Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

gratitude

5 Ways to Have a Great Thanksgiving

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Many of us have a love/hate relationship with the holidays—myself included. While Thanksgiving is meant to be a meaningful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection, those sentiments often get lost in a sea of stress, grief, obligation, disappointment, and/or messy family drama.

If you’re like me and many people I know, it can be easy to get stressed out, upset, and frustrated at this time of year, especially these days. But what if we could make Thanksgiving more fun? What if we focused on being who we are, appreciating our loved ones, being real about how we feel, and expressing our gratitude in a genuine way?

Here are five things we can do to have a positive Thanksgiving experience this year:

1. Be Yourself

It’s often easier said than done to be ourselves, especially around those we gather with at the holidays. And yet, this Thanksgiving, let’s try to set aside all the thoughts about who we should be and how we should act around our family, friends, in-laws, and guests. Instead, let’s try to focus on just being who we truly are.

All too often, we lose ourselves in our desire to impress or not offend people. However, when we let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, we release all sorts of undue pressure. In its place, we find a real sense of freedom and peace.

2. Look for the Good

This Thanksgiving, let’s work to let go of our grudges, judgements, and resentments. Set aside the obsessive thoughts centering on the most annoying and upsetting qualities in our friends and family. Make a commitment to focus on what you like about the people around you, rather than what you don’t.

By making a conscious decision to enjoy ourselves as well as the people around us, we dramatically increase our chances of having a positive and pleasant experience.

3. Keep it Fun

The holidays are actually supposed to be enjoyable. So, this year, so whatever you can to make the Thanksgiving experience as fun and stress-free as possible.

Keep it light. Don’t take things personally.  Share the responsibilities. Ask others for help. Prepare in advance to reduce the stress. And, most of all, open yourself up to going with the flow and enjoying the day.

4. Express Appreciation

This Thanksgiving, let the people in your life know how much they matter to you. Take the time to share your appreciation with them in a genuine way. Here are some tips to make it happen:

  • Write thank-you cards and bring them to your gathering.
  • Acknowledge someone special at the dinner table. Then, invite them to “pay it forward” by sharing their appreciation for someone else in the group. Keep it going until everyone’s had their turn in the spotlight.
  • Call up a friend. Talk to a family member. Send a text or write an email. Whatever it takes to let people know what you appreciate about them.

Remember, appreciating someone doesn’t mean we agree with them about everything or we don’t have any issues with them, it means we choose to focus on their value and what we’re grateful for by having them in our lives.

5. Count Your Blessings

Amidst all of the holiday chaos, stress, and everything happening in the country and the world, it can be easy to lose sight of the intention of why we’re gathering in the first place. This holiday isn’t about the meal or the details—it’s about gratitude, connection, and reflection.

So, this Thanksgiving, take some time to think about all the blessings in your life. Focus on the things you appreciate about yourself as well as those around you. If you’re stretched for time, consider bringing this idea to the dinner table. During the meal, ask everyone to share what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific, and personal way.

Being grateful doesn’t mean everything’s great, that there aren’t any challenges, that our families don’t have issues, or that there aren’t real problems in our country and our world.  Gratitude is a powerful energy and emotion, and when we step into it authentically, it allows us to remember that no matter what may be going on with us, those around us, and in the larger world, there is always so much to appreciate…if we choose to do so.

What are your Thanksgiving plans this year? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it a fun, meaningful, and positive experience? How do you plan to make it happen? Share your thoughts, ideas, and insights on my blog below.

Here are some more blog posts that might interest you:

Let’s Have Thanksgiving All The Time
3 Ways to Stay Positive
Want What You Have

 

Give Yourself More Time and Space

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Do you sometimes find yourself feeling rushed, hurried, stressed, or overwhelmed? Are you looking for just a little more time in your life?

If so, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel consumed by everything from their schedules to their devices, their coworkers to their clients, their families and their work. I’m sometimes guilty of packing my schedule full of so many activities, events, and deadlines that it feels hard to breathe at times.

In these stressful moments, it’s easy to feel like a victim of our “crazy” schedules. We can struggle to enjoy the events of our lives as they’re happening, much less show up to them as the best version of ourselves.

We can also start to use our busy lives as an excuse to not show up for the people in our lives who matter most. We sometimes think to ourselves…What do you want from me? Do you have any idea how much I have going on right now?

Ultimately, there’s no denying that many of these demands and responsibilities are important. That said, it can be helpful to remember that we are the ones with the power to set up our lives and schedules the way we do. If we want to stop feeling so stressed, overwhelmed, and caught up in our never-ending to-do lists, we have the power to make some changes ourselves.

Finding More Time: Truth and Lies

I’m too busy. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t have any time. Sound familiar?

Lots of us tell ourselves stories like these. In fact, we tell them so often that they start to feel like the truth. What if this isn’t actually true?

Just think about how we react when anything serious happens. When someone gets sick, or when there’s a genuine crisis, or someone really needs our help, all of those so-called “important” tasks get pushed to the back burner. In those moments, we’re able to see how unimportant most of it really is.

So, what if we stopped believing the lie about our busyness? And what if we stopped letting it run our lives? With this awareness in mind, we can take more ownership of our lives, our time, and our schedule.

How To Give Yourself More Time: 4 Tips For Success

What would life look like and feel like if we gave ourselves more space?

Below are a few things to think about and practice as you look to expand your ability to have more time in your life:

#1 Take stock of your relationship to time

Most of us have an odd or disempowered relationship to time.  Just listen to some of the weird things we say: “Time flies.”  “I never have enough time to do what I want to do.”  “Where did the time go?”  These and other statements, thoughts, and beliefs put us in the role of victim as it relates to time and our commitments.

So, how do you relate to time?  How do you feel about your schedule?  Do you feel victimized by your commitments at home, at work, and in general?

When we’re honest with ourselves, we have a greater ability to make necessary changes.

#2 Learn to say ‘no’

In many cases, our “disease to please” causes us to say ‘yes’ to things when we really need to say ‘no’. And yet, as my friend and bestselling author Cheryl Richardson puts it, “If it’s not an absolute ‘yes’, then it’s a ‘no.’”

An ability to say ‘no’ to requests and invitations is an important aspect of giving ourselves more time and space. It is essential to take certain tasks off our plate when we can. This isn’t about being flaky or irresponsible; it’s about being authentic with ourselves and what we’re willing and able to do.

#3 Give yourself more time than you think you need

When we overpack our days, schedules, and to-do lists, we set ourselves up to fail. I’ve come to learn that it’s not worth it to try and rush through tasks in such a short period of time. Not only does it have a negative impact on the work itself, but it also has a negative impact on our own well-being in the process.

What if we gave ourselves more time to complete projects, get places, and take care of things?  Imagine what that would feel like for us and those around us, and imagine how much more creative, passionate, excited, and effective we could be in the process.

#4 Get support from others

You don’t have to go down this path alone. As you start to make changes in this regard, you may find it helpful to get some specific support, feedback, and coaching from the people around you. If there’s someone in your life who seems to be at peace with time and their schedule, it might be worth asking them how they think about it and operate.

The world around us is speeding up all the time, especially these days. Sometimes the expectations and demands that are placed on our shoulders can be unreasonable. It’s important to remember that we are the authors of the book of our life, and so we get to decide how we move through the world. If we don’t want to be victims of our schedules, we don’t have to be. When we’re willing to give ourselves more time and space, our lives can truly transform.

What can you do to give yourself more time and space in your life right now? What will this take on your part? What will the benefits be? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.

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Want What You Have

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Most of us, even those of us who are supposed to know better, spend a lot of time and energy thinking that things will be better as soon as we achieve it. 

It might mean getting promoted, moving into a nicer place, making more money, getting married, having children, getting out of debt, finding more free time, losing some weight, starting our own business, getting the kids out of the house, retiring, or recovering from a specific injury, illness, or setback. Really, it’s about whatever we think we need to change in order to feel happy and fulfilled.

I’ve come to realize that I’ve put a lot more attention into thinking about what I want rather than wanting what I already have. Can you relate? If so, you might find it useful to refocus your attention on wanting what you already have. This doesn’t mean we let go of our desires and goals, it simply means we focus a bit more on all that we have to be grateful for.

How To Find Fulfillment In What You Have

There’s no denying that both positive and negative experiences have an impact on the way we feel about ourselves and our lives. However, it’s important to keep in mind that we always have a choice in how we relate to these circumstances—and that’s even true as we’re living through them.

So, sure, it might be nice to find a great new job, or a fantastic new relationship, or a wonderful new place to live. But those circumstances can’t and won’t make us happy all on their own—at least, not unless we choose that happiness for ourselves.

In other words, in order to find an authentic sense of fulfillment, we must learn to want what we already have and truly appreciate our lives as they are. One of my favorite and oft-used quotes is from author and teacher Byron Katie, who says, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.” In other words, there’s strength in accepting things in our life as they are.

Of course, wanting what we have doesn’t mean pretending that everything is “perfect” about our lives—let’s face it, that’s rarely the case for anyone. Also, it doesn’t stop us from aspiring to change or evolve our lives in a more positive way. Rather, it’s about accepting and surrendering to the current circumstances of our lives with a greater sense of gratitude. When we make peace with our life as it is, we give ourselves a greater ability to move forward.

How To Want What You Have

Here are some specific questions to ask yourself when you’re dealing with the more challenging aspects of your life (also known as the stuff you don’t want):

  • Is there good in this situation that I’m not able to see at the moment?
  • What can I learn from this situation?
  • Why is this happening for (not to) me?
  • What would it look like if I surrendered myself to my reality rather than fighting against it?
  • What aspect(s) of myself can I appreciate more deeply?

By asking and answering these questions (and others like it), you’ll give yourself an opportunity to look more deeply at some of the challenges in your life. Hopefully, you’ll be able to realize that while these things may be challenging, they can also instigate growth and expansion, rather than just pain and suffering.

The vast majority of us are looking to find peace and joy within our lives, our work, and our relationships. However, it’s important to remember that we don’t find fulfillment from life itself. Rather, these feelings come from our ability to accept, appreciate, and celebrate the things that we already have.

Ultimately, when we focus more of our attention on wanting what we already have, and less of our attention on wanting what we don’t yet have, we come closer to living the life we truly want.

Do you want what you have? Where would focusing more on wanting what you have make a positive impact on your life?  Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.

Related posts:

  1. Accepting What Is
  2. Appreciate the Simple Things
  3. Love Your Body, Love Your Life

It’s Okay for Things to Go Well

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When things go well for you, do you tend to have mixed feelings about it? Do you find yourself feeling uneasy or uncomfortable?

While I do love it when things go well, I also tend to have some mixed emotions about it. It can be a little tricky for me to fully embrace and experience things going well, especially these days given everything we have all been through in recent years.

Why do we do this?

Why We Struggle to Embrace When Things Go Well

1. We think it’s too good to be true.

Have you heard that voice in your head before? The one that says, “It’s too good to be true, it won’t last, or you’ll mess it up.”

Many of us experience this thought when things go well. And while it’s common for us to think this, it’s simply not true. We all deserve things to go well for us.

2. We worry that people will judge us

When things go well, many of us worry that people won’t like us, that they’ll judge us, or that they will get jealous, thus pulling away or withholding their love, appreciation, and approval.  We might also find ourselves worrying that if things go too well, we won’t be able to relate to, connect with, or be accepted by some of the most important people and groups in our world.

3. Much of our learning, growth, and evolution in life has come through our own pain and suffering 

Even though it’s true that we can grow more effectively and elegantly through joy, peace, and love – we may find ourselves worrying that if things get too good, we’ll get lazy, stop actively learning, or somehow abandon our journey of personal growth and commitment.

4. We tend to feel guilty for our success

We sometimes have feelings of guilt for our success or good fortune – especially given that so many people in the world are suffering, in pain, or dealing with both small and big challenges.  That same voice in our head can say to us, “It’s not fair that things are going well for you, look at all those people who are having a hard time.”

These and other limiting thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs can get in our way. They can keep us in struggle and limit our experiences of joy and fulfillment.  It’s almost as if sometimes we’re more comfortable suffering than thriving.

Your version of this may look a little different than mine, but lots of people I know and work with, even those who have created a lot of outward success in their lives, seem to struggle to one degree or another allowing things to go really well and doing so with real peace, gratitude, and joy.

How to Practice and Expand Your Capacity for Things Going Well

What if we did allow things to go well and did so more graciously, intentionally, and consciously?  Of course life has its inevitable ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and expansions and contractions – but what if we stopped sabotaging ourselves, our success, and our fulfillment just as we began to experience it or because it got too good for us to handle?

Here are some things to focus on, think about, and practice to expand your capacity for things going well in your life:

Remember that it’s okay to shine. 

The more permission we give to ourselves (and those around us) to shine our light, the more we realize that it’s safe.  As Marianne Williamson says in her famous quote from her book A Return to Love, “…there’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Remind yourself that life’s not a competition.  

This is a big one for me – as a former pro baseball player, I have a tendency to look at everything in life as a competition, even though it rarely is.

Competition is about our negative ego (thinking we are either “better than” or “less than”).  When we remember that life is not a competition, we can focus on our own unique experience and do so in a way that is real, not simply in reference to those around us – positively or negatively.

Take care of yourself.

I’ve heard it said so many times that happiness is an inside job, which is true.  Often, things become cliche because they are overused, but they are overused because of their universal truth.

The more effectively we care for ourselves and recognize that our fulfillment in life hinges on how we feel about and relate to ourselves—rather than on others’ opinions or our external achievements—the more likely we are to experience genuine joy and success.

Whether we face challenging circumstances or positive situations, allowing ourselves to embrace and enjoy when things go well is a bold and beautiful step. This not only enhances our own quality of life but also positively impacts everyone we interact with.

How do you feel about things going well in your life?  What can you do to remind yourself and others that it’s okay for things to go well and for you to be happy? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more in the comments below.

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What We CAN Change

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There are a lot of things we can and can’t change in our lives. We all go through challenges that bring about change, and many of us struggle with these types of changes. We fear that we won’t be able to overcome certain challenging situations. But the thing about change is that it’s a slow process. It doesn’t happen all at once.

Change comes from living life in the present – taking one step at a time.

What We CAN Change

Are there things you want to change in your life right now?

Do you ever find yourself getting impatient or frustrated when you want change to happen?

It’s easy to fall into this trap.

While thinking big can be a great way to start, in most cases, change happens one step at a time. That’s why it’s so important to take things step by step, moment by moment.  When we remember this, we allow ourselves to be in the present moment, reclaim our true power, and eliminate a great deal of unnecessary worry, pain, and suffering.

As Lao-tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step.”  Although we all know this and have heard some version of this saying many times, the challenge for many of us is to remember it and live it on a daily basis.

How to Practice Living One Step at a Time

Here are a few things you can do to practice living one step at a time:

1) Make a list of some of the things you want to change, alter, or improve right now. 

First of all, it’s important to remember that none of these changes will, in and of themselves, make you happy (only you can do that for yourself).

That said, positive change can be a wonderfully exciting and empowering thing for us to engage in and experience.  Identifying what you want to change specifically is an essential first step.

2) With each of these important things you want to change, think of some simple, small steps you can take that will move you in the direction you truly want. 

If you get stuck with any of these, ask for help.  Keep things simple.  Identify specific goals, break down the steps, and most importantly avoid self judgment. Try not to let your ego interfere. Remember that every small action contributes to a larger goal.

3) Celebrate each step of the way.  

As you notice yourself making different choices, having new thoughts, and taking small, positive steps towards the changes you want; celebrate.  And, if you find yourself forgetting, falling back into old patterns, or unable to take some of these simple actions, celebrate yourself for your awareness and honor your desire to change.  Either way, celebrating and appreciating yourself is essential to the process.

By remembering what we can change and how change truly works, we’re able to create true miracles in our lives – one step at a time.

What are you working on changing right now?  How can you shift your focus to “one step at a time?” How do you think this will serve and support you?  Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

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