Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

Life

Accepting What Is

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Accepting what is…is one of the many important aspects of life that is much easier said than done.

For much of my life, I’ve struggled to accept certain things about myself, others, and the world around me. As someone who’s committed to change and transformation, the idea of “acceptance” has often seemed weak or passive to me in a way that’s been hard for me to reconcile.

It can be difficult, at times, to accept our reality, especially when there are things we want to change for the better. However, when we accept what is, we aren’t accepting defeat. Rather, we’re taking the first steps to making lasting and positive change.

Accepting The Power of Acceptance

There’s a famous quote by the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung: “What you resist, persists.”

It seems that many of us “resist” the way things are. Whether it’s with our body, our work, our spouse, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our money, or the even state of the world and economy, often we find ourselves arguing with reality instead of accepting what is.

Not only do we resist acceptance, we often fear it. We worry that if we accept the things we wish to change, then we won’t be motivated to follow through on that change. Ultimately, we get scared that acceptance means things won’t change.

Acceptance is not an act of resignation or agreement—rather, it’s an act of truth-telling. When we accept things the way they are, we’re able to create a real sense of peace. From there, we can let go of much of our suffering. In fact, it’s from this place of honesty that we’re able to create the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want, too.

Take Action: Practice Acceptance

Here is something specific you can do to practice acceptance in a real way.

First, make a list of some of the things in your life right now that are causing you the most stress, pain, or anxiety. These things may have to do with people, work, money, health, things happening in the world, or anything else.

After you finish your list, go through each item and ask yourself if you’re willing to “accept” these things as they are right now. This doesn’t mean that you have to like them, agree with them, or even want them to be this way, of course.  It simply means that you’re willing to accept them as they are right now.

With some of the things on this list, it may be fairly easy to find acceptance, and with others it may be more difficult.  For the ones that are more challenging, you can talk it through with a friend, mentor, coach, or therapist.  You can also journal, pray, or meditate about the things that are hard to accept.

By accepting these things as they are, you’ll find a greater ability to be at peace with them. From there, your ability to change them in a positive way will be enhanced significantly.

What can you do to accept things as they are in your life right now? How do you accept what is? Share your thoughts, challenges, ideas, and questions below in the comments.

Related posts:

  1. Be Real and Compassionate About Money
  2. Embracing Change
  3. The Power of Acceptance

 

How Personal and Emotional Emissions Impact Your Environment

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In recent years many of us have an increased awareness of the relationship between humans and our planet. Whether it comes to driving electric or hybrid vehicles, recycling more, buying environmentally-friendly products, or letting our business and political leaders know how we feel, there are lots of things we can do, both big and small, to have a positive impact.

Amidst this increased awareness about the environment over the years, I’ve also thought about the impact of our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.

What Are Personal And Emotional Emissions?

When we talk about our personal and emotional emissions, we’re talking about the “vibes” we send out into the world around us.

For example, when we’re feeling down, we’re more likely to “emit” those toxic fumes back into our environment. Our negative and unexpressed emotions have the potential to “pollute” our collective consciousness, which impacts our relationships, our families, our work environment, and society at large.

At the same time, the opposite is true. Authentically positive energy has the potential to lift our hopes, raise the spirits of those around us, and make the environment around us a little bit better.

How Can I Have A Positive Impact On My Environment?

Thirty years ago, a much smaller percentage of us thought that how much we drove, what kinds of products we used, or where we put our waste made all that much difference. Now, thankfully, we know better, and we’re able to change how we operate – both personally and collectively.

The same is true when it comes to our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. When we each do our part to be aware, heal, and let go of the toxic stuff within us, we become a catalyst for positive change. Even better, we can help clean up the overall emotional and energetic environment in which we operate.

To be clear, I’m not saying that we have to be happy all the time.  We all have ups and downs, which is part of life. What I am suggesting, however, is that we increase our awareness of our internal state, so that we can take responsibility for the impact it has on our lives and the people around us.  Doing this can be a catalyst for positive change for us, others, and the environment in our homes, workplaces, and communities.

How do you try to bring a positive impact to your personal environment? Do you have any examples of times when your thoughts and feelings had an impact on the people around you, for good and for bad? If so, let us know in the comments below.

Related posts:

Your Feelings Matter
Be Real About How You Feel
Make Peace with Your Body and Appearance
Love Your Body, Love Your Life

3 Ways To Stay Positive in the Midst of Adversity

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Finding it difficult to stay positive these days?

You’re not alone. For many people, myself included, the stress of life today and all we’ve been through in recent years, makes it all too easy to fall back into a “doom and gloom” outlook on the world around us. Unfortunately, that negativity doesn’t only harm ourselves—but it has an impact on our our families, our relationships, our teams, our companies, and our communities, too.

Given all that is going and that we have to contend with on a daily basis these days, how can we stay positive in a genuine way? While there’s no quick fix or magic formula, there are three things I believe we can do to help us stay positive in our most difficult moments.

#1 – Be Honest

Whenever we’re facing challenges, obstacles, or difficult circumstances, it’s important for us to be honest about how we truly feel. The most common feelings that we experience at these times are anger, fear, and shame. We feel angry that something bad has happened, and we feel afraid that the circumstances may remain challenging or even get worse. We can also feel ashamed that we’ve ended up in the situation in the first place.

Needless to say, these emotions are ones we often don’t like to admit, feel, or express. However, like all emotions, when we acknowledge them, own them, and express them they have a way of dissipating. In the process, we can free ourselves from their negative impact, so we can retain a more positive outlook on the world around us.

#2 – Be Conscious

In order to stay positive, it’s important for us to be conscious of what we’re thinking, feeling, and saying in the given moment. Without judgment, see if you can be aware of everything that is going on within you and how you’re reacting to what’s happening.

In the midst of stress and adversity, we have a tendency to think, say, and do things that don’t actually make the situation better. In some cases, those actions make things a whole lot worse. Think about it: we complain, we worry, we speak negatively about life, others, and ourselves. Maybe we binge watch shows, scroll for hours on our phone, overeat, drink too much, or we do various other things that don’t serve us.

Ultimately, the more conscious we can be about our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions, the more likely we’ll be able to stay positive. More importantly, when we’re mindful, we’re better able to learn and grow from whatever adversity we may be facing.

#3 – Be Grateful

It may seem counter-intuitive to be grateful in the face of challenges However, these moments are usually the most important times to focus on what we appreciate about ourselves, others, and life in general.

When things don’t go the way we want them to, we can stay positive by taking inventory of the good stuff in our lives. Adversity can remind us that while things may be tough, we have so many blessings. Think about your health, your job, your home, and all the people who love you.

We may even find that there are things we can appreciate about adversity. For example, we may realize we’re stronger than we thought we were or we have more support around us than we fully appreciated. Difficulties can also teach us some important lessons about ourselves and life.

Take some time right now to think about some of the things that fill you with gratitude. It’s common to not pay much attention to these things as we rush through our lives, so don’t be afraid to use difficult moments as an opportunity to reflect, even if it may be hard to do so. There is always a lot for us to be grateful for, as long as we choose to pay attention to it.

Stay Positive: Remember, This Too Shall Pass

It’s important to take the time to recognize the impact that our difficulties have on us. We don’t want to minimize or trivialize challenges. At the same time, though, we don’t want to let these difficulties hold us back from living our lives.

It’s possible for us to remain open, optimistic, and positive in the face of any and all difficulty and uncertainty. This doesn’t mean we have to be superhuman, or that we aren’t allowed to feel anything less than happy. It does mean, however, that we choose to be honest, conscious, and grateful in the midst of what’s going on. And, if we choose to do so, we can have this be a time of reflection, rejuvenation, and transformation for us and those around us.

Be kind to yourself as you make your way through this process and see if you can be present in as many moments as possible. And, when in doubt, remember that this too shall pass.

How do you stay positive? Share your thoughts, tips, and examples in the comments below!

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Appreciating People: Focus on Who They Are

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Would you like to be more effective at appreciating people around you?

Think about someone who’s shown you an act of kindness. What did they do or say that made you feel appreciated?

It can be as simple as a smile or a thank you, or, more significantly, lending a hand on a project or offering a shoulder to cry on.

No matter how big or small the act of appreciation is, we usually don’t forget the gesture and the impact.

I’ve been researching, writing, and speaking about appreciation for almost twenty-five years.  One of the most important things I have learned is the distinction between recognition and appreciation.

The Power of Appreciation: Recognition vs. Appreciation

Recognition refers to the way we reward the actions of those around us. It’s important, since most of us like to be recognized, especially at work. We often get upset when we don’t get recognized, especially when we think we deserve it.

As important as recognition is, it’s also limited for a few reasons. First, recognition is always based on past actions, so it’s pretty limited in terms of anticipating the future. Plus, people can react to recognition in different ways, meaning that it can motivate them in different ways, too.

Perhaps the biggest issue with recognition is the fact that it focuses more on outcomes than people.

On the other hand, appreciation is about recognizing the inherent value of people.  It’s about who people are, and less about what they have done or are doing. For example, a performance award is a type of recognition that’s based on a result which has to be earned.  While there is nothing wrong with this, it’s inherently conditional.

Appreciation is not based on an outcome—you can tell someone that you’re grateful for them, let them know why you care about them, or acknowledge the value they bring, regardless of their performance.

If we want to ensure that the people around us feel cared about, we must acknowledge who they are as human beings rather than focusing solely on their accomplishments. In fact, sometimes, the most important time to appreciate someone is after they’ve failed or made a mistake. While we can’t always recognize the outcome, we can almost always acknowledge the effort and courage that it often takes to act.

Becoming a master at the art of appreciating others is about simultaneously recognizing the great things that people do, as well as proactively acknowledging them for who they are, the valuable qualities they have, and how they positively impact us and others by being who they are.

Appreciation in Action

Think of three people in your life who you interact with on a regular basis. What do you appreciate about each of them? Remember that it’s not about what they’ve done or accomplished, but who they are as people. It could be their attitude, commitment, friendship, humor, honesty, passion, wisdom, humility, kindness, joy, curiosity or many other qualities. As you think about each of these people, reflect on the ways they have positively impacted you and those around you.

Once you’ve had a chance to think about what you appreciate about these important people – reach out to them by phone or text to let them know.  While it might feel a bit vulnerable for you and/or for them, if you share your appreciation with them genuinely, not only will it most likely touch and inspire them, it may also have a positive impact on you, your relationship with them, and any group or team you might be a part of with them.  Have fun with it and be as generous, authentic, and courageous as possible.

Do you have thoughts on appreciation?  Share them in the comments below. And if you enjoyed this blog post, here are three more to check out:

Apologize Authentically
Resolving Conflict
Expand your Capacity for Trust

 

How to Get Honest Feedback

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How do you react when you get feedback?

If you’re anything like me, you may both love and hate it at the same time. And while most of us want to receive helpful, honest feedback, at the same time, we’re often scared about what people might say – especially if it could hurt our feelings, ruffle our feathers, or leave us feeling insecure, vulnerable, or embarrassed.

For the most part, and in many situations, groups, and relationships in our lives, there is an unspoken, unconscious agreement that we make with others – “I won’t call you on yours if you don’t call me on mine.” While this makes sense and is understandable, the lack of authenticity doesn’t serve us, bring us closer to others, or allow us to support and empower each other in any real way (which is what most of us truly want).

Reflect on some of the important feedback you’ve received throughout your life and career and acknowledge its significant contribution to your growth and progress. While some of this feedback may have initially been uncomfortable to receive, it’s likely that you deeply appreciated not only the feedback itself but you’re also grateful for the people in your life who have and continue to tell you the truth like this.

It takes courage to both give and receive feedback. In fact, it’s one of the most profound gifts we can offer others. Embracing the honest feedback and guidance from others is a critical aspect of living a life of success, continual growth, and authenticity.

Tips on How to Get Honest Feedback

Receiving feedback is crucial for our development and performance. It offers valuable insights, identifies areas for improvement, and fosters a culture of continuous learning in any environment. Embracing feedback enhances self-awareness, strengthens relationships, and contributes to ongoing growth.

Here are some essential things to think about and practice as you increase your ability to receive feedback:

1) Ask for it 

Since honest feedback can be a tricky thing, and many of us are a little insecure about giving feedback, letting people know that you want them to be real with you and proactively requesting their authentic feedback, is a great way to make sure you get it. Give people permission to be straight with you – even if you feel nervous about what they might say. We usually get what we ask for.

2) Be open to feedback, but remember it’s not the “truth” 

It’s important for us to be open to people’s feedback, whether or not we asked for it, and at the same time remember that nothing anyone says to us is the “truth,” (it’s just their opinion). This is one of the many paradoxes of getting feedback from others. Just because they say it doesn’t make it so.

At the same time, the best approach we can take is to be as open as possible. Try on their feedback like you would a coat – if it fits and can help, use it. If not, let it go in a thoughtful and respectful way. However, be careful about your ego – which will want to argue with the feedback you don’t like as a way of survival (yet another paradox).

3) Give honest feedback to others

Be willing to speak up and share your feedback with others, with permission and in a productive way. This is not about “tit for tat” or some kind of competition, but if we really want to create relationships, teams, families, and environments where we can talk to each other in an open, vulnerable, and authentic way – we have to be willing to speak up and be real. Doing this not only gives us the opportunity to make a difference for others, but it also creates a standard by which we relate to one another and communicate.

Providing honest feedback is vital for fostering growth, building trust, and promoting effective communication. It enables people and teams to improve, encourages accountability, and strengthens relationships.

Have empathy and compassion for yourself and others as you engage in these types of honest conversations – they can be sensitive and challenging (especially at first). And, as we all know and have experienced, when we’re willing to get real and give each other honest feedback like this, it can be incredibly beneficial to each of us and all of us.

What can you do to get more honest and effective feedback?  Share your thoughts, ideas, challenges, and questions about this in the comments below.

Like this article? Here are three more!

Facing Challenges – How Do You Respond?
Asking For Help
Stop Worrying – It’s a Set Up for Failure