Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

Appreciation

Be a Force for Good

9 Comments

In the wake of some of the recent events in the world and in light of so much of what we’ve all been through the past few years, I’ve been finding it challenging to focus on the good stuff, even though this is at the core of my approach to life and what I teach.

As I’ve been looking at this more deeply, I realize that my commitment is not necessarily to be “positive,” but to be a force for good in the world, regardless of the circumstances.

When facing challenges, I think it’s important to ask ourselves, “who do I want to be in the face of these difficulties?” 

Being a force for good doesn’t mean we have to be happy or always find the silver lining. It’s more about making a commitment to ourselves and to those around us that we’ll be part of the solution instead of simply commenting on or adding to the problems themselves.

Doing this allows us to overcome challenges and obstacles and turn problems into life lessons with positive outcomes.

When the issues we’re facing are geo-political, societal, or have to do with natural disasters (as has been the case in recent years), it can often seem overwhelming.  

However, how we show up, communicate, and respond to what’s happening around us in the world can have a significant and positive impact when we commit to being a force for good.

How to be a Force for Good

Here are a few things we can do or think about in this regard right now:

1) Look for ways you can help.  

Fred Rogers, one of my childhood heroes, famously said, “When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’.”  

He’s right – and I always try to remember this myself. 

In addition to looking for the helpers (and appreciating and honoring them), we can all be helpers in both big and small ways.  

Whether we donate money, make phone calls, post, or reach out and share our good thoughts and prayers, there are always ways to help.  

And being of service not only helps those we assist directly, but it’s also a way to act as a force for good, no matter the situation.

2) Be proactive with your complaints.  

There are two types of complaints – idle complaints (when we whine and moan about how bad things are) and proactive complaints (when we take issue with something and proactively bring it to the attention of those who can potentially do something about it).  

An excellent example of this here in our country is contacting our elected representatives – at the national, state, and local level.  

Whether we voted for them or not, they work for us.  Picking up the phone, writing a letter, sending an email, or posting on social media directly to one of our elected representatives and letting them know how we feel about something specific is a way we can influence change and be proactive with our complaints.  

Sitting around and talking about how awful something is, which is understandable and common, especially these days, doesn’t usually make things better. But proactive complaints can be the catalyst for positive and productive change in many situations.

3) Don’t get caught up in the drama.  

Over the past few years, I’ve been getting caught up in the constant drama of the daily headlines and news. It’s easy to do, especially given all that has been happening in our country and our world.  

However, this usually doesn’t feel great or allow us to be a real force for good. While I think many good journalists are doing essential and courageous work, the media as a whole is set up right now to get our attention and do whatever they can to have us watch, click, and then buy what they’re advertisers are selling.

The news often leads with shock, drama, fear, and outrage, since these things grab us emotionally and get our attention. We must be mindful of how we engage the news and the media.  

This constant fear/drama cycle often leads us to feel upset, discouraged, or even depressed. Sometimes the best thing we can do is unplug and look for ways to help.

4) Speak up with authenticity.  

There are lots of important things going on around us these days that are calling us to speak up. 

Speaking up is an important thing to do. It takes a lot of courage and can be a specific way for us to be a force for good. However, we must be authentic when we speak up.  

I define authenticity as honesty – self-righteousness + vulnerability. 

It’s important to be honest, but we must also remove our self-righteousness and add vulnerability (emotional exposure, risk, and uncertainty).  

We can have a real impact if we’re willing to speak up authentically. 

5) Focus on gratitude. 

During challenges and difficulties, it’s sometimes hard to focus on gratitude. But it’s also so essential for us to do. 

When we see people suffering, we can honor and support them by both acknowledging their pain and at the same time being grateful for our own blessings.  

Being grateful isn’t mutually exclusive with wanting to support and be of service to those who are in need. Even during challenging times, there is always so much we can appreciate.

Even though there have been a lot of challenges, pain, loss, and trauma in our country and our world recently, we always have a choice as to how we’re going to show up, what we’re going to do, and who we’re going to be in the face of all of this.  

To paraphrase the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, “Circumstances don’t define us, they reveal us.” 

Our friends, co-workers, teammates, family members, and the people in our communities benefit most when we show up as authentically as we possibly can and do our best to be a true force for good.

 

What can you do to be a force for good right now? Share your thoughts, feelings, and insights about this here below.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

 

Liked this article? Here are three more!

 

This article was published in 2017 and has been updated.

Love Your “Flaws”

11 Comments

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent more time than you’d like to admit trying to “fix” your “flaws.” Although I may pretend otherwise, many of my goals, desires, and even my motivation to grow and change has often come from a deep place of insecurity within me – thinking that if I could fix what was wrong with me, then everything would be okay. I recently had an insight (one which I’ve had before but this time, it came to me at a deeper level) that maybe instead of focusing on “fixing” my “flaws,” it’s more important to love your flaws and accept them instead. 

I’ve resisted this notion of loving my flaws for most of my life, worrying that if I loved the things I thought were wrong with me, they’d somehow never change, and I’d be stuck with them.

However, it is really love that leads to healing and transformation – which ultimately can create the actual change we say we’re looking for, or a true sense of acceptance that gives us access to authentic freedom and liberation, regardless of circumstances.

At a deep level, our “flaws” are subjective and based on our interpretations, perspectives, and judgments. We obsess about certain aspects of our body or appearance, personality, life, or work circumstances and deem them unacceptable.

But, the truth is, these things are just as they are – we add meaning and interpretation to them.

Regardless of how philosophical we get about it, most of us as human beings experience a sense of feeling flawed in certain aspects of our lives and at particular times in life. There is nothing wrong with us for feeling this way. Although, as we each know from experience, feeling flawed can rob us of our energy, passion, happiness, confidence, and life. It’s one of the most painful ways we allow our ego to run our lives, and it can have devastating consequences if we’re not conscious of it.

How to Love Your Flaws

Here are some ideas about how we can move through our experience of feeling “flawed” and to a place of acceptance, compassion, and love.

1. Acknowledge what’s true for you. 

The first step in almost every process of growth and change is about telling the truth instead of trying to avoid, run from, or pretend our “flaws” away. 

But, if we relate to some aspect of our bodies, personalities, relationships, careers, or lives in general as a flaw, we first have to get real about it if we’re going to do anything about it. 

2. Admit and express the underlying emotions. 

If we can identify, acknowledge, and ultimately express the genuine emotions we’re experiencing related to this perceived flaw, we can create a real sense of liberation for ourselves. 

If a specific aspect of your personality, body, or career bothers you and you find yourself feeling ashamed – as uncomfortable or negative as it may seem, the best thing you can do is acknowledge and express your shame. 

Emotions become positive when they are appropriately expressed. They turn negative when you deny and repress them. 

Although this is a different understanding of emotions than we’ve been taught, we’ve all had many liberating and positive experiences when we’ve expressed “negative” emotions (like sadness, anger, fear, and more). 

By expressing our real emotions, we can unlock and unhook ourselves from the drama and suffering of the situation, which is caused by our denial and repression of these emotions, not the feelings themselves.

3. Forgive yourself. 

Forgiving yourself plays a huge role in learning how to love your flaws. This is something that many of us, myself included, don’t have a lot of experience with. 

Most of us have been trained to be hard on ourselves and that forgiveness must come from someone or something outside us. However, true forgiveness comes from within us and is what ultimately sets us free. 

When we feel “flawed,” we often have a lot of blame and judgment – some of which may be directed towards other people or situations, but beneath that, most of it is directed at us. When we can forgive ourselves authentically, we create the space for real change and healing.

4. Appreciate.

The word appreciate doesn’t necessarily mean like, agree with, or enjoy. 

Appreciate means to recognize the value of something. 

What have you learned about yourself and life by dealing with this “flaw?” 

While pain and challenges are not the only ways to grow in life, one of the many benefits of our issues is that we get to learn a great deal about ourselves, others, and life in the process of dealing with them. 

When we reach a state of genuine appreciation and gratitude for the learning associated with the difficulty, we can move out of feeling sorry for ourselves (which never helps). It’s impossible to experience gratitude and victimhood simultaneously.

5. Love. 

The ultimate antidote for all suffering is love. Your ability to love your flaws and care for them with kindness and compassion (as you would for a child, a pet, or a loved one) will ultimately heal you and allow the true transformation you’re looking for to take place. 

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. When we love our flaws, we create an environment where we can either make the specific changes we truly want (from an authentic place of intention) or learn to love and accept ourselves whether an actual “change” takes place. 

Any issue, malady, or problem that shows up in our lives is an opportunity for us to deepen our capacity for love, acceptance, and compassion.

All of these things, in my own experience, are much easier said than done. And, when we can tell the truth, express our real emotions, forgive ourselves, appreciate our flaws, and bring love to all aspects of our lives (both light and dark), we allow ourselves to transcend our flaws in an authentic way. 

Loving your flaws takes a great deal of intention, support, compassion, and patience. It’s much easier to take a pill, avoid ourselves, get busy and distracted, whine and complain, pretend things are “fine,” and various other things we’ve learned to do in life. 

Leaning into our “flaws” authentically and doing so with acceptance of ourselves is how we can genuinely heal and end the cycle of suffering.

How can you appreciate and love your flaws as a way to create freedom in your life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

Liked this article? Here are three more!

This article was originally published on January 11, 2010, and updated for 2022.

The Trap of Comparison with Others

6 Comments

How often do you compare yourself to others? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know and work with, you probably compare yourself to others more than you’d like to admit. 

And, as you may have noticed (like I have), this comparison process never seems to feel good or work well.

I got an email a while back from a woman who suggested that I check out the website of another author/speaker. She said he reminded her of me and thought we should know each other. 

I looked at his website and was very impressed. However, my Gremlin (that negative, critical voice in my head) started telling me how much better this guy was than me. “Look at him – he’s a stud: funny, good-looking, and super tech-savvy. His site is way cooler than yours, his approach is more hip, and he has this whole thing figured out much better than you do.”

After looking at his website and listening to my Gremlin, I felt jealous, inferior, and self-conscious.  

Can you relate to this?

Sadly, many of us waste lots of time and energy comparing ourselves to others. Often we feel inferior to people based on our own self-judgment and/or our perception that they are better than we are.

The trap of comparison is that we’re stuck in a negative loop if we feel less than someone else or even better than another person. It’s actually the opposite side of the same coin in either case.

All of this is an insatiable ego game that ultimately sets us up to lose. Comparison to others leads to jealousy, anxiety, judgment, criticism, separation, loneliness, etc.

It’s normal for us to compare ourselves to others – especially given how most of our parents raised us, the competitive culture in which we live, and the way we engage with the world today through social media. 

However, this comparison game can have severe consequences on our self-esteem, relationships, work, and overall life experience.

The irony is that almost everyone feels this way. We often erroneously think that if we just made more money, lost some weight, got a better job, moved into a nicer place, had more outward “success,” found the “perfect” partner, or whatever – then these insecure and unhealthy feelings of inferior/superior comparison would go away. Not true.

We can transform our comparison process into an experience of growth, connection, self-acceptance, and self-love – and ultimately let it go – by dealing with it directly and going to the source – us and how we relate to ourselves.

How to Stop Focusing on Comparison With Others

Here are some things you can do to unhook yourself from comparison with others.

1. Have empathy and compassion for yourself.  

When we notice we’re comparing ourselves to other people and feeling either inferior or superior, it’s essential to have a deep sense of compassion and empathy for ourselves. 

Comparison almost always comes from a place of insecurity and fear, not of deficiency or mal-intent. Judging ourselves as less than someone else or judging ourselves for going into comparison mode in the first place (which many of us do once we become aware of our tendency to do this) doesn’t help. This judgment causes more harm and keeps us stuck in the negative pattern.

2. Use comparison as an opportunity to accept, appreciate, and love yourself. 

When comparison shows up, there is usually a lack of acceptance, appreciation, and love for ourselves. 

Instead of feeling bad about what we think is wrong with us or critical of ourselves for being judgmental in the first place, what if we took this as a cue to take care of and nurture ourselves in an authentic way.

3. Be willing to admit your jealousy. 

One of the best ways to release something is to admit and own it. While this can be a little scary and vulnerable to do, when we have the courage to admit our jealousy, we can own it in a liberating way to both other people and us. Acknowledging that we feel jealous of another person’s success, talent, accomplishment, or quality is a great way to let go of it and remove the barrier we may feel with that person or experience.

If you find yourself jealous of someone you don’t know (like a celebrity or just someone you haven’t met personally), you can acknowledge these feelings to someone close to you or even in a meditation with an image of that actual person.

4. Acknowledge the people you compare yourself to.  

Another great way to break through the negative impact of comparison to others is to reach out to them with some genuine appreciation. 

After a few minutes of feeling bad about myself, I reached out to the guy whose website I looked at, acknowledged him for his excellent work, and asked if we could connect. It felt good and liberating to do that. 

The more excited we’re willing to get for other people’s success, talents, and experiences – the more likely we are to manifest positive feelings and outcomes in our lives. There is not a finite amount of success or fulfillment – and when we acknowledge people we compare ourselves to, we remind ourselves that there is more than enough to go around and that we’re capable of experiencing and manifesting wonderful things in our own lives too.

 

How often do you compare yourself to others? How does this impact your life, relationships, and sense of yourself? What can you do to let go of this habit and be more loving, accepting, and appreciative of yourself? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

 

Liked this article? Here are three more!

 

The Power of Listening

4 Comments

How well do you listen to the people around you? Listening can be challenging, especially these days, but the power of listening is so important.

When we listen, it allows us to better understand ourselves and other people too.

However, with all of the distractions around us and within our own heads, it’s incredible that we ever hear anything that anyone says at all.

By listening, we can become better leaders and learners.

The Power of Listening and All of its Benefits

Listening is not only the most essential aspect of communication – it can make or break our relationships.

Listening has a significant effect on our ability to appreciate, respond to, and empower others.

Here are some of the benefits of listening:

Listening shows respect

By listening to others, you show them respect. You let them know that you care about what they’re saying and that you value their perspective.

When you show respect to others, they will show it back to you as well.

Listening helps you understand

When you use the power of listening, you can better understand what people are saying, why they are saying it, and where they are coming from.

If listening is a challenge for you, welcome to the club. It can be very difficult to do and to do well, especially in today’s fast-paced, virtual world.

Listening can help prevent misunderstandings, conflict, and confusion.

Listening helps foster relationships

When someone knows that you are truly listening, it can help improve your relationship with them.

Showing that you care by listening can go a long way in helping foster relationships.

People are grateful for others who know how to listen.

The Three Levels of Listening

By understanding these three levels of listening, it can show us what to do to become more effective in our ability to listen to others.

1. Be Present

Give the person your full attention. Stop everything you are doing, whether you are typing on your phone or computer, watching TV, or anything else.

Multi-tasking doesn’t work when you’re listening to others.

By being present, you will hear everything the other person is saying. You will make them feel acknowledged and important.

2. Form an Emotional Connection

When we are present, we can listen between the words. We can hear and feel where someone is coming from.

When we connect with the person emotionally, it’s much easier to resolve a conflict, understand them, or figure out how to support them.

3. Listen in an Empowering Way

How do you feel about the person who is talking?

The “filter” we listen through has everything to do with what we hear and how we relate to the other person. If our filter (i.e. opinion) of the other person or what they are saying is not empowering, see if you can “upgrade” it (i.e., find the good stuff).

When we listen in an empowering way, we take responsibility for our judgments and realize that our opinions color what we hear and how we hear it.

It’s challenging to have an empowering or positive conversation with someone whom we judge in a negative way.

It may not be easy, but being committed to healthy communications and relationships means identifying our judgments and then doing whatever we can to move through them, which will allow us to listen to others in an empowering way.

The Power of Listening Requires Us to do the Internal Work

When we’re able to do the internal work it takes to become better listeners, we can enhance our relationships in a profound way.

Being someone who can listen to others is such a vital skill, especially these days.

It’s not always easy. It takes some practice and humility and is an ongoing, moment-by-moment phenomenon.

However, listening to others can allow for so many positive things:

  • Improved communication
  • Resolved conflicts
  • Deeper connection
  • Greater appreciation
  • Enhanced understanding
  • Increased learning
  • Profound awareness

Have fun with it as you practice the power of listening.

See if you can put some attention today and the rest of this week on taking time to put a deeper effort into listening to the people around you.

Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more here on my blog below.

I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.

Liked this post? Here are three more!

This article was published on September 30, 2008, and updated for 2021.

Being Bold : What Does it Mean to You?

7 Comments

What does being bold mean to you? 

Bold people are daring and courageous—they’re not afraid to break the rules. They have their own identity and are willing to express it. 

Are you that type of person?

Do you consider yourself bold?

Some of us do, but most people I know and work with, myself included, admit that they don’t often think of themselves as bold.  

Even when some of us have moments of boldness, these moments can be scary and are often few/far between.

Why is this?

Because we sometimes don’t have the courage to be bold or we don’t find ourselves going for it in our work and our life—or not nearly as much as we’d like (especially during these difficult times).

Being bold is essential to living a fulfilling life

While scary and challenging for many of us, being bold is essential if we’re going to live an authentic, successful, and fulfilling life.  Boldness is about stepping up and stepping out onto our edge in life—pushing the limits of what we think is possible or even appropriate.  

It’s about living, speaking, and acting in ways that are both courageous and true to who we are.

Because we’re all unique, our individual versions of boldness will look quite different.  

Something that might be bold for me may not be so for you—or vice versa.  Going for it has to do with us getting in touch with our deepest truths, passions, and desires in life and then having the courage to live and act out loud in a way that is congruent with this.

5 Tips On How to Be Bold

Here are five key reminders of what it takes to be bold and go for it in life:

1. Be True to Yourself

A part of being bold includes having the ability to honor yourself, your emotions, and the things you believe in.

Tell and live your truth with courage, vulnerability, and commitment.  

Think about who you are and what is important to you. Don’t be afraid to admit when you’ve made a mistake, gone off course, or done something that’s out of integrity for yourself.

Remember that we all feel lost at times. Being true to who we are is about being ruthlessly honest and also forgiving ourselves (and others) fiercely and compassionately.

2. Live with Passion

Passion comes from within us, not from the external circumstances, events, activities, or people in our lives. 

Being bold is about going for it, not holding back, and giving ourselves fully to our work, relationships, and lives.  

To be bold, we must live with passion and be true to that passion. 

3. Step Out

Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself.

Say and do things that are outside of your comfort zone. Do things that scare you. 

When you start to challenge yourself, you force yourself to step out in life and to step more fully into who you really are. 

Sometimes when we try to step out of our comfort zone, we get scared. We don’t think we’re ready, we sometimes don’t know exactly what we’re supposed to do, and we rarely have a guarantee that things will work out.  So what. 

As Ray Bradbury famously said, “Jump and build your wings on the way down.”

4. Create a Dream Team

Never be afraid to ask for support and lean on others. Sometimes our support systems are what can help us get through challenging times.

Support, inspiration, and accountability from other people are essential along our journey of boldness and authenticity.  

You can’t do it all by yourself, which is why it is so important to understand when to reach out to others who believe in you, will tell you the truth, and can help you when you get stuck.  

Create a “dream team” of powerful and supportive people around you with whom you can share your hopes, dreams, and ideas.  Be willing to ask for and receive their support, contribution, and generosity.

5. When You Fall, Get Back Up 

We all fall – and that’s okay.

It’s essential to make peace with the fact that you will fall, probably a lot, especially if you’re going for it and playing big in life.  

How we respond to falling down is what truly makes the difference in our lives. How we get back up when we fall is how we become bold.

When we’re willing to get back up, dust ourselves off, be honest about how we feel, and not let it stop us from going for what we want – we tap into what true power, boldness, and authenticity are all about!

What are you willing to do in your life right now to step out and go for what you want boldly? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more on my blog below.

I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.

 

Liked this post? Here are three more!

 

This article was published on February 17, 2011, and updated for 2021.

[multiple]
[multiple]
[size]
[size]
[disabled]
[disabled]
[readonly]
[readonly]