Do you sometimes find yourself feeling rushed, hurried, stressed, or overwhelmed? Are you looking for just a little more time in your life?
If so, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel consumed by everything from their schedules to their devices, their coworkers to their clients, their families and their work. I’m sometimes guilty of packing my schedule full of so many activities, events, and deadlines that it feels hard to breathe at times.
In these stressful moments, it’s easy to feel like a victim of our “crazy” schedules. We can struggle to enjoy the events of our lives as they’re happening, much less show up to them as the best version of ourselves.
We can also start to use our busy lives as an excuse to not show up for the people in our lives who matter most. We sometimes think to ourselves…What do you want from me? Do you have any idea how much I have going on right now?
Ultimately, there’s no denying that many of these demands and responsibilities are important. That said, it can be helpful to remember that we are the ones with the power to set up our lives and schedules the way we do. If we want to stop feeling so stressed, overwhelmed, and caught up in our never-ending to-do lists, we have the power to make some changes ourselves.
Finding More Time: Truth and Lies
I’m too busy. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t have any time. Sound familiar?
Lots of us tell ourselves stories like these. In fact, we tell them so often that they start to feel like the truth. What if this isn’t actually true?
Just think about how we react when anything serious happens. When someone gets sick, or when there’s a genuine crisis, or someone really needs our help, all of those so-called “important” tasks get pushed to the back burner. In those moments, we’re able to see how unimportant most of it really is.
So, what if we stopped believing the lie about our busyness? And what if we stopped letting it run our lives? With this awareness in mind, we can take more ownership of our lives, our time, and our schedule.
How To Give Yourself More Time: 4 Tips For Success
What would life look like and feel like if we gave ourselves more space?
Below are a few things to think about and practice as you look to expand your ability to have more time in your life:
#1 Take stock of your relationship to time
Most of us have an odd or disempowered relationship to time. Just listen to some of the weird things we say: “Time flies.” “I never have enough time to do what I want to do.” “Where did the time go?” These and other statements, thoughts, and beliefs put us in the role of victim as it relates to time and our commitments.
So, how do you relate to time? How do you feel about your schedule? Do you feel victimized by your commitments at home, at work, and in general?
When we’re honest with ourselves, we have a greater ability to make necessary changes.
#2 Learn to say ‘no’
In many cases, our “disease to please” causes us to say ‘yes’ to things when we really need to say ‘no’. And yet, as my friend and bestselling author Cheryl Richardson puts it, “If it’s not an absolute ‘yes’, then it’s a ‘no.’”
An ability to say ‘no’ to requests and invitations is an important aspect of giving ourselves more time and space. It is essential to take certain tasks off our plate when we can. This isn’t about being flaky or irresponsible; it’s about being authentic with ourselves and what we’re willing and able to do.
#3 Give yourself more time than you think you need
When we overpack our days, schedules, and to-do lists, we set ourselves up to fail. I’ve come to learn that it’s not worth it to try and rush through tasks in such a short period of time. Not only does it have a negative impact on the work itself, but it also has a negative impact on our own well-being in the process.
What if we gave ourselves more time to complete projects, get places, and take care of things? Imagine what that would feel like for us and those around us, and imagine how much more creative, passionate, excited, and effective we could be in the process.
#4 Get support from others
You don’t have to go down this path alone. As you start to make changes in this regard, you may find it helpful to get some specific support, feedback, and coaching from the people around you. If there’s someone in your life who seems to be at peace with time and their schedule, it might be worth asking them how they think about it and operate.
The world around us is speeding up all the time, especially these days. Sometimes the expectations and demands that are placed on our shoulders can be unreasonable. It’s important to remember that we are the authors of the book of our life, and so we get to decide how we move through the world. If we don’t want to be victims of our schedules, we don’t have to be. When we’re willing to give ourselves more time and space, our lives can truly transform.
What can you do to give yourself more time and space in your life right now? What will this take on your part? What will the benefits be? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more in the comments below.
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Hi Mike: This is your friend from the attendance office at Skyline when you were there. I saw you at the bookstore in Pleasant Hill. I’m so proud of you and you have a wonderful family. Your girls are so cute. Anyway I’m so busy right now but I stopped and read your E-Mail. I really enjoy all the things you talk about. You know I retired in 2004 but I have less time then I had then. I had breast cancer in 1999 and I now enjoy each and everyday. Your friend’s book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” really means so much more now. I do so much everyday but stuff I love to do. My husband gets upset with me because I don’t concentrate on what he thinks is important. I love to stay up late, get up late, do my puzzle books, watch taped shows, gamble, eat when I want and play video games on my computer. I joined Big Fish games and I’ve become addicted. I’ve got a addictive personality. My husband is Italian, sorry I’m stereo typing but he would like me to go to bed when he does, eat when he does and cook for him. He has always done alot of the cooking. Anyway I’m sorry I’m rambling but I love to talk and express myself. My husband thinks I talk to much and hardly ever listens to me. We’ve been married for 39 years in April. We have two children Jeremy 31 and Jamie 33. You were at Skyline when they were, I believe. I belong to the Red Hat Ladies, I go St. Paschals Catholic Church every Sunday, I work with the SPRED program there and so does my husband. We work with children with special needs. My husband and I love to take cruises but he hurt his foot about 3 years ago and can’t walk alot like he used to. We are finally going on a cruise to Mexico May 1st to see if his feet will hold out. Last year I went to the Amazon with a high school girl friend on a cruise. We had a ball. I also took my daughter on a cruise in Europe. That was wonderful. My husband stayed home but he chose to. I just want you to know that I do what I want and still don’t have alot of time but the time I spend is doing what I want. I feel overwhelmed because I have these addictions of buying books, which I hope to read sometime, taping shows which I don’t have time to watch, subscribe to magazines which I don’t have time to read, have lots of friends that send me tons of E-Mails which I can’t read, etc. etc. etc. Yesterday I did sit down and delete over 300 E-Mails. I’m proud of that. I didn’t read them either. I have so many things I want to do but I can’t do them all. I’m sure you feel like that too from what you wrote. You are doing so much good in the world and I know you love what you are doing. You must have a understanding wife who loves you very much.
Anyway I’d better close. I hope I didn’t bore you to tears but I know you aren’t that type of person. Maybe everything you read from different people gives you more to think about and talk about with your lectures. I have something else I like to do everyday. I take surveys on the internet. I really enjoy that. I’ve also signed up to do SAT and ACT tests up at Skyline for extra money. I love to go gambling with my sister for fun and don’t use household money for that.
Thanks for listening to me. Keep up your good work and don’t wear yourself out.
Love Leila Tassano
Hi Mike,
I can really relate to what you said. People think that when they are busy that deems them “important.” But we know better, don’t we?
One of my own favorite lines is this:
“I can’t handle that much fun in one weekend.” And by this I mean, that if I schedule too much “fun” and I don’t leave myself enough time just to putter around the house, then I’m unhappy. If I schedule too many “fun” things too close together, too tired to enjoy (at least) some of them.
I’m a kindergarten teacher and my job is VERY demanding. So I don’t schedule a lot of things in the evenings. My only regular evening committment is weekly choir practice, which I didn’t take on until after my daughter went away to college. If I rest and take care of myself and give myself time to replenish each evening and on the weekends then I am better able to offer myself each day to my students. And of course I’ll enjoy my work even more.
One of my best friends started a small ensemble choir made of members of the regular choir. She wanted to sing more challenging music and gathered together other interested choir members. Though I’m perfectly capable of singing more challenging music, it meant an extra 30 minutes of choir practice after the regular choir practice on Thursday evenings. I didn’t even consider being part of the group. Enough is enough.
Thanks for your weekly articles. I really enjoy them! And I’m thinking of getting a bumper sticker made that says, “Be Yourself. Everybody else is already taken!” I love that!!
Love,
Anne
Great article about time. I teach a workshop, “Time is Not the Enemy,” and recommend a book, “Less: Accomplishing More by Doing Less” by Marc Lesser, to anyone interested in improving time management.
Hello Mike, I love your articles. I have been receiving your newsletter for almost 8 months or so. I have never written or sent a feedback. I find, it is an attractive way and a beautiful way how you express different so valuable ideas. I am German and I live in Germany and have been to the States only twice in my life.
This article about time was especially one that I liked a lot.
Once somebody said if we asked some birds what the time is, if they could talk they would certainly answer : now . What else should it be? And we humans we are really tied up to the clock and it is so wise how you expressed your thoughts here in this article.
Don’t want to make this feedback too long. Wish you a great time 🙂 best regards, Hedi (happy Easter too )
Hi Mike,
I enjoyed “Give Yourself More Time and Space” greatly. Thank you for your honesty in acknowledging your struggles in these areas. It makes me feel that I’m not the only one with these struggles.
I especially appreciated your comment in reference to our relationship to our Time, Schedule and Commitments, when you said: “As I continue to learn, trying to do too many things in a short amount of time has a negative impact on the task itself, anyone else involved in it with me, and on my own sense of well being and peace in the process”.