Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

Competition

It’s Okay for Things to Go Well

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When things go well for you, do you tend to have mixed feelings about it? Do you find yourself feeling uneasy or uncomfortable?

While I do love it when things go well, I also tend to have some mixed emotions about it. It can be a little tricky for me to fully embrace and experience things going well, especially these days given everything we have all been through in recent years.

Why do we do this?

Why We Struggle to Embrace When Things Go Well

1. We think it’s too good to be true.

Have you heard that voice in your head before? The one that says, “It’s too good to be true, it won’t last, or you’ll mess it up.”

Many of us experience this thought when things go well. And while it’s common for us to think this, it’s simply not true. We all deserve things to go well for us.

2. We worry that people will judge us

When things go well, many of us worry that people won’t like us, that they’ll judge us, or that they will get jealous, thus pulling away or withholding their love, appreciation, and approval.  We might also find ourselves worrying that if things go too well, we won’t be able to relate to, connect with, or be accepted by some of the most important people and groups in our world.

3. Much of our learning, growth, and evolution in life has come through our own pain and suffering 

Even though it’s true that we can grow more effectively and elegantly through joy, peace, and love – we may find ourselves worrying that if things get too good, we’ll get lazy, stop actively learning, or somehow abandon our journey of personal growth and commitment.

4. We tend to feel guilty for our success

We sometimes have feelings of guilt for our success or good fortune – especially given that so many people in the world are suffering, in pain, or dealing with both small and big challenges.  That same voice in our head can say to us, “It’s not fair that things are going well for you, look at all those people who are having a hard time.”

These and other limiting thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs can get in our way. They can keep us in struggle and limit our experiences of joy and fulfillment.  It’s almost as if sometimes we’re more comfortable suffering than thriving.

Your version of this may look a little different than mine, but lots of people I know and work with, even those who have created a lot of outward success in their lives, seem to struggle to one degree or another allowing things to go really well and doing so with real peace, gratitude, and joy.

How to Practice and Expand Your Capacity for Things Going Well

What if we did allow things to go well and did so more graciously, intentionally, and consciously?  Of course life has its inevitable ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and expansions and contractions – but what if we stopped sabotaging ourselves, our success, and our fulfillment just as we began to experience it or because it got too good for us to handle?

Here are some things to focus on, think about, and practice to expand your capacity for things going well in your life:

Remember that it’s okay to shine. 

The more permission we give to ourselves (and those around us) to shine our light, the more we realize that it’s safe.  As Marianne Williamson says in her famous quote from her book A Return to Love, “…there’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Remind yourself that life’s not a competition.  

This is a big one for me – as a former pro baseball player, I have a tendency to look at everything in life as a competition, even though it rarely is.

Competition is about our negative ego (thinking we are either “better than” or “less than”).  When we remember that life is not a competition, we can focus on our own unique experience and do so in a way that is real, not simply in reference to those around us – positively or negatively.

Take care of yourself.

I’ve heard it said so many times that happiness is an inside job, which is true.  Often, things become cliche because they are overused, but they are overused because of their universal truth.

The more effectively we care for ourselves and recognize that our fulfillment in life hinges on how we feel about and relate to ourselves—rather than on others’ opinions or our external achievements—the more likely we are to experience genuine joy and success.

Whether we face challenging circumstances or positive situations, allowing ourselves to embrace and enjoy when things go well is a bold and beautiful step. This not only enhances our own quality of life but also positively impacts everyone we interact with.

How do you feel about things going well in your life?  What can you do to remind yourself and others that it’s okay for things to go well and for you to be happy? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more in the comments below.

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Life is Not a Competition

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Life is not a competition – although sometimes it can seem that way. Unfortunately, jealousy can get the best of us.

Answer these questions honestly:

How often do you find yourself getting jealous of other people?

Does jealousy affect the way you perceive others or the way you perceive yourself?

For much of my life, I’ve been aware of my tendency to compare, compete, and be jealous of others (thinking that I don’t measure up).

But I’ve learned how to navigate these feelings of jealousy by understanding the difference between negative competition and positive competition.

How I Learned That Life is Not a Competition

As a kid, a teenager, and a young adult, I was under the constant impression that life is a competition, which was a big issue for me and seemed to make sense, especially as someone involved in competitive baseball. Since my pro baseball career ended when I was 25 and because I’ve done quite a bit of personal growth work over the past few decades, I erroneously believed that I’d evolved past spending or wasting much of my time and energy being jealous of others.

However, I have recently gone through a few different situations, which have been a friendly reminder of how jealous and competitive I can still be.

Through a series of intense conversations with a few of my good friends, I realized that much of the conflict and judgment that shows up in my relationships with them (and others) has to do with me being overly competitive with them. However, I’m not usually aware of it or honest about it. I get very jealous but often pretend that I don’t.

Can you relate?

How to Navigate Jealousy

It’s easy to tell someone that life is not a competition, but it’s hard to eliminate jealousy within ourselves. It takes a lot of self-reflection and understanding of who we are and what we think of ourselves to work through our jealousy.

We live in a very competitive culture. Early in life we learn to compete (with siblings, classmates, teammates, and more). As we get out into the “real world,” we often continue to compete with family members, friends, co-workers, and others, especially in our professional lives.

We are taught, directly and indirectly, that this competition is a good thing and that it is essential for success. This focus on competition has us relate to life as a game we’re trying to win and the people around us as our “competitors,” even if they’re the people we love and care about most.

The Negative Effects of Competition

Negative competition can result in lower self-esteem. It can also significantly impact our relationships with family members, loved ones, friends, and even colleagues. This can then lead to anxiety, judgment, anger, loneliness, and stress.

It is crucial to transform our negative comparisons so that we can grow, learn, and accept ourselves.

But how do we do that?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to “win” whatever “games” we play in life. The problem is that due to our insecurity, we often focus on beating others or think that other people’s success, talent, or even their happiness has something to do with us.

In other words, we often root against the fulfillment of other people, so we can feel better about ourselves or try to show others up and dominate them as a way to feel superior. While these tendencies are normal and natural, they are also counter-productive, stressful, and ultimately harmful.

The Important Difference Between Positive Competition and Negative Competition

As I have written about and spoken about for many years, there is both negative competition and positive competition. Negative competition, which most of us are more familiar with, comes from an adolescent notion that when we win, we’re “good,” and when we lose, we’re “bad.” It’s all about being better than or feeling inferior to others – based on certain external factors, results, and accomplishments. No one ever “wins” in this scenario.

Positive competition is about challenging ourselves, pushing ourselves, and allowing the talent, skill, and support of others to help take us to the next level, go deeper and get the most out of our potential. When we compete in this positive and conscious way, it’s beautiful, meaningful, and healthy – and it has nothing to do with our true value as human beings. In other words, we aren’t “better” or “worse” based on how we perform or who wins.

Of course, there are times when we will win and times when we will lose, but living as if life is a competition with everyone around us is incredibly stressful and a recipe for disaster in most cases.

How to Use Competition in a Healthy Way to Empower and Inspire Us

When we’re willing to let go of the erroneous ideas and decisions we made when we were young about who we are and what makes us “successful,” we can step into a more authentic and healthy version of ourselves.

And by doing this, we can truly empower and inspire ourselves to new heights and depths in our relationships, work, and lives. Life isn’t about competing with everyone around us, it’s about challenging ourselves to be the best version of us we can be and appreciating the journey as much as we possibly can.

Who do you compete within your life in an unhealthy or negative way? What’s underneath that competition? Will you let it go? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.

I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. As an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.

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This article was published on July 20, 2009 and has been updated for 2021.