Would you like to be more effective at appreciating people around you?
Think about someone who’s shown you an act of kindness. What did they do or say that made you feel appreciated?
It can be as simple as a smile or a thank you, or, more significantly, lending a hand on a project or offering a shoulder to cry on.
No matter how big or small the act of appreciation is, we usually don’t forget the gesture and the impact.
I’ve been researching, writing, and speaking about appreciation for almost twenty-five years. One of the most important things I have learned is the distinction between recognition and appreciation.
The Power of Appreciation: Recognition vs. Appreciation
Recognition refers to the way we reward the actions of those around us. It’s important, since most of us like to be recognized, especially at work. We often get upset when we don’t get recognized, especially when we think we deserve it.
As important as recognition is, it’s also limited for a few reasons. First, recognition is always based on past actions, so it’s pretty limited in terms of anticipating the future. Plus, people can react to recognition in different ways, meaning that it can motivate them in different ways, too.
Perhaps the biggest issue with recognition is the fact that it focuses more on outcomes than people.
On the other hand, appreciation is about recognizing the inherent value of people. It’s about who people are, and less about what they have done or are doing. For example, a performance award is a type of recognition that’s based on a result which has to be earned. While there is nothing wrong with this, it’s inherently conditional.
Appreciation is not based on an outcome—you can tell someone that you’re grateful for them, let them know why you care about them, or acknowledge the value they bring, regardless of their performance.
If we want to ensure that the people around us feel cared about, we must acknowledge who they are as human beings rather than focusing solely on their accomplishments. In fact, sometimes, the most important time to appreciate someone is after they’ve failed or made a mistake. While we can’t always recognize the outcome, we can almost always acknowledge the effort and courage that it often takes to act.
Becoming a master at the art of appreciating others is about simultaneously recognizing the great things that people do, as well as proactively acknowledging them for who they are, the valuable qualities they have, and how they positively impact us and others by being who they are.
Appreciation in Action
Think of three people in your life who you interact with on a regular basis. What do you appreciate about each of them? Remember that it’s not about what they’ve done or accomplished, but who they are as people. It could be their attitude, commitment, friendship, humor, honesty, passion, wisdom, humility, kindness, joy, curiosity or many other qualities. As you think about each of these people, reflect on the ways they have positively impacted you and those around you.
Once you’ve had a chance to think about what you appreciate about these important people – reach out to them by phone or text to let them know. While it might feel a bit vulnerable for you and/or for them, if you share your appreciation with them genuinely, not only will it most likely touch and inspire them, it may also have a positive impact on you, your relationship with them, and any group or team you might be a part of with them. Have fun with it and be as generous, authentic, and courageous as possible.
Do you have thoughts on appreciation? Share them in the comments below. And if you enjoyed this blog post, here are three more to check out:
Apologize Authentically
Resolving Conflict
Expand your Capacity for Trust