I’ve been thinking lately about how easy it is to confuse gratitude with complacency.
We hear so much about the importance of being grateful, appreciating what we have, and focusing on what’s good in our lives. These are things I talk about all the time in my work, and they’re practices I genuinely believe in. But I’ve also noticed that sometimes we can use gratitude as a reason to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t want things to be different.
We might have a good job but feel ready for something new. We can love the people in our lives and still wish certain aspects of those relationships were different. We might appreciate the opportunities we’ve been given while also feeling frustrated, restless, or uncertain about what’s next.
And sometimes, when those feelings come up, we judge ourselves for even having them.
I’ve certainly done this in my own life. There have been times when I’ve felt dissatisfied with something, only to immediately remind myself of how fortunate I am. I have a family I love, work that I’m passionate about, and opportunities I never could have imagined when I was younger. What do I really have to complain about?
While that perspective can be helpful, I’ve realized that it can also keep me from being honest with myself about what I’m feeling or what I might want to change.
One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that gratitude doesn’t require us to pretend everything is perfect.
We can appreciate what we have and still acknowledge what’s difficult. We can be proud of how far we’ve come while recognizing that there’s more we want to experience, create, or accomplish.
In fact, I think being genuinely grateful can sometimes give us the perspective and courage we need to make real change.
This comes up quite a bit in my work with leaders and teams. I encourage organizations to spend time celebrating their accomplishments, recognizing their people, and highlighting what’s going well. But appreciation becomes less genuine and impactful when people feel like they can’t also talk about what’s not working.
I’ve seen how powerful it can be when leaders create an environment where people feel comfortable expressing both. They can be grateful for their colleagues, proud of their team’s progress, and committed to the organization, while still raising concerns, questioning decisions, or suggesting a different approach.
These things don’t have to contradict each other. In many ways, this kind of honesty is a reflection of how much people care.
The same is true in our personal lives.
As I’ve gotten older, I try to allow myself to experience gratitude without using it to dismiss other feelings. Some days I feel incredibly fortunate and deeply frustrated, sometimes about the very same things. And while this can be uncomfortable, I’m learning that I don’t have to resolve every contradiction or force myself to feel just one way.
Maybe part of being authentic is giving ourselves permission to acknowledge the full range of what we’re experiencing, even and especially when it may be paradoxical.
As we move into the final few months of the year, I’ve been reflecting on what I’m grateful for and what I’d still like to change. Rather than seeing those as competing thoughts, I’m trying to approach both with curiosity and compassion.
What are you genuinely grateful for right now? And is there something you’ve been hesitant to acknowledge that you’d like to be different?
We don’t have to choose between appreciating where we are and wanting to grow beyond it.
Perhaps the more we can embrace both, the more honest, meaningful, and fulfilling our lives, relationships, and our work can be.
We’re all in this together.
