Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

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3 Tips for Appreciating the Holidays

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Do you appreciate the holidays?

I’ll admit it—for me, appreciating this time of year is a whole lot easier said than done. In fact, if I’m being honest, I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the holidays. On one hand, I love the parties, decorations, rituals, and gifts. On the other hand, I can get overwhelmed by the stress, drama, and obligations of it all.

Can you relate? Do you also worry that you’re not doing enough? That you’re behind on your to-do list? That you won’t get everything done in time, or that you won’t be able to make things right for the people you love the most?

This year I’m focused on appreciating the holiday season for what it is—regardless of the circumstances that remain out of my control.

Here are some things we can do to keep things in perspective and appreciate this time of year

1. Take Responsibility

The holiday season can be chaotic. It’s no wonder that so many of us blame the season for the stress we feel, rather than examining its real source—ourselves.

We’re the creators of our own experiences, regardless of the time of year or what’s going on around us. The more we remember this, the more we empower ourselves to take control of our circumstances. This year, make a conscious effort to enjoy the whole experience of the holidays without lumping additional pressure on yourself.

2. Choose How You Engage

Not only do we have the power to create our own experiences, but we also have a choice in the way we show up.

As the holidays approach, you may be feeling a bit anxious about spending time with certain people or showing up to certain events. Remember that you have a choice in how you engage with these people and situations. You can choose to be cranky, annoyed, or upset—or you can decide to enjoy the fun and not take things personally instead.

3. Center Your Appreciation

Even with the stress, obligation, and more, this time of year can give us the opportunity to get together with people we love and care about.

Let’s make a conscious choice to focus on what—and who—we truly appreciate. Work on telling the truth about how you really feel. If possible, don’t show up to events you don’t want to attend, and don’t surround yourself with people out of a sense of duty. If that’s not in the cards, don’t stress. Instead, make a commitment to appreciate the good and take in all the blessings in your life.

Have A Happy Holiday Season

This holiday season, let’s try to take a step back. Regardless of what kind of year you’ve had, take some time to pat yourself on the back. Celebrate your accomplishments, and learn from your mistakes. Then, take a look at what’s around you. Really experience the gratitude you have for the people in your life. If not now, when?

Make the choice to enjoy these next few weeks and have a truly happy holiday.

What can you do to appreciate and enjoy this holiday season as best as possible?  Share your thoughts, feelings, and ideas in the comments.

Related posts:
Stay Grounded During the Holiday
The Greatest Gift We Can Give
Want What You Have

How to Get Honest Feedback

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How do you react when you get feedback?

If you’re anything like me, you may both love and hate it at the same time. And while most of us want to receive helpful, honest feedback, at the same time, we’re often scared about what people might say – especially if it could hurt our feelings, ruffle our feathers, or leave us feeling insecure, vulnerable, or embarrassed.

For the most part, and in many situations, groups, and relationships in our lives, there is an unspoken, unconscious agreement that we make with others – “I won’t call you on yours if you don’t call me on mine.” While this makes sense and is understandable, the lack of authenticity doesn’t serve us, bring us closer to others, or allow us to support and empower each other in any real way (which is what most of us truly want).

Reflect on some of the important feedback you’ve received throughout your life and career and acknowledge its significant contribution to your growth and progress. While some of this feedback may have initially been uncomfortable to receive, it’s likely that you deeply appreciated not only the feedback itself but you’re also grateful for the people in your life who have and continue to tell you the truth like this.

It takes courage to both give and receive feedback. In fact, it’s one of the most profound gifts we can offer others. Embracing the honest feedback and guidance from others is a critical aspect of living a life of success, continual growth, and authenticity.

Tips on How to Get Honest Feedback

Receiving feedback is crucial for our development and performance. It offers valuable insights, identifies areas for improvement, and fosters a culture of continuous learning in any environment. Embracing feedback enhances self-awareness, strengthens relationships, and contributes to ongoing growth.

Here are some essential things to think about and practice as you increase your ability to receive feedback:

1) Ask for it 

Since honest feedback can be a tricky thing, and many of us are a little insecure about giving feedback, letting people know that you want them to be real with you and proactively requesting their authentic feedback, is a great way to make sure you get it. Give people permission to be straight with you – even if you feel nervous about what they might say. We usually get what we ask for.

2) Be open to feedback, but remember it’s not the “truth” 

It’s important for us to be open to people’s feedback, whether or not we asked for it, and at the same time remember that nothing anyone says to us is the “truth,” (it’s just their opinion). This is one of the many paradoxes of getting feedback from others. Just because they say it doesn’t make it so.

At the same time, the best approach we can take is to be as open as possible. Try on their feedback like you would a coat – if it fits and can help, use it. If not, let it go in a thoughtful and respectful way. However, be careful about your ego – which will want to argue with the feedback you don’t like as a way of survival (yet another paradox).

3) Give honest feedback to others

Be willing to speak up and share your feedback with others, with permission and in a productive way. This is not about “tit for tat” or some kind of competition, but if we really want to create relationships, teams, families, and environments where we can talk to each other in an open, vulnerable, and authentic way – we have to be willing to speak up and be real. Doing this not only gives us the opportunity to make a difference for others, but it also creates a standard by which we relate to one another and communicate.

Providing honest feedback is vital for fostering growth, building trust, and promoting effective communication. It enables people and teams to improve, encourages accountability, and strengthens relationships.

Have empathy and compassion for yourself and others as you engage in these types of honest conversations – they can be sensitive and challenging (especially at first). And, as we all know and have experienced, when we’re willing to get real and give each other honest feedback like this, it can be incredibly beneficial to each of us and all of us.

What can you do to get more honest and effective feedback?  Share your thoughts, ideas, challenges, and questions about this in the comments below.

Like this article? Here are three more!

Facing Challenges – How Do You Respond?
Asking For Help
Stop Worrying – It’s a Set Up for Failure 

 

Asking For Help

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How do you feel about asking people for help?

Many people, myself included, find it challenging, especially at certain times and in specific situations.

When I’m feeling stressed or pressured, I try to do everything myself  – either because I feel insecure about asking for support or because I self-righteously think that I’m the only one who can do it the “right” way.

Paradoxically, I can sometimes be quite pushy, forceful, and presumptuous with my requests for support.  Ah, to be human.

But I’ve learned that there’s a beautiful place of balance between going it all alone and demanding help from others in an obnoxious way.  This all stems from our ability to genuinely ask for and graciously receive the support of other people.  The irony of this whole phenomenon is that most of us love to help others, while many of us have a hard time asking others for help ourselves.

Asking for help can often make us feel vulnerable.  

Asking for help can bring out a sense of vulnerability in a lot of us. We usually think (somewhat erroneously) that we should be able to do everything ourselves, or that by admitting we need help, we’re somehow being weak. Many of us also get nervous to hear “no,” and by asking others for support, we put ourselves out there and risk being rejected.

But asking for help is essential for personal and professional growth. It fosters collaboration, strengthens relationships, and allows for the exchange of knowledge and support. It also demonstrates humility and a willingness to learn while also helping you better overcome challenges you otherwise may have struggled with.

What if we had more freedom to ask for what we wanted and for the specific support we need?  What if we could ask for help in a confident, humble, and empowering way?  What if we remembered that we’re worthy of other people’s support and that our ability to both ask for and receive help not only benefits us but also gives them an opportunity to contribute (which most people really want to do)?

It still might be a little scary, we may get disappointed, and on occasion, people may have some opinions or reactions to what we ask for or how we ask for it. But let’s not let our fear hold us back.

When we give ourselves permission and remind ourselves that it’s not only okay, but essential for us to ask for help – we can create a true sense of freedom, support, and empowerment in our lives, work, and relationships.

Things we can do to have more freedom and confidence when asking for help.

1) Make Genuine Requests, Without Attachment. 

A “genuine” request can be accepted or declined, without any consequence.  In other words, if we get really upset when someone says “no” to us, not only were we attached to the outcome, it probably wasn’t a real request to begin with (it was a demand).

When we ask for what we want, without being attached to the response, we have more freedom, and ultimately our chances of getting what we want are greatly increased.

2) Be Easy To Support.

There are some specific things we can do to make it easier to support us.  Such as:

  • Being open to the coaching and feedback of others
  • Thanking people for their support
  • Letting people do things to support us in their own unique way instead of micro-managing them (this one is often tough for me)
  • Allowing people’s support when it is offered

Be respectful, appreciative, and open-minded when receiving support. Clearly articulate your needs, listen to feedback, and be receptive to advice. All of this will go a long way in making it easier to support you.

3) Give Your Support to Others Generously.

When we put our attention on supporting other people, the universe has a way of returning the favor.  It may or may not always come back to us from the people we help specifically, and that’s okay.

We want to do our best not to “keep score,” as many of us often do, but instead to look for opportunities to genuinely help those around us.  When we do this, we remind ourselves of the power of support, and we experience it as the true “win-win” it is.

Authentically requesting support isn’t always easy. But by giving ourselves permission to ask for help we enhance our capacity for growth, connection, and collaboration with those around us.

What can you do to create more freedom and confidence in asking for and receiving the support you need?  Feel free to leave your thoughts, questions, and comments about this below.

Like this article? Here are three more:

It’s Okay to Make Mistakes
4 Things You Can Do to Dramatically Enhance Your Career
The Important Benefits of Being Grateful at Work

Express Yourself

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How honest are you?  While most of us aren’t bald-faced liars who go around deceiving people consciously, if we’re honest with ourselves about it, we often don’t fully speak our truth or express all of our emotions.  We’ve been trained and have in turn trained ourselves to be “appropriate” and to say and do the “right” thing so we can get what we want and look as good as possible in most situations.

For me, being a “nice guy,” a “people pleaser,” and wanting others to be impressed with me often poses a challenge when what I want to say or express doesn’t seem to fit into the “likeable” category.  Most of the people I know and work with have some “story” about themselves they want others to believe and therefore only feel comfortable sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings that match up with this story or the public “identity” that they put forth.

However, what if, even with whatever fear or resistance we each have – we were able to fully, passionately, and honestly express ourselves?

One way we can do this, which I talk about in Chapter Five of Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Principle 3 – Express Yourself), is to lower our “waterline.”  This idea is based on the metaphor of an iceberg, with just the tip of it popping up above the surface, and the rest of the iceberg (who we really are) down below the waterline.

The exercise that I share in the book and often do in my workshops, which I originally learned from my friends and mentors Rich and Yvonne Dutra-St. John, is called “if you really knew me.”  Each person in the group has a minute or two to complete the phrase, “if you really knew me, you’d know…” and then share some things about themselves in an honest, transparent, and vulnerable way.  It takes courage, safety, and trust to do this.  As I’ve seen time and time again, this exercise can have a profound impact on everyone involved.

Even though I’m feeling nervous as I write this and I worry that this is overly personal or possibly inappropriate for me to write in an “advice article” like this, I will share with you some things you’d know about me if we were sitting in a circle, doing this powerful exercise together.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I spend a lot of time and energy worrying about my physical appearance – obsessing about certain aspects of how I look (my hair, my skin, my eyes, my teeth, my weight, and more) and worrying that I don’t look good enough, that people can see me aging, losing my hair, and not taking care of myself – and that they’ll judge me or won’t like me because of it.

If you really, really knew me you’d know that I can’t seem to figure out how to stay on top of my life, my work, my finances, and all of my many personal and professional responsibilities in a way that feels balanced, workable, or peaceful.  Much of the time I feel like I am drowning, messing things up, and simply “pretending” to be happy and grateful.

If you really, really, really knew me you’d know that I believe my work, my message, and the gifts that I have are incredibly powerful, important, and meaningful.  I’m sometimes blown away by the impact I have on others.  I want to have an even deeper and bigger impact on people and the world, but my ego seems to think that I’m not doing enough, not being appreciated in the way I deserve, or that I better hurry up and “make it” before people really find out how full of it I am.

Wow…I can’t really believe I just shared all of that.  And, it feels both scary and liberating to have done so.  When we’re willing to own and express our truth, we can free ourselves from needless worry, hiding, and denial.  This allows us to be ourselves, live our lives with passion, and go for what we truly want in life.

Real authenticity is not some set of rules or a self-righteous definition about how people “should” be in life…it is the willingness and courage to be real, true, transparent, and vulnerable in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experience of being in relationship with others and living this magical, mysterious, wonderful, crazy, exciting thing we call life.

Authenticity Challenge: What You Can Do

Think about some important things you have not been willing to say or some intense feelings you have not been willing to express recently.  Make a commitment to yourself, even if you’re feeling scared or uncomfortable about it, to express yourself honestly about these important things.  Write them down, call a friend of family member, or talk to someone you fully trust.  What would they know about you if they really knew how you were feeling right now?  Reach out in a bold, vulnerable, and honest way and see what happens when you express yourself like this.  It can be magical and one of the most liberating experiences in life!  Have fun…

Transform Your Fear

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Fear is something that we all experience throughout our lives, especially on our journey toward deeper authenticity.  Being who we really are, expressing ourselves honestly, being bold, and going for what we want in life can cause a great deal of fear in us.

I get scared all the time.  When I was younger I thought there was something really wrong with me because I would get so nervous – in sports, in school, in social settings, and more.  I now understand that everyone else experiences their own version of the same basic fears I have (being judged, making mistakes, looking bad, failing, disappointing others, and more).  It’s just part of being human.

Many of us run away or hide from our fears because they seem scary, uncomfortable, or embarrassing.  We also erroneously think we “shouldn’t” have them or that we are somehow “wrong” for feeling scared.  However, most things that mean a lot to us in life don’t show up without any fear at all.  And as we strive to live with authenticity, it’s inevitable that we’ll experience quite a bit of fear along the way.

The question isn’t whether or not we experience fear in our lives (because we all do and always will for as long as we live); the more important question for each of us to ask and answer is, how can I move through my fears in an honest way so they don’t stop me from being who I really am and going for what I truly want in life?

How to move through your fear in a positive way:

1) Admit it – Acknowledge your fear, tell the truth about it, and be real.  When we feel scared and are willing to admit it with a sense of empathy and compassion for ourselves, it can often take the edge off and give us a little breathing room to begin with.

2) Own it – Take responsibility for your fear and own it as yours, not anyone else’s.  We often have a tendency to blame others for doing or saying things that “scare us.”  However, when we remember that no one else can “make” us scared – only we have that power – we take back the responsibility and the power of the fear and remember that it exists within us, so we are the only ones who can change it.

3) Feel it – Allow yourself to feel your fear, not just think about it or talk about it (something I often catch myself doing).  Feel it in your body and allow yourself to go into the emotion of it, even if it is scary or uncomfortable.  Like any emotion, when we feel our fear deeply and passionately, it has a way of dissipating.

4) Express it – Let it out.  Speak, write, emote, move your body, yell, or do whatever you feel is necessary for you to do to express your fear.  Similar to feeling any emotion with intensity, when we express emotions with intensity and passion, they move right through us.  When we repress our emotions, they get stuck and can become debilitating and dangerous.

5) Let it go – This one is often easier said than done – for me and many people I work with.  Letting go of our fear becomes much easier when we honestly admit, own, feel, and express it.  Letting go of our fear is a conscious and deliberate choice, not a reactionary form of denial.  Once you’ve allowed yourself the time to work through your fear, you can declare “I’m choosing to let go of my fear and use its energy in a positive way.”

6) Visualize the positive outcomes you desire – Think about, speak out loud, write down, or even close your eyes and visualize how you want things to be and, more important, how you want to feel.  If your fear is focused on something specific like your work, a relationship, money, etc. – visualize it being how you want it to be and allow yourself to feel how to ultimately want to feel.

7) Take action – Be willing to take bold and courageous actions, even if you’re still feeling nervous.  Your legs may shake, your voice might quiver, but that doesn’t have to stop you from saying what’s on your mind, taking a risk, making a request, trying something new, or being bold in a small or big way.  Doing this is what builds confidence and allow us to move through our fear.

Fear can and does stop us in life – from being ourselves, speaking our truth, and going for what we really want.  But, when we remember with compassion that there’s nothing wrong with us for getting scared and when we’re willing to lean into our fears with vulnerability and boldness – we can literally transform them into something that catapults our growth and fulfillment in life.