Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

self-help

The Art of Allowing

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A few years ago, I got some specific feedback that it would serve me, my work, and my growth to start practicing the art of allowing in a more conscious and deliberate way. 

While I was familiar with the concept of allowing, I realized I had little awareness or experience of it in actual practice.

As I looked more deeply at it, I realized that I had a judgment about the whole concept of “allowing.” It had always seemed weak, passive, lazy, or based on “luck” to me. I’ve always prided myself on being a hard worker and someone who makes things happen. 

However, as I’ve come to realize, much of my intense work ethic has to do with a deep-seated fear that if I ever slow down, stop pushing so hard, or simply expect things to just show up with ease, the whole house of cards of my life and my work might simply come crashing down around me. 

Can you relate?

The Power of Acceptance

The art of allowing is an essential aspect of life and growth. It’s also a critical aspect of our success and fulfillment. The first aspect of allowing has to do with us accepting things as they are. One of my favorite quotes on this is from author and teacher Byron Katie who says, “When you argue with reality, you lose – but only 100% of the time.”

When we’re able to allow people, things, and situations to be as they are without judging them, trying to fix them, or wanting them to be some other way than how they actually are, we begin to tap into the immense power of allowing. Ironically and somewhat paradoxically, when we truly allow things and people to be exactly as they are, we open up a space for real change and transformation to occur (if that is what we want).

Trust, Patience, and Faith

The deeper aspect of allowing has to do with trusting, being patient, and having faith that what we want to manifest, create, and experience can and will show up as it is meant to. 

In other words, it’s an ability to allow things to happen and materialize without us having to manipulate, dominate, or control to make things happen. For those of us, myself included, who tend to be a bit controlling at times, this can be incredibly challenging.

The paradox that exists with allowing runs deep within us. So many of us were taught and believe the saying that “if it is to be, it’s up to me.” And while there is truth and wisdom in this philosophy, as many of us know, feeling as though we have to work hard, run fast, keep up, and make everything happen is exhausting and insatiable. 

No matter how hard we work, what we try to fix, or all of the changes we intend to make, if we don’t learn, practice, and ultimately master the art of allowing – true success and fulfillment will always elude us. Never underestimate the power of patience. Action is important, but we have to also learn to balance it out with our ability to allow.

Allowing takes faith, patience, and trust – three things essential for our peace of mind and well-being in life.  However, these are not things we focus on, learn about, or are encouraged to practice in our intense, fast-paced, results-oriented culture. 

The art of allowing is truly an art and often runs contrary to societal norms and pressures. It has to do with remembering, as the well-known saying goes, “We’re human beings, not human doings.” 

How to Enhance Your Ability to Allow in Your Life

Here are a few things to think about and practice as you enhance your capacity and ability to allow with more ease in your life.

1. Ask yourself how you relate to the concept of “allowing.” 

Take some inventory of your relationship with this idea. How do you feel about it? How comfortable are you allowing things and people to be as they are and allowing things to manifest with ease in your life? For many of us, this is something we may understand but not practice. Tell the truth to yourself about how you relate to allowing and notice how this impacts your life – one way or another.

2. Pay attention to what you focus on in regards to your biggest goals and aspirations. 

Think about your biggest goals, dreams, and aspirations in your life right now. How much of your attention and energy is focused on doing, and how much is focused on allowing? While both doing and allowing are important, most of us put a disproportionate amount of attention on action. 

Increasing our focus on allowing and ultimately receiving can be a magical, relaxing, and incredibly effective way to relate to our goals and dreams. This is often one of the big missing pieces in our desire for success and, more importantly, fulfillment.

3. Create an allowing practice

This is a simple practice you can do daily (like prayer, meditation, quiet reflection, affirmation, etc.) where you put your attention and awareness on allowing – accepting things as they are, trusting that things are working out as they are meant to, believing that the feelings, experiences, accomplishments, and outcomes which you most desire are on their way, and allowing yourself to receive these gifts and blessings with ease and gratitude. 

You may need to reach out to others for support, guidance, and feedback about creating or deepening an allowing practice that will work for you – but doing this is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself (as well as to those around you).

Remember – We’re All in This Together

Have fun with this, and have compassion for yourself as well. For most of us, the art of allowing is a lot easier to think about or talk about than it actually is to practice and embody. The more attention we put on it, however, the easier it gets. And, as we deepen our ability and capacity to allow – our whole life can transform with ease, grace, and gratitude.

How are you at allowing? What can you do to allow things to be as they are and also allow things to show up with ease in your life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.   

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The Importance of Celebrating

Why Taking Breaks Is So Important

The Importance of Embracing Emotions (Including Anger)

This article was originally published in March 2010 and updated for 2023.

 

The Importance of Celebrating

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Many people underestimate the importance of celebrating. In fact, many of us don’t celebrate enough.

How do you feel about celebrating? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know, you probably enjoy it.

As much as I like to celebrate, at times I find it challenging too, especially these days. 

Here are some of the reasons that can make celebrating difficult:

  • We don’t have the time or money to celebrate right now because there’s work that needs to get done
  • Things aren’t yet as good as they “should” be for us to stop and celebrate
  • People will think we’re spoiled, naive, or arrogant if we celebrate too much
  • With so much suffering in the world and people having a tough time these days, it’s not appropriate to celebrate
  • We’ll celebrate, but not until everything turns out exactly as we want it to

Can you relate to any of these? If you can, you’re not alone. However, celebrating is really important for a number of reasons.

The Power and Importance of Celebrating

We’ve taken our girls, who are now teenagers, to Disneyland over the years…and we all love it there. One of the many magical aspects of the Disney parks is how they fully embrace the power of celebrating. Every day at Disney feels like your birthday, favorite holiday, and New Year’s Eve – all wrapped into one. They had a special parade down Main Street a few years ago called “Celebrate You.”

I think one of the main reasons people go to Disney is that it’s an excuse to celebrate. And while they do a fantastic job at the Disney parks with the rides, the characters, the shows, the fireworks, and more – the real magic behind it all is the power of celebration.

Too often in life, we think we have to have a “legitimate” reason to celebrate – a birthday, winning an award, an anniversary, the completion of a project, the accomplishment of a goal, taking a vacation, or some other “special occasion.” While all of these things can be fun to celebrate, we don’t have to wait for them to happen to feel justified in our celebration.

At Disney they celebrate just to celebrate – on Tuesday mornings and Thursday nights, on special occasions and holidays, and every single day throughout the year. 

What if we did more of this in our lives, especially when things get tough?

While it may seem counter-intuitive, celebrating for no reason and counting our blessings when things are hard can transform our experience of being alive.

Treat Every Day Like a Good Day

I was in a cab in Houston many years ago, heading back to the airport after speaking at an event for Chevron. The cab driver and I got into an interesting conversation about life, family, and the state of our culture in America. The driver told me he was from Ethiopia originally but had been living in the United States for about twenty years.

I asked him, “What’s your take on American culture, given that you didn’t grow up here?” He paused for a long time, then asked, “Can I be honest with you?” I said, “Of course.” He said, “I think most people in this culture act like spoiled brats.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked, a bit surprised by his response. “Mike,” he said, “I’m from Ethiopia…every day here is a good day. I don’t understand why people don’t walk around here with their hands in the air saying ‘THANK YOU’.”

I appreciated his honest and poignant feedback.  He offered such an important perspective.

Regardless of what’s going on in our lives and the world around us, we always have things to celebrate and be grateful for. While we all go through struggles, we also all go through triumphs in life. But we don’t have to wait until we close the deal, win the game, finish the project, get to retirement, fall in love, reach our goal, or whatever else it is we feel we need to accomplish in order to celebrate.

Sometimes the best thing for us to celebrate is the mere fact that we’ve made it to this point in life, especially if things have been challenging, which for many of us, they have been over the past few years.

Celebrating is not only an after-the-fact phenomenon; it’s a way of being and can become a way of life if we choose to live that way. Stop for a moment and think of all the things (big and small) that you can celebrate about your life right now. 

As Oprah Winfrey says, “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

Let’s look for things to be joyful about and grateful for…and let’s choose to celebrate ourselves, our lives, and those around us as much as we can.

What can you celebrate in your life right now? How can you expand your capacity for celebration? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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This article was originally published in September 2010 and updated for 2022.

Why Taking Breaks Is So Important

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In today’s busy world with a never-ending “to-do” list of obligations, responsibilities, and commitments, it can be hard for us to take a real break. 

But taking breaks in the midst of the daily grind is vital for our mental, physical, and emotional health.

Why Taking Breaks is So Important

Wherever you are in your career and life, it’s essential to build in time to rest, relax, and rejuvenate.

We used to get built-in breaks when we were in school (winter, spring, summer, and more), but in the real world, it can be a lot tougher to take time off, especially these past few years. Even if we do get vacation days, it can be hard to really disconnect and some of us even fear taking time off. 

As I grew my own business, got married, and built a family, I began to see both the necessity and difficulty of carving out downtime.

Taking breaks means giving ourselves permission to unplug and let go, which is actually easier said than done for many of us. It gives us a chance to rest our brains, shift our daily habits, and let our minds wander.  Doing these things are essential for our relationships, work, wellbeing, and creativity.

We are never promised tomorrow, and no one is sure what each day will bring. 

I’ve experienced quite a bit of loss and grief in my life.  As hard and painful as this can be, it does force us to stop and reflect on our own lives. It makes us ask why we’re doing what we’re doing and what really matters.

We all have deadlines, commitments, meetings, projects, and other things that are important. But we never know what’s going to happen. Tomorrow is not promised. That’s why it’s important to rest in between all of our activities and ambitions. 

A break can be a nice vacation, or it can just be something simple, such as going for a quiet walk or reading a book. 

You don’t have to plan an elaborate getaway, as nice as those can be. A break can be as simple as disconnecting for a few minutes to stare out the window and appreciate your life.

I keep one journal for thoughts/feelings and another specifically for gratitude. I find when I take the time to write in these books, it always gives me a nice built-in time for reflection. 

Doing little things like journaling, or even going on a walk and being present with yourself and your surroundings can make a difference.

Staying busy can be a way to distract ourselves from our own feelings. 

We have so many ways to numb and distract ourselves these days, especially with work, technology, social media, and more. Feeling our feelings can be hard, painful, and scary, but that’s where the juice of life happens. 

The more time we give to fully feeling all of our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, the more quickly we move through them.

We’re all in this together.

When we get down to the essence of who we are as human beings, we may be different in so many ways, yet we all know what it’s like to feel universal emotions like joy, sadness, gratitude, fear, peacefulness, anger, love, and more.

When we take breaks, we allow ourselves to get in touch with our humanity and who we really are.  This helps us check in with ourselves and in turn allows us to connect more authentically with others.

As busy as we all are and as much as is coming at us all the time, it’s essential for us to slow down, step back, and engage with ourselves and each other in a conscious and deliberate way.  Doing this reminds us that even though it may not always seem like it, we truly are all in this together.

 

Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

 

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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Love Your “Flaws”

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If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent more time than you’d like to admit trying to “fix” your “flaws.” Although I may pretend otherwise, many of my goals, desires, and even my motivation to grow and change has often come from a deep place of insecurity within me – thinking that if I could fix what was wrong with me, then everything would be okay. I recently had an insight (one which I’ve had before but this time, it came to me at a deeper level) that maybe instead of focusing on “fixing” my “flaws,” it’s more important to love your flaws and accept them instead. 

I’ve resisted this notion of loving my flaws for most of my life, worrying that if I loved the things I thought were wrong with me, they’d somehow never change, and I’d be stuck with them.

However, it is really love that leads to healing and transformation – which ultimately can create the actual change we say we’re looking for, or a true sense of acceptance that gives us access to authentic freedom and liberation, regardless of circumstances.

At a deep level, our “flaws” are subjective and based on our interpretations, perspectives, and judgments. We obsess about certain aspects of our body or appearance, personality, life, or work circumstances and deem them unacceptable.

But, the truth is, these things are just as they are – we add meaning and interpretation to them.

Regardless of how philosophical we get about it, most of us as human beings experience a sense of feeling flawed in certain aspects of our lives and at particular times in life. There is nothing wrong with us for feeling this way. Although, as we each know from experience, feeling flawed can rob us of our energy, passion, happiness, confidence, and life. It’s one of the most painful ways we allow our ego to run our lives, and it can have devastating consequences if we’re not conscious of it.

How to Love Your Flaws

Here are some ideas about how we can move through our experience of feeling “flawed” and to a place of acceptance, compassion, and love.

1. Acknowledge what’s true for you. 

The first step in almost every process of growth and change is about telling the truth instead of trying to avoid, run from, or pretend our “flaws” away. 

But, if we relate to some aspect of our bodies, personalities, relationships, careers, or lives in general as a flaw, we first have to get real about it if we’re going to do anything about it. 

2. Admit and express the underlying emotions. 

If we can identify, acknowledge, and ultimately express the genuine emotions we’re experiencing related to this perceived flaw, we can create a real sense of liberation for ourselves. 

If a specific aspect of your personality, body, or career bothers you and you find yourself feeling ashamed – as uncomfortable or negative as it may seem, the best thing you can do is acknowledge and express your shame. 

Emotions become positive when they are appropriately expressed. They turn negative when you deny and repress them. 

Although this is a different understanding of emotions than we’ve been taught, we’ve all had many liberating and positive experiences when we’ve expressed “negative” emotions (like sadness, anger, fear, and more). 

By expressing our real emotions, we can unlock and unhook ourselves from the drama and suffering of the situation, which is caused by our denial and repression of these emotions, not the feelings themselves.

3. Forgive yourself. 

Forgiving yourself plays a huge role in learning how to love your flaws. This is something that many of us, myself included, don’t have a lot of experience with. 

Most of us have been trained to be hard on ourselves and that forgiveness must come from someone or something outside us. However, true forgiveness comes from within us and is what ultimately sets us free. 

When we feel “flawed,” we often have a lot of blame and judgment – some of which may be directed towards other people or situations, but beneath that, most of it is directed at us. When we can forgive ourselves authentically, we create the space for real change and healing.

4. Appreciate.

The word appreciate doesn’t necessarily mean like, agree with, or enjoy. 

Appreciate means to recognize the value of something. 

What have you learned about yourself and life by dealing with this “flaw?” 

While pain and challenges are not the only ways to grow in life, one of the many benefits of our issues is that we get to learn a great deal about ourselves, others, and life in the process of dealing with them. 

When we reach a state of genuine appreciation and gratitude for the learning associated with the difficulty, we can move out of feeling sorry for ourselves (which never helps). It’s impossible to experience gratitude and victimhood simultaneously.

5. Love. 

The ultimate antidote for all suffering is love. Your ability to love your flaws and care for them with kindness and compassion (as you would for a child, a pet, or a loved one) will ultimately heal you and allow the true transformation you’re looking for to take place. 

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. When we love our flaws, we create an environment where we can either make the specific changes we truly want (from an authentic place of intention) or learn to love and accept ourselves whether an actual “change” takes place. 

Any issue, malady, or problem that shows up in our lives is an opportunity for us to deepen our capacity for love, acceptance, and compassion.

All of these things, in my own experience, are much easier said than done. And, when we can tell the truth, express our real emotions, forgive ourselves, appreciate our flaws, and bring love to all aspects of our lives (both light and dark), we allow ourselves to transcend our flaws in an authentic way. 

Loving your flaws takes a great deal of intention, support, compassion, and patience. It’s much easier to take a pill, avoid ourselves, get busy and distracted, whine and complain, pretend things are “fine,” and various other things we’ve learned to do in life. 

Leaning into our “flaws” authentically and doing so with acceptance of ourselves is how we can genuinely heal and end the cycle of suffering.

How can you appreciate and love your flaws as a way to create freedom in your life? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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This article was originally published on January 11, 2010, and updated for 2022.

The Power of Forgiveness

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The power of forgiveness is so important for our relationships, teams, and overall well-being. But it can be difficult, especially these days.  

Resentment doesn’t serve us. 

As the saying goes, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” We are the ones taking the poison in and somehow think it will impact the other person, but it usually doesn’t.

What can we do to release resentment and forgive the people around us?

We all hold onto those little subtle things that we don’t know how to address – things that create resentment in our lives and build up over time. These small things damage our relationships and trust. They impact our teams and culture. 

We have to learn how to address these things, but first, we must understand why many of us find it so hard to forgive.

What Makes Forgiveness So Challenging?

Forgiveness is challenging for many reasons. Here are a few of them.

1. We aren’t taught forgiveness.

Most of us do not learn much about forgiveness as we grow up. We learn how to navigate relationships and conflicts, but we don’t learn how to forgive after getting let down, disappointed, or heartbroken.

If we did get any education around forgiveness, it was to ‘let it go.’ While there is good intention underneath that, it’s not always helpful or empowering.

2. We don’t like to forgive.

Let’s be honest, we sometimes like holding grudges and resentments. We get off on feeling morally superior to others and holding resentments.

And while holding on to grudges is not healthy, helpful, or pleasurable, there is something we get out of it. We think holding onto grudges allows us to get rid of some of the pain and negativity, but it doesn’t get to the root of it and doesn’t allow us to be free.

In addition to this, many of us don’t like to forgive because we use it as an excuse for why things aren’t working out in our lives.  It’s easier to blame others or unfair circumstances, than it is to take responsibility for our lives.

3. Sometimes, we’re afraid to forgive.

Many of us are afraid to forgive because we worry that if we forgive a specific person or situation, we’re condoning their behavior and “letting them off the hook.” 

We want people to be responsible and accountable for what they did, and if we forgive them, they somehow get a pass.

But this isn’t true. Forgiveness is for us – it’s about freeing us from the pain, stress, resentment, and negativity we carry about the person or situation.

Forgiving someone or letting go of resentment doesn’t mean that we’re saying that whatever a person did is okay. We choose to forgive that person because we don’t want to relive the pain of that situation over again anymore – we don’t want to carry around that resentment anymore because it’s harmful to us.

How Can We Embrace the Power of Forgiveness?

If you have trouble or challenges forgiving, you’re not alone. Everyone struggles with this to some degree or another. It’s challenging to authentically forgive.

So what can we do?

1. Let go.

Don’t run away to avoid it. Think about all the resentment you hold – big and small. Create a list in your journal or with your therapist of what you hold onto – the baggage you carry. List the biggest resentments to the smallest ones.

It’s very likely that you are ready to let go of many of your resentments. Do you really want to hang on to something that someone said or did years, maybe even decades ago?

I’m not minimizing certain situations or traumas. If you’re not ready to let go of certain things, that’s fine too.

But what are you willing to let go of?

Ultimately, it’s a choice. You choose what you want to hold on to and what you want to let go of. 

2. Talk to the person directly. 

Have what I call a “sweaty-palmed conversation.” 

Having the conversation might be difficult and scary for you – and it might not always get resolved, but it’s a practical solution.

Most people feel much better after talking to someone they have an issue with or feel resentful towards – I certainly do. 

And while having a conversation may make you feel better, it doesn’t mean that the situation is magically resolved. You may not feel better after talking to people depending on the issue or nature of the person – but it will often help.

3. Write them a note.

The note can be in the form of an email, text message, hand-written letter, etc. Communicate with the person with the intention of having a conversation or saying what you need to forgive and let go. 

This is also something you can do to someone who has passed away or you no longer have communication with. If you cannot send the person the letter, just get all your feelings out.

4. Write an anger letter. 

Write an anger letter knowing you’re not going to send it to the person. This letter is going to be for you. Vent on the page – get it all out of your head.

You can keep it for a few days and re-read it, but destroy it once you feel like you’ve gotten all your emotions out. It’s like a message to your subconscious – you get all your feelings out, and let go.

This is another exercise you can do if the person is no longer in your life and you have no other way of letting go of your feelings toward the person.

5. Talk to a proxy (or to yourself).

Voice dialoguing with another human is extremely helpful. It could be a coach, therapist, or friend. 

That person will stand in for the person you hold resentment towards. Talk to that person as if they are the one you have the anger for.

It’s incredible what can happen when we do this because if we can get it out – get out all those emotions, feelings of anger and resentment – sometimes it helps us release our feelings of anger and resentment. 

You can also create a voice note and have a conversation with the person you are trying to forgive. You won’t send it to them, but just like writing an angry letter, you’re letting it out. You’re releasing the emotions. 

6. Practice meditation and visualization.

While meditating, try to visualize the person there. Imagine having a conversation with them about your feelings.

Visualization helps us remove negative emotions and focus our attention on positive things that can create change to our lives. Our minds cant differentiate between visualizing and what is real. That’s why visualization is such a crucial part of manifestation. 

7. Pray and ask for guidance.

Whether you’re religious or not, ask for guidance. Ask for the universe to help you let go of your resentment and frustration. 

Ultimately, the power of forgiveness comes from intention. 

We can lighten our load and take some of the emotional rocks out of the bags we carry around, we can let go of the resentments that hold us back. 

Forgiveness is a challenging but crucial aspect of our inner work. It is also a critical part of creating teams and relationships filled with authenticity and depth. 

Forgiving Ourselves

The most challenging aspect of forgiveness is forgiving ourselves – forgiving ourselves for holding onto a grudge for so long. 

Start with forgiving yourself. Do you forgive yourself for holding a grudge? 

Forgiving yourself is the first step that will open up space to forgive other people. 

What can you do right now to embrace the power of forgiveness?  Feel free to share your thoughts, ideas, or questions in the comments below.

Mike Robbins is the author of five books, including his latest, We’re All in This Together: Creating a Team Culture of High Performance, Trust, and Belonging. He’s a thought leader and sought-after speaker whose clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Schwab, eBay, Genentech, the Oakland A’s, and many others.

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