Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

adversity

Are You Addicted to Struggle?

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While it isn’t easy to admit, I can see how my own addiction to struggling has actually and somewhat ironically created more struggle in my life.

How about you…are you addicted to struggle? 

Many of us have resistance to allowing things to come easy.

Here are some of the main “reasons” and beliefs we tend to hold in this regard (which can keep our struggle addiction in place):

  • If I don’t have to struggle for something, it doesn’t mean all that much.
  • If things come easy to me, other people will get jealous, won’t like me, or respect me.
  • It’s not fair for things to be easy for me (i.e., I have to struggle)—especially with so many people having such a hard time these days.
  • I get off on struggling and suffering—I’m quite familiar with it, and I’ve used it as motivation to change and “succeed” for much of my life.
  • My ability to work hard, overcome adversity, and rise above challenges are all things my ego uses to feel superior to others.
  • If I don’t struggle for something I won’t feel like I deserve it when it happens.
  • Struggling allows me to avoid taking responsibility for certain aspects of my life and keeps me “focused.” I get to avoid uncomfortable feelings, situations, and circumstances I don’t want to deal with.

Can you relate to any of these? Maybe you have others as well.

Getting in touch with some of these reasons and beliefs can be painful and eye-opening at the same time.  Ownership is the key to change.

Letting Go of Struggle

While working hard, overcoming adversity, and being passionately committed to important things in our lives aren’t inherently wrong—resisting ease and being attached to struggle causes us great stress, worry, and pain. And in many cases, this difficulty is self-induced and unnecessary.

What if we allowed things to be easier? What if we started to speak about and own the aspects of our lives that are easy to us and started to expect things to get even easier? 

What if we let go of our attachment (or addiction, as it were) to struggle? 

Easy doesn’t mean lazy—that we aren’t willing to put in the work or that we expect a “free ride”—it means that we’re willing to have things work out, trust that all is well, and allow life to flow in a positive and elegant way for us.

Our desire and ability to embrace ease in our life isn’t selfish, arrogant, or unrealistic—it’s profoundly optimistic (in an authentic way) and can enhance our ability to impact others. 

The more energy and attention we place on surviving, getting by, or even “striving” for success, the less available we are to give, serve, and make a difference for other people.

Although it can be challenging for many reasons, letting go of our addiction to struggle is one of the best ways we can show up for those around us—both by our example and with our freed-up positive energy.

As Richard Bach famously said, “Argue for your limitations, and they’re yours.”

What if we stopped arguing on behalf of how “hard” things are and started to allow our life to be filled with more peace and ease instead of perpetuating the struggle? 

While the idea of things authentically being easy may not be the easiest thing for you to embrace, especially these days, I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to take this on in your life and become more comfortable with it.

Maybe it will actually be easier than you think.

What can you do to let go of struggle and allow things to be easier? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more in the comments below.

I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.

Liked this post? Here are three more!

Stay Positive in the Midst of Adversity

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Recently I’ve noticed that it has been challenging for me and many people I talk to and work with to stay positive. With the volatility of the economy, the negativity of the upcoming election, and fear of the unknown, it seems easy to get stuck in the “doom and gloom” of the world around us.

At this moment, even though it may be difficult, it’s important that we stay positive for the well being of our families, companies, relationships, communities, and especially for our own peace of mind. But, given all that has been going on recently, how can we stay positive genuine way?

While there’s no “quick fix” and we want to make sure we’re not avoiding what’s going on around us and within us, there are three things I believe we can do to help us stay positive in the mist of this current adversity, and adversity in general.

  • Be Honest – Whenever we’re facing challenges, obstacles, or “difficult” circumstances, it’s important for us to be honest about how we truly feel. The most common feelings that we experience at these times are anger, fear, and shame. We get angry that something “bad” has happened or because we feel powerless. We get scared that it may get worse or that other people or circumstances may continue to perpetuate the issue in a way we can’t control. And, we feel shame that maybe we did something “wrong” or could have done something to avoid the situation all together. These three emotions are ones we often don’t like to admit or express. However, like all emotions, when we acknowledge them, own them, and express them – they have a way of dissipating and in the process we can free ourselves from their negative impact.
  • Be Conscious – Pay attention to what you’re feeling, how you’re thinking, what you’re saying, and the actions you’re taking. Without judgment, see if you can be very aware of everything that is going on within you and how you’re reacting to what’s happening. In the midst of stress and adversity we have a tendency to think, say, and do things that don’t actually make things better and in many cases we make things worse. We complain, we worry, we speak negatively about life, others, and ourselves, we watch too much TV, we over eat, we drink too much, or we do various other things in an unconscious way that don’t serve us. The more conscious we can be about our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions – the more likely we are to stay positive and to move through the adversity in a way that we can actually learn and grow from, not just survive.
  • Be Grateful – Although it’s often counter-intuitive to be grateful in the face of adversity, it’s often the most important time for us to focus on what we appreciate – about ourselves, others, and life in general. Even and especially when things go “bad,” we’re often given an opportunity to take inventory of the good stuff in our life that we may not have been paying attention to as we were rushing our way through things. Take some time right now to think about some of the things you’re grateful for. Adversity can remind us that while things may be tough, we have so many blessings – health, a job, a place to live, people who love us, and much more. And, there are also many things we can appreciate about the difficulty itself – we may realize we’re stronger than we thought we were, we have more support around us than we knew, or we’re able to learn some important lessons about ourselves and life. There is always a lot for us to be grateful for, if we choose to pay attention. We can’t feel grateful and victimized at the same time!

Without trivializing the impact of current state of the economy or other things going on around you, it is possible for each of us to remain open, optimistic, and positive in the face of any and all adversity or uncertainty. This doesn’t mean we’re somehow super human or always happy. It does mean, however, that we choose to be honest, conscious, and grateful in the midst of what’s going on. And, if we choose to do so, we can have this be a time of reflection, rejuvenation, and transformation for us and those around us.

Be kind to yourself and see if you can be present in as many moments as possible. And, it’s important that we always remember, “this too, shall pass.

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