Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

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5 Ways to Have a Great Thanksgiving

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Many of us have a love/hate relationship with the holidays—myself included. While Thanksgiving is meant to be a meaningful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection, those sentiments often get lost in a sea of stress, grief, obligation, disappointment, and/or messy family drama.

If you’re like me and many people I know, it can be easy to get stressed out, upset, and frustrated at this time of year, especially these days. But what if we could make Thanksgiving more fun? What if we focused on being who we are, appreciating our loved ones, being real about how we feel, and expressing our gratitude in a genuine way?

Here are five things we can do to have a positive Thanksgiving experience this year:

1. Be Yourself

It’s often easier said than done to be ourselves, especially around those we gather with at the holidays. And yet, this Thanksgiving, let’s try to set aside all the thoughts about who we should be and how we should act around our family, friends, in-laws, and guests. Instead, let’s try to focus on just being who we truly are.

All too often, we lose ourselves in our desire to impress or not offend people. However, when we let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, we release all sorts of undue pressure. In its place, we find a real sense of freedom and peace.

2. Look for the Good

This Thanksgiving, let’s work to let go of our grudges, judgements, and resentments. Set aside the obsessive thoughts centering on the most annoying and upsetting qualities in our friends and family. Make a commitment to focus on what you like about the people around you, rather than what you don’t.

By making a conscious decision to enjoy ourselves as well as the people around us, we dramatically increase our chances of having a positive and pleasant experience.

3. Keep it Fun

The holidays are actually supposed to be enjoyable. So, this year, so whatever you can to make the Thanksgiving experience as fun and stress-free as possible.

Keep it light. Don’t take things personally.  Share the responsibilities. Ask others for help. Prepare in advance to reduce the stress. And, most of all, open yourself up to going with the flow and enjoying the day.

4. Express Appreciation

This Thanksgiving, let the people in your life know how much they matter to you. Take the time to share your appreciation with them in a genuine way. Here are some tips to make it happen:

  • Write thank-you cards and bring them to your gathering.
  • Acknowledge someone special at the dinner table. Then, invite them to “pay it forward” by sharing their appreciation for someone else in the group. Keep it going until everyone’s had their turn in the spotlight.
  • Call up a friend. Talk to a family member. Send a text or write an email. Whatever it takes to let people know what you appreciate about them.

Remember, appreciating someone doesn’t mean we agree with them about everything or we don’t have any issues with them, it means we choose to focus on their value and what we’re grateful for by having them in our lives.

5. Count Your Blessings

Amidst all of the holiday chaos, stress, and everything happening in the country and the world, it can be easy to lose sight of the intention of why we’re gathering in the first place. This holiday isn’t about the meal or the details—it’s about gratitude, connection, and reflection.

So, this Thanksgiving, take some time to think about all the blessings in your life. Focus on the things you appreciate about yourself as well as those around you. If you’re stretched for time, consider bringing this idea to the dinner table. During the meal, ask everyone to share what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific, and personal way.

Being grateful doesn’t mean everything’s great, that there aren’t any challenges, that our families don’t have issues, or that there aren’t real problems in our country and our world.  Gratitude is a powerful energy and emotion, and when we step into it authentically, it allows us to remember that no matter what may be going on with us, those around us, and in the larger world, there is always so much to appreciate…if we choose to do so.

What are your Thanksgiving plans this year? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it a fun, meaningful, and positive experience? How do you plan to make it happen? Share your thoughts, ideas, and insights on my blog below.

Here are some more blog posts that might interest you:

Let’s Have Thanksgiving All The Time
3 Ways to Stay Positive
Want What You Have

 

Celebrate the Great Fullness of Life

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With Thanksgiving upon us here in the United States, I’ve been thinking about the mixed feelings I often have about this great holiday. Of course, it can be a wonderful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving also tends to be about feeling obligated to spend time with the people we’re “supposed” to, eating too much food and feeling guilty about it, and pretending to be grateful when we’re actually annoyed and stressed out.

What if we could make this Thanksgiving less stressful, more fun, and actually be able to enjoy ourselves, appreciate our family and friends (even the ones who drive us nuts), and focus on what we’re thankful for in a genuine way?

Regardless of the circumstances of our lives, there is always so much we can be thankful for.  As I talked about in my recent TEDx talk on “The Power of Appreciation,” we almost always find what we look for in others and in life – why not choose to celebrate the great fullness of life?

Here are some important tips to make this year’s Thanksgiving one you truly enjoy and remember (in a good way):

1) Be you

Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, in-laws, or guests – just relax and be yourself! So often we put undue pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people (even those we know well), or do or say the things we think others want us to. When we let go of trying to please everyone and we’re able to be true to ourselves, we create a genuine sense of freedom and peace. This also means that we think about what would be fun for us and our immediate family to do for Thanksgiving and communicate this to everyone else (in-laws, extended family, etc.), even if it may upset or disappoint some of the people involved.

2) Look for the good

Make a commitment to focus on the things you like and appreciate about your friends and family members, instead of obsessing about the things that annoy or upset you about them. We almost always find what we look for in others and in situations. When we let go of past resentments, we’re able to see people with new eyes. As the saying goes, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Whatever we choose to do on Thanksgiving and whomever we choose to spend our holiday with, if we make a conscious decision to enjoy ourselves and to look for the good stuff in an authentic way, we dramatically increase our chances of having a positive and pleasurable experience.

3) Make it fun and easy

Do whatever you can for yourself and those around you to make the planning, food preparation, clean up, and the whole Thanksgiving experience as easy, fun, and stress-free as possible. This means we keep it light, share the responsibilities, ask others for help, and do the things that we enjoy doing – instead of burdening ourselves and feeling like a victim about it all. Too often we spend and waste our time and energy being uptight, doing things we don’t truly want to do, feeling resentful towards others, and creating a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration. Thanksgiving can be lots of fun, if we’re willing to go with the flow and make it easy on ourselves and for others.

4) Express your appreciation for others

One of best things we can do for other people (on Thanksgiving or at any time) is to let them know what we appreciate about them in a genuine way. Acknowledging others is a true “win-win,” as we always get to keep what we give away to others when we appreciate them (i.e. the good feelings are shared by us and those we acknowledge). There are many ways we can appreciate people on Thanksgiving:

  • Write “I’m thankful for you” cards and give them out on Thanksgiving (or mail them beforehand)
  • Pick someone at the dinner table to acknowledge, and then ask them to “pay it forward” and appreciate someone else in the group – go around until everyone has been appreciated
  • Pull people aside on Thanksgiving (or give them a call) and let them know what you appreciate about them specifically and genuinely

5) Count your blessings

Remember that in the midst of all the commotion, stress, and activity of the holiday season, Thanksgiving really is a time for us to reflect on what we’re grateful for – in life, about others, and especially about ourselves. Take some time on Thanksgiving to focus on what you’re grateful for, the many blessings in your life, and the things you appreciate about yourself. A great way for us to remember and to celebrate the many blessings in our life, especially on Thanksgiving, is to take some time during our meal and allow each person at the table to talk about what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific, and personal way.

This year let’s challenge ourselves to make Thanksgiving more than just something we get through or even simply a nice holiday; let’s have it be a time of reflection, connection, and a celebration of the great fullness of life.

What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it a fun, meaningful, and positive experience?  Share your ideas, commitments, thoughts, dreams, and more here on my blog.

Focus on What Truly Matters

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Over the past few months I’ve been thinking a lot about what truly matters.  My mom’s diagnosis, illness, and death have caused me to stop, question, and look more deeply at the things and people in my life that are important.  Through the pain and challenge of this experience, I’ve also been grateful for the perspective and awareness it has opened up.

What I’ve noticed is that, sadly, I don’t focus on what and who truly matters to me as much as I’d like.  I tend to get distracted by fears, ego-obsessions, drama (in my own life and in the world), ambitions, and all sorts of survival instincts and emotional reactions.  While I understand and have empathy for the fact that this is all part of being human, I also recognize that when I get distracted like this, I’m not able to fully engage in the most important activities, relationships, and situations in my life.  Maybe you can relate?

Why do we get so distracted in our lives?  Why does it sometimes take illness, crisis, injury, tragedy, or even death to wake us up and get our attention?

First of all, I think we clutter up our lives with too much “stuff.”  We’re too busy, over-committed, and information obsessed.  Our to-do lists are too long and we run around trying to “keep up” or be “important,” and in the process stress ourselves out to no end.  Even though many of us, myself included, often complain (out loud or just in our heads) that we can’t do anything about this – based on the nature of life today, technology and communication devices, and/or the responsibilities of our lives, families, and jobs – most of us have more of a say over our schedules, how much we engage in electronic communication, and the amount of “stuff” we clutter into our lives.  Much of this distracts us from what’s most important.

Second of all, it actually can be scary to focus on what truly matters.  Some of the most important people, activities, and aspects of our lives are things that may seem “unimportant” to those around us.  These things may or may not have anything to do with our careers, taking care of our families, and may not even be things that other people like, understand, or agree with.  Even if they are, sadly, it’s often easier to just watch TV, disengage, and merely react to what’s going on around us than it is to engage in the things we value most.

Finally, we may not know what’s most important to us or at least have some internal conflict about what “should” be.  Whether it’s our lack of clarity or it’s this phenomenon of “should-ing” all over ourselves (or maybe a bit of both), focusing on what truly matters to us can be more tricky than it seems on the surface.  With so many conflicting beliefs, ideas, and agendas (within us and around us), it’s not always easy to know with certainty what matters most to us.  And, even if we do, it can take a good deal courage, commitment, and perspective to live our life in alignment with this on a regular basis.

While these and other “reasons” make sense, not focusing on what matters most to us has a real (and often negative) impact on our life, our work, and everyone around us.  We end up living our life in a way that is out of integrity with who we really are, which causes stress, dissatisfaction, and missed opportunities and experiences.

What if we did focus on what truly matters in our life all the time – not simply because we experience a wakeup call, crisis, or major life change – but because we choose to in a pro-active way?  What would your life look like if you let go of some of your biggest distractions, the often meaningless worries and stresses that take your attention, and actually put more focus on the people and things that are most important to you?

Here’s an exercise you can do now (and any time in the future) to both take inventory of where you are in this process and also to get you more in alignment with what truly matters.

  • Make a list of the most important aspects of your life.  You can either write this list down on a piece of paper or in your journal (ideal) or simply make a mental list.  These “aspects” will vary depending on your life, interests, priorities, etc.  For most people, however, they tend to be things like family, personal/spiritual growth, health, career success/fulfillment, making a difference in the world, fun, money, friends/community, travel, adventure, creativity, home, and more.  While you don’t need to rank them necessarily, thinking of these things with some priority can be helpful.
  • Make a list of the things you spend most of your time doing and thinking about.  Take inventory of your day today (as well as the past few days, weeks, and months) and make a list (in writing or in your head) of where you spend your time and attention.  Tell the truth, even if you aren’t proud of some of the activities or thoughts that get a lot of your focus.  With this list it’s important to rank them in some way – so that you’re clear about which activities, thoughts, relationships, and more get your attention specifically, and how much you devote to each of them.
  • Compare the two lists and see how you can get them even more aligned. As you compare these two lists, if you’re anything like me – you may notice that they’re quite different.  Often what we say is most important to us isn’t the same as where we devote much of our time, energy, and thought.  Without judging yourself, tell the truth about where there are differences in these two lists and spend some time inquiring into why this is the case. And, as you think about this, ask yourself how you can create more alignment with these two lists. In other words, be more conscious and do whatever you can to focus more on what truly matters to you!

What matters most in your life?  Do you allow yourself to get distracted by things that aren’t that important?  How can you stay connected to the most important things in your life in a real way and on a regular basis?  Share your ideas, commitments, thoughts, dreams, and more on my blog below.

Have a Great Thanksgiving

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With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I’ve been thinking about my own love/hate relationship to this great holiday. It can be a wonderful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving also tends to be about feeling obligated to spend time with the people we’re “supposed” to, eating too much food and feeling guilty about it, and pretending to be grateful when we’re actually annoyed and stressed out.

What if we could make this Thanksgiving less stressful, more fun, and actually be able to enjoy ourselves, appreciate our family and friends (even the ones who drive us nuts), and focus on what we’re grateful for in a genuine way?

Here are some important tips you can use to make this year’s Thanksgiving one you truly enjoy and remember (in a good way):

1) Be you – Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, in-laws, or guests – just relax and be yourself! So often we put undue pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people (even those we know well), or do or say the things we think others want us to. When we let go of trying to please everyone and we’re able to be true to ourselves, we create a genuine sense of freedom and peace. This also means that we think about what would be fun for us and our immediate family to do for Thanksgiving and communicate this to everyone else (in-laws, extended family, etc.), even if it may upset or disappoint some of the people involved.

2) Look for the good – Make a commitment to focus on the things you like and appreciate about your friends and family members, instead of obsessing about the things that annoy or upset you about them. We almost always find what we look for in others and in situations. When we let go of past resentments, we’re able to see people with new eyes. As the saying goes, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Whatever we choose to do on Thanksgiving and whomever we choose to spend our holiday with, if we make a conscious decision to enjoy ourselves and to look for the good stuff in an authentic way, we dramatically increase our chances of having a positive and pleasurable experience.

3) Make it fun and easy – Do whatever you can for yourself and those around you to make the planning, food preparation, clean up, and the whole Thanksgiving experience as easy, fun, and stress-free as possible. This means we keep it light, share the responsibilities, ask others for help, and do the things that we enjoy doing – instead of burdening ourselves and feeling like a victim about it all. Too often we spend and waste our time and energy being uptight, doing things we don’t truly want to do, feeling resentful towards others, and creating a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration. Thanksgiving can be lots of fun, if we’re willing to go with the flow and make it easy on ourselves and for others.

4) Express your appreciation for others – One of best things we can do for other people (on Thanksgiving or at any time) is to let them know what we appreciate about them in a genuine way. Acknowledging others is a true “win-win,” as we always get to keep what we give away to others when we appreciate them (i.e. the good feelings are shared by us and those we acknowledge). There are many ways we can appreciate people on Thanksgiving:

  • Write “I’m thankful for you” cards and give them out on Thanksgiving (or mail them beforehand)
  • Pick someone at the dinner table to acknowledge, and then ask them to “pay it forward” and appreciate someone else in the group – go around until everyone has been appreciated
  • Pull people aside on Thanksgiving (or give them a call) and let them know what you appreciate about them specifically and genuinely

5) Count your blessings – Remember that in the midst of all the commotion, stress, and activity of the holiday season, Thanksgiving really is a time for us to reflect on what we’re grateful for – in life, about others, and especially about ourselves. Take some time on Thanksgiving to focus on what you’re grateful for, the many blessings in your life, and the things you appreciate about yourself. A great way for us to remember and to celebrate the many blessings in our life, especially on Thanksgiving, is to take some time during our meal and allow each person at the table to talk about what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific, and personal way.

This year, especially given all that has been going on in the world, the economy, and our personal lives, let’s challenge ourselves to make Thanksgiving more than just something we get through or even simply a nice holiday; let’s have it be a time of reflection, connection, and a celebration of the great fullness of life.

What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it a fun, meaningful, and positive experience? If so, what will that take? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more down below.