How often do you find yourself trying to impress others?
Maybe you feel it at work. Maybe it happens when you’re with your friends and family. Maybe it strikes when you log into social media or show up to a class reunion. It’s that nagging feeling, that annoying voice in the back of your head—and it’s telling you that the only way to succeed in life is to look good to others.
Unfortunately, many of us spend a lot of time trying to impress the people around us. While this makes sense and is a natural tendency, it can be quite harmful in many ways and often keeps us from doing, saying, and being who we truly want to be.
Be Yourself
I’ve also wasted a lot of time and energy throughout my life trying to impress people.
Whether it was at school, in an office, or participating on a sports team, I found myself in many situations where my performance was up for evaluation. It’s also carried into my work speaking, writing, coaching, podcasting, and more.
Trying to manage, control, and, ultimately, manipulate other people’s perceptions of us isn’t just exhausting—it’s also pretty much impossible. I’m reminded of the title of a book by Terry Cole-Whittaker called What You Think About Me is None of My Business. Isn’t that such a great reminder for all of us?
We can save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary stress and anguish when we stop trying to impress others and start focusing on honoring ourselves. In other words, being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power—not trying to be someone we aren’t or trying to be validated by the opinions of others.
As the wise sage Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” So true!
Acknowledge Yourself
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to perform well and receive positive feedback for our work. However, when we focus on impressing people, we give away our power and set ourselves up for unnecessary stress, worry, and fear.
It’s important to recognize that validation from other people isn’t what proves our worth—instead, we can turn within and focus on genuinely acknowledging ourselves. When we’re willing to appreciate who we are, we can truly be free and tap into our innate power.
Do you struggle with being a people-pleaser? Are there times when you’ve caused unnecessary stress trying to impress other people? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
For more reading, check out these posts:
Give Yourself More Time and Space
3 Ways to Stay Positive
Tips on Resolving Conflict
I appreciate all your articles. This one gave me something to reflect on as I am included in the many who get caught up in this particular life situation.
Congratulations on your growth through the years. As one who is also on a journey of growth, your articles continue to inspire and encourage me.
Thanks!
That’s a brilliant answer to an inrinestetg question
Now I feel stupid. That’s cleared it up for me
Hi Mike!
I’m not sure why I was so shocked at how much this blog spoke to me but I was! It seems like I have had continual conversations lately with my husband, sister, sons, friends, co-workers about this very thing! You summed it up so nicely in a few short sentences!
As always, I value your honesty and humble way of speaking! It’s refreshing and motivating!
More wonderful words of wisdom that resonate with most of us in such a meaningful way. You always manage to peel back the onion & really get to the heart of the matter! Thanks. Mike!
Thanks Kathy – appreciate your comment and kind words
Great article. I appreciate how they bring me into a state of awareness. I guess for me, the question now is how do I go about “letting go” and focusing on just impressing myself. Our journeys are unique so now that I have heard you speak about the “what” (that brings on an awareness) I want to work on the “how”. How do act upon my new awareness and make the changes? Maybe the simple knowledge and recognition of what I was doing will bring upon change. What I like is that you provide food for thought. Not answers. Not advice. But simple thoughts to open your own doors to emotional freedom. Thanks !
Thanks Abbie! Yes, my gift is in posing the question and sharing my own process, not always in giving the answers…I’m working on those answers for myself all the time. If you come up with some good ones for this dynamic, let me know 🙂
Thanks Mike
I really needed this message today.
I’ve been so worried about impressing others and making sure I do a good job for them. I forgot the most important person ME.
“being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power.
🙂 Julie
Hello Mike; Thanks for another great post. I listen to the podcast, and it struck me that a person as successful as you would still be wrestling with impressing others. Recently, I’ve been going on a weekly radio show promoting myself and my business. This week the host mentioned that they are planning a tour visiting cities around the country to interact with businesses and their owners. He went on to say that he now wants to make sure they add houston to the list so he can meet me and have me on the stage with him. I don’t know for sure if this will actually happen. I don’t even have a date yet, but I have already spent more than a few minutes thinking about what i would want to say and how i would want to be received if it did. So, thanks for keeping me from going down that road. Keep up the great work and have a fun time at the conference, Max
Thanks Max…we are all dealing with being human and doing our best in each moment 🙂
Hey Mike,
Thanks so much for the reminder to not get mired in the “what other people think” trap.
I like to remind myself that if I focus on being of service to others – that is going from “me” to “Us” (in the room) to ALL OF US (on the planet) – I’m able to step outside of the small confines of the personal ego and act from that place.
But I find myself humbly needing to remind myself time and time again, so thank YOU for the reminder today 🙂
Much love,
Justin
Yes, yes! Great reminder Justin…I am working on that whole service focus as well…trying to remember it’s not all about me all the time 🙂
Thanks Mike:
I just returned from a celebration of the start of the department I received my college degree from. Since I ‘m a member of the first graduating class, it reminded me that it’s more important to impress yourself than others. Life is about the “dash” between your birth date and the day you pass on!
Amen!
Thank you Mike!
Loooooved this post!
Very powerful words and very “eye-opener” message.
If we don’t focus to please others but ourselves I guess we’ll be less stressed and happier!
You need to come to Dallas!!!
If you don’t consider coming any day around 2013, I’m signing out from your news letter!!!!….(hahaha)…Was that threatening enough??
Hope to see you here one day….:)
Enjoy the rest of the week!!
Thanks Diana – I would love to come to Dallas (love it there). Let’s work on getting me invited to a big event there – are you a part of any organizations that bring in speakers like me? Let me know!
Hi Mike:
I always enjoy how you can get right to the heart of the issue. This is a wonderful reminder to be aware of what our intentions are. I have also enjoyed impressing myself lately…it’s been fun ’cause Spirit pops in and says …. good job and I get this great grin on my face!! I vividly remember Terry Cole…you must have been a baby!!! Thanks again for a wonderful and inspiring article.
Mike – Thank you for mentioning “What you think of me is none of my business”. Since you found it helpful, I picked it up and you are so right about this book. Excellent. You continue to inspire me all the time – thank you!
Great! Thanks Sandy…appreciate your comment and kind words!
Hi Mike,
I’m a few years late but this message was very well needed and helped me in ways I can’t explain tonight. Thank you.
However I have a question; I understand how personally we should seek to impress ourselves instead of others, but from a professional perspective, how can we not seek to impress. Be it pitching an idea to investors or making a proposal or presentation. How do we handle feedback in this area of our lives without give away our power.
On one had we do want to impress but how do we handle this in a healthy way?
Lami
Wonderful post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject?
I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further.
Cheers!
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