Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

worry

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

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I tend to take myself a bit too seriously at times, especially when I get stressed, irritated, or scared.  How about you?

I’ve noticed that sometimes taking myself too seriously not only makes me less effective in dealing with a difficult situation, but it also causes the difficulty itself, or at the very least exacerbates it.

In these low moments, it’s easy for me to become self-important and to think that the weight of the world is on my shoulders (which is often a bit of an overreaction and rarely helpful).

Here’s Why It’s Important Not to Take Ourselves Too Seriously

When we take ourselves less seriously, we’re able to see the humor in situations, find the silver lining when things don’t go how we want them to, and navigate through the ups and downs of life a bit easier.

Many of us underestimate how important finding the humor in things is.

Here’s an example.

A number of years ago, I was in the airport in Seattle. I was eating pizza and maneuvering my food around my temporary front tooth.  I was in the sixth-month process of getting an implant tooth replacement and had to use a temporary at this time. 

I took a normal bite of my pizza without thinking about it. The next thing I knew, I looked down, and the temporary tooth had fallen out of my mouth and into my left hand. 

Oh my God, it’s 7 p.m., and I have to speak at 9 a.m. I’m in Seattle, and I now have a missing front tooth. What the heck am I going to do?

Valid question, right?

With the tooth in my pocket and my mouth shut tight, I got my bag and made my way to my hotel as fast as possible. I was pretty freaked out. Thankfully, my dentist, Shaya, happens to be a friend of mine whom I’ve known since middle school.

I was able to call her that night and tell her what had happened. She told me not to worry and to put the tooth in some water to soak. After that, I needed to find a drugstore and call her back. Luckily there was one just around the corner from my hotel. 

I called Shaya back as I walked into the store with my heart racing. She directed me to find the aisle with denture adhesive and told me which one to pick. I followed the instructions on the box and did what Shaya told me to do the following morning: stick the false tooth back into my mouth using the denture adhesive. 

It worked.

I took a few deep breaths, said a prayer, and went down to the hotel ballroom to deliver my keynote speech.

As I was speaking, I could hardly pay attention because I was so preoccupied with my tooth, how I sounded, and my fear of what might happen. 

During a discussion session I initiated during the keynote, I looked around and watched everyone talking in pairs as I had invited them to do.

I thought, “this situation is so ridiculous that it’s funny. I hope my tooth doesn’t fall out, but if it does, these people won’t forget me or my speech anytime soon. It would make a great story.” I laughed to myself, gathered the group’s attention, and went on.

While I decided not to let the audience know what was going on inside my mouth (and my head), I was able to embrace the ridiculousness of the situation and not take it so seriously. 

Thankfully, my tooth stayed in my mouth, and the speech went well. I was able to make it back home and then back to my dentist’s office the next day without too much embarrassment. A few months later, I got my permanent implant, and, thankfully, I don’t have to worry about my tooth coming out anymore.

How Often Do You Add Unnecessary Stress to Your Life?

There are clearly times in life and specific circumstances that are genuinely serious. However, far too often, we add unnecessary stress, pressure, and negativity to situations with our attitude of “seriousness.” 

One of the best things we can do is laugh—at ourselves, the situation, or in general. It’s important for us to allow ourselves to experience the moment as it is and bring some levity if we can.

As Emily Saliers from the Indigo Girls said, “You have to laugh at yourself because you’d cry your eyes out if you didn’t.”

Laughter is important on many levels. It helps shift our perspective and alter our mood. Research shows that it also has quite a positive impact on our physiology—relaxing our muscles, boosting our immune systems, releasing endorphins, decreasing stress hormones, and increasing blood flow to the heart.

I’m not advocating that we laugh ourselves into denial or avoid dealing with the serious aspects of our lives. As we all know, sometimes laughter can be used as a way of deflecting or in other unhealthy and harmful ways. 

However, being able to bring lightness, levity, and laughter into our lives and relationships in an authentic and healthy way is one of the best things we can do to take care of ourselves and keep things in perspective. 

Teeth will fall out. All kinds of frustrating things (both big and small) will occur in your life—find the humor in the situation, and your outlook will change.

In other words…don’t take yourself too seriously.

 

Do you take yourself too seriously at times? How can you practice finding the humor in things when you’re stressed? Feel free to leave your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

 

Liked this article? Here are three more!

 

This article was originally published on April 23, 2014, and updated for 2022.

 

Stay in the Present Moment

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Staying present is a simple concept and something many of us know about, however, it’s much easier to understand than it is to practice.  I’ve been recently noticing my own tendency to either reflect on the past (with a sense of regret) or think about the future (with a sense of worry), neither of which are all that helpful or healthy.

What if we stayed in the present moment, embraced it, and chose to live our lives there as much as possible?  We could eliminate lots of needless suffering, stress, and anxiety.

Check out the video below where I talk about how we can live more of our lives in the present moment.  Feel free to leave a comment here on my blog about how this relates to you and what you do specifically to stay present.

Who Are You Trying to Impress?

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As I prepare to speak at the Hay House I CAN DO IT event, I’m experiencing a myriad of emotions – excitement, nervousness, gratitude, pressure, curiosity, confusion, peace, and more.  It’s thrilling and humbling to be invited to speak at an event like this with such powerful teachers and authors like Wayne Dyer and Caroline Myss, whom I’ve admired and learned from for many years.  I’ve never actually been a part of an event like this, although I’ve dreamed about it for a long time and hope this is the first of many such events I get to participate in.

And, in the midst of my excitement and gratitude, I notice that more of my attention than I’d like to admit is focused on trying to impress certain people – the other speakers, specific people in the audience, and especially the organizers of the event.  Of course I want to do well and want my talk to be both well received and to have a positive impact on all who hear it (which is always my intention when I speak).

However, the more I’ve been noticing this focus on impressing others, the more I realize that this has been a theme throughout much of my life which doesn’t really serve me.  In school, as an athlete, in business, and even now in the work that I do as an author and speaker, I have been (and will continue to be) in many situations where I’m being evaluated.  When this occurs, especially if I’m feeling nervous, insecure, and/or attached to some specific outcome, my underlying goal is often to impress anyone and everyone involved.  Maybe you can relate to this?

How often do you find yourself trying to impress others?  Whether it’s in our work, with our friends, on Facebook or Twitter, at a class reunion, at a networking event, with our family, or just in everyday life, we spend and waste a lot of time and energy trying to impress others, somehow thinking that the acknowledgment, validation, and positive perception of other people will make us feel good about ourselves and prove our value or worth in life.  As you may have noticed, this never works.

While there’s nothing wrong with us wanting to do a good job, be well received by others, and get positive feedback, when we focus on impressing people we give away our power and set ourselves up for unnecessary stress, worry, and fear.

There was a book that came out about twenty five years ago by Terry Cole-Whittaker called, What You Think About Me is None of My Business.  Such a great reminder for all of us!

What if we stopped trying to impress others, and focused more of our attention on “impressing” ourselves.  In other words, being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power.  Trying to manage, control, and ultimately manipulate other people’s perceptions of us is not only exhausting, it’s pretty much impossible.

As the wise sage Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  So true!

Let Go of Worry

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How often do you catch yourself worrying?

When I was a kid my mom used to say to me, “95% of what you worry about never happens.” I think she recognized that I was the “worrying type” and was trying to help ease my mind. Although this rarely worked, I appreciated her sentiment and know now that she was right.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been prone to worrying. I continue to work on this, let it go, forgive myself for it, and choose different ways of being in the face of my fear. And, I still catch myself worrying more than I’d like – about the future, about my body, about how things will turn out, about what people think about me, about money, about the well-being of my loved ones, about the state of the world, and much more.

However, no matter how much we worry, it never really helps. And, as we look deeper at what worrying actually is – a set-up for failure, a negative attractor, and a denial or avoidance of feeling our true feelings – we see that it can have a damaging impact on our lives, our work, and our relationships. When we worry, we’re simply preparing to be upset or angry – assuming something won’t work out in the future.

Worry not only creates stress, it has an impact (usually negative) on what we create and manifest, and on our experience of life in general. Worry is a superficial emotion. It’s clearly something that many of us are all familiar with, can share with others in a way that will garner sympathy, empathy, or even pity, and is easy for us to go through daily life experiencing. However, underneath our worry are usually deeper emotions like shame, fear, guilt, hurt, or anger; many of which are more difficult for us to feel and express.

If we’re able to tell the truth and face our deeper feelings, we won’t have to waste our time and energy worrying.  We can then deal with the root of the issue, not the superficial impact of it (which is what worry usually is).

There’s nothing wrong with feeling scared, angry, hurt, and even “worried,” in and of itself. These emotions, like love, gratitude, excitement, joy, and others are very important to our human experience. Emotions that are felt deeply and expressed appropriately give us power (regardless of what they are). Emotions that are not felt deeply, that are denied or avoided, and are not effectively expressed, can be damaging to us and those around us.

Worry is always a sign that there are some deeper feelings or issues for us to address. It’s often a good reminder for us to get more real, take better care of ourselves, and pay attention.

Below is a list of some things you can do when you get worried.  These simple ideas can help you move through your worry in a positive way:

  • When you notice yourself worrying; stop, check in with yourself, and take a few slow deep breaths (all the way down to your belly)
  • Ask yourself, what’s underneath my worry? (i.e. why am I really worried and what am I really feeling?)
  • Face, feel, and express these underlying emotions – get support from others in this process if you need it.
  • Once you have felt and expressed these emotions, choose how you want to feel and what you want to create, instead of playing the role of the victim.
  • Appreciate yourself for the courage it takes to be honest and to deal with the challenging situations or emotions you’re experiencing.
  • Focus on the good stuff in your life (i.e. be grateful for what you have, who you are, and what you’re going through)
  • Be of service to others – generously put your attention on those around you who can benefit from your help.  It will be a great gift to them and to you. Service can allow you to shift your attention from your worry to what you have to give, which is a true win-win for everyone involved.

What can you do today to let go of anything you’re currently worrying about?  How can you let go of worry in an on-going way in your life?  Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more on my blog below.

Letting Go of Worry

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How often do you find yourself worrying these days?

When I was a kid my mom used to say to me, “95% of what we worry about never happens.” She recognized that I was the “worrying type” and was trying to help ease my mind. Although this rarely worked, I appreciated her sentiment and know now that she was right.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a worrier. I continue to work on this, let it go, forgive myself for it, and choose different ways of being in the face of my fear. And, I still catch myself worrying more than I’d like to admit – about money, about the future, about how things will turn out, about what people think about me, about the well-being of my loved ones, about the state of the world and economy (especially right now), and much more.

However, no matter how much we worry, it never helps. And, as we look deeper at what worrying really is – a set-up for failure, a negative attractor, and a denial or avoidance of feeling our true feelings – we see that it can have a damaging impact on our lives, our work, and our relationships. When we worry, we’re really getting ourselves ready to be upset or angry – assuming something will not work out in the future.

Our worrying not only creates stress, it has an impact (usually negatively) on what we create and manifest, and on our experience of life in general.  Worry is really a superficial emotion.  It’s clearly something that many of us are all familiar with, can share with others in a way that will garner sympathy, empathy, or even pity, and is easy for us to go through day to day life experiencing. However, underneath our worry are usually deeper emotions like shame, fear, guilt, hurt, or anger, many of which are more difficult for us to feel and express.

If we’re able to tell the truth and face our deeper feelings, we won’t have to waste our time and energy worrying.  We can then deal with the root of the issue, not the superficial impact of it (which is what worry usually is).”

There’s nothing wrong with feeling scared, angry, hurt, and even “worried,” in and of itself. These emotions, like love, gratitude, excitement, joy, and others are very important to our human experience. Emotions that are felt deeply and expressed appropriately give us power (regardless of what they are). Emotions that are not felt deeply, that are denied or avoided, and are not effectively expressed, can be damaging.

Worry is always a sign that there are some deeper feelings and issues for us to address. It’s often a good reminder for us to get more real, take better care of ourselves, and pay attention.

Below is a list of some things we can do when we get worried (which many of us are these days, especially given the state of the economy and the world, among other things.):

  • Ask ourselves, what’s underneath my worry (i.e. why am I really worried and what am I really feeling?)
  • Face, feel, and express these underlying emotions – get support from others in this process if we need it.
  • Once we have felt and expressed these emotions, choose how we want to feel and what we want to create, instead of feeling like a victim.
  • Appreciate ourselves for the courage it takes to be honest and to deal with the challenging situations or emotions we’re experiencing.
  • Focus on the good stuff in our lives (i.e. be grateful for what we have, who we are, and what we’re going through)