While it isn’t easy to admit, I can see how my own addiction to struggling has actually and somewhat ironically created more struggle in my life.
How about you…are you addicted to struggle?
Many of us have resistance to allowing things to come easy.
Here are some of the main “reasons” and beliefs we tend to hold in this regard (which can keep our struggle addiction in place):
- If I don’t have to struggle for something, it doesn’t mean all that much.
- If things come easy to me, other people will get jealous, won’t like me, or respect me.
- It’s not fair for things to be easy for me (i.e., I have to struggle)—especially with so many people having such a hard time these days.
- I get off on struggling and suffering—I’m quite familiar with it, and I’ve used it as motivation to change and “succeed” for much of my life.
- My ability to work hard, overcome adversity, and rise above challenges are all things my ego uses to feel superior to others.
- If I don’t struggle for something I won’t feel like I deserve it when it happens.
- Struggling allows me to avoid taking responsibility for certain aspects of my life and keeps me “focused.” I get to avoid uncomfortable feelings, situations, and circumstances I don’t want to deal with.
Can you relate to any of these? Maybe you have others as well.
Getting in touch with some of these reasons and beliefs can be painful and eye-opening at the same time. Ownership is the key to change.
Letting Go of Struggle
While working hard, overcoming adversity, and being passionately committed to important things in our lives aren’t inherently wrong—resisting ease and being attached to struggle causes us great stress, worry, and pain. And in many cases, this difficulty is self-induced and unnecessary.
What if we allowed things to be easier? What if we started to speak about and own the aspects of our lives that are easy to us and started to expect things to get even easier?
What if we let go of our attachment (or addiction, as it were) to struggle?
Easy doesn’t mean lazy—that we aren’t willing to put in the work or that we expect a “free ride”—it means that we’re willing to have things work out, trust that all is well, and allow life to flow in a positive and elegant way for us.
Our desire and ability to embrace ease in our life isn’t selfish, arrogant, or unrealistic—it’s profoundly optimistic (in an authentic way) and can enhance our ability to impact others.
The more energy and attention we place on surviving, getting by, or even “striving” for success, the less available we are to give, serve, and make a difference for other people.
Although it can be challenging for many reasons, letting go of our addiction to struggle is one of the best ways we can show up for those around us—both by our example and with our freed-up positive energy.
As Richard Bach famously said, “Argue for your limitations, and they’re yours.”
What if we stopped arguing on behalf of how “hard” things are and started to allow our life to be filled with more peace and ease instead of perpetuating the struggle?
While the idea of things authentically being easy may not be the easiest thing for you to embrace, especially these days, I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to take this on in your life and become more comfortable with it.
Maybe it will actually be easier than you think.
What can you do to let go of struggle and allow things to be easier? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more in the comments below.
I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here.
BRILLIANT.
This was perfect and right on time.
Thank you!
For most of my life, I tried to make my mother happy until one day I realized she was “addicted to struggle” as you so aptly put it. I have a feeling that she’s passed on this way of relating to the world to me. I think I will try the band-aid reminder and see if I can stop this behavior. Thanks, it’s like you read my mind today.
Mike, you addressed every one of my limiting beliefs about the need to struggle.
That behaviour pattern has been my past experience. But this year, I resolved to abndon struggle for more ease and flow. Even though I don’t know everything I need to know about business, marketing, creating websites, launching a business etc… I want to assume the attitude that I will get the pieces I need as I need them, and everything will come together eventually. Part of the struggle is rushing to get it all done, but in truth, by being in the vibration of ease and flow, we attract the same manifestations to us in our day to day lives.
Thank you for the suggestion. It’s difficult not to turn improved inner peace into yet another struggle that one (inevitably) fails at because we’re trying too hard. Recognizing the innate discomfort and distrust I have with things that are ‘easy’ or actually going well will go a long way towards actually recognizing and really appreciating those things, rather than anticipating
difficulty and strife.
Thanks, Mike – this couldn’t be better timed. “Struggle patch,” here I come.
This is so timely Mike, and I’m sure for many.Thank you for sharing – and I very much relate. I’ve become accutely aware of my attachment to struggle, fear of disapproval when I own my ease and allow myself to shine. It’s manifested as the one step forward, one back. Holding myself back entirely. Feeling guilty if I change and grow and leave situations or people behind. I’m inspired to get my own struggle patch – love it!! I might make mine an ‘ease bracelet’. I don’t want to hold on to that word struggle. Great article!
People often confuse struggle with effort. Effort is a matter of doing the work required to accomplish something. Struggle is more of a mindset than it is an action.
Sometimes great things can be achieved with relatively little effort, other times great effort is required.
In any great thing, do what is required. No more, no less.
Struggle addiction often leads to doing more than is required.
Perfect timing-again.
Thank you
I am reminded by Louise L. Hay–her “Do it Easy” mantra in life she says whenever something is a “struggle” for her….and I love the “ease bracelet” idea —thank you Leslie – I just made mine!
Great article Mike! It seems the more I put out the effort and forget about it, the more good comes my way –I worry less and make more! Interesting, yes?
I am feeling this so deeply right now that I can’t really articulate it. Mike, you have shared from your perspective what I have been experiencing without the willingness to acknowledge it. Thank you for the encouragement.
Thanks Mike for bringing insight to this topic. As I’m achieving my goals, I often feel I’m struggling. Yet when I look back, most of my big accomplishments came quite naturally and the struggle is mostly forgotten, or never really existed other than in my mind. I need to remember this as I write my next album as the feeling of struggle often impedes creativity.
Great insight…and powerful reminder. Just put on my patch! Being raised around the “isms” I can certainly relate. There are many layers to be peeled off. Recently let go of struggling to keep my home. It was so far under water it wouldn’t have been worthwhile to keep it. I’ll be retiring (maybe) next year. I consciously choose to not to resist what is; turning to embracing Spirit while lying struggle on the altar of Love.
Wow…thanks for all of these great comments…I’m really appreciating the insight and engagement!
With Gratitude,
Mike
WOW Mike! Just today a I admitted to a friend who asked me why I thought I had once again gotten myself in debt after becoming debt free for so long. I told her I felt it was an addiction but didn’t realize exactly what the addiction was until I received your email with the exact words in the subject. So many times I will get my life, finances, healthy, etc into a place of ease and then self-sabotage for just long enough to get me to the edge of financial strain or poor health. Then snap out of it taking on the challange to get back to ease. Now that I know what the addiction is…I feel more empowered than ever and will do my best to wean myself off this addiction for good.
Thanks again!
Love & Light, Carolyn
I was trapped in this addiction, until a couple of years ago. I realized that life did not need to be as much of a struggle as I believed. I worked hard and struggled through a difficult period many years ago. I was afraid that if I stopped working so hard, stopped the struggle, I might find myself back there again. The good news is that I did stop struggling and nothing bad happened except that I have less stress.
Mike, as always, you illuminate and speak THE TRUTH. Thank you for your vulnerability.
I’m so honored to call you a dear friend!
Love,
Amy
Hello Mike!..It is, always, very nice to hear from you and hear the comments you post.
I relate to this topic in a relationship I just started.First time I met him, I felt pretty good about talking with him. I could sense that chemistry and physical attraction were in both sides.Everything felt so natural for me that I didn’t have any conflict kissing him on our second date.
But then, I though I should change.
Even though I felt like becoming physical intimate with him, I thought to myself:” I have to play hard to get here because he is going to think I’m to easy and won’t value me as the person I (and only I) know I am. He is going to think I behave like this with every guy I meet, so he has to “work it hard” (struggle)to prove me he is interested in me and not in just having sex”.
Even though I agree in some degree with this philosophy, hidden rule or whatever you want to call it, it doesn’t feel quite well.I started to expect bad things about him and our relationship. I would pay attention to what he did or said to me so I could “catch” him if he had bad intentions with me.
Imagine that!..I was getting disappointed with him already. I was holding negative thoughts. I was already struggling by wanting him to struggle to get me. Silly games we sometimes play in relationships.
We are doing fine right now but yes we had a talk about what I was up to and about our feelings for each other. Works better to always come straight up front and be sincere…and of course, to expect the best because what you expect is what you will get.
See you Mike in your next blog.
I have become so addicted to struggle that I rarely give myself a break or feel content for working hard, getting things done that I don’t feeling like doing or a job well done. I am very aware of this experience in my life. I am kind of adrift in a world of struggle, work, collapse,……finally I get back to myself. A little bit more and more all the time. I haven’t always felt this way.
Today I realized that I am ashamed for having debt, obligations, responsibilities that I am not handling well. The feelings of fear, shame, anxiety, drudgery and resentment and envy are part of my life now. I start to think of myself as a flake, weirdo, workaholic, hermit,faker. I know it is not true. The path back to myself is clearly marked. Thank you Carolyn and Diana for your open reflection on the idea of struggle and how it affects you.
Great Article
I don’t have to continue to respond to my struggle triggers. Every problem that I have has a simple and practical solution that I simply have to be willing to participate in. I like solutions.
One bite at a time.
Life is a struggle and while I’m struggling I’d like to think I’m addicted to trying to improve things for myself. However, while I’m working towards my goals, people notice the effort and determination it takes to struggle on. I’m not addicted to the struggle, I’m just going through it and looking forward to easier times. Maybe I missed the point but nobody would choose to stay in a bad situation if a little struggling could pull them out.
Great post. I used to think that the more I struggled, the more worthy I was. Now I understand that each person had the same inner value as a human being and suffering or struggling is just an option. Life comes with so much more ease now.
Awesome comments – thank you!!!
Do one of your books cover this topic more in depth? Because I think I’ve got about 30 years of an addiction to break!