Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

Mike Robbins

Love Your “Flaws”

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If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent more time than you’d like to admit trying to “fix” your “flaws.” Although I may pretend otherwise, many of my goals, desires, and even my motivation to grow and change has often come from a deep place of insecurity within me – thinking that if I could fix what was wrong with me, then everything would be okay. I recently had an insight (one which I’ve had before but this time, it came to me at a deeper level) that maybe instead of focusing on “fixing” my “flaws,” it’s more important to love your flaws and accept them instead. 

I’ve resisted this notion of loving my flaws for most of my life, worrying that if I loved the things I thought were wrong with me, they’d somehow never change, and I’d be stuck with them.

However, it is really love that leads to healing and transformation – which ultimately can create the actual change we say we’re looking for, or a true sense of acceptance that gives us access to authentic freedom and liberation, regardless of circumstances.

At a deep level, our “flaws” are subjective and based on our interpretations, perspectives, and judgments. We obsess about certain aspects of our body or appearance, personality, life, or work circumstances and deem them unacceptable.

But, the truth is, these things are just as they are – we add meaning and interpretation to them.

Regardless of how philosophical we get about it, most of us as human beings experience a sense of feeling flawed in certain aspects of our lives and at particular times in life. There is nothing wrong with us for feeling this way. Although, as we each know from experience, feeling flawed can rob us of our energy, passion, happiness, confidence, and life. It’s one of the most painful ways we allow our ego to run our lives, and it can have devastating consequences if we’re not conscious of it.

How to Love Your Flaws

Here are some ideas about how we can move through our experience of feeling “flawed” and to a place of acceptance, compassion, and love.

1. Acknowledge what’s true for you. 

The first step in almost every process of growth and change is about telling the truth instead of trying to avoid, run from, or pretend our “flaws” away. 

But, if we relate to some aspect of our bodies, personalities, relationships, careers, or lives in general as a flaw, we first have to get real about it if we’re going to do anything about it. 

2. Admit and express the underlying emotions. 

If we can identify, acknowledge, and ultimately express the genuine emotions we’re experiencing related to this perceived flaw, we can create a real sense of liberation for ourselves. 

If a specific aspect of your personality, body, or career bothers you and you find yourself feeling ashamed – as uncomfortable or negative as it may seem, the best thing you can do is acknowledge and express your shame. 

Emotions become positive when they are appropriately expressed. They turn negative when you deny and repress them. 

Although this is a different understanding of emotions than we’ve been taught, we’ve all had many liberating and positive experiences when we’ve expressed “negative” emotions (like sadness, anger, fear, and more). 

By expressing our real emotions, we can unlock and unhook ourselves from the drama and suffering of the situation, which is caused by our denial and repression of these emotions, not the feelings themselves.

3. Forgive yourself. 

Forgiving yourself plays a huge role in learning how to love your flaws. This is something that many of us, myself included, don’t have a lot of experience with. 

Most of us have been trained to be hard on ourselves and that forgiveness must come from someone or something outside us. However, true forgiveness comes from within us and is what ultimately sets us free. 

When we feel “flawed,” we often have a lot of blame and judgment – some of which may be directed towards other people or situations, but beneath that, most of it is directed at us. When we can forgive ourselves authentically, we create the space for real change and healing.

4. Appreciate.

The word appreciate doesn’t necessarily mean like, agree with, or enjoy. 

Appreciate means to recognize the value of something. 

What have you learned about yourself and life by dealing with this “flaw?” 

While pain and challenges are not the only ways to grow in life, one of the many benefits of our issues is that we get to learn a great deal about ourselves, others, and life in the process of dealing with them. 

When we reach a state of genuine appreciation and gratitude for the learning associated with the difficulty, we can move out of feeling sorry for ourselves (which never helps). It’s impossible to experience gratitude and victimhood simultaneously.

5. Love. 

The ultimate antidote for all suffering is love. Your ability to love your flaws and care for them with kindness and compassion (as you would for a child, a pet, or a loved one) will ultimately heal you and allow the true transformation you’re looking for to take place. 

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. When we love our flaws, we create an environment where we can either make the specific changes we truly want (from an authentic place of intention) or learn to love and accept ourselves whether an actual “change” takes place. 

Any issue, malady, or problem that shows up in our lives is an opportunity for us to deepen our capacity for love, acceptance, and compassion.

All of these things, in my own experience, are much easier said than done. And, when we can tell the truth, express our real emotions, forgive ourselves, appreciate our flaws, and bring love to all aspects of our lives (both light and dark), we allow ourselves to transcend our flaws in an authentic way. 

Loving your flaws takes a great deal of intention, support, compassion, and patience. It’s much easier to take a pill, avoid ourselves, get busy and distracted, whine and complain, pretend things are “fine,” and various other things we’ve learned to do in life. 

Leaning into our “flaws” authentically and doing so with acceptance of ourselves is how we can genuinely heal and end the cycle of suffering.

How can you appreciate and love your flaws as a way to create freedom in your life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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This article was originally published on January 11, 2010, and updated for 2022.

The Power of Patience

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Patience is powerful. It can help us persevere, reduce stress, and overcome challenges.

Patience may be a virtue, but it’s something I often find challenging. How about you?

Given the pace, uncertainty, and intensity of life and work these days, I don’t think I’m alone in the struggle to be patient.  

But why can it be so difficult to be patient? How can we be more patient with ourselves and those around us…at work and in life?

We live in an intense, fast-paced world. Everything is about speed, scale, and execution.

Slowing down has never been a strength for me in my life. I’ve always found it difficult to let things be and trust the process. 

However, this is actually what patience is all about – allowing things to be as they are and trusting that things will unfold as they are meant to.

It’s hard to do this in the best of circumstances, but over the last few years, it’s been even more challenging. One thing that can make patience specifically tricky is the fear that things won’t work out. 

While taking deliberate action and being proactive are essential, finding balance is also important. 

In my life, I’m often on the side of action and focus, which can, unfortunately, turn into control. 

As the saying goes, “Slow and steady wins the race.”  But, many of us collectively struggle to be patient and trust the process. Being patient is challenging for many of us – but there are real benefits to it regarding our wellbeing and success.

How to Embrace the Power of Patience

Here are some things we can do to be more patient…

1. Trust

Trust the process, trust yourself, and trust life. 

The psychological concept of basic trust is the belief that the world is safe – that we can trust life and the people around us. 

Having basic trust can be challenging depending on your life experiences and the things you’ve been through, as well as who you are, where you come from, and what you look like. 

But being able to trust life, the process, and the people around you, can help you overcome challenges and the need to be vigilant.  

2. Slow Down

Why are we moving so fast? 

Slowing down is more of a mindset, energy, and perspective. Sometimes patience is a process of allowing things to happen at their own pace and to be as they are.

The opposite of patience is forcing, speeding, and rushing through things. If we can slow down, we can create more space that allows us to be more patient.

3. Allow Things to Unfold

There is real power in pausing, even if for an extra second or two. Take a pause. Let things breathe. Allow things to flow. Trust that things are manifesting and unfolding as they’re meant to…give them enough space to do so.

4. Let Go of Control

Life is like rowing a boat. Many of us are rowing our boats upstream and wondering why we’re not moving. Sometimes instead of fighting to row harder against the current, we can simply just let go of the oars. 

This is all about allowing things to happen and going with the flow. What if we just let the current of the water take us? 

Doing this requires trust, slowing down, being patient, and trusting the process. Sometimes in life, we try to control things instead of letting them be. We have the ability to go with the flow and trust that we will eventually get where we need to go.

5. Remember That Whatever You’re Going Through Will Pass

Things have a way of working themselves out. 

We all go through struggles. Bad, painful, and challenging things happen to everyone in the world. But each of us have made it through 100% of the challenges we’ve ever faced up to this point in life.  If we’re still here, nothing has taken us out completely up to this point – even things we thought would. 

Try this exercise: when you’re going through something challenging, it can be helpful to list some of the most difficult things you’ve been through in your life. This can help remind us that we’ve been through a lot, overcome a lot, and learned a lot. You may have thought that you weren’t going to get through some of the things on the list – but you did. And usually, those are the most important lessons in our lives. 

Remember: this too shall pass. 

When facing a difficult challenge, ask yourself the following questions: 

What good is here that I can’t see? 

How might I be able to benefit from this? 

Why is this happening for me? 

These mindsets and approaches can help us be more patient when things aren’t going the way we want them to and they allow us to tap into the power of patience more broadly.

 

Where can you practice the power of patience in your life right now? Where do you see yourself being impatient? How can you bring more patience into your life?  Feel free to leave your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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The Trap of Comparison with Others

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How often do you compare yourself to others? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know and work with, you probably compare yourself to others more than you’d like to admit. 

And, as you may have noticed (like I have), this comparison process never seems to feel good or work well.

I got an email a while back from a woman who suggested that I check out the website of another author/speaker. She said he reminded her of me and thought we should know each other. 

I looked at his website and was very impressed. However, my Gremlin (that negative, critical voice in my head) started telling me how much better this guy was than me. “Look at him – he’s a stud: funny, good-looking, and super tech-savvy. His site is way cooler than yours, his approach is more hip, and he has this whole thing figured out much better than you do.”

After looking at his website and listening to my Gremlin, I felt jealous, inferior, and self-conscious.  

Can you relate to this?

Sadly, many of us waste lots of time and energy comparing ourselves to others. Often we feel inferior to people based on our own self-judgment and/or our perception that they are better than we are.

The trap of comparison is that we’re stuck in a negative loop if we feel less than someone else or even better than another person. It’s actually the opposite side of the same coin in either case.

All of this is an insatiable ego game that ultimately sets us up to lose. Comparison to others leads to jealousy, anxiety, judgment, criticism, separation, loneliness, etc.

It’s normal for us to compare ourselves to others – especially given how most of our parents raised us, the competitive culture in which we live, and the way we engage with the world today through social media. 

However, this comparison game can have severe consequences on our self-esteem, relationships, work, and overall life experience.

The irony is that almost everyone feels this way. We often erroneously think that if we just made more money, lost some weight, got a better job, moved into a nicer place, had more outward “success,” found the “perfect” partner, or whatever – then these insecure and unhealthy feelings of inferior/superior comparison would go away. Not true.

We can transform our comparison process into an experience of growth, connection, self-acceptance, and self-love – and ultimately let it go – by dealing with it directly and going to the source – us and how we relate to ourselves.

How to Stop Focusing on Comparison With Others

Here are some things you can do to unhook yourself from comparison with others.

1. Have empathy and compassion for yourself.  

When we notice we’re comparing ourselves to other people and feeling either inferior or superior, it’s essential to have a deep sense of compassion and empathy for ourselves. 

Comparison almost always comes from a place of insecurity and fear, not of deficiency or mal-intent. Judging ourselves as less than someone else or judging ourselves for going into comparison mode in the first place (which many of us do once we become aware of our tendency to do this) doesn’t help. This judgment causes more harm and keeps us stuck in the negative pattern.

2. Use comparison as an opportunity to accept, appreciate, and love yourself. 

When comparison shows up, there is usually a lack of acceptance, appreciation, and love for ourselves. 

Instead of feeling bad about what we think is wrong with us or critical of ourselves for being judgmental in the first place, what if we took this as a cue to take care of and nurture ourselves in an authentic way.

3. Be willing to admit your jealousy. 

One of the best ways to release something is to admit and own it. While this can be a little scary and vulnerable to do, when we have the courage to admit our jealousy, we can own it in a liberating way to both other people and us. Acknowledging that we feel jealous of another person’s success, talent, accomplishment, or quality is a great way to let go of it and remove the barrier we may feel with that person or experience.

If you find yourself jealous of someone you don’t know (like a celebrity or just someone you haven’t met personally), you can acknowledge these feelings to someone close to you or even in a meditation with an image of that actual person.

4. Acknowledge the people you compare yourself to.  

Another great way to break through the negative impact of comparison to others is to reach out to them with some genuine appreciation. 

After a few minutes of feeling bad about myself, I reached out to the guy whose website I looked at, acknowledged him for his excellent work, and asked if we could connect. It felt good and liberating to do that. 

The more excited we’re willing to get for other people’s success, talents, and experiences – the more likely we are to manifest positive feelings and outcomes in our lives. There is not a finite amount of success or fulfillment – and when we acknowledge people we compare ourselves to, we remind ourselves that there is more than enough to go around and that we’re capable of experiencing and manifesting wonderful things in our own lives too.

 

How often do you compare yourself to others? How does this impact your life, relationships, and sense of yourself? What can you do to let go of this habit and be more loving, accepting, and appreciative of yourself? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

 

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The Power of Forgiveness

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The power of forgiveness is so important for our relationships, teams, and overall well-being. But it can be difficult, especially these days.  

Resentment doesn’t serve us. 

As the saying goes, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” We are the ones taking the poison in and somehow think it will impact the other person, but it usually doesn’t.

What can we do to release resentment and forgive the people around us?

We all hold onto those little subtle things that we don’t know how to address – things that create resentment in our lives and build up over time. These small things damage our relationships and trust. They impact our teams and culture. 

We have to learn how to address these things, but first, we must understand why many of us find it so hard to forgive.

What Makes Forgiveness So Challenging?

Forgiveness is challenging for many reasons. Here are a few of them.

1. We aren’t taught forgiveness.

Most of us do not learn much about forgiveness as we grow up. We learn how to navigate relationships and conflicts, but we don’t learn how to forgive after getting let down, disappointed, or heartbroken.

If we did get any education around forgiveness, it was to ‘let it go.’ While there is good intention underneath that, it’s not always helpful or empowering.

2. We don’t like to forgive.

Let’s be honest, we sometimes like holding grudges and resentments. We get off on feeling morally superior to others and holding resentments.

And while holding on to grudges is not healthy, helpful, or pleasurable, there is something we get out of it. We think holding onto grudges allows us to get rid of some of the pain and negativity, but it doesn’t get to the root of it and doesn’t allow us to be free.

In addition to this, many of us don’t like to forgive because we use it as an excuse for why things aren’t working out in our lives.  It’s easier to blame others or unfair circumstances, than it is to take responsibility for our lives.

3. Sometimes, we’re afraid to forgive.

Many of us are afraid to forgive because we worry that if we forgive a specific person or situation, we’re condoning their behavior and “letting them off the hook.” 

We want people to be responsible and accountable for what they did, and if we forgive them, they somehow get a pass.

But this isn’t true. Forgiveness is for us – it’s about freeing us from the pain, stress, resentment, and negativity we carry about the person or situation.

Forgiving someone or letting go of resentment doesn’t mean that we’re saying that whatever a person did is okay. We choose to forgive that person because we don’t want to relive the pain of that situation over again anymore – we don’t want to carry around that resentment anymore because it’s harmful to us.

How Can We Embrace the Power of Forgiveness?

If you have trouble or challenges forgiving, you’re not alone. Everyone struggles with this to some degree or another. It’s challenging to authentically forgive.

So what can we do?

1. Let go.

Don’t run away to avoid it. Think about all the resentment you hold – big and small. Create a list in your journal or with your therapist of what you hold onto – the baggage you carry. List the biggest resentments to the smallest ones.

It’s very likely that you are ready to let go of many of your resentments. Do you really want to hang on to something that someone said or did years, maybe even decades ago?

I’m not minimizing certain situations or traumas. If you’re not ready to let go of certain things, that’s fine too.

But what are you willing to let go of?

Ultimately, it’s a choice. You choose what you want to hold on to and what you want to let go of. 

2. Talk to the person directly. 

Have what I call a “sweaty-palmed conversation.” 

Having the conversation might be difficult and scary for you – and it might not always get resolved, but it’s a practical solution.

Most people feel much better after talking to someone they have an issue with or feel resentful towards – I certainly do. 

And while having a conversation may make you feel better, it doesn’t mean that the situation is magically resolved. You may not feel better after talking to people depending on the issue or nature of the person – but it will often help.

3. Write them a note.

The note can be in the form of an email, text message, hand-written letter, etc. Communicate with the person with the intention of having a conversation or saying what you need to forgive and let go. 

This is also something you can do to someone who has passed away or you no longer have communication with. If you cannot send the person the letter, just get all your feelings out.

4. Write an anger letter. 

Write an anger letter knowing you’re not going to send it to the person. This letter is going to be for you. Vent on the page – get it all out of your head.

You can keep it for a few days and re-read it, but destroy it once you feel like you’ve gotten all your emotions out. It’s like a message to your subconscious – you get all your feelings out, and let go.

This is another exercise you can do if the person is no longer in your life and you have no other way of letting go of your feelings toward the person.

5. Talk to a proxy (or to yourself).

Voice dialoguing with another human is extremely helpful. It could be a coach, therapist, or friend. 

That person will stand in for the person you hold resentment towards. Talk to that person as if they are the one you have the anger for.

It’s incredible what can happen when we do this because if we can get it out – get out all those emotions, feelings of anger and resentment – sometimes it helps us release our feelings of anger and resentment. 

You can also create a voice note and have a conversation with the person you are trying to forgive. You won’t send it to them, but just like writing an angry letter, you’re letting it out. You’re releasing the emotions. 

6. Practice meditation and visualization.

While meditating, try to visualize the person there. Imagine having a conversation with them about your feelings.

Visualization helps us remove negative emotions and focus our attention on positive things that can create change to our lives. Our minds cant differentiate between visualizing and what is real. That’s why visualization is such a crucial part of manifestation. 

7. Pray and ask for guidance.

Whether you’re religious or not, ask for guidance. Ask for the universe to help you let go of your resentment and frustration. 

Ultimately, the power of forgiveness comes from intention. 

We can lighten our load and take some of the emotional rocks out of the bags we carry around, we can let go of the resentments that hold us back. 

Forgiveness is a challenging but crucial aspect of our inner work. It is also a critical part of creating teams and relationships filled with authenticity and depth. 

Forgiving Ourselves

The most challenging aspect of forgiveness is forgiving ourselves – forgiving ourselves for holding onto a grudge for so long. 

Start with forgiving yourself. Do you forgive yourself for holding a grudge? 

Forgiving yourself is the first step that will open up space to forgive other people. 

What can you do right now to embrace the power of forgiveness?  Feel free to share your thoughts, ideas, or questions in the comments below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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The Difficulty and Necessity of Accountability

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I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with accountability. Similar to feedback, I know how important it is for us to hold ourselves and others accountable.

It’s so essential to effectively embrace accountability ourselves and within our teams. It benefits us, our teams, and everyone around us.  And yet, it can be scary.

Why Accountability is so Important – and Stressful

Accountability often falls into the same category as conflict and feedback. Most of us don’t like getting or giving it, but it’s necessary.

So, why is accountability so hard for a lot of us?

We put stress and pressure on ourselves when we make a commitment and say we’re going to do something. We don’t want to mess up, disappoint people, or break our word. 

Accountability can be challenging because many of us have past trauma from it. It might be filled with shame or judgment – and that’s a big reason why many people shy away from it.

How do you hold someone accountable without shame, judgment, or-self righteousness? How do you hold yourself accountable without these things as well?

It can be difficult to create accountability for ourselves and to hold other people accountable in a healthy and productive way.

However, accountability is necessary for so many aspects of life—growth, relationships, success, and business. Without it, it’s difficult for us to get things done or push ourselves past our perceived limits.

Having Someone to Hold You Accountable

When we commit to things and have someone else outside of us hold us accountable, it motivates us. 

Utilize the people around you – your team, family, and people you trust. Use them as a support mechanism. Make a commitment to them and hold yourself accountable. Knowing that someone else outside of you is holding you accountable will push you to accomplish whatever you set out to do.

Where can you use some accountability in your life? Where can you use support or guidance to hold you accountable and keep you focused on things you’ve been avoiding?

If we hold ourselves and others accountable without shame and judgment, we can make adjustments. We can better approach accountability by having some structure, tracking what we do, and having someone outside of us to whom we can talk or make commitments.

This is one way our team can be an incredibly valuable resource to us and everyone else on the team. It’s like playing on a sports team. There’s built-in accountability on every sports team because you have to count on each other to win. Each team member is accountable for putting in the work, putting in the effort, showing up on time, etc.

Use the People Around You to Hold You Accountable in a Healthy Way

You have to have clear and healthy expectations when it comes to accountability.

Where can you use and seek out accountability? Where is accountability missing or lacking in your team, group, or family? Who can you talk to that will help you embrace those important but sometimes uncomfortable sweaty-palmed conversations? 

We all have to grapple with the challenge of accountability. A lot of us have a love-hate relationship with it. We fear it, but we need it in life.

Look at your life. Who can you trust to lean on and to create more accountability? Learn how to build that muscle of holding each other accountable without shame, self-righteousness, or judgment. Build that muscle with truth, compassion, and clarity and see what happens.

Fee free to share your thoughts, ideas, or questions in the comments below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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