Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

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Why Taking Breaks Is So Important

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In today’s busy world with a never-ending “to-do” list of obligations, responsibilities, and commitments, it can be hard for us to take a real break. 

But taking breaks in the midst of the daily grind is vital for our mental, physical, and emotional health.

Why Taking Breaks is So Important

Wherever you are in your career and life, it’s essential to build in time to rest, relax, and rejuvenate.

We used to get built-in breaks when we were in school (winter, spring, summer, and more), but in the real world, it can be a lot tougher to take time off, especially these past few years. Even if we do get vacation days, it can be hard to really disconnect and some of us even fear taking time off. 

As I grew my own business, got married, and built a family, I began to see both the necessity and difficulty of carving out downtime.

Taking breaks means giving ourselves permission to unplug and let go, which is actually easier said than done for many of us. It gives us a chance to rest our brains, shift our daily habits, and let our minds wander.  Doing these things are essential for our relationships, work, wellbeing, and creativity.

We are never promised tomorrow, and no one is sure what each day will bring. 

I’ve experienced quite a bit of loss and grief in my life.  As hard and painful as this can be, it does force us to stop and reflect on our own lives. It makes us ask why we’re doing what we’re doing and what really matters.

We all have deadlines, commitments, meetings, projects, and other things that are important. But we never know what’s going to happen. Tomorrow is not promised. That’s why it’s important to rest in between all of our activities and ambitions. 

A break can be a nice vacation, or it can just be something simple, such as going for a quiet walk or reading a book. 

You don’t have to plan an elaborate getaway, as nice as those can be. A break can be as simple as disconnecting for a few minutes to stare out the window and appreciate your life.

I keep one journal for thoughts/feelings and another specifically for gratitude. I find when I take the time to write in these books, it always gives me a nice built-in time for reflection. 

Doing little things like journaling, or even going on a walk and being present with yourself and your surroundings can make a difference.

Staying busy can be a way to distract ourselves from our own feelings. 

We have so many ways to numb and distract ourselves these days, especially with work, technology, social media, and more. Feeling our feelings can be hard, painful, and scary, but that’s where the juice of life happens. 

The more time we give to fully feeling all of our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, the more quickly we move through them.

We’re all in this together.

When we get down to the essence of who we are as human beings, we may be different in so many ways, yet we all know what it’s like to feel universal emotions like joy, sadness, gratitude, fear, peacefulness, anger, love, and more.

When we take breaks, we allow ourselves to get in touch with our humanity and who we really are.  This helps us check in with ourselves and in turn allows us to connect more authentically with others.

As busy as we all are and as much as is coming at us all the time, it’s essential for us to slow down, step back, and engage with ourselves and each other in a conscious and deliberate way.  Doing this reminds us that even though it may not always seem like it, we truly are all in this together.

 

Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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It’s Okay to Disappoint People

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How do you feel about disappointment?

Many of us, myself included, focus on not disappointing others while at the same time protecting ourselves from being disappointed.

As I’ve been looking at this more deeply, I’m amazed by how much stress, fear, and worry I experience in my attempts to avoid the disappointment of those around me—family, friends, clients, and others.

But where do this stress and fear come from?

I can see that much of this comes from my own deeper fear of being disappointed and let down.

The irony, of course, is that no matter how hard I try to avoid disappointing others or being disappointed myself, it happens anyway.

By actively avoiding disappointment (of or by others), we set ourselves up for failure and pain. And, as I’ve seen recently, this makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to speak our truth, be ourselves, and live with a real sense of authenticity and peace.

What if we embraced disappointment instead of avoiding it?

We will inevitably disappoint people, especially when we live our lives in a bold, authentic, and passionate way. Speaking up, going for the things that are important to us, and taking care of ourselves are all things that at times won’t align with others and, in some cases, may even upset them.

However, it is possible for us to be mindful, empathetic, and aware of others and still be true to ourselves—these things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Asking for what we want, counting on others, and trusting people (and ourselves)—all of which are essential for healthy, fulfilling, and genuine relationships—make us vulnerable to being disappointed and even hurt by the people in our lives.

Ironically, we end up getting more hurt and disappointed in the long run by withholding our desires and expectations. We might as well live out loud and be honest about how we feel, what we want, and what’s important to us.

Disappointment, as uncomfortable and even painful as it can be for many of us, is essential on our journey of growth, self-discovery, authenticity, and fulfillment.

Here are a few things you can consider and do to expand your capacity for disappointment in your own life.

Tips On How to Embrace Disappointment

1. Take inventory

Take an honest look at some of the most important relationships and activities in your life.

How many of your actions, thoughts, conversations, and more (or lack thereof) have to do with your avoidance of disappointing others or being disappointed?

Also, take a look at your relationship with disappointment in general—how do you feel about it?

Be honest with yourself and your feelings. When you’re honest with yourself, you can learn the most.

2. Practice saying no

This is a great practice, especially for those of us people pleasers who find ourselves saying yes to stuff we don’t want to do.

While there is great value in being someone who is willing to say yes in life, there is also power in owning our no as well. See if you can practice saying no to people, even if it’s scary or uncomfortable.

Set boundaries and stick to those boundaries. Be authentic and vulnerable about it—with yourself and others.

And, see if you can expand your capacity to decline requests to things you don’t want to do, remove things from your plate or schedule that don’t serve or inspire you, and make peace with yourself about it.

3. Expand and express your desires

Make a list (mental or written) of some of the most essential and vulnerable desires you currently have—the things you want but maybe have been afraid to admit (due to a fear of being disappointed).

Many of us don’t ask for, go for, or express things unless we’re pretty sure we can make them happen, get them, or be sure people will respond to them in a positive way.

When you allow yourself to tap into and express your authentic desires, even if what you want doesn’t seem possible at the moment, you give yourself the freedom to ask, dream, and create. One of my favorite sayings is, “The answer’s always ‘no’ if you don’t ask.” Start asking!

4. Be Kind to Yourself

As you delve into this, be kind to yourself. Grappling with disappointment is a big one for me and many people I know and work with. We all want to be loved, valued, and appreciated in our lives.

Most of us have had painful experiences of disappointment in the past, which have impacted us in a profound way. However, if we can alter our relationship to disappointment—we can transform our lives and our relationships in a profound way.

 

How do you feel about disappointing others? How about being disappointed? What can you do to make peace with and embrace disappointment in an empowering way? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more below in the comments.

I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.

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This article was originally published on October 15, 2008, and updated for 2022.

Who Are You Trying to Impress?

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As I prepare to speak at the Hay House I CAN DO IT event, I’m experiencing a myriad of emotions – excitement, nervousness, gratitude, pressure, curiosity, confusion, peace, and more.  It’s thrilling and humbling to be invited to speak at an event like this with such powerful teachers and authors like Wayne Dyer and Caroline Myss, whom I’ve admired and learned from for many years.  I’ve never actually been a part of an event like this, although I’ve dreamed about it for a long time and hope this is the first of many such events I get to participate in.

And, in the midst of my excitement and gratitude, I notice that more of my attention than I’d like to admit is focused on trying to impress certain people – the other speakers, specific people in the audience, and especially the organizers of the event.  Of course I want to do well and want my talk to be both well received and to have a positive impact on all who hear it (which is always my intention when I speak).

However, the more I’ve been noticing this focus on impressing others, the more I realize that this has been a theme throughout much of my life which doesn’t really serve me.  In school, as an athlete, in business, and even now in the work that I do as an author and speaker, I have been (and will continue to be) in many situations where I’m being evaluated.  When this occurs, especially if I’m feeling nervous, insecure, and/or attached to some specific outcome, my underlying goal is often to impress anyone and everyone involved.  Maybe you can relate to this?

How often do you find yourself trying to impress others?  Whether it’s in our work, with our friends, on Facebook or Twitter, at a class reunion, at a networking event, with our family, or just in everyday life, we spend and waste a lot of time and energy trying to impress others, somehow thinking that the acknowledgment, validation, and positive perception of other people will make us feel good about ourselves and prove our value or worth in life.  As you may have noticed, this never works.

While there’s nothing wrong with us wanting to do a good job, be well received by others, and get positive feedback, when we focus on impressing people we give away our power and set ourselves up for unnecessary stress, worry, and fear.

There was a book that came out about twenty five years ago by Terry Cole-Whittaker called, What You Think About Me is None of My Business.  Such a great reminder for all of us!

What if we stopped trying to impress others, and focused more of our attention on “impressing” ourselves.  In other words, being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power.  Trying to manage, control, and ultimately manipulate other people’s perceptions of us is not only exhausting, it’s pretty much impossible.

As the wise sage Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  So true!

How to Enjoy the Holidays

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The holiday season is now in full swing. If you’re anything like me, you probably have mixed feelings about the holidays. I love the excitement, parties, decorations, rituals, music, gifts, connections, and more. However, even these fun things can wear on me. And, the stress, drama, consumption, obligation, expense, and more that often come along with this time of year are not on my list of favorite things.

In addition, I often feel like I’m not doing enough, not on top of my “list,” and I sometimes worry that I won’t get everything done in time to make the people in my life happy the way I want to. Can you relate?

What if we each made a commitment to appreciate the holiday season and enjoy the whole experience this year – regardless of our circumstances or any external pressure we may feel? Appreciating the holiday season, as with anything in life, will make it much more enjoyable and much less stressful.

Instead of rushing around in a high state of anxiety and worry about crossing every item off of our never-ending to-do list, we could choose another way – one which will make this holiday season enjoyable, fun, and peaceful for us and those around us.

Here are a few things we can remember this holiday season to make things more fulfilling and less overwhelming:

– Take Responsibility for Your Experience. It’s important to remember that the stress we experience during the holiday season does not come from the holidays themselves, but from us. We’re always the creators of our own experience and the more we can remember this and live our lives from this perspective, the more empowered we are. When we stop thinking, speaking, and acting as if we’re mere victims of holiday madness (or anything else in our lives for that matter), we can dramatically enhance our enjoyment and lower our stress.

– Remember That You Are at Choice. We always have a choice about how we engage with anything. This holiday season we can choose to be annoyed by family members, obligations, forced work gatherings, crowds, prices, or anything else. Or, we can choose to enjoy the magic and fun of this time of year. We may not always get to choose the people and circumstances around us, but we always have a choice about how we relate to them. Our experience of the holidays (and of life) is up to us, as it always is.

– Focus on What You Appreciate About the Holidays. Consciously choose to focus on the things that you appreciate about the holiday season the most. Tell the truth about this to yourself and to those around you. If at all possible, don’t participate in work or family gatherings out of obligation. But, regardless of where you are, what you do, or whom you are with – make a commitment to appreciate what’s happening, the people around you, and the many blessings of this season and in your life right now.

Even and especially when things are challenging, we always have so much to be grateful for. At this time of the year, we can take a step back, breathe deeply, and experience the gratitude we have for our lives, the people in it, and for ourselves. If not now, then when?

While there are always things for us to do, gifts to buy, gatherings to attend, and much more going on at this time of year; we can choose to have this holiday season be one that is filled with authentic peace, gratitude, and joy – if we’re willing to look for, find, and focus on what we appreciate.

How do you relate to the holidays? What can you do or shift to have this holiday season be one you truly enjoy and appreciate? How can you stay positive during the holidays this year? Share your ideas, commitments, thoughts, dreams, and more on my blog below.

Tips for a Great Thanksgiving

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With Thanksgiving upon us here in the United States, I’ve been thinking about my own love/hate relationship to this great holiday. It can be a wonderful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving also tends to be about feeling obligated to spend time with the people we’re “supposed” to, eating too much food and feeling guilty about it, and pretending to be grateful when we’re actually annoyed and stressed out.

What if we could make this Thanksgiving less stressful, more fun, and actually be able to enjoy ourselves, appreciate our family and friends (even the ones who drive us nuts), and focus on what we’re thankful for in a genuine way?

Here are some important tips you can use to make this year’s Thanksgiving one you truly enjoy and remember (in a good way):

– Be you – Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, in-laws, or guests – just relax and be yourself! So often we put undue pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people (even those we know well), or do or say the things we think others want us to. When we let go of trying to please everyone and we’re able to be true to ourselves, we create a genuine sense of freedom and peace. This also means that we think about what would be fun for us and our immediate family to do for Thanksgiving and communicate this to everyone else (in-laws, extended family, etc.), even if it may upset or disappoint some of the people involved.

– Look for the good – Make a commitment to focus on the things you like and appreciate about your friends and family members, instead of obsessing about the things that annoy or upset you about them. We almost always find what we look for in others and in situations. When we let go of past resentments, we’re able to see people with new eyes. As the saying goes, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Whatever we choose to do on Thanksgiving and whomever we choose to spend our holiday with, if we make a conscious decision to enjoy ourselves and to look for the good stuff in an authentic way, we dramatically increase our chances of having a positive and pleasurable experience.

– Make it fun and easy – Do whatever you can for yourself and those around you to make the planning, food preparation, clean up, and the whole Thanksgiving experience as easy, fun, and stress-free as possible. This means we keep it light, share the responsibilities, ask others for help, and do the things that we enjoy doing – instead of burdening ourselves and feeling like a victim about it all. Too often we spend and waste our time and energy being uptight, doing things we don’t truly want to do, feeling resentful towards others, and creating a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration. Thanksgiving can be lots of fun, if we’re willing to go with the flow and make it easy on ourselves and for others.

– Express your appreciation for others – One of best things we can do for other people (on Thanksgiving or at any time) is to let them know what we appreciate about them in a genuine way. Acknowledging others is a true “win-win,” as we always get to keep what we give away to others when we appreciate them (i.e. the good feelings are shared by us and those we acknowledge). There are many ways we can appreciate people on Thanksgiving:

  • Write “I’m thankful for you” cards and give them out on Thanksgiving (or mail them beforehand)
  • Pick someone at the dinner table to acknowledge, and then ask them to “pay it forward” and appreciate someone else (and so on)
  • Pull people aside on Thanksgiving (or give them a call) and let them know what you appreciate about them specifically and genuinely

– Count your blessings – Remember that in the midst of all the commotion, stress, and activity of the holiday season, Thanksgiving really is a time for us to reflect on what we’re grateful for – in life, about others, and especially about ourselves. Take some time on Thanksgiving to focus on what you’re grateful for, the many blessings in your life, and the things you appreciate about yourself. A great way for us to remember and to celebrate the many blessings in our life, especially on Thanksgiving, is to take some time during our meal and allow each person at the table to talk about what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific, and personal way.

This year, especially given all that has been going on in the world, the economy, and our personal lives, let’s challenge ourselves to make Thanksgiving more than just something we get through or even simply a nice holiday; let’s have it be a time of reflection, connection, and a celebration of the great fullness of life.

What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it a fun, meaningful, and positive experience? Share your ideas, commitments, thoughts, dreams, and more on my blog below.