Many of us spend a lot of time worrying. About bills, relationships, health, finances, work, the state of the world, and more. Although this is completely understandable, especially these days, and it’s something I find myself struggling with at times in pretty significant ways…I’ve learned throughout my life that worry never works.
Worrying is actually detrimental to our health, well-being, and our ability to experience what we truly want in life. When we worry, we’re simply preparing to be upset in the future – assuming that something bad will happen and creating a dress rehearsal for our anger, disappointment, and/or frustration.
Worry doesn’t work because it keeps us fixated on potential problems without thinking about productive solutions. It amplifies stress, impairs decision-making, and harms our mental and physical health. Often, worries are beyond our control or blown out of proportion, leading to unnecessary distress. Instead, focusing on actionable steps, maintaining perspective, and practicing mindfulness, we stay stuck in the negative trap of imagining all the ways things could go wrong.
Worrying has simply become a habituated and unconscious behavior for many of us. We tend to find ways to justify this – thinking that worrying proves we really care, helps keep us focused, or allows us to stay on top of things in a responsible way.
While this all makes sense, on a deeper level I’ve realized over the years that worrying is just an erroneous attempt to control the uncontrollable – life.
Given that we all know, at least to some degree, that worrying doesn’t really work and actually makes things worse – why do we do it?
If Worry Never Works, Why Do We Do It?
We worry as a natural response to uncertainty, potential threats, or challenges in our lives. It’s a way for our minds to try to anticipate and prepare for problems, but it can also stem from a desire for control or fear of the unknown. While worrying can sometimes serve a protective function, it often becomes excessive and counterproductive, leading to increased stress and anxiety.
Here are some of the main reasons we worry so much…
1. We’re Trained to Worry
We’ve been trained to worry throughout our lives – by our parents, teachers, friends, family members, co-workers, the media, our culture, and more. From the time we were kids, we’re taught (directly and indirectly) that we’re supposed to worry about lots of things – crime, illness, money, our children, being taken advantage of, pollution, and so much more. While some may argue that there are many things we should be concerned and aware about, “worrying” about any of these things doesn’t make them better or help us address them in a specific way.
2. We Don’t Know How to Express Our Real Emotions
We’re not usually encouraged or even all that good at acknowledging, addressing, and expressing our real emotions. Worry is often a suppressed form of fear, anger, shame, or other emotions we find difficult to deal with. Because worrying is much more socially acceptable than expressing our authentic fear (or anger, guilt, helplessness, shame, sadness, confusion, overwhelm, etc.), we tend to actively worry about things all the time. Our inability to express our real emotions, which is usually the source, is what keeps worry in place.
3. We Worry That Something Bad Will Happen
Finally, we worry that if we stop worrying, something really bad will happen. As ironic as it may seem, we continue to worry, somehow thinking we are protecting ourselves. In actuality, when we worry we’re just setting ourselves up for more stress and fear…and in a strange way, sometimes even attracting more negative outcomes and experiences to us by being so fixated on all that could go wrong.
How to Stop Worrying
Here are a few things you can do to let go of worry and operate with a deeper sense of peace and freedom:
1. Notice What You Worry About
Like most aspects of life and growth, the first step is authentic awareness. When we become conscious of our own habits, thoughts, and patterns as it relates to worrying, we can start to make some healthy choices and changes. As you notice your own tendency to worry, have compassion with yourself and see if you’re willing to let it go.
2. Identify and express your real emotions
Worry often originates from underlying emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, shame, or powerlessness. By acknowledging and embracing these emotions, we can navigate through them and release their energy. This process of emotional release enables us to transform our worries and ultimately free ourselves from their grip.
3. Take conscious and courageous action
Worry often renders us inactive; stuck in a state of negative thinking or fear-based reactions. Taking conscious and courageous actions in the face of our fear and worry can be one of the most empowering things for us to do. This is not about frantic, random, erroneous activity (just for the sake of doing something), this is about us taking deliberate action as a way of moving through our fear in a direct and authentic way.
Worrying is a natural aspect of our human experience. It’s important not to criticize ourselves for it, but rather to recognize its presence. Worry can significantly impact our success, well-being, and sense of fulfillment. By acknowledging this and understanding that worry never really works, we can delve into what is really going on within us, transforming it into a force for positive change.
What do you worry about most? Are you willing to let go of worry? If so, what will that take? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more below.
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Pam D says
I worry about having enough money to take care of myself as I get older. I know my kids love me….but do they love me enough, for me to live with them if I find myself in that perdicament.
Ellie Allen says
Mike, I so agree with all of your points. Years ago I worried about so many little things. Then a family illness really gave me something to worry about. The worrying truly wore me out. I soon realized that I was helpless to change the events or make things better. Those things were in the hands of others. I eventually learned a valuable lesson about worrying that has lasted me a lifetime. While one worries about the “what ifs”, those things we have no control over and may never happen, we will have worried for nothing. Worrying wears us out, so if the worst happens, we won’t have the energy to cope with it or be helpful to those who may need us. Worrying keeps us from appreciating those good things we do have in our lives and which we need to take comfort from when bad things do happen. Worrying is ultimately borrowing into a negative future and keeping us from living a positive now.
Mary McManus says
Dear Pam D – you can turn worrying into gratitude for what you have right now and into affirmations believing and trusting that all you need is provided for. I used to worry about money constantly and then I began to listen to Michael Losier, our very own Mike Robbins, teachers such as Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks and once I released the worry, and began to appreciate what I have right now with a gratitude journal celebrating even finding a penny on the street as a sign of abundance, there has been a wonderful ebb and flow of giving and receiving.
I do find myself worrying about my children as I get older but I release those worries remembering the words of Abraham Hicks – worrying is planning for what we do not want to have happen. So I release them into God’s loving hands trusting that as Divine children of God they will be fine. By journaling and meditating and taking note of when I do worry and feel that solar plexus clutch I am able to transform these thoughts with God’s grace and surrounding myself with positive people.
Solari Jenkins says
Hello Mike, I recently found myself worrying about things that pertain to me and also worrying about things happening to or not happening for people I care about. So, after giving myself a good talking-to, I called a couple of friends and left really up-beat messages on their recordings. Lo and behold, they responded in kind. First saying that I sounded really happy and surmised that something really good must have happened for me. I replied that I decided it was better to remain positive and not worry about things once I prayed on them and, in so doing, I would attract what I want instead of spiralling down into the doldrums. You know what happened next? They started sharing positive feelings about things in their life and the whole tenor of the conversation was positive and uplifting. I guess it is a demonstration that people will sink or rise to the level of the conversation – whether good or bad. I’m gonna work on keeping it POSITIVE !
Mike, continued blessings to you and yours and… to
all of us.
Solari Jenkins
Melissa says
I worry about the smallest things especially pertaining to my two year son. I worry so much that I get terrible headaches and cause illness to myself. Currently, I have been taking 30 minutes out of the day to meditate and relax my mind. So far, it is helping me to focus on the positive and leaving the negative at the door…
Jan says
I don’t alwatys realize I am worrying until I notice that I am feeling anxious or uncomfortable or afraid about something. Then the thing that works best for me is to ask myself if everything is okay at this moment, now, and it usually is, so then I can let go of the worry. I think “worry” is usually “future oriented” and I know my thoughts create my experience and I do not ever want the experience of what I am worrying about so that helps me to stop worrying as well.