situation.
2) Be proactive with your complaints.
There are two types of complaints – idle complaints (when we whine and moan about how bad things are) and proactive complaints (when we take issue with something and proactively bring it to the attention of those who can potentially do something about it).
An excellent example of this here in our country is contacting our elected representatives – at the national, state, and local level.
Whether we voted for them or not, they work for us. Picking up the phone, writing a letter, sending an email, or posting on social media directly to one of our elected representatives and letting them know how we feel about something specific is a way we can influence change and be proactive with our complaints.
Sitting around and talking about how awful something is, which is understandable and common, especially these days, doesn’t usually make things better. But proactive complaints can be the catalyst for positive and productive change in many situations.
3) Don’t get caught up in the drama.
Over the past few years, I’ve been getting caught up in the constant drama of the daily headlines and news. It’s easy to do, especially given all that has been happening in our country and our world.
However, this usually doesn’t feel great or allow us to be a real force for good. While I think many good journalists are doing essential and courageous work, the media as a whole is set up right now to get our attention and do whatever they can to have us watch, click, and then buy what they’re advertisers are selling.
The news often leads with shock, drama, fear, and outrage, since these things grab us emotionally and get our attention. We must be mindful of how we engage the news and the media.
This constant fear/drama cycle often leads us to feel upset, discouraged, or even depressed. Sometimes the best thing we can do is unplug and look for ways to help.
4) Speak up with authenticity.
There are lots of important things going on around us these days that are calling us to speak up.
Speaking up is an important thing to do. It takes a lot of courage and can be a specific way for us to be a force for good. However, we must be authentic when we speak up.
I define authenticity as honesty – self-righteousness + vulnerability.
It’s important to be honest, but we must also remove our self-righteousness and add vulnerability (emotional exposure, risk, and uncertainty).
We can have a real impact if we’re willing to speak up authentically.
5) Focus on gratitude.
During challenges and difficulties, it’s sometimes hard to focus on gratitude. But it’s also so essential for us to do.
When we see people suffering, we can honor and support them by both acknowledging their pain and at the same time being grateful for our own blessings.
Being grateful isn’t mutually exclusive with wanting to support and be of service to those who are in need. Even during challenging times, there is always so much we can appreciate.
Even though there have been a lot of challenges, pain, loss, and trauma in our country and our world recently, we always have a choice as to how we’re going to show up, what we’re going to do, and who we’re going to be in the face of all of this.
To paraphrase the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, “Circumstances don’t define us, they reveal us.”
Our friends, co-workers, teammates, family members, and the people in our communities benefit most when we show up as authentically as we possibly can and do our best to be a true force for good.
What can you do to be a force for good right now? Share your thoughts, feelings, and insights about this here below.
Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.
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This article was published in 2017 and has been updated.
As much as we love to lend our support and help others, many of us find asking for help awkward or uncomfortable.
How can we shift our mindset on what it means about us when we’re willing to reach out to others?
When we ask people for their time, feedback, or support in a gracious way, it creates a win-win for everyone. Asking for help is a way to practice vulnerability, which is a necessary aspect of bringing our whole selves to work and life.
Why Do We Struggle Asking for Help?
Most of us have a hard time asking for help. Here are a few different reasons we have trouble doing it.
1. We’re scared of being judged.
We fear that people will judge us or think we’re weak when we ask for help. It’s hard enough to summon up the courage to ask for help – but the fear of judgment behind it can be just as hard to deal with.
2. We don’t want to burden people.
Asking for help brings about the fear that we are annoying people – that we are being a burden on them, especially these days with all that is going on. We also worry about seeming selfish.
3. We’re afraid of rejection.
Many of us also worry that the person we ask for help will say no. We’ll get the courage to push through the fear of being judged and then have to face someone saying no after being so vulnerable.
It’s hard enough to make ourselves vulnerable, and most of us hate feeling rejected and disappointed. The fear of being disappointed and disappointing others can be an overwhelming one.
4. We’re scared they’ll do it wrong.
Another reason some of us struggle asking for help is because we’re scared they’ll do it wrong. Often we think – or even know – that we can do better.
But when we keep our world small and enclosed in only our perspective, it limits how vast our experience can grow and expand to.
If we’re struggling with things, asking for help can help us get through it.
Why Asking for Help is Important
– It helps us be more vulnerable and authentic.
Asking for help is a great way to practice being authentic and vulnerable, which allows us to have empathy for and with other human beings.
I define authenticity as honesty without self-righteousness and with vulnerability. When we ask for help, we put ourselves out there.
Being vulnerable allows us to connect with others, and it is important for us to embrace it. But many of us are afraid to do this because vulnerability carries a sense of risk and uncertainty.
– Practicing vulnerability helps us open up.
Vulnerability means opening up and making ourselves emotionally exposed. We must put our emotions on the line and be willing to fall on our faces. The more we practice being vulnerable, the more we build that muscle, and the more risk we can take while dealing with uncertainty. It helps us build trust with ourselves and with others.
– We will always stay at “no” if we don’t ask.
We don’t get help if we don’t ask. When we ask for support, we worry about rejection or feeling embarrassed – but most of the time, none of those things happen.
Our strongest fears about what will happen when we ask for help rarely occur. The worst-case scenario is getting a “no” or an inauthentic yes. But when we ask, we may get the help and support we need that is super valuable.
When we ask for help, we give others the opportunity for the joy and satisfaction that comes from helping.
Asking for help might scare us, but remember – they might say yes.
When we get support, we are allowing others to help another human being. Asking people for help graciously creates a virtuous cycle. We are more likely to want to help that person in return if they ever ask for help, and vice versa.
We have to be willing to ask for help and also be willing to receive it.
Some of us take pride in being a martyr or think it’s admirable to be burdened with doing it all on our own. However, there is real courage in asking for help.
If we become better at asking for help, we will get more help. We will empower the people around us in a way that nourishes them and us. We can also create an environment where we receive and give support in a generous and abundant way.
When that happens, everyone thrives. Remember: we’re all in this together.
Your challenge for the week is to start asking for help, even when you feel uncomfortable. Remember that asking for help is a courageous and vulnerable task. It’s also an opportunity to both get and give support in a meaningful way.
In what ways can you start asking for help? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.
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If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent more time than you’d like to admit trying to “fix” your “flaws.” Although I may pretend otherwise, many of my goals, desires, and even my motivation to grow and change has often come from a deep place of insecurity within me – thinking that if I could fix what was wrong with me, then everything would be okay. I recently had an insight (one which I’ve had before but this time, it came to me at a deeper level) that maybe instead of focusing on “fixing” my “flaws,” it’s more important to love your flaws and accept them instead.
I’ve resisted this notion of loving my flaws for most of my life, worrying that if I loved the things I thought were wrong with me, they’d somehow never change, and I’d be stuck with them.
However, it is really love that leads to healing and transformation – which ultimately can create the actual change we say we’re looking for, or a true sense of acceptance that gives us access to authentic freedom and liberation, regardless of circumstances.
At a deep level, our “flaws” are subjective and based on our interpretations, perspectives, and judgments. We obsess about certain aspects of our body or appearance, personality, life, or work circumstances and deem them unacceptable.
But, the truth is, these things are just as they are – we add meaning and interpretation to them.
Regardless of how philosophical we get about it, most of us as human beings experience a sense of feeling flawed in certain aspects of our lives and at particular times in life. There is nothing wrong with us for feeling this way. Although, as we each know from experience, feeling flawed can rob us of our energy, passion, happiness, confidence, and life. It’s one of the most painful ways we allow our ego to run our lives, and it can have devastating consequences if we’re not conscious of it.
How to Love Your Flaws
Here are some ideas about how we can move through our experience of feeling “flawed” and to a place of acceptance, compassion, and love.
1. Acknowledge what’s true for you.
The first step in almost every process of growth and change is about telling the truth instead of trying to avoid, run from, or pretend our “flaws” away.
But, if we relate to some aspect of our bodies, personalities, relationships, careers, or lives in general as a flaw, we first have to get real about it if we’re going to do anything about it.
2. Admit and express the underlying emotions.
If we can identify, acknowledge, and ultimately express the genuine emotions we’re experiencing related to this perceived flaw, we can create a real sense of liberation for ourselves.
If a specific aspect of your personality, body, or career bothers you and you find yourself feeling ashamed – as uncomfortable or negative as it may seem, the best thing you can do is acknowledge and express your shame.
Emotions become positive when they are appropriately expressed. They turn negative when you deny and repress them.
Although this is a different understanding of emotions than we’ve been taught, we’ve all had many liberating and positive experiences when we’ve expressed “negative” emotions (like sadness, anger, fear, and more).
By expressing our real emotions, we can unlock and unhook ourselves from the drama and suffering of the situation, which is caused by our denial and repression of these emotions, not the feelings themselves.
3. Forgive yourself.
Forgiving yourself plays a huge role in learning how to love your flaws. This is something that many of us, myself included, don’t have a lot of experience with.
Most of us have been trained to be hard on ourselves and that forgiveness must come from someone or something outside us. However, true forgiveness comes from within us and is what ultimately sets us free.
When we feel “flawed,” we often have a lot of blame and judgment – some of which may be directed towards other people or situations, but beneath that, most of it is directed at us. When we can forgive ourselves authentically, we create the space for real change and healing.
4. Appreciate.
The word appreciate doesn’t necessarily mean like, agree with, or enjoy.
Appreciate means to recognize the value of something.
What have you learned about yourself and life by dealing with this “flaw?”
While pain and challenges are not the only ways to grow in life, one of the many benefits of our issues is that we get to learn a great deal about ourselves, others, and life in the process of dealing with them.
When we reach a state of genuine appreciation and gratitude for the learning associated with the difficulty, we can move out of feeling sorry for ourselves (which never helps). It’s impossible to experience gratitude and victimhood simultaneously.
5. Love.
The ultimate antidote for all suffering is love. Your ability to love your flaws and care for them with kindness and compassion (as you would for a child, a pet, or a loved one) will ultimately heal you and allow the true transformation you’re looking for to take place.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. When we love our flaws, we create an environment where we can either make the specific changes we truly want (from an authentic place of intention) or learn to love and accept ourselves whether an actual “change” takes place.
Any issue, malady, or problem that shows up in our lives is an opportunity for us to deepen our capacity for love, acceptance, and compassion.
All of these things, in my own experience, are much easier said than done. And, when we can tell the truth, express our real emotions, forgive ourselves, appreciate our flaws, and bring love to all aspects of our lives (both light and dark), we allow ourselves to transcend our flaws in an authentic way.
Loving your flaws takes a great deal of intention, support, compassion, and patience. It’s much easier to take a pill, avoid ourselves, get busy and distracted, whine and complain, pretend things are “fine,” and various other things we’ve learned to do in life.
Leaning into our “flaws” authentically and doing so with acceptance of ourselves is how we can genuinely heal and end the cycle of suffering.
How can you appreciate and love your flaws as a way to create freedom in your life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.
Liked this article? Here are three more!
- The Trap of Comparison with Others
- The Important Difference Between Self-Righteousness and Conviction
- The Difficulty and Necessity of Accountability
This article was originally published on January 11, 2010, and updated for 2022.
Patience is powerful. It can help us persevere, reduce stress, and overcome challenges.
Patience may be a virtue, but it’s something I often find challenging. How about you?
Given the pace, uncertainty, and intensity of life and work these days, I don’t think I’m alone in the struggle to be patient.
But why can it be so difficult to be patient? How can we be more patient with ourselves and those around us…at work and in life?
We live in an intense, fast-paced world. Everything is about speed, scale, and execution.
Slowing down has never been a strength for me in my life. I’ve always found it difficult to let things be and trust the process.
However, this is actually what patience is all about – allowing things to be as they are and trusting that things will unfold as they are meant to.
It’s hard to do this in the best of circumstances, but over the last few years, it’s been even more challenging. One thing that can make patience specifically tricky is the fear that things won’t work out.
While taking deliberate action and being proactive are essential, finding balance is also important.
In my life, I’m often on the side of action and focus, which can, unfortunately, turn into control.
As the saying goes, “Slow and steady wins the race.” But, many of us collectively struggle to be patient and trust the process. Being patient is challenging for many of us – but there are real benefits to it regarding our wellbeing and success.
How to Embrace the Power of Patience
Here are some things we can do to be more patient…
1. Trust
Trust the process, trust yourself, and trust life.
The psychological concept of basic trust is the belief that the world is safe – that we can trust life and the people around us.
Having basic trust can be challenging depending on your life experiences and the things you’ve been through, as well as who you are, where you come from, and what you look like.
But being able to trust life, the process, and the people around you, can help you overcome challenges and the need to be vigilant.
2. Slow Down
Why are we moving so fast?
Slowing down is more of a mindset, energy, and perspective. Sometimes patience is a process of allowing things to happen at their own pace and to be as they are.
The opposite of patience is forcing, speeding, and rushing through things. If we can slow down, we can create more space that allows us to be more patient.
3. Allow Things to Unfold
There is real power in pausing, even if for an extra second or two. Take a pause. Let things breathe. Allow things to flow. Trust that things are manifesting and unfolding as they’re meant to…give them enough space to do so.
4. Let Go of Control
Life is like rowing a boat. Many of us are rowing our boats upstream and wondering why we’re not moving. Sometimes instead of fighting to row harder against the current, we can simply just let go of the oars.
This is all about allowing things to happen and going with the flow. What if we just let the current of the water take us?
Doing this requires trust, slowing down, being patient, and trusting the process. Sometimes in life, we try to control things instead of letting them be. We have the ability to go with the flow and trust that we will eventually get where we need to go.
5. Remember That Whatever You’re Going Through Will Pass
Things have a way of working themselves out.
We all go through struggles. Bad, painful, and challenging things happen to everyone in the world. But each of us have made it through 100% of the challenges we’ve ever faced up to this point in life. If we’re still here, nothing has taken us out completely up to this point – even things we thought would.
Try this exercise: when you’re going through something challenging, it can be helpful to list some of the most difficult things you’ve been through in your life. This can help remind us that we’ve been through a lot, overcome a lot, and learned a lot. You may have thought that you weren’t going to get through some of the things on the list – but you did. And usually, those are the most important lessons in our lives.
Remember: this too shall pass.
When facing a difficult challenge, ask yourself the following questions:
What good is here that I can’t see?
How might I be able to benefit from this?
Why is this happening for me?
These mindsets and approaches can help us be more patient when things aren’t going the way we want them to and they allow us to tap into the power of patience more broadly.
Where can you practice the power of patience in your life right now? Where do you see yourself being impatient? How can you bring more patience into your life? Feel free to leave your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.
Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.
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- Do You Have Healthy Boundaries?
- The Important Difference Between Self-Righteousness and Conviction
- Keep Your Head in the Clouds and Your Feet on the Ground
Do you struggle with finding life balance? Do you struggle to ground yourself and stay focused?
The saying “keep your head in the clouds, and your feet on the ground” is something my dad used to say. While I’ve heard this saying many times (and have always thought it was pretty corny and cheesy), I’ve started to think about it more deeply and realized the true wisdom of this idea.
As I’ve been thinking about it more, I notice that while I often have my “head in the clouds” (thinking about big aspirations, dreams, ideas, and more) and my “feet on the ground” (staying grounded in “reality,” taking practical action, and keeping things “real”), I rarely do these things simultaneously.
Tips on How to Create Healthy Life Balance
Here are a few things you can do and think about to balance the yin and yang energies of dreaming and doing in your life.
1. Notice where you are on this spectrum.
Take some time to reflect on where you fall on the “head in the clouds, feet on the ground” continuum.
While many of us move back and forth on this spectrum, most of us have a natural place where we settle – i.e., we’re more of a “dreamer” or a “doer.” Once we recognize where we are on the spectrum, we can choose to move and create more of a balanced approach. It’s important to remember how strong we are – in this specific regard and in general.
By acknowledging and understanding where you are on the spectrum, you can set goals and create new habits to help you live a more balanced life.
2. Allow yourself to focus on your dreams.
What are some of your biggest dreams? What do you truly want in your life?
Having passionate desire without attachment is one of the most essential elements of making our dreams come true.
However, because most of us have been hurt, disappointed, or let down by goals that haven’t been attained, we tend to hold back when thinking about, visualizing, and talking about our deepest desires and most important dreams, especially these days.
Having our “head in the clouds” is about giving ourselves permission to dream and dream big. Don’t let past mistakes or failures bring you down. Remember that the mistakes you’ve made in the past are lessons. Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success. And when you allow yourself to focus on your dreams, you can better visualize them and work towards achieving your goals.
3) Take intentional and effective action.
One of the biggest challenges we encounter in our journey towards our dreams is either not taking effective action (because we don’t know what to do or we’re too scared to do it) or taking too much ineffective action (because we’re running around doing stuff just for the sake of doing stuff, often in an unconscious way).
When we allow ourselves to dream big (with our “head in the clouds”), how we keep our “feet on the ground” is by coming up with intentional and appropriate actions to move forward with our goals, even if we’re scared and not sure how things will turn out. We often need guidance, advice, and support in this process – because it can be confusing, intimidating, or both.
When you’re open to guidance and advice as you work on taking effective action, you open yourself up to new possibilities and push yourself forward in turning your dreams into reality.
4) Get good support and feedback.
To stay grounded, you must have a strong support system.
Support and feedback are essential aspects of life, success, and growth. When accomplishing our dreams, we must have empowering support around us. Some of us need people who can challenge us, think big, and help us reach for our goals.
Others need people to help ground us, keep us in reality, and help us focus our energy, passion, and ideas in a practical way.
Most importantly, we all need people who can cheer for us, hold us accountable, and support us on our journey in an authentic and meaningful way. We can’t do it alone – at least not nearly as easily or effectively.
5) Have fun!
Accomplishing our goals doesn’t have to be strenuous, stressful, or frustrating. It does take a lot of hard work and grit, but it’s also an important growth process that can help us learn more about ourselves and gain confidence in what we do.
It’s essential for us to enjoy the journey and not take ourselves or life too seriously. Sometimes, as you may have noticed, we get tense, uptight, and stressed out about our dreams – almost as if we’re holding our breath and waiting to exhale once things turn out.
When we stress ourselves out about our goals, it creates a challenging dynamic in our lives. It’s not the most conducive environment (internally and externally) for us to create success and fulfillment. Having fun along the way ensures we keep things in perspective and enjoy the ride, regardless of the outcome.
Keeping our heads in the clouds and our feet on the ground is much easier said than done. However, when we can do both things with passion, intention, and focus, we create a sense of life balance and peace that can allow us to have what we truly want in life.
How can you balance having your “head in the clouds” and your “feet on the ground” in your own life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more in the comments section below.
Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.
Liked this article? Here are three more!
- The Trap of Comparison with Others
- The Important Difference Between Self-Righteousness and Conviction
- The Difficulty and Necessity of Accountability
This article was originally published on April 29, 2010, and updated for 2022.
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