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Archives for March 2021

Distract Yourself in Healthy Ways

March 22, 2021 7 Comments

With all that is going on in our lives and in the world around us, especially these days, it is understandable that many of us are looking for ways to distract ourselves.

As an executive coach and consultant, I work with clients who deal with this all the time, particularly right now.

Every day we face countless opportunities to distract ourselves – consciously or unconsciously.

Why? Distractions help us escape from the intensity of life in a variety of ways.

Because of this, we have to understand why and how certain things and situations distract us.

Once we understand why we make certain decisions, we can start distracting ourselves in healthy ways and for the right reasons.

So, what are unhealthy and healthy distractions, anyway?

The Difference Between Unhealthy and Healthy Distractions

Unhealthy distractions cause us to avoid certain feelings, situations, and activities that we find challenging or scary.

Because life can get quite intense and stressful, especially these days, we use creative ways to avoid things and feelings that make us uncomfortable.

Some examples of unhealthy distractions include:

  • Food
  • Alcohol
  • Drugs
  • Drama
  • Obsessively doing any of the following (work, being on our phones, social media scrolling, watching TV/movies/videos, playing video games, etc.)

While some of these things can, in fact, be healthy if done consciously and in moderation, most often and definitely right now we engage in them in unhealthy ways. Although our reasons for doing this stuff may vary, most often it boils down to us not wanting to stop, feel, and deal with the intensity of our lives and what’s going on around us.

Productive Procrastination

The first step to understanding unhealthy patterns is becoming aware of them.

Once we become aware of our unhealthy patterns of distracting ourselves, we can replace some of these negative behaviors with more positive ones. I like to call this “productive procrastination.” Some examples include:

  • Re-organizing our desk instead of making those scary phone calls
  • Cleaning up the house instead of working on the creative project that we’ve been thinking about
  • Exercising to relieve some stress, instead of rushing to the refrigerator to eat and numb out
  • Curling up with an inspiring book or watching something that brings us joy

These and other things can “distract” us in more positive ways and have less of a negative impact on us in the long run.

What is important to remember about these healthy distractions is that we must engage in them in a deliberate way.

Do not engage in these “healthy” activities simply as a way to avoid dealing with your life, feeling certain uncomfortable emotions, or acknowledging the challenge of what’s going on around you.

How Healthy Distractions Can Help Us Live Better Lives

Conscious, Healthy Distractions

The ultimate goal of this process is for us to be able to choose to “distract” ourselves (i.e., get out of our heads, let go of our negative worries, and take a conscious break from the day-to-day stress of life) in a truly healthy way.

When we have positive motivation, and we’re not avoiding anything but choosing consciously to take a break, the outcome and experience of our “distraction” is more likely to be healthy and beneficial.

Taking healthy breaks can help us lead better, more meaningful lives of growth and fulfillment.

It’s essential to take healthy breaks along the way, especially when things get hard, like they are for so many of us right now.

If we don’t take these breaks, it’s easy to let worry, fear, negativity, doubt, and the pressures of life take over, almost without us even noticing.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it is crucial always to remember how strong you are. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to take breaks. We all need them.

How to Distract Yourself in a Healthy Way

Here’s a long list of some simple things you can do to “distract” yourself in a healthy way.

  • Watch inspiring movies, shows, or videos
  • Meditate
  • Exercise
  • Walk-in nature
  • Listen to podcasts
  • Sing
  • Laugh
  • Play with children
  • Read inspiring books
  • Help others
  • Paint
  • Connect with people you love
  • Dance
  • Take classes or workshops
  • Write
  • Listen to inspiring music
  • Swim
  • Sit and do nothing

This list could go on and on. Take a moment to reflect on these and other things that you can do that will positively impact your life right now. Be grateful that you can understand and recognize when you have to take breaks and do so when necessary.

It’s Not What You Do; It’s Why You Do It

On my podcast, I often talk about how we consciously “distract” ourselves in healthy ways when we do so with intention. Doing this allows us to interrupt the negative, unconscious, and habitual patterns of our minds and our culture that often get in the way of us experiencing the peace, joy, and abundance that is naturally and authentically around us and within us all the time.

This is so important for us to be mindful of, especially with all that is going on in our lives and in the world around us right now.

 

How can you distract yourself in healthy ways and for healthy reasons? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more below.

 

My book, Nothing Changes Until You Do, explores the delicate and complicated relationship we have with ourselves. Click here to learn more about it.

I have written five books about, among other things, the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today.

Feel free to leave any comments below.

Liked this post? Here are three more!

Trust is Granted, Not Earned
We’re All Doing the Best We Can
Who Do You Think You Are?

This article was originally published on May 12, 2010, and has been updated for 2021.

 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Appreciation, authenticity, avoid, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, Motivational Speaker, self-help, technology

Trust is Granted Not Earned

March 5, 2021 11 Comments

To understand how trust works, it’s important to remember that trust is granted, not earned.

Trust allows leaders, employees, relationships, and organizations to flourish and grow. It is fundamental to most everything in life.

Lack of trust can lead to damaging relationships and a hostile environment. It creates stress and lowers energy.

When there is a strong foundation of trust in an organization, it can enhance and improve the workplace environment through collaboration, teamwork, and honest and open communication.

The Secret Behind How Trust Works is That it Must be Granted, Not Earned

How easily do you grant your trust to other people? What factors play into your ability or inability to trust specific individuals around you? What do people need to do to earn your trust?

As I reflect on these questions, I’m reminded of the importance and complexity of trust in our lives, work, and relationships.

Trust is one of the most critical elements of healthy relationships, families, teams, organizations, and communities. However, many of us have an odd or disempowered relationship to trust – we’ve been taught that people must earn our trust when, in fact, it’s something we grant to others.

Do You Have Trust Issues?

As an executive coach and consultant, I deal with clients who have issues dealing with trust every day.

It’s common for people to have trust issues, especially if they have past experiences which caused them to mistrust others. Past experiences can make it challenging to build trust with others.

This lack of trust may result from a betrayal at an early age, complicated past relationships, or a multitude of other life experiences. Many people struggle to grant people trust because of these past experiences.

I learned early in my life that it wasn’t always safe to trust people – my folks split up when I was three and we struggled financially as a family. Based on where and how I grew up, I found myself in some difficult situations. Part of my “street-smart, survival kit” was to be very suspicious of just about everyone I came into contact with. While this did serve me to a certain degree as a child and adolescent (at least in terms of survival), as I got older, I noticed that my resistance to trusting others created some real issues in my life, my relationships, and my work.

No matter how many “tests” I put people through to have them “earn” my trust, at the end of that whole process, it was ultimately up to me to grant them my trust (or not) – and then to continue to trust them (or not).

How Trust Works: Your Trust is Granted, Not Earned

How We Build Trust is Often Determined By Our Past, Negative Experiences

How trust works is that we each have our internal process about it, which is often based on past experiences. In other words, if we’re burned, disappointed, or hurt in life and then decide, “I’m not doing that again,” we put up barriers around ourselves to keep us “safe.”

While this makes rational sense, it usually leaves us guarded, cautious, and insecure – unable to build trust and easily create meaningful and fulfilling relationships with people.

The irony is that no matter how guarded we are, how thick the walls we put up, or what we do to keep ourselves from getting hurt and disappointed, it usually happens anyway.

One of my mentors said to me years ago, “Mike, you’re living as though you’re trying to survive life. You have to remember, no one ever has.”

It’s important to remember that everyone goes through bad experiences. Overcoming challenges can help us grow and remind us that we’re strong enough to carry on.

What if We Granted Our Trust More Easily?

What if we were willing to make ourselves vulnerable, to count on other peoples in a healthy way, and to expect the best from them authentically?

Michael Bernard Beckwith calls this being “consciously naïve,” which may seem a little oxymoronic on the surface, but is a wise and profound concept at a much deeper level.

Will I get hurt? Yes! Will we be let down? Most certainly. Will people violate our trust? Of course. However, this will happen anyway – it’s just part of life.

Ironically, the more we are willing to grant our trust consciously, the more likely we are to create a real sense of connection, cooperation, and collaboration in our lives, relationships, families, teams, and more – even if we feel scared to do so or it seems counter-intuitive at times.

We almost always get what we expect in life. What if we start expecting people to be there for us, to do things that are trust-worthy, and to have our backs and our best interests in mind? As with just about everything else in life, it’s a choice.

As Albert Einstein so brilliantly stated, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

I choose “friendly,” how about you?

How easy is it for you to trust people? Are you willing to start granting your trust more easily? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

My book, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging, provides readers with a roadmap on how to build trust, collaborate, and operate at your peak level. Click here to learn more about it.

To learn more about how trust works, check out this blog post. You can also check out my podcast here.

I have written five books about, among other things, the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today.

Feel free to leave any comments below.

Liked this post? Here are three more!

The Magic of the Olympics
How We Move Forward…Together
Why Empathy is Important: How to Become More Empathetic

This article was originally published on June 17, 2010 and has been updated for 2021.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Appreciation, authenticity, faith, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, Motivational Speaker, safe, self-help, survival

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