Accepting what is…is one of the many important aspects of life that is much easier said than done.
For much of my life, I’ve struggled to accept certain things about myself, others, and the world around me. As someone who’s committed to change and transformation, the idea of “acceptance” has often seemed weak or passive to me in a way that’s been hard for me to reconcile.
It can be difficult, at times, to accept our reality, especially when there are things we want to change for the better. However, when we accept what is, we aren’t accepting defeat. Rather, we’re taking the first steps to making lasting and positive change.
Accepting The Power of Acceptance
There’s a famous quote by the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung: “What you resist, persists.”
It seems that many of us “resist” the way things are. Whether it’s with our body, our work, our spouse, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our money, or the even state of the world and economy, often we find ourselves arguing with reality instead of accepting what is.
Not only do we resist acceptance, we often fear it. We worry that if we accept the things we wish to change, then we won’t be motivated to follow through on that change. Ultimately, we get scared that acceptance means things won’t change.
Acceptance is not an act of resignation or agreement—rather, it’s an act of truth-telling. When we accept things the way they are, we’re able to create a real sense of peace. From there, we can let go of much of our suffering. In fact, it’s from this place of honesty that we’re able to create the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want, too.
Take Action: Practice Acceptance
Here is something specific you can do to practice acceptance in a real way.
First, make a list of some of the things in your life right now that are causing you the most stress, pain, or anxiety. These things may have to do with people, work, money, health, things happening in the world, or anything else.
After you finish your list, go through each item and ask yourself if you’re willing to “accept” these things as they are right now. This doesn’t mean that you have to like them, agree with them, or even want them to be this way, of course. It simply means that you’re willing to accept them as they are right now.
With some of the things on this list, it may be fairly easy to find acceptance, and with others it may be more difficult. For the ones that are more challenging, you can talk it through with a friend, mentor, coach, or therapist. You can also journal, pray, or meditate about the things that are hard to accept.
By accepting these things as they are, you’ll find a greater ability to be at peace with them. From there, your ability to change them in a positive way will be enhanced significantly.
What can you do to accept things as they are in your life right now? How do you accept what is? Share your thoughts, challenges, ideas, and questions below in the comments.
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Mike
I so enjoy the way your thoughtful writing always stretches my thinking. The dichotomy between “accepting” and being a change agent is something I have not seen written about. Kudos.
Let me up the ante. I would recommend that people not just “accept” but that they “embrace” what they don’t like. Truly embrace!
On my Prospering in Tough Times blog I have been encouraging people to embrace the tough times…while remaining equally focused on doing what it takes to prosper.
Knowing your commitment to walking your talk, this post tells me tough times ought to watch out…change agent Mike is about to accept them…or maybe even go that next step and embrace them.
Love your writing and all it does for me, and others.
Dave
Your newsletter came to be with very good timing. I am still holding on to some form of bond with my ex because he has been one of the only nurturing people in my life that i’ve felt i could truly open up to. We met at probably the lowest point in my life, when i was suffering depression and anxiety and a lot of childhood trauma came out. And i have worked through so much with him that it feels almost impossible to leave him completely behind. I feel indebted to him for his kindness – and also scared to be without that safety net.
But, what i must accept is that i need to let go. I must accept that we are not in a healthy place to be friends – and he may be someone i need to leave behind in my life for good. This is so hard to even say – but i know i will have to accept it. I know i need to accept that i have an extremely hard time letting go of people because I lost my mother when i was so young. I am overwhelmed with the task of trying to deal with all these emotions – but your letter did help me to feel some sense of calm. Thank you.
Mike, Thank you for this article on acceptance. It comes quite timely as my latest intention is to get rid of my resistance to accept things as they are. I always appreciate receiving your newsletter. I picture you enjoying your family (wife and daughters) and enjoy when you add photos of them. Big hug and blessings. Martha
I have already typed my comments in a previous message. Thank you.
Mike-
How funny is this–
Almost didn’t read your email because I was RESISTING the message.
“Acceptance schmlmptance!” I thought.
Too funny.
Right message. Right time.
Thanks!
I appreciate you!
Daryn.
Perfect message, Mike – I’ve been resisting a case of bronchitis all week – time to bless it and accept it and let my body handle the process of healing.
Thank you so much for the nudge…
Many blessings,
Brenda
Hi Mike!
It was so interesting to see this message this morning. I was actually thinking about acceptance last night. I have been frustrated with the actions of some of my friends lately as they are very difficult to make plans with. I started to take it personally and get a little upset. Then last night I thought, I am just going to accept them as they are and know that they are just busy and this is not a reflection on me. It made me feel a lot better once I accepted it. Your message today made that even clearer. Thanks for your help!
Jessica
Mike–
Great message and very timely. I especially like that you share your own resistance to acceptance and the reasoning behind it. This is something I need to learn and now I can bring it into conscious effort.
Your girls are darling. Kudos to you and your wife for good parenting.
Best,
-jan
Hi, Mike:
I really enjoyed your comments on “accepting things (reality) as it is.” I book entertainment and several of my corporate clients have canceled events,due to the economy. Rather than be in a “funk,” I need to accept reality as it is, be content with reality as it is, be optomistic, adapt, and be ready to move, when times change.
What I need to accept right now is that the course of chemo I just completed did it’s job – the two tumors have been shrunk and seem to be gone. Next step is meet with surgeon and schedule surgery to take clear margins and visually view the field. The prayer is that the pathology under the microscope will show no cancer cells!
Wow. Thank you for this wonderful and applicable message. I’m guessing you’re giving lots & lots of people a pathway to peace. I’m excited to forward this to my 20 year old daughter. Thank you again!
How timely! I’ve just had to accept that the birthday party for my 2-year old granddaughter has to be postponed again this year because she and her big sister and mom are all sick. The same thing happened last year. Accepting that kids get sick and plans have to be changed is one of those facts of life that gets thrown at you time and time again. So it really does make sense to just surrender instead of being upset.
For people who are interesting in learning more about this topic, an excellent book is “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie.