As I prepare to speak at the Hay House I CAN DO IT event, I’m experiencing a myriad of emotions – excitement, nervousness, gratitude, pressure, curiosity, confusion, peace, and more. It’s thrilling and humbling to be invited to speak at an event like this with such powerful teachers and authors like Wayne Dyer and Caroline Myss, whom I’ve admired and learned from for many years. I’ve never actually been a part of an event like this, although I’ve dreamed about it for a long time and hope this is the first of many such events I get to participate in.
And, in the midst of my excitement and gratitude, I notice that more of my attention than I’d like to admit is focused on trying to impress certain people – the other speakers, specific people in the audience, and especially the organizers of the event. Of course I want to do well and want my talk to be both well received and to have a positive impact on all who hear it (which is always my intention when I speak).
However, the more I’ve been noticing this focus on impressing others, the more I realize that this has been a theme throughout much of my life which doesn’t really serve me. In school, as an athlete, in business, and even now in the work that I do as an author and speaker, I have been (and will continue to be) in many situations where I’m being evaluated. When this occurs, especially if I’m feeling nervous, insecure, and/or attached to some specific outcome, my underlying goal is often to impress anyone and everyone involved. Maybe you can relate to this?
How often do you find yourself trying to impress others? Whether it’s in our work, with our friends, on Facebook or Twitter, at a class reunion, at a networking event, with our family, or just in everyday life, we spend and waste a lot of time and energy trying to impress others, somehow thinking that the acknowledgment, validation, and positive perception of other people will make us feel good about ourselves and prove our value or worth in life. As you may have noticed, this never works.
While there’s nothing wrong with us wanting to do a good job, be well received by others, and get positive feedback, when we focus on impressing people we give away our power and set ourselves up for unnecessary stress, worry, and fear.
There was a book that came out about twenty five years ago by Terry Cole-Whittaker called, What You Think About Me is None of My Business. Such a great reminder for all of us!
What if we stopped trying to impress others, and focused more of our attention on “impressing” ourselves. In other words, being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power. Trying to manage, control, and ultimately manipulate other people’s perceptions of us is not only exhausting, it’s pretty much impossible.
As the wise sage Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” So true!
Marta Cuminotto says
I appreciate all your articles. This one gave me something to reflect on as I am included in the many who get caught up in this particular life situation.
Congratulations on your growth through the years. As one who is also on a journey of growth, your articles continue to inspire and encourage me.
Mike Robbins says
Thanks!
Welcome says
That’s a brilliant answer to an inrinestetg question
kreditverträge anfechten says
Now I feel stupid. That’s cleared it up for me
Maureen Parsons says
Hi Mike!
I’m not sure why I was so shocked at how much this blog spoke to me but I was! It seems like I have had continual conversations lately with my husband, sister, sons, friends, co-workers about this very thing! You summed it up so nicely in a few short sentences!
As always, I value your honesty and humble way of speaking! It’s refreshing and motivating!
Kathy Witkowicki says
More wonderful words of wisdom that resonate with most of us in such a meaningful way. You always manage to peel back the onion & really get to the heart of the matter! Thanks. Mike!
Mike Robbins says
Thanks Kathy – appreciate your comment and kind words
Abbie C. says
Great article. I appreciate how they bring me into a state of awareness. I guess for me, the question now is how do I go about “letting go” and focusing on just impressing myself. Our journeys are unique so now that I have heard you speak about the “what” (that brings on an awareness) I want to work on the “how”. How do act upon my new awareness and make the changes? Maybe the simple knowledge and recognition of what I was doing will bring upon change. What I like is that you provide food for thought. Not answers. Not advice. But simple thoughts to open your own doors to emotional freedom. Thanks !
Mike Robbins says
Thanks Abbie! Yes, my gift is in posing the question and sharing my own process, not always in giving the answers…I’m working on those answers for myself all the time. If you come up with some good ones for this dynamic, let me know 🙂
Julie says
Thanks Mike
I really needed this message today.
I’ve been so worried about impressing others and making sure I do a good job for them. I forgot the most important person ME.
“being true to ourselves, feeling good about who we are, and showing up in the most authentic way possible are all things that give us real power.
🙂 Julie
Maxwell Ivey says
Hello Mike; Thanks for another great post. I listen to the podcast, and it struck me that a person as successful as you would still be wrestling with impressing others. Recently, I’ve been going on a weekly radio show promoting myself and my business. This week the host mentioned that they are planning a tour visiting cities around the country to interact with businesses and their owners. He went on to say that he now wants to make sure they add houston to the list so he can meet me and have me on the stage with him. I don’t know for sure if this will actually happen. I don’t even have a date yet, but I have already spent more than a few minutes thinking about what i would want to say and how i would want to be received if it did. So, thanks for keeping me from going down that road. Keep up the great work and have a fun time at the conference, Max
Mike Robbins says
Thanks Max…we are all dealing with being human and doing our best in each moment 🙂
Justin McSharry says
Hey Mike,
Thanks so much for the reminder to not get mired in the “what other people think” trap.
I like to remind myself that if I focus on being of service to others – that is going from “me” to “Us” (in the room) to ALL OF US (on the planet) – I’m able to step outside of the small confines of the personal ego and act from that place.
But I find myself humbly needing to remind myself time and time again, so thank YOU for the reminder today 🙂
Much love,
Justin
Mike Robbins says
Yes, yes! Great reminder Justin…I am working on that whole service focus as well…trying to remember it’s not all about me all the time 🙂
Rick says
Thanks Mike:
I just returned from a celebration of the start of the department I received my college degree from. Since I ‘m a member of the first graduating class, it reminded me that it’s more important to impress yourself than others. Life is about the “dash” between your birth date and the day you pass on!
Mike Robbins says
Amen!
Diana Gomez says
Thank you Mike!
Loooooved this post!
Very powerful words and very “eye-opener” message.
If we don’t focus to please others but ourselves I guess we’ll be less stressed and happier!
You need to come to Dallas!!!
If you don’t consider coming any day around 2013, I’m signing out from your news letter!!!!….(hahaha)…Was that threatening enough??
Hope to see you here one day….:)
Enjoy the rest of the week!!
Mike Robbins says
Thanks Diana – I would love to come to Dallas (love it there). Let’s work on getting me invited to a big event there – are you a part of any organizations that bring in speakers like me? Let me know!
Barbara Clark says
Hi Mike:
I always enjoy how you can get right to the heart of the issue. This is a wonderful reminder to be aware of what our intentions are. I have also enjoyed impressing myself lately…it’s been fun ’cause Spirit pops in and says …. good job and I get this great grin on my face!! I vividly remember Terry Cole…you must have been a baby!!! Thanks again for a wonderful and inspiring article.
Sandy Hansen says
Mike – Thank you for mentioning “What you think of me is none of my business”. Since you found it helpful, I picked it up and you are so right about this book. Excellent. You continue to inspire me all the time – thank you!
Mike Robbins says
Great! Thanks Sandy…appreciate your comment and kind words!
Lami says
Hi Mike,
I’m a few years late but this message was very well needed and helped me in ways I can’t explain tonight. Thank you.
However I have a question; I understand how personally we should seek to impress ourselves instead of others, but from a professional perspective, how can we not seek to impress. Be it pitching an idea to investors or making a proposal or presentation. How do we handle feedback in this area of our lives without give away our power.
On one had we do want to impress but how do we handle this in a healthy way?
Lami
indian restaurant says
Wonderful post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject?
I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further.
Cheers!
Click Here says
I am just writing to make you be aware of what a superb encounter my friend’s princess found reading your site. She picked up such a lot of details, most notably what it’s like to possess an incredible coaching nature to make other people just grasp chosen specialized matters. You really did more than my expected results. Thanks for delivering those good, safe, edifying and even easy guidance on the topic to Lizeth.