Sometimes when I’m about to take a big risk, go for something important, or “step out” in a bold way in my life, I notice the judgmental question, “Who do you think you are?, will pop up in my head. Does this ever happen to you?
This is one of the many ways that the feelings of “not good enough” or “unworthy” show up in our lives and get in the way of our success, fulfillment, and authenticity. Sadly, as most of us know, this question doesn’t come from our true self; it comes from our “Gremlin” – that little monster in our head whose only job is to keep us out of perceived danger. The more we listen to our Gremlin, the more allow him or her to sabotage our life.
However, this question, “Who do you think you are?, while often asked in a negative, critical way and something that we allow to stop us from doing, saying, and going for important things in life – is also a very important question for us to ask and answer honestly. When we look at it on deeper level, we see that our answer to this question has a lot to do with how we experience life, in general.
How life is for us has a lot less to do with our circumstances or situations, and much more to do with how we relate to them and ultimately the thoughts we have. Some of the most powerful thoughts we think and the ones that have the most impact on us are the thoughts we have about ourselves (i.e. who we think we are).
Each of us has a “story” about ourselves and our lives. These stories are often dramatic, funny, scary, inspiring, sad, intense, boring, enjoyable, tragic, and more (usually a combination of many of these things). In most cases, the story we have about ourselves changes a bit – depending on how we’re feeling about life and ourselves at any given time.
One of the things we sometimes forget, however, is that we’re the author of the story of our life – not simply the main character. We often think that our story has to do with all of the things that have “happened” to us, the qualities we were born with or have cultivated, the stuff we’ve done or haven’t done yet, etc. But, when we remember that our story is a function of our thoughts, most specifically the thoughts we have about ourselves, we can be empowered to consciously transform not just our “story,” but our life as a whole.
Here are a few things to think about and do to enhance your thoughts about yourself, and therefore enhance your experience of life:
– Notice when your feelings of “not good enough” or “unworthy” show up – In other words, pay attention to when the question, “Who do you think you are?” stops you in your tracks and takes you out of the game of your life. As we’re able to notice this, be honest about, and have some compassion for ourselves, we can take our power back from our Gremlin in those moments and step more fully into who we really are.
– Ask yourself more deeply, “Who do you think you are?” – Go deeper with this question, beyond the judgment and really inquiry into how you relate to yourself. What’s your story? The more honest we can be about the story we have about ourselves, the easier it is for us to acknowledge it, own it, and ultimately change it. Remember, these stories are not “true,” they are simply our interpretations, judgments, and beliefs. We created them, so we have the power to transform them at any time.
– Upgrade your “story” about yourself – In the specific areas of your life where your story is not empowering, inspiring, or fulfilling – see if you’re willing and able to “upgrade” it in an authentic way. This basically means we change our thoughts, words, and feelings about it, genuinely. Because we often get so attached to our stories and tend to defend them passionately, this “upgrading” process can be challenging for many of us. It sometimes takes support, feedback, and coaching from others in order for us to move beyond our story and remember that we have the power to upgrade it whenever we’re ready.
Who we think we are is one of the most foundational aspects of how we relate to life and ourselves. As Henry Ford said in his famous quote, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This simple quote is so wise and profound. And, whether we think we’re great or we’re not, we’re always “right” – it’s a function of who we truly think we are.
Who do you think you are? How can you “upgrade” the story you have about yourself in a way that will inspire and empower you? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more on my blog below.
Eve says
Perfect timing!
I find whenever I try to promote/market my biz – the Gremlin starts to rear it’s ugly head. I know this, because that’s the precise time I start to consider getting another degree, certification, read new book etc. Not that there is anything wrong with those things – it’s just about where it’s coming from. Not the Real Me, for sure.
So thanks for reminding me to be me, and I am who I think I am – and I get to decide who that is!
Eve
Steve says
Some of our most powerful stories are completely subconscious. I saw the “Gremlin” at work in my life in a big way – sabotaging some important activities in my life – but I could not get hold of why. Finally, after months and months of struggle, I took the question into a long prayer session. In this session I asked and listened for guidance, affirmed divine support, and made statements of faith. In the moment in was cathartic, but later in the day, I had an epiphany on the source of this “Gremlin story”. It just came to me as I was driving – clearly answered prayer. This has made all the difference, I now can focus on re-writing – healing – that specific story. This has had a HUGE impact on my life. SO: I suggest if you don’t know the story that may causing you to do a certain behavior/reaction: take it into deep prayer/listening – and have faith that you’ll get the answer, and you will.
Chloe says
Thanks, Steve, that’s really inspiring!
Laurie says
I began to notice the impact my wanting to control life for my daughter was having on her. I noticed the eyes, the head down or tone, etc. and I realized I was not allowing her to be herself, make her own choices. It was out of love for her, however it was also out of fear of life not going a certain way for her if I didn’t put my two cents in and try to control outcomes for her. I’ve let go of that fear and it has allowed me to see even more how great she is, how competent, independent and wise. She is blossoming with that faith and freedom. It becomes a powerful force for a parent to love without the fear, to truly appreciate our children and let go. In that place they can truly become themselves and so much more capable to create a life filled with love and successes, which is what I want for her. She’s much happier and I feel a lot better allowing and letting go.
Clea Holdridge says
i have practiced allowing for many years and found out that at times, this can turn into procrastination. I have known I needed to create some income for myself. For a long time,I kept allowing or waiting and eventually it became a crisis. What I learned from that is that there is a time to allow and a time to act. How do we know the difference? I know it would’ve been easier on me, if it didn’t turned into crisis. Thank you very much, Clea Holdridge.
Patty says
I just read the article from 3/10 so forgive me if my response is not timely. I’d like to respond to Clea that for me Allowing is about not making what is happening wrong. It is mentally saying yes to what I am experiencing and not about taking or not taking an action. For me this has shown up when I am mentally fighting a situation, calling it wrong and struggling with how to change it. It was exhausting me. When I allow the situation, I am at peace with a difficult situation knowing that every action I take is a step towards change. I hope that has been helpful. Mike, I’m so grateful you wrote this article! It is exactly what I’ve been looking at this past year. Thank you!!
Marta Cuminotto says
Hi Mike,
I enjoyed the article on the “art of allowing” very much. I did a little soul searching as you suggested, and came up with a recent instance of “allowing” in my life that has had a good outcome in my life. By reading your article, I was reminded of it, and the positive effects of practicing this “art of allowing”. I want to thank you.
By the way, I noticed in a previous article that you used the word (were) repeatedly when I think you meant to use we’re (we are). Just an observation I wanted to send along your way with love & appreciation.