I’ve been thinking a lot lately about presence.

Not presence as in “being in the room,” but presence as in how we show up.

Our energy. Our tone. Our intention.

Because here’s the truth:

People might hear what you say…

…but they feel who you are.

We’re always communicating, even when we’re not talking.

You can tell when someone’s distracted, even if they’re smiling. You can feel when someone’s tense, even if they’re saying all the right things. You know when someone’s heart is in it… and when it’s not.

Words matter, of course. But our energy often speaks louder than anything we say.

Leadership isn’t just about what you do or say. It’s about how you make people feel.

Over the past 25 years working with leaders and teams, I’ve seen it time and again:

🔹 A leader who walks into a meeting with calm focus can shift the entire dynamic, without saying a word.

🔹 A teammate who listens with genuine curiosity can make someone feel valued, even if they don’t offer advice.

🔹 And on the flip side… a person who shows up rushed, reactive, or half-present, even with good intentions, can unintentionally create stress and disconnection.

Energy is contagious. So what are you spreading?

In high-pressure environments, it’s easy to fall into auto-pilot.

Get the work done. Say the thing. Hit the next target.

But when we lose track of how we’re showing up, we risk creating unintended friction with the people around us.

Our energy can build trust… or chip away at it.

Here’s what helps:

🔹 Check in with yourself first. Before walking into a room (or logging onto Zoom or Teams), ask: “What am I bringing into this space?”

🔹 Lead with intention, not just information. You don’t need a script, just clarity about what matters: connection, care, collaboration.

🔹 Don’t underestimate your presence. Even a few minutes of grounded presence can shift a meeting, a conversation, and a team dynamic.

Think about the leaders, coaches, or mentors who made the biggest impact on you. Chances are, it wasn’t just what they said. It was how they made you feel… safe, seen, supported, challenged.

That’s what people remember. That’s what builds trust.

So as you move through your day…Pause. Breathe. Ground yourself.

And remember, your energy is always speaking.  What message do you want it to send?

 

Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions in the comments below.

 

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Mike Robbins Newsletter

As leaders, we’re often taught, explicitly or implicitly, that we’re supposed to know things.

Know the strategy.
Know the numbers.
Know how to fix what’s broken.
Know what to say when someone’s struggling.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned (and continue to re-learn):

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to ask better questions.

The pressure to “know” is real

In high-performing environments, whether it’s sports, business, or anything else, there’s often an unspoken expectation that certainty equals credibility.

That confidence equals competence. That not knowing means you’re not ready, or not good enough.

But in my experience, some of the most powerful leadership moments come not when we provide answers…

 …but when we pause long enough to ask a meaningful question.

Curiosity creates connection

When we lead with questions, especially ones rooted in curiosity, humility, and care, we create space:

🔹 For others to feel seen and heard
🔹 For unexpected insights to emerge
🔹 For trust to deepen

It’s in these moments that relationships and teams grow stronger, problems get solved collaboratively, and people feel safe to speak up and contribute.

What kinds of questions matter?

The ones that open, not close. That invite, not assume. That create dialogue, not dominance.

A few that I love:

• “What’s your perspective on this?”
• “Is there anything I’m not seeing?”
• “What do you need most right now?”
• “How can I support you?”
• “What’s getting in the way?”

Questions like these don’t just provide information, they show people that we trust them, value them, and want to understand.

Are you leading with questions, or pressure to perform?

In your leadership, your relationships, your life…

Where might you be carrying the burden of needing to know or fix, when what’s really needed is to ask and listen?

Here’s what helps:

 🔹 Trade answers for curiosity. Not knowing isn’t a weakness. It’s often where the best insights begin.

 🔹 Resist the urge to solve right away. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is, “Tell me more.”

 🔹 Remember: people don’t need perfect. They need presence. You don’t have to be the smartest person in the room, just the most open one.

You don’t have to have it all figured out.  You just have to care enough to be curious.

This is where trust is built. This is where teams come alive. This is where real leadership begins.

Remember…we’re all in this together.

 

What can you do to stop yourself from automatically giving advice and challenging yourself to ask different questions?  Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions in the comments below.

 

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Appreciating People: Focus on Who They Are

Mike Robbins Newsletter

 

We all have things we’re afraid to address. I call these “sweaty-palmed conversations.”

They usually involve tough feedback, uncomfortable truths, boundaries to be set, disappointments we need to voice, conflicts we’re avoiding, elephants in the room to acknowledge, and more.

And yet… so many of us put these discussions off.

We tell ourselves, “Now’s not the right time.”  “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” “Maybe it’ll work itself out.”  “They won’t take this well.”  

But here’s what I’ve learned, through years of working with leaders, teams, and in my own life…

Avoiding the hard conversations doesn’t make them go away. It just makes them harder when they finally happen.

Why do we avoid them?

Because we care. Because we don’t want to damage relationships. Because we’re scared that we’ll get it wrong.

But what if we reframed these sweaty-palmed conversations, not as threats to connection, but as investments in the people that matter most to us?

Kindness isn’t always comfortable.

We tend to think of kindness as being nice. Agreeable. Easy to be around.

But real kindness, that truly builds trust, isn’t always soft or easy.
It’s honest. It’s direct. It’s respectful, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Hard conversations, when done with care, are one of the deepest forms of respect we can offer another person.

When we have the courage to have a sweaty-palmed conversation with someone, we’re essentially saying to them…

“You matter enough to me that I’m willing to be uncomfortable so we can move forward together.”

In your team, your leadership, your life…

Are there conversations you’ve been avoiding?

• A colleague whose behavior is quietly eroding trust
• A friend who crossed a line
• A team member who needs clarity, coaching, and/or feedback
• Or even… yourself, when something isn’t working

Ask yourself:

What would change if I saw this conversation as an act of service, not a confrontation?

What if I trusted that honesty and compassion could co-exist?

Here’s what helps:

Lead with curiosity, not certainty.
Instead of launching into correction, start with “Can I share something I’ve noticed?” or “I’d love to understand more about…”

Speak from your experience, not their intent.
Use “I” statements, “I felt disappointed when…” vs. “You never support me.”

Stay rooted in care.
If your goal is connection, growth, or clarity, say so. Let them know you’re not here to attack, but to build.

Hard conversations take courage. But they’re also a path to deeper trust, authentic relationships, and stronger teams.

You don’t have to be perfect at having sweaty-palmed conversations, you just must be willing to show up, with clarity, compassion, and a little bravery.

Remember…we’re all in this together.

What makes it challenging for you to have hard conversations? What works for you in having these discussions?  Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions in the comments below.

 

Related posts:

Resolving Conflict

The Importance of Live Conversations in a Digital Age

Are You Avoiding a Difficult Conversation?

When it comes to high-performing teams, authentic leadership, and strong relationships, trust isn’t a nice-to-have…it’s the foundation.

But here’s something I’ve learned after more than two decades of working with leaders and teams around the world: Trust isn’t built all at once, it’s built in small amounts, over time.

We sometimes think trust comes from a grand gesture, a big reveal of vulnerability, or a team retreat. While these moments can be meaningful, the truth is that trust is built (and broken) in the day-to-day interactions we have with the people around us.

It’s built in how we show up in meetings and how we keep our word. It’s built when we listen, really listen.  And it’s built when we say the hard thing, with care and compassion.

The Myth of the “Trust Fall”

In my early days of speaking, I used to joke about the old-school team-building exercise, the classic “trust fall.” You know, where you fall backwards and hope someone catches you?

It’s a fun metaphor, but real trust doesn’t happen in one dramatic moment. Authentic trust is more like compound interest. Small deposits made consistently that grow over time into something powerful.

So, how do we make these trust deposits?

Here are a few everyday ways to build trust in our teams and relationships:

1. Do What You Say You’ll Do

This might sound simple, but consistency builds trust. When we follow through on commitments (big or small) we reinforce that others can count on us.

2. Own Your Mistakes

Nobody’s perfect. In fact, pretending to be can erode trust. When we take responsibility for our missteps, we show others that we’re accountable; and human. We also remind ourselves and others that vulnerability is actually a strength.

3. Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt

It’s easy to assume negative intent when things go sideways. But assuming positive intent, even when we’re frustrated, keeps the lines of communication open and invites mutual understanding.

4. Operate With Empathy

Trust grows when people feel seen, heard, and valued. Whether it’s a team member struggling through a tough season or a colleague celebrating a win, taking a moment to recognize what’s going on for them matters.

5. Speak Up, Even When It’s Hard

Authenticity fuels trust. That means being willing to say the uncomfortable thing, not to tear someone down, but to build the relationship up. Real connection happens when we’re honest and kind.  The foundation of trusting relationships and teams is often the willingness to have those sweaty-palmed conversations, even when they might seem scary.

Trust Is a Daily Practice

Think about the relationships in your life you trust the most. Your closest friend, your most supportive colleague, your partner. Chances are, the trust you have with those important people wasn’t built in a single moment. It was built over coffee chats, honest check-ins, follow-through, and forgiveness.

The same is true for teams, organizations, and leaders. Trust is built in the small, meaningful moments…day by day, choice by choice.

And in a world that often feels uncertain and disconnected, trust remains one of the most powerful currencies we have.

Have you experienced a time when a small moment made a big impact on your trust in someone else? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.