A few weeks ago I listened to a radio interview with Michael Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation, and he said, “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.” When I heard this I laughed out loud. The wisdom of his statement resonated with me deeply. I thought about a number of experiences in my life which have been quite “bad” for my ego (i.e. embarrassing, disappointing, and even painful), but in hindsight have been great for my own growth and development.
Over this past week, I’ve had two specific situations, one in the middle of a seminar with one of my clients and another in a personal conversation, where I felt embarrassed – things didn’t turn out at all how I wanted them to and it seemed like I messed up. As I experienced these situations and have been reflecting on them, although I didn’t like how they unfolded, I recognize that the discomfort involved in both instances was about me protecting my ego (in other words – wanting to look good or at least not to look bad).
In retrospect, I’m grateful that both of these things happened exactly as they did. They were and continue to be good opportunities for me to learn, grow, and evolve – both in my work and my life.
Too often our desire to protect our ego – to avoid failure and embarrassment – causes us to sell out on ourselves, not go for what we truly want, or hold back in a variety of detrimental ways. When we remember that even if things don’t turn out the way we think we want them to, not only will we survive, we can grow in the process. As the saying goes, “if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.”
This is not to say that the only way to grow, evolve, and transform in life is through suffering, disappointment, or pain. However, when we do experience difficulties, failures, and challenges – all of which are normal and natural aspects of life and growth – we have the capacity to turn these “bad” things into incredible opportunities for healing and transformation. While it may not seem that way to us (or our ego) initially, the deeper part of who we are (our soul) knows that everything happens for a reason and there are always important lessons for us to learn in each situation and experience in life.
Think of some of the things that have happened in your life that seemed “awful” to you at the time, but in hindsight are things you’re incredibly grateful for now.
The most elegant, pleasurable, and self-loving way for us to grow and evolve is through joy, success, and gratitude. However, due to the fact that difficulties do occur in life and that we often give away our power to the “bad” stuff (through resistance, judgment, or worry), learning to relate to our challenges in a more positive and conscious way is a crucial part of our growth journey.
Remembering that what’s usually at risk in life when we get scared is just our ego, can remind us, with compassion, that we don’t have nearly as much to lose as we think we do. Embodying this insight (that a bad day for our ego is a good day for our soul) with empathy and perspective, allows us to live our lives with a deeper sense of forgiveness, faith, and authenticity.
Where are you letting your ego get in the way of your growth and fulfillment? How can you transform your fear of embarrassment into motivation for change, authenticity, and true success? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more on my blog below.
Kelli Guytan says
After reading your post today I felt compelled to write to you regarding a “growth” period I am facing right now. Long story short I was laid off from a business/office manager job for an architecture firm while 8 months pregnant in 2009. For the past year I have been working part-time to makes ends meet, looking to return to work full time work and enjoying the ride of becoming a first time mom to my son Larson. In the past month I have had two full time job offers to return doing the same office type work. This has caused me great sadness and strife because I want to be with my son on a full time basis and not have him in daycare. While this happened a different opportuity presented itself to me where I could work from home and be with my son more doing something I’ve never done before. Here is the growing part of the story…I am struggling with this decision because I know what I want and my fear is getting in the way of me making the decision. My fear of the unknown, the fear of whether or not I could make this stay at home job fit the financial needs of my family and the fear of success or failure. I know what returnign to a 9-5 office job looks like and quite frankly I am tired of doing that. This new opportunity is appealing to me and I want to make the right decision. This work at home job is less money and no benefits but I am less concerned with having “things” and more concerned with making it work so I can be with Larson. I just need to do it I suppose and let it become what it is suppose to. Any words of wisdom you can provide would be greatly appreciated during this growing time for me. Thank you!
Cynthia says
Thank you Mike for this post today!
I was recently (yesterday) rejected by a man who I felt an affection for – who I wanted to love.
My heart is broken, but I also realize that my EGO has been dealt a huge blow and that I am deeply afraid that no one will ever love me.
Need to be kind to myself and realize that as long as I’m alive – there’s hope and possibility. No need to be ashamed.
Dr. Ben says
Got a chuckle when I saw your post title, too – thanks for the reminder to not take ourselves and how we look so seriously…to breathe…laugh…be ourselves…and grow!
Steve Hays says
Recently I have realized that one effective way of understanding your ego is to think of it as a “target zone”. If you are attached to things, conditions, looks, etc., then your target zone can be huge – so it is easy for it to be hit, damaged, hurt, broken. But if it is small, then it can be very hard for someone to say something, or something to happen that will “hit you” – trigger you.
To often we give away our power by getting angry at people doing things to our – extended – target zone. e.g. insult my car, then you are insulting me. There are so many unconscious people out there, so allowing oneself to be hit / triggered by them can be a huge detriment to our peace and happiness.
I’d like to see myself as doing ’emotional Akido’. When people say things about me, or when my conditioning sparks me to talk bad to myself, I slide to the side and let it flow on by, and use the energy that would have been otherwise spent on anger, for something more constructive – like learning, growing, forgiving.
Thanks for the pointer Mike!
-shh
Debbie says
So incredibly true. I spend too much time worrying and if I take a good, hard, deep look at it, I am worried about the blow to my ego. Kudos on the great article. Thank you!
dave cooper says
My ego has been getting in the way of my responses for a long time. It’s so hard for me to function because I’m so emotionally tied to what’s being said about me. It’s nothing but my ego. Thanks, Mike.
Dustin Van Sloten says
Excellent post Mike! I would highly recommend Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, The Shift. That talks about eliminating ego altogether.