I’ve been humbled by some recent critical feedback. It seems that some people close to me, both personally and professionally, have been quite frustrated with me – especially as I ramp up for the release of my new book. Ironically, the things they’re upset with me about have to do with the exact things I teach – appreciation, authenticity, positive communication, keeping things in perspective, and more.
Although my ego wants to (and has been) defending myself, making excuses, and trying to justify my actions – it’s clear to me that their feedback is accurate. I actually struggle in many ways, especially when I get scared or stressed, to practice what I preach. As I’ve been making my way through my feelings of remorse, embarrassment, and confusion – I’ve been thinking a lot about the well-known saying, “We teach best what we most need to learn.”
Isn’t this true? So often the advice we give to others is the exact advice we need ourselves. It’s ironic that we sometimes don’t recognize this in the moment (or at all) and also sad that we don’t give ourselves permission to listen to our own good advice. Too often, we hold ourselves to some ridiculous standard of “perfection” (which no one ever attains) or we’re too self-conscious to admit we struggle with some of the very same things we advise others to do.
However, what if we did listen to ourselves and could realize that the things we passionately want to teach other people (whether or not we think of ourselves as a “teacher”) are the things we, ourselves, truly want to learn and embody. This takes a vigilant level of self awareness and honesty that many of us, myself included, don’t always want to practice. When we do, not only can we grow personally, we can also enhance and deepen our relationships with others and our ability to impact them in a positive way.
Here are a few things we can do to learn from ourselves and use our own advice in a positive, not self-righteous, way:
1) Be Honest – As the saying goes, “the truth shall set you free.” The more willing we are to tell the truth about how we feel, what we want, and what we see – the less likely we are to be arrogant, self-righteous, judgmental, or defensive with others. This means we’re willing to admit our own hypocrisy to ourselves and others, with compassion.
2) Have Compassion – Remember that everyone, including you, is doing the best they can in each and every moment. Having compassion is one of the many things in life that is simple, but not easy. The place for us to start is with ourselves. When we can forgive ourselves and get off our own back, we then have the ability to that with others as well.
3) Stop Trying to be Perfect – Perfection demands never work – whether they’re focused outward or inward. When we expect ourselves, others, or things to be “perfect,” everyone loses. What if we didn’t have to do everything right, know everything, and always “walk our talk.” Sometimes we don’t, and that’s okay. When we stop trying to be perfect, we can accept ourselves as we are. Acceptance leads to peace, joy, and fulfillment in our relationships and our lives.
Remembering that life is filled with irony and that it’s okay for us to make mistakes, pretend to know stuff we don’t, and act like we have certain things figured out when really we struggle with them, can be humbling at first. However, when we embrace the idea that we always teach best what we most need to learn, we can create a deep sense of freedom in our lives that actually gives us the space and the power to be ourselves and impact others in the positive way we desire.
How does this relate to you and your life? Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions about this article on my blog here.
Tom says
Amazing post, so real.
Great job!
Allen Mosley says
Mike;
I really loved the share today. I am also reminded that what I teach is also what I need to recognize most in myself. I think some times I hold myself to this ridged path that I am on, and that I must live it every second of the day or others will see me as a failure.
If that is the case then where is the room for me to evolve, learn, grow, teach. Knowing that I am aware means I am still in process, and growing with you. After all the teacher is only responsible for their path, not mine.
Thank you for showing your willingness to be vulnerable.
With Great Respect
Allen
Jan says
Mike–
Just what I needed to hear today. Keep it coming!
Girls are adorable!
-jan
Hedi says
Dear Mike, I liked that article a lot. My profession here in Germany is a teacher. I teach English – at the moment not in schools – private tutoring. I have been busy with the language now for 38 years. I like it a lot. But what I notice is that although so many years have elapsed and I am still enthusiastic about the English language – there are new words every day I stumble upon. And very often I have to look up some grammar rules when I have older pupils. I never get to a level where I am full of an exaggerated self confidence. I really see that while teaching, I can learn a lot myself. This idea is really great. I wish you good luck in what you do. Thank you for your ideas. be well, Hedi
Cindy says
Dear Mike:
Thank you much for your words. ☺
I have often read and heard that we do indeed “teach” what we most need to learn ourselves, and I have seen the truth of this many times in my own life. Right now, to be reminded of this, AND THAT IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE “PERFECT” AT WHAT I TEACH, is just the reminder I need right now as I consider a huge change in my career path.
I have always been strongly interested in a career involving personal development/spiritual growth–counseling in particular–but I have shied away from pursuing that dream because I recognize how much I need to grow and evolve myself. Numerous recent events in my life have made it clear to me that my current career path is no longer viable or even desirable. Your words give me courage to accept myself and my Heart’s dream, and to give myself permission to pursue it–finally. ☺
I am sincerely grateful. All the best–
Cindy ☺
Kamala Murphey says
I think you’ve nailed something, Mike: it is definitely humbling to “make mistakes, pretend to know stuff we don’t, and act like we have certain things figured out when really we struggle with them…” It’s always good to be reminded that this is part of being human! (All too often I think I’m the only one who struggles with this! So, REALLY, thanks for sharing!
Rajni Gohil says
Thanks for very helpful article. I do not seek things to be perfect anymore. It amazes me for I just work and strive to do better.
Thanks for reminding to be honest as well compassionate. Both makes my life worthwhile.