I was talking to a friend of mine last week and she said, “If worrying worked, I’d weigh 115 pounds and be a millionaire by now.” I laughed out loud – appreciating her humor and insight.
Worrying, which is something I’ve spent and wasted a lot of time and energy on throughout my life, never seems to work, does it? Worry is actually detrimental to our health, well-being, and our ability to manifest both the things and feelings we truly want in life. When we worry, we’re simply preparing to be upset in the future – assuming that something “bad” will happen.
I’ve recently become even more aware of my own obsession with worry and have realized for me, as is true for many of us, it has simply become a habituated and unconscious behavior. At some level, I find myself justifying my own worrying – thinking that it proves I really care, helps keep me focused, or allows me to stay on top of things in a responsible way. While this all makes sense, on a deeper level I’ve realized that worrying is just my erroneous attempt to control the uncontrollable – life.
Given that we all know, at least to some degree, that worrying doesn’t really work and actually makes things worse – why do we do it?
First of all, we’ve been trained to worry – by our parents, teachers, friends, family members, co-workers, the media, our culture, and more. From the time we were kids and to this day, we’re taught (directly and indirectly) that we’re supposed to worry about lots of things – crime, illness, money, our children, being taken advantage of, pollution, and so much more. While some may argue that there are many things we should be concerned and aware about, “worrying” about any of these things doesn’t make them better or help us address them in a specific way.
Second of all, we’re not usually encouraged or even all that good at acknowledging, addressing, and expressing our real emotions. Worry is often a suppressed form of fear, anger, shame, or other emotions we find difficult to deal with. Because worrying is much more socially acceptable than expressing our authentic fear (or anger, guilt, helplessness, shame, sadness, etc.), we tend to actively worry about things all the time. Our inability to express our real emotions, which is usually the source, is what keeps worry in place.
Finally, we worry that if we stop worrying, something really bad will happen. As ironic and odd as it may seem, we continue to worry somehow thinking we are protecting ourselves. In actuality, when we worry we’re just setting ourselves up for more stress and fear.
Here are a few things you can do to let go of worry and live with a deeper sense of peace and freedom:
– Notice what you worry about – Like most aspects of life and growth, the first step is authentic awareness. When we become conscious about our own habits, thoughts, and patterns as it relates to worrying, we can start to make some healthy choices and changes. As you notice your own tendency to worry, have compassion with yourself and see if you’re willing to let it go.
– Identify and express your real emotions – The root cause of all worry is an emotion or set of emotions. If we can identify how we really feel (scared, angry, sad, ashamed, helpless, etc.) and we’re willing to express our emotions with passion and authenticity, we will move through the emotion and release its energy, thus transforming it and letting go of our worry.
– Take conscious and courageous action – Worry often renders us inactive; stuck in a state of negative thinking or fear based reactions. Taking conscious and courageous actions in the face of our fear and worry can be one of the most empowering things for us to do. This is not about frantic, random, erroneous activity (just for the sake of doing something), this is about us taking deliberate action as a way of moving through our fear in a direct and confident way.
There’s nothing wrong with us for worrying – it is part of being human, especially in our world today. We don’t need to judge ourselves for it, but it is important for us to acknowledge our worry when it shows up, as it can be quite detrimental to our success, well-being, and fulfillment in life. When we remember that worrying never works and we’re willing to dive deeper into what is really going on within us, we can transform our worry and use it as a catalyst for positive change.
What do you worry about most? Are you willing to let go of worry? If so, what will that take? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more below.
I worry about having enough money to take care of myself as I get older. I know my kids love me….but do they love me enough, for me to live with them if I find myself in that perdicament.
Mike, I so agree with all of your points. Years ago I worried about so many little things. Then a family illness really gave me something to worry about. The worrying truly wore me out. I soon realized that I was helpless to change the events or make things better. Those things were in the hands of others. I eventually learned a valuable lesson about worrying that has lasted me a lifetime. While one worries about the “what ifs”, those things we have no control over and may never happen, we will have worried for nothing. Worrying wears us out, so if the worst happens, we won’t have the energy to cope with it or be helpful to those who may need us. Worrying keeps us from appreciating those good things we do have in our lives and which we need to take comfort from when bad things do happen. Worrying is ultimately borrowing into a negative future and keeping us from living a positive now.
Dear Pam D – you can turn worrying into gratitude for what you have right now and into affirmations believing and trusting that all you need is provided for. I used to worry about money constantly and then I began to listen to Michael Losier, our very own Mike Robbins, teachers such as Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks and once I released the worry, and began to appreciate what I have right now with a gratitude journal celebrating even finding a penny on the street as a sign of abundance, there has been a wonderful ebb and flow of giving and receiving.
I do find myself worrying about my children as I get older but I release those worries remembering the words of Abraham Hicks – worrying is planning for what we do not want to have happen. So I release them into God’s loving hands trusting that as Divine children of God they will be fine. By journaling and meditating and taking note of when I do worry and feel that solar plexus clutch I am able to transform these thoughts with God’s grace and surrounding myself with positive people.
Hello Mike, I recently found myself worrying about things that pertain to me and also worrying about things happening to or not happening for people I care about. So, after giving myself a good talking-to, I called a couple of friends and left really up-beat messages on their recordings. Lo and behold, they responded in kind. First saying that I sounded really happy and surmised that something really good must have happened for me. I replied that I decided it was better to remain positive and not worry about things once I prayed on them and, in so doing, I would attract what I want instead of spiralling down into the doldrums. You know what happened next? They started sharing positive feelings about things in their life and the whole tenor of the conversation was positive and uplifting. I guess it is a demonstration that people will sink or rise to the level of the conversation – whether good or bad. I’m gonna work on keeping it POSITIVE !
Mike, continued blessings to you and yours and… to
all of us.
Solari Jenkins
I worry about the smallest things especially pertaining to my two year son. I worry so much that I get terrible headaches and cause illness to myself. Currently, I have been taking 30 minutes out of the day to meditate and relax my mind. So far, it is helping me to focus on the positive and leaving the negative at the door…
I don’t alwatys realize I am worrying until I notice that I am feeling anxious or uncomfortable or afraid about something. Then the thing that works best for me is to ask myself if everything is okay at this moment, now, and it usually is, so then I can let go of the worry. I think “worry” is usually “future oriented” and I know my thoughts create my experience and I do not ever want the experience of what I am worrying about so that helps me to stop worrying as well.