Many of us are really easy to offend. We get offended by what people say, things on TV, opposing political opinions (especially these days), noise, music, traffic, weather, our family, different view points, and so much more. Most of us are convinced that we are right and that people who don’t see it our way are wrong, or at least “misguided.
While I often aspire to be as open minded, accepting, and easy-going as possible, the truth is that I can get as easily offended as anyone I know. Many of my opinions about life, others, and “the way things should be” are incredibly self-righteous. Can you relate?
However, what if we became really hard to offend. This is not to say that we abandon our values or opinions, it’s more about choosing to allow other people and things be as they are. We take so many things personally that have nothing to do with us. The more we react to something, the less freedom and peace we have. When I get really “triggered” by someone or something, if I make it all about the other person or the thing I’m focusing on, I usually miss the real gift, the lesson, and the point (i.e. the shadow or mirror that this negative thing is showing me about myself and life).
Here are a few things we can do to become harder to offend:
- Remember that it’s not all about you. Even though it may seem like someone is being rude to us or something is happening directly to us, most of the time the things we take personally or get offended by have little or nothing to do with us.
- Have compassion for others. While we don’t have to simply allow people treat us poorly or let them walk all over us, if we can have compassion for them instead of assuming they’re out to get us, it makes life more peaceful all the way around. Often when other people act in a way we find “offensive,” they are having a difficult time themselves.
- Right or happy, you choose? As my friend and mentor Richard Carlson used to say, “In life, you have a choice – you can be right or you can be happy, not both.” What a great reminder. When we’re obsessed, as many of us are (myself included), about being right all the time – we are easily offended. When we let go of our need to be right, we have the space to be happy, peaceful, and joyful.
Today and the rest of this week – I challenge you to be really hard to offend. See what happens, how it feels, and the impact it has on you and those around you. While it can be challenging at first, it will make a big difference in the quality of your life.
Tammy St. Angelo says
SCORE! Man this article really hit a home run. I have been having such a tough week both professionally and personally. I feel as though the walls are closing in. This article shed light on what is happening. Suddenly I feel the weight lifted, just at the thought of applying those simple principals.
Thanks for always being an inspiration to others.
Marie Knutson says
Hi Mike,
Have you ever read the book, “The Four Agreeements” by Don Miguel Ruiz? It is very much along the lines of of your email.
I like your comment about being right. I don’t think there would be so many wars if people followed that thought.
Have a great day! mk
Pamela Reed says
Timely article and ever so relevant to some current issues in the workplace at our shop right now. Good reminder of what we already know, but sometimes forget. Will be passing along to some professional but also personal contacts. Thanks, Mike! pr
Ellen says
Wow… is this ever appropriate in my life right now. Our dad has developed some urgent & serious health problems and one of our siblings, who is a nurse, has been stepping on a lot of toes with her overbearing and dictatorial behavior. The rest of us have been taking it personally and getting regularly offended… looking at eachother like… “what are we? chopped liver?” But, after reading your article, it seems to me that possibly the nurse-sister just wants to be acknowledged for her skills, experience, and the insight she brings to the situation. She is the sibling who often feels pity (from the rest of us) for her terrible home-life, so here is her opportunity to shine in her professional life, and she’s grabbing for it. After reading this, I’m thinking that maybe if the rest of us (instead of getting offended) just took a minute to lovingly extend that recognition to her, she might back off with the Nurse Rachet attitude!
Thanks again, Mike, for your timely advice and positive spin on life. I appreciate you.
Lucy says
I’ve been noticing that when I feel myself getting defensive, I’m often misinterpreting the person’s meaning. So now I try to ask more about their meaning. It’s much less dramatic! but I feel much better…
Cynthia says
This article is exactly what I needed today! Thank you! It’s elegant, articulate, solid and makes a lot of sense! Thank you for making the time to write it so beautifully and share it so generously with us. You are a treasure!
Lisa says
Thanks Mike….Iv had a difficult month with business and personal relationship. Waiting for a special someone who is suppose to get back with me and im making up stories why he hasnt yet, even though he’s on a business trip to China!!..Your article gave me some sense of peacfulness that its not just about me all the time..to have faith!
Tally Adler says
Thanks Mike! that was exactly what I needed to hear tonight!! i am going to try it!! Thanks again for your wonderful “pearls”!!
Kaka says
Thank you,Mike.
When I read it,I feel relax.