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Many of us are really easy to offend. We get offended by what people say, things on TV, opposing political opinions (especially these days), noise, music, traffic, weather, our family, different view points, and so much more. Most of us are convinced that we are right and that people who don’t see it our way are wrong, or at least “misguided.
While I often aspire to be as open minded, accepting, and easy-going as possible, the truth is that I can get as easily offended as anyone I know. Many of my opinions about life, others, and “the way things should be” are incredibly self-righteous. Can you relate?
However, what if we became really hard to offend. This is not to say that we abandon our values or opinions, it’s more about choosing to allow other people and things be as they are. We take so many things personally that have nothing to do with us. The more we react to something, the less freedom and peace we have. When I get really “triggered” by someone or something, if I make it all about the other person or the thing I’m focusing on, I usually miss the real gift, the lesson, and the point (i.e. the shadow or mirror that this negative thing is showing me about myself and life).
Here are a few things we can do to become harder to offend:
- Remember that it’s not all about you. Even though it may seem like someone is being rude to us or something is happening directly to us, most of the time the things we take personally or get offended by have little or nothing to do with us.
- Have compassion for others. While we don’t have to simply allow people treat us poorly or let them walk all over us, if we can have compassion for them instead of assuming they’re out to get us, it makes life more peaceful all the way around. Often when other people act in a way we find “offensive,” they are having a difficult time themselves.
- Right or happy, you choose? As my friend and mentor Richard Carlson used to say, “In life, you have a choice – you can be right or you can be happy, not both.” What a great reminder. When we’re obsessed, as many of us are (myself included), about being right all the time – we are easily offended. When we let go of our need to be right, we have the space to be happy, peaceful, and joyful.
Today and the rest of this week – I challenge you to be really hard to offend. See what happens, how it feels, and the impact it has on you and those around you. While it can be challenging at first, it will make a big difference in the quality of your life.
Recently I’ve noticed that it has been challenging for me and many people I talk to and work with to stay positive. With the volatility of the economy, the negativity of the upcoming election, and fear of the unknown, it seems easy to get stuck in the “doom and gloom” of the world around us.
At this moment, even though it may be difficult, it’s important that we stay positive for the well being of our families, companies, relationships, communities, and especially for our own peace of mind. But, given all that has been going on recently, how can we stay positive genuine way?
While there’s no “quick fix” and we want to make sure we’re not avoiding what’s going on around us and within us, there are three things I believe we can do to help us stay positive in the mist of this current adversity, and adversity in general.
- Be Honest – Whenever we’re facing challenges, obstacles, or “difficult” circumstances, it’s important for us to be honest about how we truly feel. The most common feelings that we experience at these times are anger, fear, and shame. We get angry that something “bad” has happened or because we feel powerless. We get scared that it may get worse or that other people or circumstances may continue to perpetuate the issue in a way we can’t control. And, we feel shame that maybe we did something “wrong” or could have done something to avoid the situation all together. These three emotions are ones we often don’t like to admit or express. However, like all emotions, when we acknowledge them, own them, and express them – they have a way of dissipating and in the process we can free ourselves from their negative impact.
- Be Conscious – Pay attention to what you’re feeling, how you’re thinking, what you’re saying, and the actions you’re taking. Without judgment, see if you can be very aware of everything that is going on within you and how you’re reacting to what’s happening. In the midst of stress and adversity we have a tendency to think, say, and do things that don’t actually make things better and in many cases we make things worse. We complain, we worry, we speak negatively about life, others, and ourselves, we watch too much TV, we over eat, we drink too much, or we do various other things in an unconscious way that don’t serve us. The more conscious we can be about our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions – the more likely we are to stay positive and to move through the adversity in a way that we can actually learn and grow from, not just survive.
- Be Grateful – Although it’s often counter-intuitive to be grateful in the face of adversity, it’s often the most important time for us to focus on what we appreciate – about ourselves, others, and life in general. Even and especially when things go “bad,” we’re often given an opportunity to take inventory of the good stuff in our life that we may not have been paying attention to as we were rushing our way through things. Take some time right now to think about some of the things you’re grateful for. Adversity can remind us that while things may be tough, we have so many blessings – health, a job, a place to live, people who love us, and much more. And, there are also many things we can appreciate about the difficulty itself – we may realize we’re stronger than we thought we were, we have more support around us than we knew, or we’re able to learn some important lessons about ourselves and life. There is always a lot for us to be grateful for, if we choose to pay attention. We can’t feel grateful and victimized at the same time!
Without trivializing the impact of current state of the economy or other things going on around you, it is possible for each of us to remain open, optimistic, and positive in the face of any and all adversity or uncertainty. This doesn’t mean we’re somehow super human or always happy. It does mean, however, that we choose to be honest, conscious, and grateful in the midst of what’s going on. And, if we choose to do so, we can have this be a time of reflection, rejuvenation, and transformation for us and those around us.
Be kind to yourself and see if you can be present in as many moments as possible. And, it’s important that we always remember, “this too, shall pass.
The birth of our new baby girl, Annarose, reminded me in a profound way of the miracle of life. What a magical, remarkable, and breathtaking experience it is to witness and participate in the birth of another human being.
As I have had a few weeks to digest this a bit, to connect with my beautiful new daughter and my family, and to experience the range of emotions that often accompany a life-altering event like this, I’ve been reminded of so many aspects of life that are truly miraculous.
As Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” There is so much for us to be in awe of in life if we stop and pay attention. From the most profound to the mere mundane, life is full of wonder. Too often we take people and things for granted, instead of being amazed, impressed, and excited about the beauty and synchronicity that exists all around us.
In addition to being in awe of my sweet little angel, here are a few examples of some other, “simple” things I’ve noticed and been in awe of in the past few weeks:
- Electricity
- The natural bond between human beings
- The internet
- Breast feeding
- Trees
- Laughter
- Automobiles
- Family and community support
- Video
- Breathing
Our ability to be grateful and to appreciate others, ourselves, and life in general has very little to do with the circumstances or situations we encounter…it has to do with us and our perspective.
When something “big” happens in life, like the birth of a child, a major accomplishment, an important milestone, or something else we consider to be really “good,” we often give ourselves permission, albeit sometimes for just a very short time, to stop and appreciate – ourselves, others, or certain aspects of life. This is wonderful!
However, what if we took the time to appreciate life, the people around us, and ourselves all the time? If we focused on what we appreciated more regularly, do you think it would have a positive impact on our work, our relationships, and our lives? Of course it would. The good news is that appreciation is and always will be up to us. We have a choice in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day reality of life about what we focus on and how much gratitude we experience.
Take a minute right now and think of some of the people, things, and aspects of your life that you appreciate. Paying attention to these things and allowing yourself to be in awe of them is up to you! And, when we do this…it alters our experience of life, others, and ourselves instantly.
For the second time in my life I had the profound, glorious, and wondrous experience of witnessing and participating in the miracle of life up close. Our second daughter, Annarose Benoit Robbins was born on Friday, August 22nd at 7:00 PM PDT. She is healthy, happy, and such a pure expression of love, joy, and spirit.
I am blown away by my feelings of love and connection with her, in awe of my wife Michelle for carrying her and giving birth (naturally), and in deep gratitude and appreciation for the miraculous nature of life. As I felt when Samantha, our two and half year old was born, it boggles my mind to think that we all come in this way and that most of us are fortunate enough to be healthy.
Anyone who has experienced the birth process up close like this knows what a remarkable feeling it is. And, even if you have not been in the room when a baby has come in – we all came in this way, and therefore have experienced it first hand.
It amazes me how easily we forget about the miracle of our own births and the births of every other person on the planet. We take so much for granted and don’t pay attention to the miracles that exist all around us all the time.
I’m so grateful for the birth of our little “Rosie” and look forward to the growth, learning, love, pain, adventure, challenge, and excitement of being her daddy. I’m also grateful that through her birth I am once again reminded of how sacred, important, and miraculous life is. Like most people, I often forget and get caught up in the day to day stuff of life.
Take a moment today and pay attention to the miracle of your own life, the lives of others, and of life itself. When we do this, it alters everything.
I have been a bit obsessed with the Olympics. I love watching the passion, intensity, and seeing the greatness on display. These Olympics have been filled with incredible competitions, athletes, and some of the greatest performances in the history of the Olympics – Usain Bolt from Jamaica in the 100 and 200 meter dashes, Dara Torres in the pool at age 41, Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor with their beach volleyball dominance, the Chinese divers, and of course Michael Phelps and his 8 golds and 7 world records in the pool (maybe the greatest performance in the history of sports, not just the Olympics).
As I have been awed and inspired by these athletes, I have also been reflecting upon “greatness” in general. While most of us cannot run, swim, or compete at the level of these Olympians, we all have greatness within us. Appreciating greatness in others is a way for us to get in touch with our own greatness.
This is not about us being arrogant, competing with others, or even “winning.” This is about being able to recognize, acknowledge, and be grateful for the natural gifts and abilities we have. Any person who is able to achieve anything of significance in life, and more importantly anyone who has a strong sense of themselves, is in touch with their own greatness at some level.
Of course we will have doubts, fears, and insecurities. And, at the same time we can take a step back and appreciate ourselves and the greatness within us. When we do this, we celebrate ourselves in a powerful, positive, and healthy way. And, when we’re able to fully appreciate the greatness within us, not only will it allow us to reach new levels of success and fulfillment in life, it also allows us to see and appreciate the greatness in others and in life itself.