In a recent session I had with my new counselor Eleanor, she said to me, “Mike, it sounds like embracing powerlessness is something that would benefit you right now.” When she said this, a chill went down my spine and my body tightened up. “What do you mean, ’embrace powerlessness’?'” I asked. “Why would I want to do that?”
Powerlessness seems almost like a dirty word to me, at least to my ego for sure. Priding myself on being a “powerful person” and in the business of “empowering” others, I couldn’t imagine what embracing powerlessness even meant, let alone see the value in doing it myself.
Even with my fear and resistance, I continued to listen to what Eleanor had to say about this. She went on to say, “Allowing yourself to feel powerless doesn’t mean you are powerless. In fact, the more willing you are to embrace the feeling of powerlessness when it shows up, the more authentic power you’ll be able to access.”
She then taught me a simple meditation/visualization technique to embrace the feeling of powerlessness (for specifics about this technique, click here to listen to my audio podcast where I explain it in detail). I’ve been using this technique for the past few weeks and talking about it with people close to me. It has been incredibly liberating.
Through this process, I’ve realized that in many of the areas of my life where I’ve struggled and suffered most, one of the key factors has been my inability to acknowledge, express, or embrace my feelings of powerlessness. Instead of embracing powerlessness, I often end up erroneously attempting to force outcomes or results in the name of being “responsible” or “powerful,” when what is usually really driving me is fear and control (hence the struggling/suffering). Can you relate in any way?
I recently heard the author, speaker, entrepreneur Chip Conley give a presentation at the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco. He opened with the serenity prayer, which I appreciated and heard in a new way – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” I’ve always had a bit of a reaction to this prayer and its underlying wisdom – not wanting to fully acknowledge the idea that there are actually things I cannot change. However, this prayer is all about consciously embracing our own powerlessness and there’s true brilliance in its simplicity and insight.
What if we stopped pushing against, resisting, and fighting with the things we think need to be changed about life, others, and ourselves – especially those things that are out of our control? What if we were able to bring a deeper level of acceptance and serenity to the difficulties and challenges in our lives, instead of piling onto them (as well as ourselves and others) with loads of judgment, pressure, expectation, and more?
It’s incredibly liberating when we’re able to acknowledge and express our true emotions, even the ones we may not like, such as powerlessness. We tend to have lots of stories, beliefs, and real hierarchy when it comes to emotions – deciding that some are “good” and others are “bad.” The reality is that emotions are positive when we express them in a healthy way and negative when we suppress them, hold them back, or pretend we’re not feeling them.
We’ve all had lots of positive experiences in life when we’ve had the courage to express our fear, sadness, anger, and more (i.e. the “bad” ones). We’ve also had negative and painful experiences when we’ve withheld or suppressed our love, excitement, passion, gratitude, and others (i.e. the “good” ones). Maybe it’s less about the emotion itself and more about our willingness and ability to express it in a healthy and authentic way.
It’s also important to remember that human emotions aren’t sustainable. They are meant to be felt and expressed. Once they are felt and expressed, however, they pass through us beautifully. This is why we often feel much better after a good cry (see my post on “The Benefit of Tears”). The more conscious we are about our emotions and the more willing we are to express them authentically – the happier, healthier, and more alive we become.
As I’ve been allowing myself to embrace and express my own feelings of powerlessness, even though it has been a bit scary and uncomfortable, especially at first, I’ve been experiencing a deeper level of peace and power in regards to some very stressful and uncertain circumstances I’m currently facing in my life. And, embracing powerlessness in general has started to shift my entire outlook and is liberating me from a great deal of undue pressure and expectation that I’ve been placing on myself for many years (i.e. most of my life.)
How can you start embracing powerlessness in a positive, empowering, and liberating way in your own life?
Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more.
Carol says
Mike, seems like your email subjects always come at the perfect time and are so “right on” with what’s going on in my life at the time. PERFECTLY WONDERFUL OF YOU! : ) Thanks! Carol
Denise Kalm says
Mike,
This blog on powerlessness hit me hard, as I too have a difficult time with it. But after going thru 2 layoffs this year and a bad accident, I found myself deciding to explore having my own business – I felt strongly that the universe had decided. So in a way, I embraced powerlessness, but now, with your guidance, I understand it. I’m not running on “automatic.” I’d love to see more on this subject. I think it may be the hardest and yet the most powerful thing most of us can do right now.
Cindy van Empel says
Hi, Mike,
I saw you in Modesto and enjoyed your presentation. Then and now, as I read your blog, you sound like a Buddhist. You seem to be helping bring Buddhist wisdom to people who would otherwise reject it.
Is it too nosy of me to ask if that’s what you’re doing? There are concepts in Dharma I’ve struggled with, but I find your approach to those ideas very helpful.
Joleen Benoit says
This was an amazing article. I think it should be the title to your new book. 🙂 I am going to print this to remind me daily. I have met people who are so calm about big things/changes in their life, and they say ‘I don’t worry about the things I cannot change’. I have always admired that ability & strived to have that calmness & peace about things I have no control over.
Thanks for a very insightful article & a great reminder.
Mike Robbins says
Thanks JoJo!
Barry says
Funny… when I read this the reaction I have is this: if I don’t embrace it I am instead saying that I want to struggle. Normally I would never say that.
And you’re right, Mike, once I embrace it the power comes back to me.
Great timing on this one, as usual.
BJ says
Mike
Thank you for sharing your process – it has inspired me this morning and a great reminder to move through feelings, by embracing them, as opposed to avoidance, denial, or repression.
Timely for me,
BJ
T @ SW3 says
Hey Mike,
Your posts are like mini Coaching sessions-awesome! I agree with the above responses and will add that for me, it was profound in its simplicity and timing. The truth, whatever it is labeled ( and I embrace Buddhism’s truths as well as other truths)is a force unto its own. Thanks for bringing forth your truth to the world…I am off to do the same. Namaste’
Dawn says
Awesome article and timing. I’ve been reading your posts for two years I think and relate because of the timing of events in your life and in mine. I lost my 22 y.o. son to suicide shortly before you lost your Mom. Thus, your articles have been especially poignant. Powerlessness has been the demon I’ve hated and wrestled for the past year. But, as the acceptance begins to slowly creep in, it is somewhat freeing. Now if I can get to that point of wholly accepting without any remaining threads of guilt…I may just get through. I am excited to listen to the recording and find out about the technique you talk about above and am hopeful it will hold a helpful nugget for me. I am so thankful for all that you share here. Much love to you…dpa
Mike Robbins says
Dawn – thank you so much for this post. I am so sorry, once again, about the loss of your son. I hope you are doing okay in the midst of your journey of grief and healing. Sending you blessings and prayers.
Marty Metzker says
Mike, a great article as usual. It is appropriate for all of us.
Holly says
Can anybody link me to the audio Mike mentions? The link in the article doesn’t take me anywhere, just reloads the article from the top. I’d love to do the audio exercise/meditation on powerlessness that he talks about.